Dating drama: this boggles my mind!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    Short version:
    I dated a guy 3 weeks and all went well. Then he stopped contacting me. When I finally found out I sorta just lost interest in mankind.

    Long version:
    I dated a guy for 3 weeks and we bonded SO WELL. He called and texted me all the time, and said fluffy shit like, "you're so hot," to me. Meanwhile my dick starts itching and I"m like "fuck fuck fuck" and I see a Dr. right away and they're like "Probably urinary tract infection BUT COULD BE AN STI!" So, like a RESPONSIBLE ADULT I give the news to the guy I'm dating right away in person. His reaction is, "ok now let me try to squeeze in my busy schedule a time to see the Dr." I ask him if he's freaked out or needs space and he's like, "no not at all." We continue our date and he acts the same, showers me with compliments, we cuddle overnight etc.

    Then bam. Once I leave no calls. No texts. Nothing. No explanation for days. I finally add him on facebook to try to talk to him and he's like "there you are lol sorry lost my phone," and I was relieved to know he wasn't ignoring me. But apparently he still was, but didn't want to admit it still, and therefore lied about it when I confronted him on facebook. After he replied to me on facebook he didn't return any of my texts or calls again for another few days. Finally, after a week he says "I need time to myself to think about shit u kinda freaked me out I'm not mad at u just need some space right now." That would have been fine if he told me this INITIALLY after I gave him the solemn news. But instead he completely dissembled himself convincing me nothing was wrong then ignored me completely for a week. WTF FML.

    Meanwhile all my test results turned out negative. Still have no idea what it was but probably a UTI or something non-sexual. Might have had something to do with my ongoing lower back pain (which has subsided).

    Now, discussion and relevance:
    Here's what pisses me off so much: this guy, MY AGE, had a problem with me having symptoms but acted like nothing was wrong while I was with him then completely ignored me once I left. If he can fool me into thinking nothing is wrong then there's no possible way I can trust him in the future. He could lie essentially about everything. He could very well have contracted something and lied to my face about it. Even worse, we bonded SO WELL and he was into me so much it shocked me once he ignored me completely. Of course he told me the real reason I explained to him because it took him a week and he ignored me that I wasn't interested in him anymore.

    My advice to you guys: say what the fuck is on your mind so you don't piss of the guy you're dating. Nothing is worse than ignoring someone. So make sure when you ignore someone you do it for the RIGHT reasons and not petty reasons like this guy did it to me. If you don't like someone, fucking say it and don't wait.

    And for the retards who are going to post pics of cats or something along the lines of "you're just upset because you got rejected" (so predictable): I'm fine with rejection. I welcome rejection. I would have preferred for him to reject me right away so I could move on and date the next guy.
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:17 PM GMT
    ^^^agreed^^^

    It takes a mature person to be completely open and honest. He's playing games. Sucks, but you gotta move on to the next one.
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    Dec 20, 2010 7:09 PM GMT
    My dear dear Jake you have a great personality and I am sure underneath all that goofy, playful, and sarcastic self hides a very warm and beautiful person. Having said that why in the world would you get discouraged or even loose faith in dating? sweety don't allow other people's negativities get you down much less loose your faith in humanity!


    Leandro ♥
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    Dec 21, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    Thanks guys =)
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    Sounds like a two faced loser to me. Better you figured out his true nature sooner rather than later.
  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Dec 21, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    ugh. don't even waste your time on the fool. let me give you some insight on a similar situation.

    i didn't have an STD ( not judging) we just grew apart. we got really close before the end of the semester and we live about 3 hours away from each other. At first we talked all the time then one day he dropped me and i didn't hear from him for months. I just got a new phone so i figured i would get a hold of him. He finally answered me back but he was being so short and simple. Clearly he didn't really want this anymore so I just said whatever.

    certain guys will walk out of your life faster than the time it takes for them to walk into your life. if it doesn't work out it's a sign that there is something bigger and better waiting for you.
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
    Ignore the ignorerers!!!
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    He has poor communication skills, and obviously handled it poorly. However, let's look at it from his point of view also. Maybe is stressed him out? maybe he thought he could handle it without a problem but then worried incessantly about it afterward? maybe he really liked you but didn't know how to hand the situation and was afraid of rejection from you? maybe he thought you were a big whore (whatever that might mean to him) and was hurt?

    I think my point is, not that what he did wasn't lame. It was lame. He's a poor communicator, that's evident. He lied, sure, but no one is completely honest all the time...and they shouldn't be because anyone with some experience knows that there isn't always benefit to that. Just because you always gained 10 lbs after the holidays before you lose it afterwards doesn't mean you need to be told you're getting fat.

    I think...people don't give people enough chances. That people aren't forgiving enough. If you were were that close and bonded that well...why aren't YOU more forgiving? I get you're hurt and frustrated by it...but it's kind of a two way street. right? I don't know...just some thoughts.

