Dating....BS

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 12, 2010 9:43 PM GMT

    Isn't it a bunch of fucking bullshit?

    There is so much effort you have to go through... in just getting to know someone.... Getting yourself and your home perfect, then the courting phase then bam, its high time you get rejected or accepted...


    Its extremely draining...


    give me your best and worst outcomes from a date/ courting phases... I'm still new to dating men, but man it's no different from dating women...
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    Dec 12, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    Not to be negative... but gay men are extremely shallow. So yes, it's harder finding a good gay man. However, you're not in a bad place to do it, it's just that they're usually too far away.

    I'm currently in the same boat as you for the first time and it's really surprising to me that quite a few are flakes. I guess I'm just learning as well!
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    Dec 12, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    dragondevil said
    Isn't it a bunch of fucking bullshit?
    There is so much effort you have to go through... in just getting to know someone.... Getting yourself and your home perfect, then the courting phase then bam, its high time you get rejected or accepted...
    Its extremely draining...
    give me your best and worst outcomes from a date/ courting phases... I'm still knew to dating men, but man it's no different from dating women...


    I don't see that as a necessity for dating. Eventually when a person gets to know you he will know you and know who you are not. Vice-verse is equally true.
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    Dec 12, 2010 10:02 PM GMT


    Its true gay guys can be either shallow or extremely superficial.

    Maybe the guy i was weeing was just too young...6 months of knowing one another and just getting brushed off isn't cool...

    BuddyinNYC, your right its not necessarily, but seemingly in my area gay men tend to be more shallow and superficial its kind of necessary to look good, to have fat income and who knows what else...

    But I'm finding it was easier when I didn't try at all. When I never tried or expressed myself to people I was interested in, things happened... mainly with women and not so often with men...

    I'm must be in a conundrum...
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    Dec 12, 2010 10:26 PM GMT
    dragondevil said
    [...] BuddyinNYC, your right its not necessarily, but seemingly in my area gay men tend to be more shallow and superficial its kind of necessary to look good, to have fat income and who knows what else... [...]


    Deception competition (unless you have what they want to see). That's probably a major reason for failed relationships (MM and MF). I think it's always best to be oneself. It makes for an easier and real meant-to-be relationship.
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    Dec 12, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    You live in SF I would imagine it would be easier to find guys there???
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    Dec 12, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Chase21 saidYou live in SF I would imagine it would be easier to find guys there???


    I actually live in the South Bay, so my trips to SF are far and few between... Though I'm originally from there.


  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 13, 2010 12:50 AM GMT
    But it's worth every minute you have invested when the two of you connect. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 13, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    BEST form posting ever!

    lol..... the dating game is the same in both worlds!
    I have HOT straight friends that just can't seem to catch a break either...

    Just take care of yourself and hopefully something will come along!
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    Dec 13, 2010 1:57 AM GMT

    My straight Asian roommate put it best... Don't try and everything will fall into place...? Is that true?


    To answer some of you that said be myself and etc...

    Well, I was being more myself than ever...

    I'm a very open individual and I always act myself... I have no need to front, and I have nothing to hide... I'm actually comfortable in my own skin...


    But when it comes high time to let the cat out of the bag... That's just it we don't know what's going to happen to that cat... Will the cat be petted so it can purr happily? or Will the cat run under the couch because it was rejected? What's worse is when the cat is just sitting staring confused and just waiting...

    Give me an example of a dating scenario where it actually was successful? I'm not talking about a couple of dates then going home fuck... I'm talking about forming a relationship....


    With women, I found it a lot easier.
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    Dec 13, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    dragondevil said
    Isn't it a bunch of fucking bullshit?

    There is so much effort you have to go through... in just getting to know someone.... Getting yourself and your home perfect, then the courting phase then bam, its high time you get rejected or accepted...


    Its extremely draining...


    give me your best and worst outcomes from a date/ courting phases... I'm still new to dating men, but man it's no different from dating women...



    Best outcome - met a guy who I would do anything for, we care(d) a lot about eachother, even though we lived far away. We're still good friends, and hopefully always will be.

    Worst outcome - long distance didn't work out. I still blame myself. Same guy.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Dec 13, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidNot to be negative... but gay men are extremely shallow. So yes, it's harder finding a good gay man. However, you're not in a bad place to do it, it's just that they're usually too far away.

    I'm currently in the same boat as you for the first time and it's really surprising to me that quite a few are flakes. I guess I'm just learning as well!


    I think all men are inclined to be shallow, not just the moes. At least that's the impression I get from the straight women I know
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    Dec 13, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    starboard5 said
    ShinyToyTrev saidNot to be negative... but gay men are extremely shallow. So yes, it's harder finding a good gay man. However, you're not in a bad place to do it, it's just that they're usually too far away.

