Married Men and being on the DL

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    I am married man in a LTR and have always had an interest in men and having sex with other men. This start in my teens with a relative that was my same age. Since getting married I have let the desire to have sex with men lie on the side lines and now that I am 50 I am wanting to have sex with another man more and more. Knowing the disease issues and not wanting to have another LTR with some else, just looking to have some male bonding time. Let me know your thoughts.
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    Dec 16, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    kc7man saidI am married man in a LTR and have always had an interest in men and having sex with other men. This start in my teens with a relative that was my same age. Since getting married I have let the desire to have sex with men lie on the side lines and now that I am 50 I am wanting to have sex with another man more and more. Knowing the disease issues and not wanting to have another LTR with some else, just looking to have some male bonding time. Let me know your thoughts.



    No matter what, cheating is a bad idea. In my opinion, the very least you can do at this point is maintain some ethics. If you can't or won't suppress your urge to meet guys on the "DL," then it's time to come clean with the spouse. I'm positive that this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the sad truth.

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    Dec 16, 2010 10:38 PM GMT
    I just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Dec 16, 2010 10:43 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    You? :O I would've never thought that would happen! icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 16, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    You? :O I would've never thought that would happen! icon_razz.gif
    Well, I did tell him I gladly accept "hush money" but he probably couldn't afford it.
    That just pissed him off.
    But yeah, I only play with guys who are man enough to admit who they are. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 16, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    I understand and agree and coming out is not a real option for me that I want to accept. Your thoughts and views are real and honest. I know where I am and what I have to do. Each of you have re-assured me of the commitment I made. Thanks,
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    Dec 16, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    kc7man saidI understand and agree and coming out is not a real option for me that I want to accept. Your thoughts and views are real and honest. I know where I am and what I have to do. Each of you have re-assured me of the commitment I made. Thanks,
    Also be aware that I live in an area where being openly gay is extremely common and mostly accepted.
    Had I been in the same situation in St Louis, my reaction may have been different.
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    "A threat to my existence as an openly gay man"...so using this next time, instead of my usual "fuck off".
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    I agree with keeping your commitment. A promise should be honored. If at any time you change your mind, you should let the other person know you want to be released from the commitment. That's the only right thing to do.
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:55 AM GMT

    You're cheating if you're having sex with guys and your wife doesn't know. It's no different than having a secret affair with another woman.


    It's tacky and you'll put her health at risk. The day you take home a batch of crabs or scabies will be a day of huge fireworks at your house. icon_wink.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    You sound as sanctimonious as the holy rollers who think your existence as a gay man is a threat to the institution of marriage. It's also a lie.
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    Dec 17, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    for God sake you are 50 yrs old. It is time for you to retire(DL). DL is for younger men not older men. I agree with Paul, I don't mess with dl
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Dec 17, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    kc7man saidI am married man in a LTR and have always had an interest in men and having sex with other men. This start in my teens with a relative that was my same age. Since getting married I have let the desire to have sex with men lie on the side lines and now that I am 50 I am wanting to have sex with another man more and more. Knowing the disease issues and not wanting to have another LTR with some else, just looking to have some male bonding time. Let me know your thoughts.



    ...Didn't I see this on Oprah when I got home today? icon_lol.gif

    Anyway it was an interesting topic, perhaps you can google it and watch it online to hear from someone elses experience? Lets just say... "The DL" cost him... big time.

    http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/Why-She-Sued-Her-Husband-for-12-Million-Dollars-and-Won_1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    CHEATING IS NOT OKAY.
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    Dec 17, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    kc7man saidI am married man in a LTR and have always had an interest in men and having sex with other men. This start in my teens with a relative that was my same age. Since getting married I have let the desire to have sex with men lie on the side lines and now that I am 50 I am wanting to have sex with another man more and more. Knowing the disease issues and not wanting to have another LTR with some else, just looking to have some male bonding time. Let me know your thoughts.