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    Dec 21, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    well, someone better is bound to drop by icon_biggrin.gif and hey, u are a healthy boy so wooh!
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    Dec 21, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidAnd for the retards who are going to post pics of cats or something along the lines of "you're just upset because you got rejected"


    This made me laugh out loud (like the cat pics never can).
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    Dec 21, 2010 2:13 AM GMT
    First of all, I want to commend you for telling him. Don't let the way he reacted stop you from being responsible and honest. If all guys were as honest as you, this world would be a better place.

    Secondly, screw the douche. Honestly, I feel like there has to be something else that he isn't telling you because since you are fine, he should just be like "ok good, glad you told me". Maybe he found someone else and can't bring himself to just be honest? Either way, sounds like a prick. Sorry it happened to you but there are plenty good and honest guys out there like yourself!
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    Dec 21, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    Lost his phone? Lame. It's crazy how many guys out there are just plain cowards. At least now you can go find a real man...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    That happened to me icon_sad.gif I was dating someone for 3 months, then all of a sudden he stopped responding to my phone calls and wouldn't respond to my emails or messages on facebook. I was so miserable because I didn't know why he was doing this. It came to the point that every time I saw a guy riding his bicycle down the streets of Milwaukee I thought it might be him, and my heart would sink each time when I saw it wasn't. (He would ride his bike to my house a lot while we were dating.)

    It wasn't until 3 months later I finally got a Facebook message from him apologizing for not responding. It turned out that he moved to Madison.

    So I definitely know how you feel, but it was after he did that that I realized we weren't really a match, and it was for the best we didn't continue dating. Not to say it didn't hurt like fuck at the time. But I'm completely over it, and it's just a memory to have learned from. If anything, it's to be completely honest with the person you are dating.

    Anyway, if you believe in karma, that guy might have something coming to him. I wouldn't be surprised if his next bf might do the same thing to him. Not that that should make you feel any better, but it seems like that's how the world kind of works.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:27 AM GMT
    NYMan saidMaybe is stressed him out? maybe he thought he could handle it without a problem but then worried incessantly about it afterward? maybe he really liked you but didn't know how to hand the situation and was afraid of rejection from you? maybe he thought you were a big whore (whatever that might mean to him) and was hurt?


    I don't pity his perspective if he can't communicate sorry. If he can't even convey anything then he's not worth my time.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:28 AM GMT
    Xaberz said
    It wasn't until 3 months later I finally got a Facebook message from him apologizing for not responding. It turned out that he moved to Madison.


    God what a fucking dick! That's like psychological abuse right there. I think he should go to jail for being such a fuck to you honestly.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:35 AM GMT
    i feel for you, i'd been talking to a guy for a long time. we go on one date and we both have a really good time. really awesome. then never hear from him ever again.
    guys who don't communicate well should learn how.
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    Dec 21, 2010 11:03 AM GMT
    You jumped the gun. You told him you may have an STD; how did you expect him to react?

    You told this to the guy at a crucial time - when you had no proof other than an itchy dick? You had just begun to develop a relationship so why does his reaction surprise you? Nothing douses the flames of passion like the possibility of your partner having an STD (and possibly giving it to you). Even though you're clean, your reaction raised too many questions and casted too much doubt.

    It's great that you don't have an STD, but it's not something you tell your new mate until after the results have come in. Until then, you do not engage in sexual relations with your mate.

    To be clear, I know the importance of telling your mate that you have an STD. The last thing that you want to do is be responsible for spreading a disease to others. However, you need solid proof. An itchy cock is not solid proof. Discharge, blood or a seven-headed hydra emerging from the urethra is proof. An itchy cock is not.

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    Dec 21, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    RiverRising saidYou jumped the gun. You told him you may have an STD; how did you expect him to react?

    You told this to the guy at a crucial time - when you had no proof other than an itchy dick? You had just begun to develop a relationship so why does his reaction surprise you? Nothing douses the flames of passion like the possibility of your partner having an STD (and possibly giving it to you).



    ...but he was worried about it, and if you can't share a worry like that with a man you've bonded with then the relationship is already less than what it could be.

    And there's this, "His reaction is, "ok now let me try to squeeze in my busy schedule a time to see the Dr." I ask him if he's freaked out or needs space and he's like, "no not at all." We continue our date and he acts the same, showers me with compliments, we cuddle overnight etc."


    I think JAKE tossed the ball squarely into his BF's court and really, in three weeks the BF had lots of spare time for JAKE, and suddenly no time for a doctor. That's a little, er, odd. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 21, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    Not that it makes it okay, but he may have been confused.
    Thinking at first he was okay with it, then getting progressively more paranoid as he thought about it (especially after he was outside the glow of human-human contact). Particularly if he really did like you I wouldn't be surprised if he just sort of shut down and didn't act because he didn't know what he wanted.
    Like I said, that doesn't make it the right move, but his motivations may not have been the result of cowardice and and lack of interest, but ineffectualness and uncertainty.
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    Dec 21, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    meninlove said...but he was worried about it, and if you can't share a worry like that with a man you've bonded with then the relationship is already less than what it could be.

