"110% Straight" guy gets jealous when he sees me kissing a guy? Is he a Closet Case?

  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Dec 12, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    I have this friend (Eric) who claims to be "110%" straight, yet there are a few things that don't help his case:

    - He has never had a girlfriend (he's 21)
    - One of my str8 friends placed a hot girl on his lap who was horny (lol) and he didn't even kiss her
    - He knows I'm gay, and whenever we're together, he stares at me lustfully and whenever I look at him and smile he starts giggling.
    - He stands really close to me to the point of his feet being on top of mine if I'm showing him something
    - He goes to Gay bars with me

    He knows I like him, and my best friend Brett (who's straight also thinks Eric is gay... but he just outright denies it.

    So.... ok, maybe Eric IS str8 and just very friendly... but the other day at the bar, I was really drunk and ended up making out with some twink. I looked up and Brett and Eric were there... Brett was laughing and Eric looked shell shocked.

    When I came out of the washroom and met up with them again, Eric called me an Asshole. I then started flirting with one of my other friends and again Eric got all bitchy.

    So what's the consensus? Is Eric NOT 110% straight? Do you think he's in the closet? He hasn't talked to me for a week since this happened. What do I do?? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2010 4:33 AM GMT
    perhaps you should ask Eric, I'm sure going to the source is the best bet, just figure out a way so he doesn't feel cornered or uncomfortable...Keithicon_cool.gif
  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Dec 12, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    haha, well I have asked him if he's gay and that's where I got the "110% straight" answer. When I suggested maybe he is saying that because he's worried about what his parents may say, he said "my mother would embrace me being gay".

  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Dec 12, 2010 4:47 AM GMT
    Yes, I've very much considered getting him drunk... however he doesn't drink. lol. And does he crave attention? no, not really. He's pretty shy and quiet.

    He's got a shoe fetish though, and does his eyebrows. two more nails in the closet case coffin.
  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Dec 12, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    yah we hung out at least every weekend until this happened. I gave him a hug before he went home and he leaned his head on my shoulder. He was happy and hyper until he saw me kissing the guy... then he became all grumpy

    Called him the next day for coffee and he said he'd call back and didn't
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    And this is why when I invent gaydar I'm going to be a billionaire.
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    Dec 12, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    think-hes-gay.gif

    (Arrow is the one who has the opinion, not the subject of said opinion)
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    Dec 12, 2010 6:34 AM GMT
    He's a closet case... but afraid of the public repercussions of his possible love/lust for you.


    Until he's ready or does, he's just a friend who you suspect.
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    Dec 12, 2010 6:48 AM GMT
    Maybe he just loves you. Why do you consider him being gay? Yes, if you have feelings for another guy, you are considered gay BUT, he might just really be attracted to you and get jealous when he sees you with another guy. NOT because he wants you sexually, but he just loves you. He might also have a slight attraction for you but that doesn't mean he wants to fuck you or be fucked by you. Maybe he is one of those sexually-confused-with-platonic-and-lust-shy-passive-aggressive kind of guy.
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    Dec 12, 2010 6:58 AM GMT
    frenchatheart saidMaybe he just loves you. Why do you consider him being gay? Yes, if you have feelings for another guy, you are considered gay BUT, he might just really be attracted to you and get jealous when he sees you with another guy. NOT because he wants you sexually, but he just loves you. He might also have a slight attraction for you but that doesn't mean he wants to fuck you or be fucked by you. Maybe he is one of those sexually-confused-with-platonic-and-lust-shy-passive-aggressive kind of guy.


    Hmm, good opinions all around, and pretty reserved. But damn, frenchatheart, that was a hell of a nuanced analysis--and one well worth considering.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 12, 2010 8:03 AM GMT
    It's one thing to be possessive of someone. But, if he was straight, why would he stop talking to you after making out another guy. He knows and accepts you're gay. So, I think it 2+2=he is into you.

    When things get back to normal between you two, and you want to pursue him, then invite him over and have him spend the night. A little liquor might not hurt getting him to relax.

    Of course, with this you run the risk of changing your relationship for ever. If either of you make a move and things happen between you two, things might change the next morning. If he can't accept his sexuality, he may push you away permanently. Do you want to ruin this friendship?

    He has to be ready. It doesn't sound like he is.
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    Dec 12, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    Well if he was 110% straight why should he even care. Just as I am a pure homosexual, I really don't care about me female friends. Maybe he is only a pseudo straight?
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    Dec 12, 2010 8:38 AM GMT
    he totally wants your dick
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    Dec 12, 2010 11:51 AM GMT
    The straight guy that goes to gay bars and hangs out with his gay friend and gets upset when that gay friend kisses other boys, overcompensates (110% anyone? That only works for warp engines), really wants you to make a move on him. Next time he's standing on your feet, lean in close. Brush your face against his. Look him in the eye. Then, kiss him.
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    Dec 12, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    For now lets forget about whether or not he's straight gay or bi.


