Is a large age gap a gay thing?

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    Dec 15, 2010 4:11 AM GMT
    I don’t think it’s common for a 35 year old guy to date or sleep with a 22 year old girl, but in the gay community it seems to be something older guys try to do and some younger guys happily accept.

    Let me state this clearly to each their own. I just find it odd when people have sex/date someone who was in high school when they were a fetus; I feel like it's more common in the gay community than in the heterosexual community (Haha I didn't know what to call it).

    EDIT (12/15/10) Okay I realize my question and outlook was a bit narrow minded. And I guess more important factors to a relationship are similar interests, personalities, and values. I learned this from reading RJ member’s posts about this topic.
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    Dec 15, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    The main reason I'm asking this is because most of the guys that hit on me are much older than me, and it can get annoying. It's like why can't someone in their 20's hit on me icon_cry.gif haha. I don't see old guys at the gym hitting on younger woman.
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    Dec 15, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    navi_leinad said
    Chase21 saidThe main reason I'm asking this is because most of the guys that hit on me are much older than me, and it can get annoying. It's like why can't someone in their 20's hit on me icon_cry.gif haha. I don't see old guys at the gym hitting on younger woman.

    I'd hit on you (cough cough cough) if you can carry my oxygen tank for me ;) (deep breath) HAHAHA sorry being an a**


    That's sweet of you haha. Do you even know which one I am in the picture or you'd hit on us both ;)
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    Dec 15, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    Perhaps the traditional model for straight marriage presumes a parenting role for both the husband & wife until their children are grown. For both biological and mortality reasons that tends to bring the ages of the straight husband and wife closer than they need be in gay unions.

    Furthermore, some studies suggest that straight women, like many females from other species that form breeding pairs, try to be selective in choosing their opposite sex mates. They favor a male who can best provide for her and their offspring, a mate who also appears healthy and free of physical defects.

    At the same time, the lesbian couples I know (and while many it's certainly not all-inclusive) present fewer examples of wide age differences between partners. Which might also lead to the suspicion that a significant factor is a tendency by both straight & gay older males to seek out, or at least not reject, the company of younger partners.

    And if fecund young straight females are more critical of accepting the advances of these older guys, but young gay men do not have any reproductive concerns in that regard, that may also account for the pairings we see in the gay community. In other words, it's all about me, not about the kids.
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    Dec 15, 2010 4:48 AM GMT

    You feel it's more common among gays than straights...well, Bill and I have spent vast quantities of time with straight society, most guys have. It's common for the guy to be older. When the difference is big (woman young and man older, even much older) it's still considered fine. In fact a lot of straight guys enviously consider the older man to be having having lots of machismo, or mojo, or sex appeal, or whatever you want to call it.
    Change that to older woman with younger man and there's huge issues, lol.

    ..and they get all shocked when some of their kids are gay.


    Ah straights, where we all come from. Gotta love 'em. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
  • Moral_Poison

    Posts: 22

    Dec 15, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    A couple of decades ago, I think age gaps were probably more in the gay community. Reason? Because gay relationships have always had different dynamics than straight. We never fit into the "husband/wife with a white picket fence" type of role so that gave us the librity to have alternative spousal relationships

    Though, we're in 2011 now (ok almost), and the "white picket fence" family is nearly extinct. There are far more divorces, meaning more single older men and women. People are getting married later in life. Older men like younger women. Now, its even becoming more common for older women to date younger men. Haven't you noticed the recent cougar tend thats been taking place the last few years? The older/younger thing is very common now, no matter your sexual orientation. I think the reason these relationships work so well is because there is a balance. Both parties get something from the relationship they might not get from someone their own age. I don't just mean sex either. Although that is a factoricon_razz.gif
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    Dec 15, 2010 5:54 AM GMT
    Chase21 saidI don’t think it’s common for a 35 year old guy to date or sleep with a 22 year old girl, but in the gay community it seems to be something older guys try to do and some younger guys happily accept.

    Let me state this clearly to each their own. I just find it odd when people have sex/date someone who was in high school when they were a fetus; I feel like it's more common in the gay community than in the heterosexual community (Haha I didn't know what to call it).


