No Face Pic on main page....problem?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 7:10 AM GMT
    So, as most of you can see, I don't have a face pic posted on my main page. The reason has nothing to do with what I look like or anything of the such. What bothers me is when people will refuse to talk to me unless I unlock my face pic. I say right on my profile why I don't show it. I always tell people that I will when I feel comfortable with them, but then they don't make the effort anymore. I don't let it bother me really, but my question is:

    How many people are really bothered by not seeing the face pic on the main page?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 9:19 AM GMT
    It doesn't bother me and I wouldn't worry about what you went through. You are being honest and above board in your profile. (More people should be so forthright.) And they should have respected that. Besides, no one should be expected to reveal more than he was comfortable with.

    Those guys probably aren't worth your time; and as they say, there are more fish in the sea.

    Unfortunately, there are people whose profiles don't have any photos. Since this is a web site where people with common interests can meet online, it would seem difficult to catch anyone's eye if no one can see at least some part of them.

    I also wish people wouldn't leave their profiles blank. Describing who they are gives people some depth to their life and personality (which you did).

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 20, 2008 10:50 AM GMT
    I don't have a problem with it
    ... depending what actually IS in the picture
    but some guys wanna be talking to a face
    which I can understand
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Mar 20, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    Someone having or not having a face pic doesn't bother me one way or the other. That is definitely your perogative.

    The only thing I get bothered by is if someone who is interested in chatting with me doesn't want to show a face pic. THEN there is a problem. I can understand many reasons why people may not want to have their picture on their profile... but if you are expressing interest in someone, then you should be prepared to step up and show yourself or don't be offended if they don't want to chat further.

    By not showing me their face picture I feel like they are trying to hide something. And that bugs me. It's also a matter of reciprocity. If I'm showing you my face shot then I expect the same. It's like when someone asks me to unlock my private pics for them when they haven't unlocked theirs for me.

    I feel for you if there is a need to be that closeted in your life. It must not be easy to be able to express your bi side. But be prepared that many guys will want to see you if you reach out to them via mail or IM. If they are contacting you, then they will hopefully have read your profile and know what to expect (no face). If they press further even after reading your profile, then cut them off.
    Take care man.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    Whether you show the world your smile is your business. It's the boys without any photos who bug me. You wouldn't go the bar with a hood pulled over your face, so don't log on without a picture.

    Oh, and if you are 1/20 the size of the photo, don't bother. Oh, and group shots -- no need. Seriously, no camera or camera phone might as well scream I am sleeping on someones couch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:29 PM GMT
    Face pics, from what I've read so far on this site, they're overrated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    You are not comfortable having your face shown on this site. But lots of other guys are. I am not comfortable communicating with people when I don't know what they look like. Lots of other guys are, however.

    It's kind of like communicating on different planes.

    I don't usually spend much time with bi or closeted people anyway. But that's simply personal bias and self-preservation (as in not wanting to revisit those days). Often the faceless fall into this category.

    I guess my earth-shattering ;-) point is, "it is what it is" and everyone has their reasons, be they noble or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:33 PM GMT
    Well I don't have one showing either for the same reasons. Now that Chucky's not here to bash me for not being out I feel good saying that! LOL I have felt like there were times when, perhaps I don't get a reply because I don't have a face but it's someone else's problem. I do send a face pic with most every email that I send, as a courtesy. I'm not ashamed of how I look, just protective because I'm not out.

    Do what feels right for you, the rest will have to accept that.
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Mar 20, 2008 3:34 PM GMT
    I don't care. I mean, if I was meeting you to fuck you then OBVIOUSLY I would have to see a face picture to see if I was even attracted to you but on the internet who cares? Granted, I do want to meet several people that I have chatted with but I've shown them my face pictures and they have shown me theirs. I just hate the profiles with no pics at all or the blank profiles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:34 PM GMT
    I don't mind if a guy doesn't have a picture in his profile. I've had great chats with faceless people before.

    What I do mind is finding his profile blank or very haphazardly written. If showing one's face is a problem for some guys, then at least show some personality. :-)

  • in773guy

    Posts: 89

    Mar 20, 2008 3:35 PM GMT
    I agree with Pdxboxer....almost everyday I get someone without ANY pics public or private asking me to unlock mine......uhm.....KISS MY ASS.
    Don't really care what your reasons are or how shallow I may sound but why the hell would I even talk to someone that can't even show me who they are first....Blind dates are a thing of the past babe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    This topic seems to come up, in one form or another, about once a month. There are very strong opinions on either side of the debate. I am a strong advocate of "live and let live." Others argue that it is disingenuous and inauthentic not to display a public face pic.

