i'm in love with a stripper...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 5:22 PM GMT
    i try to be very nice when people think they're in love with me. it's easy to get wrapped up in a fantasy. i know this. i specifically don't encourage people to tip me and fawn over me once they're emotionally vulnerable - i don't pump people for money. i guess i'm the noble stripper? whatever.

    i know about creating fantasies and how insubstantial (yet important and invigorating) they can be. and yet, here i am wrapped up in one. i'm lucky that he's such a nice man, but it doesn't make it any easier knowing that he's nice. i got him a couple jobs working clubs with me, because i know he wants/needs to do the clubs again, but now i feel compelled to work opposite weekends from him in order to avoid him.

    we've had major sexual tension for over a year. we've both confessed all sorts of emotional, physical, etc. interest in each other. he's confided in me, and we've talked about all the possibilities between the two of us. he's a hard worker and a great dad to his two sons. he's beautiful. he's perfect for me, but there's one snag: his boyfriend.

    sigh.

    how do you all get past your crushes? what's your coping mechanism? mine is simply to avoid it for long enough in the hopes that it'll fade away. tell me how you yourself handle coming to terms with realizing that you have to move on. tell me how you heal your heart.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 18, 2008 5:29 PM GMT
    Dancer!!! Well glad to hear you have entertained such
    enthusiasm in your heart..... but I can understand where you are coming from, I just hope you don't get hurt in the process.

    Let me say, I always proclaim my "exemption" from this kind of thing. First, I'm involved with someone, but also I approach life now pretty logically. This approach (which is learned from law school) supercedes the old "emotional" thing that can be tough in situations like yours. I'm antidrama.. it doesn't mean I don't feel (far from it), very warm and sharing... it just means being grounded in my life is very important to me.

    Now after all that, I come at your comments a little differently than you may. If he has a boyfriend, why did you confide all that you have in the past without knowing that he would be available? You are too talented a man (and I know your smart) to do that or to wait and hope the guy would be available to you.

    Nothing wrong with being a friend, but know the difference between friendship and anything more. Focus on whats important to you and steer away from a situation where you might be hurt. Best wishes there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 5:44 PM GMT
    Well there really is no easy answer. You are going to hurt period. How you weather the storm is an individual thing that requires a knowledge of self.

    I don't know you or this guy well enough to understand whether his is an open relationship that you might want to explore but it sounds like this is not the case. So I won't go down this road.

    It seems your initial reaction is to avoid him which is a good one if you know that it hurts to be around him. Also, if you know you would be tempted to do something that would not be appropriate given the situation.

    I think the best thing you can do is realize that you are taking the high road and doing what's right by not placing yourself in the middle of someone else's relationship. If he were really the perfect guy for you, he would be single, not partnered. It's very easy for people to over romanticize a situation because they will never have the benefit of the reality. Don't spend your time thinking of what could have been because reality is never as good as the fantasy. It's a waste of time and is truly not productive.

    Focus on improving your self as an individual and look for other ways to feel good, such as volunteer work, spending time with family and friends, etc. There are many Mr. Rights out there and you will find one soon enough if you live everyday just looking to better yourself and the world around you.

    By the way, I was in a situation where my BF was secretly dating another guy. It's really not a fun place to be and no one deserves that. I have a whole drama I could relay to you on this topic if you're interested.

    Good luck with this one my friend.


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    Mar 18, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    thank you, both of you.

    okay. back to battening down the hatches... just when i thought i was ready to be emotionally available i remember why i don't date and why i've been so content with being single.

    i'm taking both your perspectives to heart. thanks again icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    Dancer... are you kinda living my life, just not here???

    I know this road all to well, and variations of this road. ::sigh::
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    Mar 18, 2008 6:16 PM GMT
    As what others have said, it's really a difficult situation.

    But if there's one thing I've learned that has made things easier for me in my experience is the one thing you both have already done.

    You two are open to talking about it, and that is a great step in easing the tension. It won't completely erase the tension, but there's comfort is being able to openly talk to the other person, and knowing that the both of you are not having an easy time.

    Because two people are open to each other, there's a greater possibility for understanding. Each one knows where the other is coming from, so you can say, "I can't see you because it's difficult," and the other will understand. No mysteries, no questions.

    And because you two are nice guys, you won't use that weakness against each other. Your friendship can be built upon that trust.

    All the best. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 6:20 PM GMT
    Hmmm... so you were just being nice to me then, huhicon_question.gif

    Well that seems to work. Just think of your crush as someone "who is just being nice to you."

    Then get a grip of how that feelsicon_evil.gif

    Then move onicon_idea.gif

    NEXT!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    shhhhhhh... now, you know you're my boo. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidshhhhhhh... now, you know you're my boo. icon_biggrin.gif


    Then why do I feel like a POO, being (a product of) your No. 2???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    PhxAriz08 saiddancerjack.... You are in love with everybody that are hot.