    There's a 30-40 year difference between my mom and my dad, so I guess that's why I'm not as weird about the age gap thing. As long as it's legal, I'm cool with it.
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    Dec 15, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    having now been on both sides of the pendulum I will say that older men don't go for the younger as much as the opposite. It is flattering now..but also not real. The younger (and I mean more that 15 years difference) are looking for stability., a good address, and a form of status) Remember, I was there. The older know this and can offer advice, professional help, but not a real emotional life base. And when we the older get sick at 60, or can't "get it up" etc, the 40 year old is now in trouble.

    Something for both sides to think about.
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    Dec 15, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    Sometimes I figure it's weird that when I was loving Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the guy I'm talking to might have been finding out how his penis works, but to each their own.

    It's okay for it to weird you out a little, I mean, it's a little odd if you think about it... but it's common in each world, not just the gay sector.
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    Dec 15, 2010 7:59 AM GMT
    Here's my two cents:

    The Wise Centaur said: young gay guys, usually 18-25 wants someone older. This is because they want someone to be a fatherly figure that they lack in their childhood. Most gay guys have problems with their dads or weren't as close as they were compared to their mother when they were young. Naturally, they seek someone more muscular which translates into a protective person who will make them feel safe and secure in their minds. They find older guys to be more mature than their counterparts and hence more emotionally stable and financially secure. This is a reassurance for the younger gays because they have so much competition among themselves or feel insecure. Most of the younger gays have control issues and are uptight. They usually find stability with alot older guys who are seeking someone young, whom they can protect and care for. There is an element of power issue/balanced here. The younger guy feels like he has the power in the relationship and can leave the older guy any time he wants because he still has alot of years ahead of him. In the mean time, the younger gay is enjoying the company of the sweet older guy who is protective of him. He finds stability in this relationship. Note here that the younger guy isn't using the older guy, he may genuinely care for the older guy but he knows that the age issue sometimes bother both of them and he's well aware of it. In the mean time, they are bothe enjoying each other company which they desperately crave.

    The older guys gets satisfaction from nurturing and mentoring the cute, naive young gays and maybe feel alittle bit protective of him from the harsh world of reality. The older guy envy the younger guy vitality and free spirited nature. At his point in life, where he is on the right track and feel financially secure, he can afford to try new things which he didn't have time or dare to do when he was younger. So, he's enjoying the ride as much as he can too.

    Now, when the younger gay guy grows up > 25 he starts to realize that there is an imbalance in the relationship. He starts to realize that he wants a guy who is equal and share his life with. He will start to feel more confident and financially secure and not get scared of the real world, so he will start to look for someone around his age. Some of them will eventually find one. They get into the LTR and they soon realize that just like a heterosexual couple, the novelty starts to wear off in a few years. They start fighting and arguing. Some of them who are able to maintain a strong communication and understanding make it to their 50s and 60s but most them end up breaking up their > 5 year LTR. Now they are in the mid 30s or 40s, they start to take the paternal role again. They start looking for the younger gay to nurture and cherish as he miss that feeling. Part of that has to do with wanting to be in control of the relationship too, he being the one with money and experience, he realize that the younger guys will be smitten by him. He will be able to impress him as much as he wants to.

    Hence the cycle of life.....(This can be applied to the heterosexuals as well).
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    Dec 15, 2010 11:42 AM GMT
    navi_leinad said
    Chase21 said
    That's sweet of you haha. Do you even know which one I am in the picture or you'd hit on us both ;)

    Hmmm I'm thinking the one on the right (80% sure of that)


    Sorry to disappoint you at least 20% of your thinking was correct icon_wink.gif
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Dec 15, 2010 11:48 AM GMT
    My best friend J she has a 17 yr old b/f?
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    Dec 15, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    Chase21 saidThe main reason I'm asking this is because most of the guys that hit on me are much older than me, and it can get annoying. It's like why can't someone in their 20's hit on me icon_cry.gif haha. I don't see old guys at the gym hitting on younger woman.


    Most guys that hit on me are much older, too. I wouldn't say that it's just something older guys do though, nor would I say some young guys just happily accept it either. I mean perhaps the younger guys wanted it to begin with. I think it's just older guys tend have more balls to make the first move. I myself am way too shy to ever make the first move, and usually when I try, I end up making myself look like a total jackass.