    In my case, I store face pics in my Private Pics area. I have no intention of ever posting a public face pic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    Your faceless pic doesnt bother me.

    I am concerned about your closeted status tho. Apparently, your life experiences (and I dont just mean those in that pick-up spot) have left you afraid to live your own life openly.

    I hope you will get help with that, if you think that that is appropriate.

    The thought that helped me live my own life was: when I am drawing my last breath, it is ME who is dying, not those who wanted me to live their way. So I decided that until they could guarentee me a second life on this planet, I would live my life my way.

    They had their own lives; they could live them their way.

    Please dont waste your youth in the closet any longer than you have to.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Mar 20, 2008 3:50 PM GMT

    it seems secretive to me...so as much as you have the right not to show your face pic until you feel comfortable with someone you have to accept others not feeling comfortable talking to you until you show your face pic...

    ...kind of a quandry isn't?...

    - David icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 3:57 PM GMT
    dfrourke said
    it seems secretive to me...so as much as you have the right not to show your face pic until you feel comfortable with someone you have to accept others not feeling comfortable talking to you until you show your face pic...

    ...kind of a quandry isn't?...

    - David icon_confused.gif

    Although I think your premise is a bit over-stated, others' reticence to interact with me is quite alright. I have made several friends on RJ, despite my not displaying a public face pic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 4:11 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidWell I don't have one showing either for the same reasons. Now that Chucky's not here to bash me for not being out I feel good saying that!


    You must be mentally ill.

    There, feel better?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 4:29 PM GMT
    Ahh, now I feel excluded icon_sad.gif Guess this means it's time to take a long walk off a short pier. Anybody with me?
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    Mar 20, 2008 5:27 PM GMT
    bigguysf said

    "But be prepared that many guys will want to see you if you reach out to them via mail or IM."


    So does this mean that I should stop trying to email people without unlocking my private pics? I don't want to annoy people, but I don't know who I can trust yet either. I know quite a few people that have been outed by friends and exes and I don't want to give people the power to do that to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 5:48 PM GMT
    Dont unlock anything until you are comfortable doing so. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of what you do, not them. If they want to reject you, let them do it.

    You go on reaching out. But realize the faceless pic may cause an issue and dont get all wigged out over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 5:49 PM GMT
    I met someone here whom I now consider a friend. He doesn't have a picture on his profile. He was concerned that I didn't have a picture. Recently, when something great happened to me, he was one of the people I called. A picture really doesn't matter to me, because I'm here to meet new people.

    I'm very happy that I didn't place a picture restriction on meeting people. I think that I would have missed out on meeting a great person.

    By the way, I still do not know what he looks like. He lives in another state and we email and talk on the phone.

    Kevin
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    Wouldn't it be great - in a perfect world - if you could go ahead and be out not only to family and friends (which I am) but also to people in business, without the threat of irrepairable harm to your career / inheritance? In my work - trusts/investments/venture capital - I know that I could be gone for any reason or no reason - I've seen it happen. I know I'm no different from other gay guys who ended up gone. I work in a world where I am known - I have to be careful to keep my social life separate from my professional life. I've met some really good guys here and have gotten together personally with some of you already. I've never encountered anyone who had a problem with my situation, and I show pix of my face wherever appropriate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2008 3:26 AM GMT
    Hey Crazyboy,

    As you already know, I don't think not having a picture is a problem because you can't always judge people based on how they look. Sometimes you can speak with someone that doesn't have a picture and it can be the most rewarding conversation you have had in a while. Additionally, just like Jockbod said, " I show pix of my face wherever appropriate" and I think that is the way it should be because you can't always trust the people you speak with to respect your privacy or your situation, no matter what that siuation may be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2008 3:45 AM GMT
    Just go at your own pace, Crazy. Nothing wrong with that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 10:53 PM GMT
    I don't pry into anyone's reason for not displaying a face pic, or a pic at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 11:00 PM GMT
    kidcourageous1348 saidGuess this means it's time to take a long walk off a short pier. Anybody with me?


    Yikes! I think I would take only half a walk on that short pier before I passed out in an inglorious face-plant.