The girl friend and her gay: Where/how to form that friendship

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    Dec 09, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    So this might be a bit of a strange question/concern (so humor me for a minute) but lately I've realized that I've been missing what most gay men consider a staple in their "gay social arsenal," the quintessential "fruit fly" / that best girl friend who you can go to with anything, always count on, and be there for each other no matter what.

    I have friends, but most of my closest friends are gay. This is all well and good, but I don't feel it fulfills the type of emotional needs that a friendship with a best girl friend can bring. Also I think there can occasionally be an underlying tension between gay men that doesn't exist in a gay male/female relationship.

    I look at all my gay friends and each and every one of them have that best girl friendship, most of which have lasted for years and years. To be honest I envy that bond! As a kid growing up all my friends were girls, and I loved it. But over time people move, lose touch and change. I guess my situation of coming out later, being an only child, moving and basically having to start a completely new social circle form scratch left me without any real girl bffs.

    So what are your thoughts on the gay male/best girl friend relationship, do you have one? Has it been a long standing friendship? Can you find one out of the blue? Any advice on where to even begin?
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    Dec 09, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    my soon to be ex wife is my best friend, confidante and equalizer. If I ever called her a fag hag, she would have my nuts on a post outside the fort gate...........keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 09, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    hmmm maybe what I'm really trying to say is how difficult it can be to make and maintain real, honest, genuine lifelong friendships (male, female, gay, straight or otherwise) as an adult. Especially once you're not in a school setting where clubs and social groups are at your fingertips.

    Besides, I've had the experience where my best friend, who happened to be gay as well, became very sour and distant anytime I was in a relationship. You could sense his snarky attitude anytime I'd bring my boyfriend around. It was embarrassing/hurtful for me and really had me rethink the type of friendship I thought I had with this individual. Hence my desire for a genuine friendship. Just seems like the most genuine and honest come from the female/gay male bonds (from what I've observed and experienced).
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    Dec 09, 2010 7:23 PM GMT
    I have three close female confidants. One lives across the globe now but we're pretty tight even if our communication is minimum....
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    Dec 09, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    girl friend and /her/ gay? what does she own the gay guy or something?

    i dont understand your concerns... i have both guys and girls as best friends (mind you they're straight guys) and i can't picture an advantage to choosing girls over guys. i like the girls i'm close to, and the guys.. they are different but no matter how much i search i can't find a reason i would want one over the other. if you held a gun to me i guess i'd say guys.

    making friends with girls is the same as making any other friends... just talk to ppl and get to know them. try to get them talking about things they're interested in and see if you share any. with or without school ppl always make friends with the ppl in their lives, so talk to the ppl in your life.. at work, your neighbors, at the coffeeshop you visit every morning... there are endless places to meet ppl.

    if i were you, i wouldn't focus on finding a girl specifically. many of the girls i am best friends with i met through friends that are guys. just find someone you can talk on and on with, laugh and feel comfortable around and stick with them. guy or girl, that's all i'd be after icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 10, 2010 3:15 AM GMT


    My friend Ashley is like a sister to me... We were able to relate at so many levels despite the 10 year age differential. She is the one girl I can go to for anything, she will listen, and give me the best support, advice and opinion possible.

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    Dec 10, 2010 3:32 AM GMT
    I have two. My friend from high school and my ex-coworker. We have each others back. They haven't let me down once. We would go out of the way for each other. I think it started off on the right foot since we treated each other really well. They thought I was being nice to them because I wanted to get into their pants. For instance, I would take them out when they had problems with their boyfriends. When I came out to them they appreciated everything I did particularly since I didn't want anything in return. They opened up to me more and I did the same. We went through ups and downs. When you go through tough times with people you will develop a tight bond. They are like family to me now. Same with my boys.