Have you ever had to break someone's heart?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    Has anyone ever had to break a heart?


    Im facing this situation and Im wondering how and why you did it
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:12 PM GMT
    severing a friendship/love affair is among the top ten shittiest tasks in life. There is no easy way, but there is a right way.....calmly, compassionately, lovingly and patiently, and always be prepared and expect the feedback....no rule books on this one brother....use your heart with your head....................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    vetteset saidsevering a friendship/love affair is among the top ten shittiest tasks in life. There is no easy way, but there is a right way.....calmly, compassionately, lovingly and patiently, and always be prepared and expect the feedback....no rule books on this one brother....use your heart with your head....................Keithicon_cool.gif
    ^^^that
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:17 PM GMT
    well I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif
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    Dec 19, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    same thing.......same method.......same ending...........keithicon_cool.gif
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Dec 19, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    Time heals all wounds. I've had to do it a few times, and I've had it done to me.

    Do what you feel is right in your heart, and make sure you explain your feelings. For me, it helps if I write things instead of saying them, because I'm able to express myself a lot better.

    Good luck
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    OK, stand in his shoes.
    If you were head over heels for someone and they didn't want you that way, how would you feel discovering that they still wanted you around but not for being in love?
    Would you like it? Something tells me you wouldn't.

    -Doug
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    More than I like to know or admit. I try so hard not to have it happen.
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    yes, broke my heart doing so :/

  • kietkat

    Posts: 342

    Dec 20, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    Sounds like stringing someone along to me... among the most despicable things ppl do to those they claim to care about.
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    kietkat said
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    Sounds like stringing someone along to me... among the most despicable things ppl do to those they claim to care about.


    Not true. Sometimes its not a cut and dry as that. Sometimes you love a person but not in that way. Cutting them out of ones life is a double loss and not the chivelrous(Spelling) thing to do. Just always make it clear its platonic and do not cross the line flirting. Then it will blow over.
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    First, why are you breaking up with this person? And, why do you want them still in your life?

    If you can give honest answers about those, you have a good start there.
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    Dec 20, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    Girls mostly... cant remember ever breaking a guy's heart... just arguing with friends
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    You can never really know what a person is thinking or feeling. You can't predict the effects or any action.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Dec 20, 2010 6:11 AM GMT
    When I was younger I did it all the time........no cares. Boy payback is such a bitch. Handle it with care. I've learned I hate to hurt anyone's feelings, but it is inevitable.
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    I just think you should just say it the way it is. I had to do it a few months ago because he wasn't really who I thought he was. Honesty is the best policy and its way better than just losing contact and ignoring the person.
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:29 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    OK, stand in his shoes.
    If you were head over heels for someone and they didn't want you that way, how would you feel discovering that they still wanted you around but not for being in love?
    Would you like it? Something tells me you wouldn't.

    -Doug


    This I do not get at all.. to me, I prefer to have them around as friends, even if they are not in love with me, Ill get over it, cause i like them and want them to be happy,. so why would I ever want to sever contact with em?.. but this is very Caribbean, you cant "get away" from people, so you generally just get over people...
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:49 AM GMT
    agri_sci said
    kietkat said
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    Sounds like stringing someone along to me... among the most despicable things ppl do to those they claim to care about.


    Not true. Sometimes its not a cut and dry as that. Sometimes you love a person but not in that way. Cutting them out of ones life is a double loss and not the chivelrous(Spelling) thing to do. Just always make it clear its platonic and do not cross the line flirting. Then it will blow over.


    ^^Thats exactly what it is. I really value the friendship and i don't want to lose that. ..I know this person has really REALLY strong feelings for me and to tell them I feel otherwise might be devastating. in a sense I kinda do feel like I'm stringing them along but I'm not doing it on purpose. IDK I guess Ill have to be the bearer of bad news.. and hope for the best.. we'll see what happens.
  • crush09

    Posts: 117

    Dec 20, 2010 7:14 AM GMT
    this happend to me multiple times, well its always partly my fault, lol.... i come home for the break from university so i like to find new people to hang out with while im home... and theirs always that one person that really likes you and falls for you. And the first thing when i talk to them i always tell them im just lookin for new people to hang out with while im here, them knowing that i have to leave in a few weeks. I dont mean to lead them on in that way, my personality just makes me caring and outgoing, i guess, so they get the wrong picture and it seems like im sending mixed signals lol.