    So, i'm going to be as polite as i can.. First of all being on the DL is kind of weak in this day in age. If you're wanting to be gay. Tell the other person and see how she responds. How old are you again? Right, yet if you were to do that running around and lying to someone that loves you.. kind of reminds me of kids that do that to their parents because they're scared to get caught.. If it's something you REALLY want to do and you've been with this person for a long time. I'd suggest opening up and not hiding.. Keeping the secret will only eat you up inside anyway. And if this person really loves you, i'm sure they're going to understand.


    Secondly, I bolded what i felt was kind of an insult. Please explain what you mean. When I read it after the previous sentence you make it seem like "you can only catch diseases from having sex with men". If that's your intent by what I bolded, then you definately need to be educated.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    With AIDs and the traditional STDs, one can not be too carefull. This is what I as attempting to say and failed to communicate it.

    As for being 50 and on the DL, or in the closet, or not out, its all the same to me. With your posts all of you have reminded me that I have made a committment and having a affair with a man or women is cheating. I was supprised by the blunt truth, but the honest truth that was posted. I had the ideal that gay men were more open to hook ups regardless of the relationships they were apart of. I was wrong, you do have a backbone and you do understand that a committment must be honored.

    Best of luck to all of you and thanks for being so honest and direct with me.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:38 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    ...but its the truth and a fact because we CAME OUT...not easy, but WTF...we did it.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    Is it me, or is the phrase "Down Low" kinda hot? Sorta like Going Down Low on someone. ;-)
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:40 PM GMT
    Cheating is not okay whether it is with a man or a woman.

    You need to grow a pair & decide what you want.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    I love going down low....YUM...I mean going down on something..or something like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:44 PM GMT
    stick to wanking to gay porn. it's safer for u icon_biggrin.gif and ur wife will be happy. just clear ur cache here n there ;)
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Dec 17, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    Cheating is not ok.
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    Dec 17, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    I was married at one time and one of the guys I hooked up with on the DL told me this once.. and it changed my life

    "I'm going to be rough with you verbally. (I had been rough with him already LOL)
    You have three choices right now

    1. Prepare yourself financially, emotionally and physically to tell your wife and move out immediately. She will try to keep it together, but usually that does not work. Tell her you want to be romantically involved with someone you are sexually attracted to.

    2. Keep on doing this on the side and you will eventually get caught.. always
    these things have a way of percolating up.

    3. Stop having same sex encounters, no internet, no porn."

    I thought he was nuts..but I eventually realized he was right as I met more and more men who had #2 fall on their heads and ended up sleeping in their cars and not seeing their kids for years. Or ones that chose #3 (for a while) only to turn into bitter people.

    I put money away, found a place to live temporarily, told her one night when the kids were away and began the journey to my real life..

    Good luck
    Forbidden+Love+with+a+Married+Man+Gay+Hu
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    Dec 17, 2010 9:07 PM GMT
    NNJfitandbi said
    paulflexes saidI just turned down a hot guy earlier this week because he wanted to "fool around" on the DL. He's not married, but I told him I don't fool around with liars. He asked what I meant, and I said "you're telling the world you're straight but you know you're not, therefore you're a liar, and a threat to my existence as an openly gay man."

    I doubt he'll ever ask me again. icon_wink.gif


    You sound as sanctimonious as the holy rollers who think your existence as a gay man is a threat to the institution of marriage. It's also a lie.
    The ONLY reason anti-gay laws are still in effect is because closeted homophobes are afraid they'll be outed if they appear open-minded about it. They want to keep everything on the DL, and go to great lengths to do so...including voting FOR anti-gay laws.

    Therefore, yes, closeted guys ARE a threat to our existence. If they'd all come out, we'd all have equal rights.
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    Dec 17, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles said
    Forbidden+Love+with+a+Married+Man+Gay+Hu

    downloaded to Dustin's Kindle