How long does the Heartache last?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 5:31 PM GMT
    Its been almost two months, it isn't getting any better, I'm still like a zombie, I still can barely get out of bed in the mornings, all I think about is wanting him, to hold him, kiss him, cuddle him, friends don't help, screwing around doesn't help, hobbies and work don't take my mind off it.How long does it take to get over someone?
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    Dec 18, 2010 6:40 PM GMT
    You know...I was asking myself the same thing 2 months after I had a breakup from the first guy I truly cared for. Some people try to associate the recovery period as something that can be calculated, but from my experience we all are associating the relationship as comfort.

    One thing you could do to help is to associate him and yourself as just being better off. I just kept reassuring myself that I still care for him, but that I want him to be happy as well as myself. The guy I dated went off and has been dating some guy well over a year now. I've found myself disconnected more and more from him. But ironically is that his boyfriend seemed to maintain contact with me while I was studying abroad in Europe than my ex was....and I saw that his current boyfriend was honestly just trying to be a good friend to me. It was nothing sexual or anything where he was trying to get with me in any way. I see it as him also finding reassurance with the guy he's dating now since I was the guy his current boyfriend had first dated. IT gets a bit confusing explaining it but nevertheless I haven't really talked to either one of them lately but I'm still content on not wanting to get back with him anymore. Sure there are some remote feelings still there, but you can never completely sever those ties. I know that if something happened to me my ex wouldn't completely ignore me and I know he would feel something because all our relationships are pivotal in developing our relationships down the road- platonically and romantically.

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    Dec 18, 2010 6:43 PM GMT
    In my personal experience once I cry its done
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Dec 18, 2010 6:46 PM GMT
    It took me a year and a half to get over my first love and really move on. The first real love is excruciating. You have to train your heart to recover and it takes time.

    Wishing you all the best!
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    Dec 18, 2010 6:47 PM GMT
    I dated a girl for 3.5 years...I'm still not over her. You will never forget how someone made you feel, but you have to realize that that is usually what you miss.

    At the end of the day, holding on to the hope that there is someone out there who is looking for you as badly as you are looking for them is what gives me the strength to look past my former relationships and look for new ones, maybe not romantic ones, but just genuine ones.

    Find strength in knowing YOU are the only one who can decide when you're moving on.

    Much luck man, it sucks but makes you stronger...
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Dec 18, 2010 6:51 PM GMT
    It took a year. What I did was travel to Europe for 3 weeks and keep myself busy when I arrived in LA. Time will heal the painful wound. Just hang in there buddy! There are so many fishes in the ocean. You deserve better who will take care & love you more. Goodluck & wishing you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 18, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    I see that you've checked into The Heartbreak Hotel.

    Mate you gotta get up on your feet. Your heart is wounded but trust me its a pretty damn strong muscle...You WILL get over it ..The healing is slow but you will heal.

    Take each day as it comes. Do things to distract you, get friends and other stuff to occupy your mind..You will get through it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    A year and a half.. nothing works, I just had to go through the pain
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    Dec 18, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    Took me about 4 years to get over an ex-BF. For months, I wished I wouldn't wake up in the morning. Had to get drunk and pass out to get to sleep. Had nightmares that someone was trying to kill me every damn night. Couldn't eat. When someone would mention his name, I swear it was like someone ripped my heart out again.

    You have to stay busy and focus on moving forward. Give yourself 5 minutes to grieve each day and nothing more. The pity party isn't going to get you anywhere. Stay strong and stay positive.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 18, 2010 7:15 PM GMT
    We are all such different people. When I have had negative issues, such as a breakup, I tend to have a period to mourn and get over it, but usually doesn't last more than a couple of months...... I'm a good person with a life to lead and if I'm down in the dumps it only hurts myself.

    You are a good person with many talents. I certainly would make as your goal.. to love and enjoy life to the max and take steps to move in that direction and that means .... getting up in the morning, setting some goals and working toward them. If you continue to have issues, perhaps you need some counseling or even some "life coach" encouragement.

    Good luck!
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Dec 18, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    I've heard it takes about half the length of the relationship... which i've found to be pretty accurate. Just find shit to do, take up wall climbing, call up some old friends, go to the gym, get on a sports team... the more stuff you have to do, the less time you'll have to think about the person. Eventually your brain stops being your enemy and starts rewriting your neural pathways and you forget about the person...just don't sulk about it. And don't start dating too early, you'll just miss the guy more...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    dash3echo saidI've heard it takes about half the length of the relationship... which i've found to be pretty accurate.


