OK, Here We Go Again With This Schedule Thing

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    We attended a party on Friday (that I posted about here because of bigoted comments made), then another major Christmas party Saturday, and a Christmas recital Sunday (for which I did the programs).

    And then today my partner tells me we're going caroling tonight (Monday) in the neighborhood. WHAT??? You told me this???

    Yeah, he says, about a week or 2 ago. What, under your breath? Ya know, I put all these things in my computer calendar as soon as I hear them, and there's nothing there.

    I just get so fucking tired of every night being dragged to something I know nothing about, and supposed to be all hyped about it. Not to mention that I run out of clothes after a while.

    I ask him every day: do we have anything today? No, he says. Later I learn we're expected that night at this or that. And that he told me "weeks ago," the problem being my own memory, not his telling me in advance.

    Well, ya know, I asked you earlier today, and you said it was a free night. That doesn't compute. I'm just getting fucking fed up. icon_evil.gif
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    Dec 13, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    People forget and make mistakes. That's part of life.
    As a very loving family friend told me years ago: "When you'll be dead you'll be able to rest."
    This is the Christmas season. Decide your priorities.
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    Dec 13, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    You're frustrated and you have every right to be, but keep in mind there are plenty of guys who would kill to have a guy to go out and do things with every night. I would tell him nicely that you like to know things ahead of time. Maybe try sticky notes or a text earlier or even the day before would work for you both.
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    Dec 14, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    You could make a rule, stating, "If it's not on the calendar, I'm not obligated to do it." My last boyfriend made me start putting things on a calendar if I wanted him to go with me. My friends tend to ask me to go do things somewhat last minute, such as "What are you up to later today?" or "What do you have going on tomorrow?" He hated that, and liked to have his weekends scheduled and booked with things to do. He'd get very frustrated if I asked him "Do you want to go with me to a party tonight?" because I didn't plan it a week in advance. So we came up with the "Pyro has to start using a calendar."
    The end result: I went to parties with my friends, and sometimes he'd come along. He went to parties with his friends, and sometimes I'd tag along. If there was something going on that we really wanted each other to go to, we put it on the calendar.
    You guys don't have to do EVERYTHING together.
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    Dec 14, 2010 4:49 AM GMT
    Pyrotech said
    You guys don't have to do EVERYTHING together.


    I kind of agree with this. I mean you did things with him 3 days in a row. So just tell him you need time to relax. If he's understanding, he'll be OK with this.

    Balance is key, IMO.
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    Dec 14, 2010 10:10 AM GMT
    Just don't forget about that dinner party Tuesday night.

    Don't you remember?











    *evil laugh* icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 14, 2010 12:38 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidJust don't forget about that dinner party Tuesday night.

    Don't you remember?

    *evil laugh* icon_twisted.gif


    No, that's LUNCH today (Tues), that I just learned about yesterday. And it's mandatory, since I'm being invited along with the staff of the agency where I volunteer, as a kind of Christmas present. Of course, HE knew about it from his e-mail 2 weeks ago, then he drops it on me the day before, when I already had other things planned for today.

    Oh, and because I'm not driving, due to my left eye still not seeing very well, I've gotta ride in with him and stay at his office until he's done, the whole day shot for me. But that's OK, I won't be bored -- he's got "projects" planned for me to keep me busy, such as preparing a fundraiser invitation list, and doing data base input.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Dec 18, 2010 3:53 AM GMT
    I like the good ole rule of not ccommiting other people to things without checking with them first.. VERY rarely would I ever commit anyone to anything without clearing it with them first, unless it was a once-in-a-lifetime opp. or something I KNOW they would be down to do.. A cornerstone of a lot of successful relationships that I have seen is the response, "That sounds like a lot of fun, but I better check with my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend.. I will get back to you though as soon as possible." And you could use his asking you if you would like to go as a chance to accept or decline as well as documenting it in your iPhone! I read your other post on the topic and from the sounds of it, he does a lot of commiting you to things without your knowledge.. While I would be flattered somene wanted to spend that much time with me or always be seen with me, it is completely unfair if you need a day off.. Try making the rule tat he is not allowed to commit you to anything without your knowledge and agreement.