    I don't know. I find guys of all ages attractive, but personally I find a lot of guys who are in their 30s and 40s incredibly attractive. It isn't for financial or security reasons, but just because well a lot of them look pretty damn sexy when they're in shape. I think it's because they appear to ooze a different level of sophistication and maturity. That and I find salt and pepper hot. I also typically find guys hotter with facial hair. icon_redface.gif. Give me a bearded Jake Gyllenhaal over a clean shaven one any day.

    Although, having never actually dated anyone, I can't say for certain whether I would date someone that much older or not. I think I'd be too afraid of the age gap, and not knowing what to talk about. I also tend to freak out around people who are older than me because I feel inferior and unworthy haha. I blame bad experiences with parents icon_neutral.gif

    Lastly, be flattered that you get hit on. One day you might not get hit on by anyone, and that will suck.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Dec 15, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    Chase21 saidI don’t think it’s common for a 35 year old guy to date or sleep with a 22 year old girl, but in the gay community it seems to be something older guys try to do and some younger guys happily accept.

    Let me state this clearly to each their own. I just find it odd when people have sex/date someone who was in high school when they were a fetus; I feel like it's more common in the gay community than in the heterosexual community (Haha I didn't know what to call it).
    Haha! Didja evah stop and think that older guys are simply more confident? Besides hitting on guys, flirting and such is the reason people go out no? And some young guys are into older guys.icon_eek.gif
    Instead of wondering why guys are hitting on you, perhaps you should start hitting on the kind of guys you find attractive? Fortune favors the bold!
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 15, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    Chase21 saidThe main reason I'm asking this is because most of the guys that hit on me are much older than me, and it can get annoying. It's like why can't someone in their 20's hit on me icon_cry.gif haha. I don't see old guys at the gym hitting on younger woman.

    I'm chuckling b/c the most hits I get are from Daddy seeking 18 to 25 year olds that are mostly less than 1/2 my age.

    I don't hit on young guys they don't interest me. I have had sex with a couple of guys under 30 and it just doesn't work out - nothing in common. But I know guys that once they get a younger guy that is all they want and believe there are plenty younger guys willing.
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    Dec 15, 2010 5:00 PM GMT
    All my life I've preferred people near my own age. I'm in my 40s and get hit on by guys in their 20s enough that it's surprising to me. It's flattering and I'm fine with being friends but that's all I could ever commit to. To each their own but I want someone who remembers my own childhood and teenage references. When guys my age only chase after someone about half their age, it boggles me.
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    Dec 15, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    Well sometimes the age difference thing can get to be a bit extreme... even if just a fantasy:

    Santa-1.jpg
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    Dec 15, 2010 8:02 PM GMT
    frenchatheart saidHere's my two cents:

    The Wise Centaur said: young gay guys, usually 18-25 wants someone older. This is because they want someone to be a fatherly figure that they lack in their childhood. Most gay guys have problems with their dads or weren't as close as they were compared to their mother when they were young. Naturally, they seek someone more muscular which translates into a protective person who will make them feel safe and secure in their minds. They find older guys to be more mature than their counterparts and hence more emotionally stable and financially secure. This is a reassurance for the younger gays because they have so much competition among themselves or feel insecure. Most of the younger gays have control issues and are uptight. They usually find stability with alot older guys who are seeking someone young, whom they can protect and care for. There is an element of power issue/balanced here. The younger guy feels like he has the power in the relationship and can leave the older guy any time he wants because he still has alot of years ahead of him. In the mean time, the younger gay is enjoying the company of the sweet older guy who is protective of him. He finds stability in this relationship. Note here that the younger guy isn't using the older guy, he may genuinely care for the older guy but he knows that the age issue sometimes bother both of them and he's well aware of it. In the mean time, they are bothe enjoying each other company which they desperately crave.

    The older guys gets satisfaction from nurturing and mentoring the cute, naive young gays and maybe feel alittle bit protective of him from the harsh world of reality. The older guy envy the younger guy vitality and free spirited nature. At his point in life, where he is on the right track and feel financially secure, he can afford to try new things which he didn't have time or dare to do when he was younger. So, he's enjoying the ride as much as he can too.