    I'm currently in the same boat as you for the first time and it's really surprising to me that quite a few are flakes. I guess I'm just learning as well!


    I think all men are inclined to be shallow, not just the moes. At least that's the impression I get from the straight women I know

    That's why I put extremely. icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 13, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    People are people; there are lots and lots of straight superficial ones. We've met many.

    A date is what you decide it is. You want casual? Go casual. It's the ingredients of the two being who they are blending that makes or breaks great chemistry, I think. You should be as nice and kind as can be; your best self, but yourself, and nothing else.



    -Doug
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    Dec 13, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    Seriously, between guys, I'm not sure what's the difference between a "date" and a bike ride/dive trip/basketball game/hike/etc. except that you (may) have sex afterwards. Do something you both enjoy and try not to have excess expectations.
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Dec 13, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    Dating is an opportunity to find out if the guy you lust after is worthy of your love and affection. Its exciting, fun, draining, and necessary.
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    Dec 13, 2010 4:05 PM GMT
    Tennisjock70 saidDating is an opportunity to find out if the guy you lust after is worthy of your love and affection. Its exciting, fun, draining, and necessary.


    What if they are worthy? Then it does not pan out. How does it work then?
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Dec 13, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    dude all is flex and nothing stays the same. Nothing is for certain. What if u find someone and someone gets u drunk and get u to cheat... then what .... see anything can happen. you just have to hope for the best and try to make each other happy. trust me it is worth it.
    i met my cutie and i thought he was never going to call me back after we met. But i gave it my best shot and was myself and tried to impress him and it worked icon_smile.gif. he called me and we been together for a year and it feels like i just met him. Dont be negative just try ur best. sum1 who is worth it might be just around the corner icon_smile.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Dec 13, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    One thing for sure is that dating is a numbers game and you have to go on a lot of dates before you meet someone with whom you share enough chemistry and common interests to see if it might go somewhere. And even then it's not a given that it will.

    I always approach a date with no other expectations besides having a nice time. I don't subscribe to the notion that dates need to have a particular form or structure--going on a hike can be just as much of a date as the standard dinner out somewhere. If there's mutual attraction, I *try* to avoid sex on the first date, or even second, but sometimes it happens. But if there isn't any attraction, it's better being honest that you're not feeling it for the other guy. Otherwise that leads to more unnecessary complications down the road.
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    Dec 13, 2010 5:13 PM GMT
    dragondevil said
    Tennisjock70 saidDating is an opportunity to find out if the guy you lust after is worthy of your love and affection. Its exciting, fun, draining, and necessary.


    What if they are worthy? Then it does not pan out. How does it work then?


    You move on. Dudes will come and go. That's just the nature of dating
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    Dec 14, 2010 3:18 AM GMT


    If we move on, then the 6 months of getting to know each other in becoming friends and so on means its not worth being friends afterwards?

    The two people have gotten to know each other real well, and once likes the other and the other not so.... Then walk away from the friendship? Shows that the other person wasn't worth knowing at all?

    I go into a dating situation with no expectations.... Its how I have been.. What's a fucking date anyway? A period in where two people get to know one another and feel each other out.... Is that what it is... Gosh, I don't know what is anymore...
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    Dec 14, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    I think you complicate things too much, dragondevil. A date is an arranged (often casually) getting together with someone you like. That person agrees to go on one with you because they like you. What happens next is anyone's guess.

    -Doug

    ...some background:
    Bill and I met on Nov18th, 1989, and on Dec13th 1989 we exchanged private handwritten vows on Sunset Beach in Vancouver with Willis his doggie as witness. On July27th 2009 we married legally in the backyard with neighbours friends and family as witnesses.

    Prior to Bill I had several failed gay relationships over 14 years and hundreds of dates and some one night stands.

    Bill was in a toxic relationship from 18 years old til a year before we met. He dated three guys after that.



  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 14, 2010 3:32 AM GMT
    Yes dating can be draining, just know when to cut your losses and press on, who knows---Mr. Right could be just around the corner...
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    Dec 14, 2010 4:17 AM GMT
    Dragondevil I am sorry you feel that way about dating, but as for me I am having a ball, and I don't find it the least frustrating at all! do what I do! everytime I go out on a date I go without any kind of expectations but to just enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone new! my friend there is too many fish in the Ocean to get all worked up if what appeared to be a catch it may slip off your hands; keep fishing, it is fun!!


    Leandro ♥
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    Dec 14, 2010 4:31 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidDragondevil I am sorry you feel that way about dating, but as for me I am having a ball, and I don't find it the least frustrating at all! do what I do! everytime I go out on a date I go without any kind of expectations but to just enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone new! my friend there is too many fish in the Ocean to get all worked up if what appeared to be a catch it may slip off your hands; keep fishing, it is fun!!


    Leandro ♥


    This is a REALLY good way to look at it!


    -Doug