    Damn! You beat me to it. icon_cry.gif
  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    Dec 18, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    It takes a long time. But you come out stronger, wiser and more mature than before. Keep the faith and hold on. Everything will seem unfair until then. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 18, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWe are all such different people. When I have had negative issues, such as a breakup, I tend to have a period to mourn and get over it, but usually doesn't last more than a couple of months...... I'm a good person with a life to lead and if I'm down in the dumps it only hurts myself.

    You are a good person with many talents. I certainly would make as your goal.. to love and enjoy life to the max and take steps to move in that direction and that means .... getting up in the morning, setting some goals and working toward them. If you continue to have issues, perhaps you need some counseling or even some "life coach" encouragement.

    Good luck!


    Very well put. And as far as the "...about half the length of the relationship," you can use that as a general statement because, as HndsmKansan eluded, we are all very different people. I don't like to give you numbers in terms of how long it takes...it can be inaccurate and even discouraging. Best of luck to you; know that we have nearly all gone through the same thing and it will eventually pass...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    Have you tried Percoset?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    i was gonna panic and suggest EMS for waiting over a heart pain for 2 months and barely getting out of bed.. and then i realized it was about a guy..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2010 10:35 PM GMT
    Oh, I've been through three times and it gets easier every time. You just have to realize that there is someone else out there that would make you just as happy if not happier. That is a good way to think when breaking it off. The first time it took me a few months, the second took me a couple of months, and the third took me a few weeks. You're still very young so its going to take a while. There is nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better. You'll just have to wait until the memories fade.
  • fitartistsf

    Posts: 638

    Dec 18, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    It never goes away... I still grieve for one in particular... and each initially successful one that goes bad... the pain just intensifies..... it means, you have a heart, you're human...
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    Dec 18, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    I've found it never really goes away until you fall in love with someone else. Anytime you see the ex with someone or even see someone with someone else you'll feel a pang. It's like a half-life in chemistry. While it gets smaller and smaller and smaller there will always be .00000000000000000454 of it left. That is until you fall in love with someone else. And then you get to start happiness cycle all over again.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Dec 18, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    It took two long years to get over my first BF, you still have to get on with your life in the mean time. Things do get better though, you just need time and distance from him. You also have to get used to the things that remind of him, like a resturant or a club or bar unless you want to avoid them all together, it's hard but you have to live your life. If you need to talk about it, do it hear, your friends can only take so much in the end before they conveniently start shy away. I know it's hard, we have all been there, it's easy for people to give advice esp after the fact. Just be good to yourself and give yourself time to get over him, please keep us posted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    couple of weeks and then I was good icon_smile.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 19, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidcouple of weeks and then I was good icon_smile.gif


    He said heartbreak, not heartburn. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    DCEric said
    lilTanker saidcouple of weeks and then I was good icon_smile.gif


    He said heartbreak, not heartburn. icon_razz.gif

    hahahaha icon_biggrin.gif
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    Dec 19, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidMaybe get some professional counseling. If you can find a good one for short term therapy this might do the trick.


    As much as this may seem like overkill, it really can make a really long healing period a lot shorter.

    Personally, I never really get 'over' my loves since they tend to stay around and I keep them on as friends. I consider my three great loves to be my three closest friends and confidants now. That we couldn't make it work in the relationship sense has never meant that it couldn't work out in the friendship sense, assuming the guy can handle it (some really can't and that's okay too).

    Sometimes it's just best to fake it till you make it. Live your life as if nothing had happened and try to keep your mind on other things. If you stop wallowing in self pity for the person that you're no longer with you'll gradually start to forget the pain. As long as you keep trying to live your life, one day you'll go to bed and you won't have thought about them at all that day, and then it'll be a week, then a few weeks. It'll happen, you'll move on, and you'll be stronger for it.

    Sorry you're feeling bad. *pats on back* it'll get better, I promise.
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    Dec 19, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    After my husband of 12 1/2 yrs. left, I was walking around in a fog the first six months. I'd say about two years in all to really feel ready to meet someone new. Even now, it still hurts when I hear that he's dating someone else. Seems as if all the promises we made to each other were a crock of sh*t.