    And there's this, "His reaction is, "ok now let me try to squeeze in my busy schedule a time to see the Dr." I ask him if he's freaked out or needs space and he's like, "no not at all." We continue our date and he acts the same, showers me with compliments, we cuddle overnight etc."


    I think JAKE tossed the ball squarely into his BF's court and really, in three weeks the BF had lots of spare time for JAKE, and suddenly no time for a doctor. That's a little, er, odd. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    Was there any kind of sexual contact between Jake and this guy before these symptoms? Not that this caused the itch, cause Jake now knows he's clean. (Sometimes I get urethral burn from wanking a little in the shower, apparently some soap gets pushed up there). But what does this other guy think might have happened?

    Here's a totally different interpretation, reversing these roles here a little:

    This guy already knows he's got or has had STDs previously, that might have returned. He was afraid he'd passed it to Jake. He acted a little too cool about Jake's announcement, as Doug says, almost like it wasn't news to him.

    Why? Afraid Jake would conclude it came from him? Unless Jake's been active with others recently, which the guy might have no way of knowing, where else WOULD an STD have come from? Would he not be concerned that Jake would blame him for it? And that puts this guy on the spot, and makes him feel uncomfortable, even guilty if he could indeed be an STD source.

    The guy'd be in no real rush to see the doctor if he already knew the answer. His saying to Jake that he'd get an appointment might have been a ploy to make himself appear uninfected. Knowing he wouldn't be able to maintain this STD ruse about himself indefinitely he soon broke off the relationship.

    As I said, this all depends on whether there was any kind of activity between them, before the itch developed, that might have conceivably been suspected as the source, when its ultimately benign nature was not yet known.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    RiverRising saidYou jumped the gun. You told him you may have an STD; how did you expect him to react?

    You told this to the guy at a crucial time - when you had no proof other than an itchy dick? You had just begun to develop a relationship so why does his reaction surprise you? Nothing douses the flames of passion like the possibility of your partner having an STD (and possibly giving it to you).



    ...but he was worried about it, and if you can't share a worry like that with a man you've bonded with then the relationship is already less than what it could be.

    And there's this, "His reaction is, "ok now let me try to squeeze in my busy schedule a time to see the Dr." I ask him if he's freaked out or needs space and he's like, "no not at all." We continue our date and he acts the same, showers me with compliments, we cuddle overnight etc."


    I think JAKE tossed the ball squarely into his BF's court and really, in three weeks the BF had lots of spare time for JAKE, and suddenly no time for a doctor. That's a little, er, odd. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug




    3 weeks does not a BF make. Can two people bond in such a short period of time? I guess it depends on the couple and how you define a bond, but most do not. And while Jake may feel like they had a strong bond, it's obvious they didn't.

    Regarding his "BF's" reaction. This guy said he wasn't worried, and that he would "try to squeeze in (his) busy schedule a time to see the Dr."

    I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say the guy was worried shitless, and it's likely he went to the doctor straight away. He put on a good show, and perhaps tried to get beyond it ... but the damage was done.

    To be clear, I think Jake did the right thing for Jake. Perhaps it's better to be overly-cautious, and I tip my hat to him for that. However, he has to be willing to accept the end result of such an action.

    And then there's Art_Deco's response (directly above), which makes a hell of a lot of sense, too.

    It wasn't meant to be. Time to move on.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    Yep, definitely time to move on. But you know, looking back at my dating years, I would have, and have done exactly what JAKE did.

    When a guy did what JAKE did to me (and that happened too) I was always grateful and the first thing I thought was, "Hey he really cares about me, to the point he's worried about a symptom and how it could affect me before even knowing if it's something to be concerned about." That's caring with a capital C.

    The worst were guys that had a symptom and said nothing. Then once the test came back as an STI I was told. My first reaction was the thought, "He had symptoms for a week and said nothing til he got a test? " Him cutting off the love-making for a week for no apparent reason was a big turn off as well.

    -Doug

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    Dec 21, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    Amen.

    You're obviously a better man than most. Happy Holi-Dizzle Jake!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    I, too, am hating the dating game in LA. Let's get together and complain about it sometime, Jake. I'm serious, by the way...
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 22, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    NYMan saidHe has poor communication skills, and obviously handled it poorly.


    I am not finding excuses for him. But sometimes they are there, they don't know how to tell you their feeling. Even they are not into you, they think ignore is better than rejection. Because they feel rejection is hurtful.

    In fact, I hate being ignored like you. Just reject me which makes me to moving on, not wasting my time and energy on someone I cannot hold.icon_evil.gif