first christmas without my mom

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 7:31 AM GMT
    Let me start off by saying that my mom is still alive, just living in a different state and this is the first Christmas she wont be here to celebrate it with.

    The christmas decorations are all up, the christmas tree is lit up, and the stockings strung but there is just that empty feeling inside our house and inside of me that just makes everything so incomplete.

    I guess I should consider myself lucky this christmas to say that she is still alive and just a plane ride away, considering that two of my friends recently lost their mothers...

    I'm not trying throw myself a pity party, I just didn't think I'd ever see myself in this situation...





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    Dec 19, 2010 8:23 AM GMT
    Well buddy, I can sure understand where your coming from. Last December my mom was suffering a whole lot from cancer and other problems from previous cancers. She was there but not her spirit, she was just enduring, and not really wanting to endure anymore. I spent all but a few days of last December with her and dad helping out, but mainly being company.

    About a month later, she lost most of her vision apparently from cancer going to her brain, a month after that she nearly bled to death from a colon problem. She had surgery for that, but never hearled and when opened, the cancers spread and over a several month long battle her body gave up in late August of this year. '

    Mom had her first cancer back in 85' and ever since it was just a few years between different cases of cancer, first one place, then another, healed one place then it would come up somewhere's else. Losing her seems like a dream, she'd always bounced back, but not this last time and we were really glad her suffering came to an end as she wished. She left us painlessly with Hospice assisting her and we were at her side. We'll be gathering back at home to be with dad and it seems so strange without her, but we have the good memories, as you do, so take joy in those and be glad for what she had with you. That's all we're left with, and we have to make the best of it. I wish you and your family the very best under the circumstances. Dennis
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    Dec 19, 2010 8:53 AM GMT
    If she's computer savvy, Skype with her on Christmas day (or whenever the family has their get-together).

    I may do that on my netbook while sitting on the beach on Christmas day...and they're all huddled around the fireplace in Arkansas trying to stay warm. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:12 AM GMT
    STANDARDSOCIAL looks like BELLO!!! I miss having that sassy little twink around. lol
  • BarettaB80

    Posts: 141

    Dec 19, 2010 11:38 AM GMT
    frenchatheart saidSTANDARDSOCIAL looks like BELLO!!! I miss having that sassy little twink around. lol


    Apologize in advance for derailing, but..........

    boy-elephant-space-cute.gif

    The pic that started a war......icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 12:03 PM GMT
    Standardsocal saidLet me start off by saying that my mom is still alive, just living in a different state and this is the first Christmas she wont be here to celebrate it with.

    The christmas decorations are all up, the christmas tree is lit up, and the stockings strung but there is just that empty feeling inside our house and inside of me that just makes everything so incomplete.

    I guess I should consider myself lucky this christmas to say that she is still alive and just a plane ride away, considering that two of my friends recently lost their mothers...

    I'm not trying throw myself a pity party, I just didn't think I'd ever see myself in this situation...




    Life, and death, and separation, are the natural order of things. It is what it is. As you grow to maturity, you'll have friends, and acquaintances, pass on. Just the way things are.

    When she dies, be thankful for what time you had, and move on. There's absolutely no utility in making yourself miserable.

    You have a phone. Use it. She's not even dead yet.

    Understand, you can be miserable, or not. That's all up to you.
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    Dec 19, 2010 1:24 PM GMT
    I'm also in the same situation. My mom decided to stay in teh Philippines a bit longer which overlaps with Christmas and New Year. I never spent a Christmas day away, and I never really thought about it until now. At least my dad is around, and my bro and his wife. My younger sister left yesterday for two weeks to visit her in the Philippines.

    It will be weird without having her boss us around (lovingly) during the Christmas holidays. I'm driving home to Toronto this Wednesday and I still haven't figured out a present for my dad...
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Dec 19, 2010 1:51 PM GMT
    My Mother has been gone for 21 years and until the year she passed I woke up Christmas Day every year in my parents home.

