Boyfriend want's to be in monogamous relationship but doesn't want to have sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?
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    Dec 19, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?


    Converse with him and ask him what is going through his mind. Sometimes, a person feels more connected without the sexual appetite and wants to ensure the monogamy is based on him, not sex.

    Describe your sentiments, too. Some guys feel closer with sex and vice versa. I can take it or leave it, but prefer sex with my bf and sometimes spending time with him.

    Have a conversation with him and see where it goes. best of luck.
    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    It never ceases to amaze me how often this happens especially in gay relationships. I have the same problem with my bf.

    Over the years I have questioned his monogamy in the relationship, even suggested an open relationship since he thinks negatively about sex but he was against that. We have come to serious arguments & break ups over it. I truly love him & things get better for a while but quickly slide into the same old routine & even worse now than before.

    I myself need the sexual intercourse for intimacy love & passion, he doesn't see where love has anything to do with sex.

    There is obviously something that goes on in a relationship where 1 person starts to not want sex & I just dont get it. The more I care for some1 the more I want them.

    Im not sure what to tell you other than see if you can find out exactly what the real problem is then go with it from there. But he'll have to be willing to work on it, which he may or may not depending on the problem.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Dec 19, 2010 5:43 AM GMT
    A) Listen to Dan Savage > iTunes > Podcasts > Dan Savage
    B) Talk to your boyfriend and come to an agreement... if you both cant find common ground on what works for both of you, open the relationship, and if that's not ok for him, then find a new relationship. Sexual compatibility is important, as is communication...
    C) If there's an attraction issue, consider taking up a fitness routine...both of you of course...be proactive and throw some excitement into your life in other areas.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    frtmrs saidI feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?
    Find another boyfriend.
  • SoCaEd

    Posts: 12

    Dec 19, 2010 6:10 AM GMT
    This happens very often in gay and straight relationships. Your partner should meditate on how he feels about you and be honest to you and himself. Many couples grow to be just friends and stay together for fear of change, being alone and because it doesn't matter the circumstances ending a relationship is always painful and dealing with the break up sucks.
    It could be that your partner could just love you as a friend without wanting to see that's the case and you need to find out that from him. If you have been together for two years and you haven't had sex in over a month, let's be honest, no B.S. your relationship is not healthy. If you both are open to counseling go for it and if not maybe it is time to move on. Live is short and you should not make any sacrifices if what you want is to have that special intimate connection with someone. Be honest with yourself about what you want and what are your needs. A healthy intimate relationship includes sex and what happens in most cases where there isn't any sex is that one or both persons end up cheating.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 7:09 AM GMT
    its time to put him on the NEXT BUS!!!
  • ready4realmen

    Posts: 1

    Dec 19, 2010 7:23 AM GMT
    This happened to me....a 10 year gig that was never monogamous. My partner had zero interest in sex, with me that is. However, i discovered on many occasions his appetite was still very much there, but that he didnt like my cooking at all. To this day I have never been able to understand why he decided that having sex with random hook ups was far better than having sex with me. Guys are weird (myself included).
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Dec 19, 2010 7:29 AM GMT
    Sex may mean something diff than him to you, maybe you need to find someone else who looks at sex like u do

    There IS more to relationships than sex, and u can connect in many other ways
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Dec 19, 2010 7:33 AM GMT
    TRDMRK said
    crazycool saidits time to put him on the NEXT BUS!!!


    u know, for his body type, OP listed 'average',
    i think it's best you consider his options before
    you tell him there's greener pasture.. for some
    people, their situation may be as good as it gets!


    I'm sorry there is always better out there, so people are just not willing to be patient until it comes, so they take what they can get.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    I don't get it either, I hope if my relationship get's to this we will be able to communicate our displeasure.
    I would say before you throw in the towel you ask your man to get a complete medical physical: low T especially. I also wonder if he is on any psycho pharms, as a lot of these meds. have low libido as side affects.
    If all that is fine then maybe a therapist visit.
    It has been my experience the person in question get's offended by such suggestions and refuses to get help, thinking he is fine and it is your problem not his; so much so, he would rather end the relationship then get checked out.
    Good luck to you.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 19, 2010 8:45 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    frtmrs saidI feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?
    Find another boyfriend.


    yup! icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:03 PM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?


    Sex isn't important to some folks. If it's a show stopper for you, it's time to move on.

    If you're provocative, and there's no interest, that's just the way it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now..... I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?


    Simple, dump him......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    Sounds like he doesn't fancy you any more. Perhaps he wasn't that into you from the get go. But. I tell you this, I bet he's getting it from someone.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Dec 19, 2010 9:32 PM GMT
    I've been in this situation before.

    I made it pure and simple, unless he put out, I wanted to open the relationship or we would need to split.

    He thought about it for a couple of days, decided an open relationship wasn't for him and he still didn't want to put out... so we split.

    The bottom line of this whole story is open communication. I instead of cheating on him behind his back. I gave him the option.

    I felt like he was being passive aggressive with sex... I'm better off without him... you would too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    been there, doesnt work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?



    Kick him out and throw his stuff out of the window...he'll get the hint...icon_rolleyes.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Dec 19, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    charlitos saidbeen there, doesnt work.


    Yes trying to come up with the guy who would say to you ....."Charlitos I want to be in a monogamous relationship I just don't want to have sex with you."

    LOLOLOL
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 19, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?


    this bf wants to be your roommate, NOT your sexual/emotional partner.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 19, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidSounds like he doesn't fancy you any more. Perhaps he wasn't that into you from the get go. But. I tell you this, I bet he's getting it from someone.


    Impressive. Condemning someone you have never met.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2010 12:59 AM GMT
    We did talk a little, everytime I bring it up he doesn't want to talk about it. He says he wants to be in the relationship, that sex just isn't as important to him as it is to me. And you were right about the cheating thing, I couldn't help it. And I don't feel bad about it because it was hot. He wants nothing to do with an open relationship, so I guess you guys are right. Stay open to other options. We'll see.
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    Dec 20, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    No sex, no open relationship, no discussion. He sounds like the North Korea of boyfriends. It is time to start meaningful negotiations or break off all diplomatic ties.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 20, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    frtmrs said My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now and it's been ok, we both agreed on a monogamous relationship, only problem is that everytime I suggest sex, or try to make a move, he's to tired, sore, or something. I for one enjoy sex. It feels good and it makes me feel closer to him. I feel like there's never going to be sex again. What would you do in this situation?
    dude, tell him how you feel. suggest going to a therapist and if he does not want to do anything about it then you need to leave
  • BronxvilleNY3...

    Posts: 101

    Dec 20, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    Well I would consider talking deeply with him about any trauma in the past, there are some events in life that can flash back at any point bringing change in behavior, also consider any medical problem, there are so many that may affect sexual desire, like depression, in which sometimes low sexual desire is just the tip of the iceberg. I would consider also measuring Testosterone levels, because when they are low sexual desire is always affected. My two cents advice is try to help him, remember that love should be something that be in good and in bad times.