    Now, when the younger gay guy grows up > 25 he starts to realize that there is an imbalance in the relationship. He starts to realize that he wants a guy who is equal and share his life with. He will start to feel more confident and financially secure and not get scared of the real world, so he will start to look for someone around his age. Some of them will eventually find one. They get into the LTR and they soon realize that just like a heterosexual couple, the novelty starts to wear off in a few years. They start fighting and arguing. Some of them who are able to maintain a strong communication and understanding make it to their 50s and 60s but most them end up breaking up their > 5 year LTR. Now they are in the mid 30s or 40s, they start to take the paternal role again. They start looking for the younger gay to nurture and cherish as he miss that feeling. Part of that has to do with wanting to be in control of the relationship too, he being the one with money and experience, he realize that the younger guys will be smitten by him. He will be able to impress him as much as he wants to.

    Hence the cycle of life.....(This can be applied to the heterosexuals as well).


    This is probably one of the dumbest things Ive heard on the site, up there with a SouthBeach comment.

    I have a great relationship with my father, and I prefer older men. I prefer older men because, like them, I have my shit together (I got a good job, am emotionally balanced, etc.) Just because there is a younger/older relationship doesnt mean its about the sex/money/the younger guy has daddy issues. Sometimes older men are just fucking hot, and I want a hot guy to sleep with.

    Furthermore, many younger guys are so damn consumed by the club scene we have nothing to talk about.

    Lastly, I have seen many younger/older relationships work long term. Just because a guy hits 60 doesnt mean he is dead. And at that point, the younger/older relationship will be well into its 15+ year time frame. There is this thing called love, it sets in during that time no matter what the age is.

    If a young guy was with a buff, muscular, young guy, is it because he wants to be nurtured/taken care of? Of course not, its because he finds it hot.
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    Dec 15, 2010 8:13 PM GMT
    I like this concept... The 21 year old that I was hanging out with flirted with me all the time... However I haven't been out in the scene enough to experience hitting on your guys and vice versa.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Dec 15, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    Nope. It's a guy thing.
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    Dec 15, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    exhibit A
    countess_count_split_realhousewives.jpg

  • Dec 15, 2010 8:35 PM GMT
    Chase21 saidI don’t think it’s common for a 35 year old guy to date or sleep with a 22 year old girl, but in the gay community it seems to be something older guys try to do and some younger guys happily accept.

    Let me state this clearly to each their own. I just find it odd when people have sex/date someone who was in high school when they were a fetus; I feel like it's more common in the gay community than in the heterosexual community (Haha I didn't know what to call it).


    One of my straight friends from high school is married to someone old enough to be her dad. They are having twins. And have you ever heard of Anna Nicole Smith? There are plenty of straight people in an old/young relationship.
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    Dec 15, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    I never hit on younger but they hit on me so I accept their affections in lieu of waiting for anyone near my age to show the desire to date me. In the dating pool young guys are available .....older guys are either partnered or broken.
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    Dec 15, 2010 9:12 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    Chase21 saidI don’t think it’s common for a 35 year old guy to date or sleep with a 22 year old girl, but in the gay community it seems to be something older guys try to do and some younger guys happily accept.

    Let me state this clearly to each their own. I just find it odd when people have sex/date someone who was in high school when they were a fetus; I feel like it's more common in the gay community than in the heterosexual community (Haha I didn't know what to call it).
    Haha! Didja evah stop and think that older guys are simply more confident? Besides hitting on guys, flirting and such is the reason people go out no? And some young guys are into older guys.icon_eek.gif
    Instead of wondering why guys are hitting on you, perhaps you should start hitting on the kind of guys you find attractive? Fortune favors the bold!


    These same thoughts (In red) have been pondering my mind; it's as if you were reading my mind icon_eek.gif And I couldn't agree more "Fortune favors the bold." Now I just have to apply this behavior, because I tend to be shy.
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    Dec 15, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    navi_leinad said
    Chase21 said
    Sorry to disappoint you at least 20% of your thinking was correct icon_wink.gif

    meant stage right which meant left. After I posted it I was like yeah I'm completely wrong. Still would hit on you though and I've got the perfect line you'll laugh I think icon_razz.gif

    [walks up to you]
    says: Excuse me
    [you turn and think not another guy hitting on me again]
    says: My friend over there is a little embarrassed. [points to friend] she'd like your phone number [you think wtf] She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning.


    You're silly in a good way icon_wink.gif