    It appears that he has deep crush on you, perhaps even a bromance type of scenario. He probably considers you a really close friend who sees a lot of good in you. Maybe he's upset because you might not be taking yourself seriously or taking things for granted with the same sex.


    If he contemplating about his sexuality then I suggest you meet him. Take initiative on your part and go see him. Sit down and have a frank talk.

    He just might be hesitant for any discusion you may think so don't be too made if he can't seem to open up. Just let him know that you value his friendship a lot more than simple, FwB scenario.

    Now do you have feelings for him?
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    Dec 12, 2010 12:12 PM GMT
    I am 100% sure that he has a crush on you maybe even bigger than a crush. Probably you are the gay side of his life and he feels comfortable with you. Most people denies that they are gay till they die but this doesn't change the fact that their behaviors show their identity. I think you should be careful around him if you care about him. Kissing other guys at the bar will probably upset him considering the fact that he is in love with you. If you have similar feelings for him too, I think you should give it a shot and tell him what you think. If you caught him in a very emotional situation, it would work. But if you don't feel the way he feels, then you should behave more carefully not to upset him and harm your friendship. But believe me this guy loves you so much. Besides who said that str8 guys don't fall in love with other guys ? I know a couple of cases in which jealousy became so dangerous.
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    Dec 12, 2010 12:52 PM GMT
    Yvrtwink saidI have this friend (Eric) who claims to be "110%" straight,


    Munchkin, I read the title and it was enough. The only people who are 110% straight are gay. Has RJ taught you nothing?
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    Dec 12, 2010 12:54 PM GMT
    Yeah be careful, if you care about him, you may be hurting him, sounds like there is something there, regardless of his 110% assumption, which by the way is obviously just a number that reeks of being uncomfortable. If I showed a client something that added up to 110% they would fire me.

    I was 100% straight until, 19, when I decided that it was OK, and then went from being 100% straight to being .001% straight in about 48 hours. But I had to work it all out in a way that felt safe first, and I gather that this is the same thing with him. If not, then he might be worried about your capricious nature of going up to guys and having sex in public with them. Which also may not help his case if he is afraid of being gay. (i.e. The first time I went to a gay bar, I saw things go on that made me step back and ask if I was really gay).

    I would candidly and privately ask him, "why did you call me an Asshole?" Keep going with the questions where you let him answer in his own words...

    Do you really think I was an Asshole?
    What did I do to make you think I was an Asshole?
    Why am I an asshole?
    etc...

    But do it in a private and non confrontational way, i.e. DON'T force anything, if you get him talking...let him talk, just pause and shake your head until he talks more.
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    Dec 12, 2010 1:13 PM GMT
    I've had this happen to me in high school. My best friend (A straight guy) would get all pissy and dissapear everytime a guy would give me attention. I think maybe he viewed me as property or something idunno guys are wierd
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    Dec 12, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    I totally think you should watch a good gay romance that puts things into perspective. I would suggest Latter Days, Trick, or Adam and Steve.

    Dont make a move. the jealousy is a self defense mechanism and bringing that up wont help because he will become defensive again. A few days later I would casually ask him what he thought of the movie.
    ask something to the effect of - "Do you think that romance can happen like that?"

    just see where it goes.
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    Dec 12, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    Talk with him about what bothered him. Do it when its just you two. Tell him how you felt about it and what his friendship means to you. If he is good friend he will understand or maybe share something that you never thought he will.
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    Dec 12, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    i have been in those situations a few times and they were just deep in the closet and i gave it time and eventually they were able to come into terms with their sexuality. Just give it time, be patient is also key!
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 12, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    I agree most with YoungjockMN - The guy is totally into you and you need to allow him to warm up to the idea of something happening and you just can't corner him by bringing up his defense mechanisms/jealousy.

    Here is another good line since he knows you are gay: "I could really fall for a guy like you if you were interested......(think chin down looking up at him straight into his eyes, from a vulnerable position and with a firtive grin)

    Finally - e-mail me a pic of this guy - I have pretty great visual gaydar.

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    Dec 12, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    Based on the evidence in you OP, I'd be amazed if he doesn't have the hots for you.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Dec 12, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    EricLA said
    He has to be ready. It doesn't sound like he is.
    This. He probably wouldn't be that much fun in bed AND he'd probably get very possessive if you boned him.