    All this to say - I would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

    I like PaulFlexes (my name for him is HotFrotBot) idea of some sort of video connection and count your blessings.

    Here's another -for the past 4 years I have delivered Christmas morning meals to people without resources and family. I highly recommend it as a way to forget all the bad and sad in one's life. If it doesn't lift you up nothing will.

    If you don't know of an agency just send a note to the religiion editor of your newspaper or call the ministerial alliance or United Way in your community for recommendations.
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Dec 19, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    musefreek saidi will potentially also be without family this christmas.

    one centimeter of snow in england and the entire country shuts down. my flight to south africa was cancelled last night.

    ho...

    ho...

    ho...



    Tennessee is the same way. A little threat of snow and the grocery stores are packed and sanity is wiped out. Schools close and the roads get jammed etc. icon_rolleyes.gificon_confused.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    I'm in the opposite position. I'm finally home for Christmas and Thanksgiving in about eight years.

    I really, really miss my Arizona adopted families. I have so many people that really took me in. Into their own family traditions that carved me to what everyone sees today. I miss them all very muchicon_sad.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 4:17 PM GMT
    I am in the opposite position. I have not been with my family for 7 years and am grateful for the opportunity to be with them this year. My circumstances as to why I will be there this year are not so great, but I am still grateful to be with them and all the help they have given me in the past few months. They were there for me when I needed it the most and when I get better, I will give just as much back.
  • kittar

    Posts: 314

    Dec 19, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    Hey dude, I really think that doing something special for your mom this holiday season might help make you feel better, and also show her just how much you love her and miss her. Could you maybe get a package together and sent off of something special? Baked goods or a picture collage are ideas... As people mentioned before, having a nice phone call or Skype call with her could make her feel closer for the holidays.

    Another cool idea... Supposing your mom was big on Christmas, which most usually are, she probably has set a couple cool Christmas traditions through the years that you've come to love. Little things that she's done like baking Christmas cookies or sending Christmas cards to folks. Since she's not there, maybe it's time to start doing these things yourself, or sharing how special they are to you with the rest of your family or friends.

    Just a couple of ideas icon_smile.gif
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 19, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    My mother left this world on November 28, 2007. She passed due to complications from Alzheimer's Disease. She went to a better place far away from the terror of such a disease. Thinking of that is the way I make it through the holiday.
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Dec 19, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    Hi, I remember my first Christmas not being able to see my mom. I was in the Air force, stationed in Okinawa. I arrived in Okinawa on the beginning of December. I was alone; I hadn't made any good friends yet. I was so depressed. Two days before Christmas I received a package from my mom. She had made all of my favorite cookies, along with a beautiful card. I can not tell you how happy it made me. Still on Christmas I spent much time alone in my dorm room. Finally the phone was freed up and I called home. It was so good to hear her voice. We both cried. My mom and I were very close and she was always there for me as I tried to be for her. My mom has been gone now for almost 8 years. I miss her so very much. I so wish I could pick up the phone and call her. She spent every Christmas with us for so many years. Be thankful your mom is still here although she may not be in the same area she is here. The first Christmas away from mom is hard but take comfort in knowing that you can pick up the phone and she will be there. I will forever miss my mom, but I know she is with me, she is in my heart. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Dennis, I feel you pain and I am so sorry for your loss. As I said our mom's will always be with us deep in our hearts. I am wishing you peace. Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a very peaceful and healthy New Year! George
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    Dec 19, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    All you have to remember is that she is still here. Cherish your time with her and let this holiday be a lesson as to how important she is to your life. I like paulflexes idea of Skyping her if she can work computers well.

    We tend to take people for granted in our lives and it is great that you know how precious family is. Don't forget what she means to you!

    Merry Christmas! Hang in there buddy...
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    Dec 20, 2010 8:33 AM GMT
    thanks guys for the kind words and suggestions =)

    there is just something that i cant seem to understand, how do I keep in touch with someone who doesn't want to make the effort to be a part of my life?

    I text her but she doesn't reply, send her a facebook message, still no reply...

    should i give it time, or should I give up?