Age old question; speak up and face consequences or keep my mouth shut?

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  Dec 16, 2010 5:02 PM GMT

  I bet we all have run into situations where we feel we should speak up, but don't, because of possible consequences. Right now I'm facing such a dilemma; a co-worker is not only shopping for a new car, but planning to go all out for her kids at chritstmas. Problem is, she's about to be fired at the first of the year.
  
  Part of me wants to warn her, to save her possible financial strain if she's unable to find another job quickly. But, if I speak up, I risk getting in trouble, since I'm not supposed to know about her upcoming termination (dont ask how I found out--it only makes me look bad, lol).
  
  So, what would you do in such a situation? Stay out of it and hope for the best, or somehow warn her?

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  Dec 16, 2010 5:14 PM GMT

  Wow that is a terrible news to hear and a hard dilemma indeed.
  
  Maybe you can indirectly warn her by convincing her not to get a car. Talk about reliability of cars, insurance , leasing, anything that would change her mind about getting a car...As for Christmas gifts...Well that is a toughie...Maybe you can suggest to her to give them college saving fund. That way the money will be as an investment for their post high school education.
  
  If they are already out of college it would still be a good idea for her to adopt a savings bonds that would make the money grow.
  
  
  What lousy way for her New Years to begin.
  
  I really hope things would get better for her

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  Dec 16, 2010 5:35 PM GMT

  Honestly, I'd probably keep my mouth shut and let her deal with it.
  It sounds cold-hearted and probably is, but jobs are not easy to come by.
  
  I would, however, "accidentally" mention how the job market is not secure, and buying a new car these days - on credit - means that you "think" you'll have your same income for the next 5-6 years, when in reality any job could be gone tomorrow.
  
  

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  Dec 16, 2010 5:41 PM GMT

  Not that hard a decision for me: what can you live with?
  How damaging would it be to your job: fired or slap on the hand?
  Could I stand by, watch her lose everything or would she not care and do it anyway?

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  Dec 16, 2010 8:37 PM GMT

  This might sound juvenile, but it was the first thing that came to me... Can you do it some how anonymously?

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  Dec 16, 2010 8:50 PM GMT

  RE: the car -- You could mention to her that she should wait until some time after the new year, as that's when many dealers start to move out older models for newer ones, and there will be good deals to be had at that time. I read on one site that the last weekend of the month is the best time to buy -- as such, she'd have to wait until January to do that, as the last weekend of the month is Christmas, and the following weekend is New Years Day!
  
  RE: the kids -- You could warn her that by going all out this year, she's setting a precedent, and that the kids will expect it EVERY year, and as they get older their requests will become more & more expensive, and in today's economy, that may not be feasable. As such, it might be better to show some restraint where gift giving is concerned.
  
  Unless you can approach someone in HR & tell them you know, and that she's about to put herself into serious debt on the basis of her current employment, there is nothing you can do.

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  Dec 16, 2010 9:27 PM GMT

  Say nothing because no matter what you think you know you could be wrong or the situation may change before her "termination date" . Either way you could leave her agonizing over it, getting sick over the thought of it, worrying herself to death over it, wondering who all else knows, panicking, desperately wanting to go see her boss about it but afraid to etc etc etc.
  
  Imagine you tell her and she goes through any of the above scenarios for the next couple of weeks and lo and behold she doesn't get terminated.. How's that going to make you feel.
  
  It's not your business so don't make it yours under any circumstance.

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  Dec 17, 2010 12:27 AM GMT

  beneful1 saidSay nothing because no matter what you think you know you could be wrong or the situation may change before her "termination date" . Either way you could leave her agonizing over it, getting sick over the thought of it, worrying herself to death over it, wondering who all else knows, panicking, desperately wanting to go see her boss about it but afraid to etc etc etc.
  
  Imagine you tell her and she goes through any of the above scenarios for the next couple of weeks and lo and behold she doesn't get terminated.. How's that going to make you feel.
  
  It's not your business so don't make it yours under any circumstance.

  
  
  You know, everyone Ive asked (in my personal life) seems to agree with you. They say stop trying to be a hero and just let the cards fall where they may.
  
  I just hate to see people get boned. If I could safely intervene, I would, but no matter how I warn her, it'll come back to me and I could end up in the same situation--in trouble or even out the door.

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  Dec 17, 2010 12:30 AM GMT

  can't you leave anonymous note on her desk or something?

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  Dec 17, 2010 7:33 AM GMT

  Kaizen76 said

  beneful1 saidSay nothing because no matter what you think you know you could be wrong or the situation may change before her "termination date" . Either way you could leave her agonizing over it, getting sick over the thought of it, worrying herself to death over it, wondering who all else knows, panicking, desperately wanting to go see her boss about it but afraid to etc etc etc.
  
  Imagine you tell her and she goes through any of the above scenarios for the next couple of weeks and lo and behold she doesn't get terminated.. How's that going to make you feel.
  
  It's not your business so don't make it yours under any circumstance.

  
  
  You know, everyone Ive asked (in my personal life) seems to agree with you. They say stop trying to be a hero and just let the cards fall where they may.
  
  I just hate to see people get boned. If I could safely intervene, I would, but no matter how I warn her, it'll come back to me and I could end up in the same situation--in trouble or even out the door.

  
  
  If she is just a coworker that you do not care about then let it be.

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  Dec 17, 2010 7:36 AM GMT

  ddboy89 saidcan't you leave anonymous note on her desk or something?

  
  
  ^ this

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  Dec 17, 2010 7:44 AM GMT

  put yourself in her situation....and go from there

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• Timbales
  
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  Dec 17, 2010 1:39 PM GMT

  xanadude saidRE: the car -- You could mention to her that she should wait until some time after the new year, as that's when many dealers start to move out older models for newer ones, and there will be good deals to be had at that time. I read on one site that the last weekend of the month is the best time to buy -- as such, she'd have to wait until January to do that, as the last weekend of the month is Christmas, and the following weekend is New Years Day!
  
  RE: the kids -- You could warn her that by going all out this year, she's setting a precedent, and that the kids will expect it EVERY year, and as they get older their requests will become more & more expensive, and in today's economy, that may not be feasable. As such, it might be better to show some restraint where gift giving is concerned.
  
  Unless you can approach someone in HR & tell them you know, and that she's about to put herself into serious debt on the basis of her current employment, there is nothing you can do.

  
  
  good advice

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• CuriousJockAZ
  
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  Dec 17, 2010 2:04 PM GMT

  I would stay out of it completely. She is responsible for living her life to prepare for a rainy day -- especially if she has kids -- so if she is spending money beyond her means that is her problem. Your getting involved could get you unemployed as well if things somehow backfire. People going down tend to drag others with them, so my advice is stay clear and let the cards fall where they may. She will survive.

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