    and when the envitable talk time comes: saying how they really like me and want to be with me.... i just had to tell them how it is. We cant do this,cant deal with long distance relationships, dont wait for me, im sorry if i lead you own...... etc

    JUST SAY HOW YOU FEEL, if it cant work out then why stay in it.
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    Dec 20, 2010 7:26 AM GMT
    Sadly, yeah. It was a girl from my high school. She confessed to me after we had graduate but I'd known for a long time. Why I did it is because I wasn't attracted to her. How I did it was that cheesy, "It's not you, it's me" line. It was extremely true, being that I'm into guys, I just couldn't tell her why it was true so she thought I was being a dick(it was the first time I've ever had to explicitly let someone down... not such a great job on my part). We're still friends now though and she's dating some other guy so I guess it's cool.
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    Dec 20, 2010 2:45 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    meninlove said
    1daman23 saidwell I don't want to severe the friendship or the relationship. I care about the person and want to keep them around. I just don't feel the same about them as they do me. And its getting worse... icon_sad.gif


    OK, stand in his shoes.
    If you were head over heels for someone and they didn't want you that way, how would you feel discovering that they still wanted you around but not for being in love?
    Would you like it? Something tells me you wouldn't.

    -Doug


    This I do not get at all.. to me, I prefer to have them around as friends, even if they are not in love with me, Ill get over it, cause i like them and want them to be happy,. so why would I ever want to sever contact with em?.. but this is very Caribbean, you cant "get away" from people, so you generally just get over people...


    ...and if those men didn't tell you they weren't interested, but instead watched you flounder about trying to figure out whether they were attracted to you or not?

    Well, he doesn't want to sever the friendship OR the relationship. This is hardly fair to the other guy, who should have a say in the matter, don't you think? Better this than a slowly breaking heart that eventually realizes (or perceives) it's been strung along.


    -Doug

    PS ...so, you let the man go, and offer friendship and if he can handle only that (many can't- they need a break for awhile) then good, if not, let him go.
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    Dec 20, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    Ugh! You can't have it both ways. When you break up with guy... he may not want to be your friend. What do you think is going to happen...you tell this guy that you don't feel the same way you and and you just want to be friends and with the wave of your hand "bam" that's it.

    He can't be your friend and get over you at the same time. You have already moved on from the romantic part and he has not You need to allow him that and if it means that your not friends then your not friends.
    You're not making this easy on him, you want this to be easy on you, because you feel guilty, yes?

    There is someone out that is better for him and that person is not you. I say the sooner you tell him the better off he will be because he can start to move on without you. He'll be alright.

    PLEASE don't say "I know how you feel"...because you don't.

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    Dec 20, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    You do what needs to be done. Putting it off only makes it worse. Get it done. Move on.
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    Dec 20, 2010 4:14 PM GMT
    crush09 saidthis happend to me multiple times, well its always partly my fault, lol.... i come home for the break from university so i like to find new people to hang out with while im home... and theirs always that one person that really likes you and falls for you. And the first thing when i talk to them i always tell them im just lookin for new people to hang out with while im here, them knowing that i have to leave in a few weeks. I dont mean to lead them on in that way, my personality just makes me caring and outgoing, i guess, so they get the wrong picture and it seems like im sending mixed signals lol.

    and when the envitable talk time comes: saying how they really like me and want to be with me.... i just had to tell them how it is. We cant do this,cant deal with long distance relationships, dont wait for me, im sorry if i lead you own...... etc

    JUST SAY HOW YOU FEEL, if it cant work out then why stay in it.



    ".. my personality just makes me caring and outgoing, i guess, so they get the wrong picture and it seems like im sending mixed signals lol. " Im the same way.

    Thats how this started out. We were never really serious just fooled around a few times then they just started taking it way more serious than me. The catch is I known this person for a few years now so its not like its somebody I just met. ...But I think they can handle it, Ill just tell em
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    Dec 20, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    Wow. Dude I'm in the same EXACT position. My buddy and I messed around a few times and he said he was falling for me and I was what he ultimately wanted to be with. He has told me that he is in love. I just don't feel the same way and we have a TON of mutual friends that it's making it really hard to just lay it out there and tell him how I feel. I think we just have to man up and do it but keep in mind how he feels and how you feel so the next time this happens (whether you are on the giving or receiving end of the situation) it won't hurt as bad or we'll just know how to handle it better... I hate breaking hearts but if your heart isn't in it, then it'll help you both in the long run..

    Good luck buddy.