I'm turning into a creeper...

  • novemberfox1

    Posts: 32

    Dec 15, 2010 11:42 PM GMT
    I dated an amazing guy for a little over a year. We broke up back in late August and I still think about him all the time. Now that the holidays have come, it seems like so many songs make me wish I had him around to enjoy the season with.

    I am trying to move on because I know he has, but I think about him all the time. A coworker told me that I will always think about him. He was someone that I thought I would be able to spend the rest of my life with. We dated long distance for a while, and I even went as far as moving across the country to be with him. It seemed like our relationship was out through constant strain because of how far apart we lived.

    There are still so many unresolved questions in my head, and he is ignoring me right now. We talked about remaining friends after we broke up but I guess thats not gonna happen. Sadness is beginning to turn to anger, and a lot of bitterness is forming in my heart.

    I put a lot into our relationship, but I didn't feel like he was willing to put as much into it as I was. I moved once to be with him after he didn't want me to, and then he wouldn't do the same for me. I guess he really wasn't for me, but that still doesn't make it hurt any less.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Dec 15, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    It's OK. You loved him far more than he loved you. Perhaps he wasn't able to give up his current life to go with you. The point is, it just wouldn't have survived. Maybe you'll find someone who loves you like you love him.
    You don't need to be friends. Like you said, you are just angry and bitter. Maybe in years to come, you might see differently.
    Just focus on yourself right now. Think of how good things are that you found out about each other early.
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    Dec 15, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    Ah dude, I'm really sorry to hear that. I've gone through something similar to this, but it wasn't nearly as long of a relationship. They even went as far as ignoring me as well. You have to remember that the friendship works both ways...and if he is not putting in the same effort that you are, then neither should you. At this point I think the easiest thing to do is try to move on. I am not saying that it is going to be easy by any means...but it can happen. The recovery process sucks though. I also think that if something is meant to be it will be.

    The thing that helped me most was friendship. I realized that a lot of people cared about me enough to try to get my mind off of the ex. It really helped to just chill and hang with friends. I also found that new relationships help mask the old. You are pretty attractive, so I don't think that would be hard.

    My advice is to not let your past affect your future! From your level of trying to reach out to your friend, it seems that you are a very nice guy. Don't let the bitterness of one, cause bitterness towards all. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 16, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    I feel for you. I've been there before. You are going thru the grieving process. With time, your anger and bitterness will turn to acceptance. But, it is not easy to go from we to me. It takes an excruciatingly long amount of time. You just have to hang in there and try to move forward. Cut all ties and make a clean break. Stay busy and focus on your future. Give yourself time to grieve each day but no more than 5 minutes. After that, tell yourself the pity party is over and refocus on staying positive. Stay strong man.
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    Dec 16, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    catfish5 saidI feel for you. I've been there before. You are going thru the grieving process. With time, your anger and bitterness will turn to acceptance. But, it is not easy to go from we to me. It takes an excruciatingly long amount of time. You just have to hang in there and try to move forward. Cut all ties and make a clean break. Stay busy and focus on your future. Give yourself time to grieve each day but no more than 5 minutes. After that, tell yourself the pity party is over and refocus on staying positive. Stay strong man.

    this
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Dec 16, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    Sounds like you're moving through the stages of grief, with the descriptions of anger, sadness, etc. This is good. It means you are moving, even if it is slowly, to a better place. Nothing I can say will make you feel better, but eventually you'll come to a better place in your mind about this.

    Right now is the time to be selfish, and do things you want do to for you.
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    Dec 16, 2010 3:23 AM GMT
    Awe... It's really hard around this time of the year you think of people you love and the holiday in itself makes you just want to cuddle up next to a loved one.

    It sounds like this might be your first real relationship (I could be wrong), but I know in my first relationship I was a bit naïve; I gave my heart too easily and did anything and everything I could to make my boyfriend happy. When things ended I was really upset and it changes you. I want to believe it changed me for the better. It made me wiser and taught me to never put a guy on a pedestal.

    You’ll never know the totality of why things didn’t work out; relationships are complicated and most humans live unexamined lives maintaining certain illogical behaviors especially when it comes to relationships. All I have to say is don’t let one person control your happiness. Find what helps you vent Kelly Clarkson and a treadmill was pure therapy for me during this period.

    P.S. This is totally off topic, but you’re extremely attractive and seem like a sweet guy. I’m sure you’ll find someone better than him just make sure you find someone worthy of your kind personality.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 16, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    We're social creatures, us humans, and despite al lthe time we North American humans spend chasing after material goods, love is still what motivates and satisfies us. You're a sweet guy, and I'm sure there were guys who fell in love with you in high school, or college, that you unknowingly left stranded in a ditch some where. Be happy that you had the time with him that you did and cherish those memories, but move on. They are memories, not the focus of your future. It's ok to cry, in fact it helps to clear the brain. Been there, done that. It's been 20 years, and I still go looking for him on the internet when I've had too much to drink. He's not part of my life anymore though, as your guy isn't a part of yours unless he decides to come back. Feeling sad won't make that happen though. Cry your eyes out, strap your boots back on and get back out there to find Mr Perfect Number Two!
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    Dec 16, 2010 6:51 AM GMT
    You could try to analyze the unresolved issues if it will help? I know it helps me. It usually takes me about a year after a break up to look at the situation objectively and try to learn from it so I can be better next time.

    It's also not uncommon for one person to love another person more. I've been on both sides of the coin. This, of course, is not an ideal situation.

    The advice that others have given you are good. Time will heal, you just haven't had enough time for the healing to kick in. It's understandable that you have become bitter, and I am sure some of us have been there one time or another... but just give it time, and you will feel good again.