    You better be careful there... you're threading in unsafe waters... you'd be sucked in before you can even say "I'm in love with a stripper." icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    phx, ha! no. don't fall quite that easily anymore. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 11:05 PM GMT
    dancerjack said
    how do you all get past your crushes? what's your coping mechanism? mine is simply to avoid it for long enough in the hopes that it'll fade away. tell me how you yourself handle coming to terms with realizing that you have to move on. tell me how you heal your heart.


    Hey man

    Coping mechanisms?
    Communicate man. Let it out somehow. Talk about it to good friends, hear what others have to say...
    uhm...
    make a thread in RJ about it ... lol

    Seriously man, the one thing you can't do is to bottle it in, ponder about it or consistently entertain the notion.

    If somebody you're into can't be yours for one reason or another, the only option you have is to channel that great energy that a crush generates into other healthy activities: have the best workout in your life, dance your ass off, whatever floats your boat.

    In my case man, you can tell I'm in a crush when I start writing all kinds of poems and stories uncontrollably. And the better they are, the more it means I'm head over heels.

    Oh, and for those of you that have me in their myspace/facebook, and have noticed that I've written A LOT OF STUFF lately... yeah, I'm talking from experience.

    I'm crushing someone right now icon_razz.gif

    Good luck with your situation Dancer,
    and remember to stay busy ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    This is a fascinating thread, but I think just another variation on the theme of: attracted to guys who are unattainable.

    You sound like a pretty put-together guy. If he's got a bf and feels stuff towards you, too, then he needs to work it out and decide and let his feet do the talking, so to speak. Don't let yourself get wrapped up in someone else's indecisions.

    hehe... my coping mechanism. It comes from my old roommate who told me: you only get over a crush by developing a new one. So I try to get a new crush. dunno if it works, but at least it's fun icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 19, 2008 1:44 AM GMT
    you guys have shared some very nice thoughts with me: thanks.

    tonight i went to the gym for the first time in YEARS. i was really dreading it. but you know what? i did channel my frustration into my workout, i completely ignored the looks i got from other people while i was doing my plyomtetrics, i got a good workout, i feel better, and i'm a tad less intimidated about exercising in front of strangers now.

    and, in the spirit of developing new crushes to get past old ones: i have a crush on all of you (but zimmy the most). icon_wink.gif

    xo
    j.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    That's cute.

    I don't entertain crushes and as far as I know I've never had anyone crush over me.

    The name sorta says it all as someone is bound to be crushed and not in a good way. Your's seems worse because the guy actually works with you so you practically saw him everytime you worked. I say man-up, buddy, and just count it as a lost. You fell into your own scheme as a stripper. By that, I mean you want something you can't have as I'm sure some of your clinets want you but they will never get you.

    Seperate your personal feelings from business and you should be fine. Why would such a nice looking guy like you be afraid of going to the gym? I think this crush is just a phase and I'm sure someone as intelligent as you will figure out a way to get over it and move on to better things.

    Best of Luck.
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    Mar 19, 2008 3:39 AM GMT
    i really think i've used lighting to good effect in my pictures. i'm not really all that big or whatever.

    i'm intimidated by gyms b/c i don't like all the gunting and machismo.

    yes, taking the high road and separating feelings from business is the only way to do this...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    I'm in love with two strippers. Dancerjack and StripperRocco. You guys rock. I love your contributions to this site. Dancer, I have no advice for you other than the hard reality of "binary math" (yes plus no = no). I wish you the best in moving along. Thanks to both of you for being on the site. I've been learning lots from you both.

    And just in case you think I'll be boiling rabbits, I'm not really in love with you both. Just in "like". But that wrecked the play on the title of this forum thread.

    Ciao,

    Troy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 5:03 AM GMT
    i love you two also. definitely two cool guys in my book icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 5:32 AM GMT
    Okay I'm in love with 2 strippers and a javaman. Damn. This list could be endless. icon_redface.gif

    'night all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 6:51 PM GMT
    hey, love is love and it should be spread around as much possible - thanks very much for your posts icon_biggrin.gif

    yes, i agree... when in doubt, the sum = 0

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2008 7:29 PM GMT
    For me, getting over a crush going no where involves ice cream, a good movie, some alone time, then some party time. It's amazing how fast a month can go by when you're not constantly agonizing over someone. That is, until he calls you again.icon_sad.gif
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Mar 19, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    dancerjack and stripperrocco could bag groceries and they'd still be incredibly cool.

    As far as getting over crushes...it never really goes away. Enough time passes to where you just don't think about it. I know that sounds so trite, but I can only speak from my own experience. It's hard to realize when someone we are so crazy about really isn't there for us. But you have so much to offer. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate it.
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    Mar 20, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    dancerjack said

    I'm intimidated by gyms because I don't like all the grunting and machismo.

    You might want to check out Planet Fitness. A previous post from PSBigJoey, said "Planet Fitness is for light fitness workout and not for bodybuilders. Family friendly, judgement free. Prohibited are grunting, lifting aggresively, and dropping weights." There are two near you, in Mathews and Whitehall.
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    Mar 20, 2008 2:06 AM GMT
    wow... thank you! i didn't even think to look for something like that... thank you!