Do you feel bullied by other gays in here?

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    Dec 20, 2010 5:45 PM GMT
    Thankfully, I have not felt that pain, yet. However, I have done my best not to be too personal about things known to work up the fanatics on here. I get the feeling that we all forget that when you say something like this:

    "______________ are all idiots. They deserve to get ______________"

    you have to remember that there are people who will read that and actually think you believe that. I just think the level of maturity in the forums has dropped off the scale.

    If you are that angry at someone in here because they made a better point than you, then maybe it is time for you to stop posting and concentrate on posting elsewhere. Not bully that person into submission by posting person information about them, threaten them, or just constantly posting insult after insult about that person in attempt to silence them.

    It pains me that there are individuals whom I do not even know on here who I have have to block there forum posts who practice that. If you are not getting the answer to your question, do you really think that posting it ad nausem in a forum is going to get it answered.

    I just don't think that going that route to win an argument makes you anything other than a bully in my book. With all the gay suicides going on, do you really need to contribute to more?

    Just do your best in these forums to refrain from posts that are filled with negatives about the person posting. If you can't then simply ignore the person.

    Sorry for the rant, but I am just getting annoyed that I can't have a good debate in here without having someone needing to insult someone or make racial epithets to try to silence the opposition.
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    Dec 20, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    The debate, name-calling, and generalizations can be fierce here, but remember it is actually pretty mild compared to many other sites. I have even seen worse arguments in comments under videos on Youtube. Sometimes in the terrible bickering that goes on in the political threads, if you look in some of the other forums you will see two people that you thought must have hated each other getting along and being friendly and respectful to each other. If you do find that someone has crossed the line, you can always report the abuse to administrators.
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    Dec 20, 2010 7:28 PM GMT
    I do but I don't hear back to know if anything I said helped or made the situation worse.
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    Dec 20, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    There are some rude and negative people here.
    There are some supportive people here.

    I haven't had (or noticed) anyone try to bully me.

    One great feature that RJ has is .
    If you feel bullied or, like me, just don't want to deal with some people's negativity use the Ignore His Posts and be done with it.
    Then you're free to enjoy RJ.


    Some people want to be right more than anything else. They don't care who they hurt as long as they get to be 'right.' And if they can't be right, they can at least be the loudest. It's best just to ignore such people.
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    Dec 20, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    Ermine saidIf you feel bullied or, like me, just don't want to deal with some people's negativity use the Ignore His Posts and be done with it.
    Then you're free to enjoy RJ.



    There is one flaw to the 'Ignore His Posts' feature. For people that say particularly outrageous things in their posts, it is almost for sure going to be quoted by another poster and so you will still see it. Best thing to do is to just not take it so personally.
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    Dec 20, 2010 9:49 PM GMT

    I don't feel "bullied"... I feel pity for the perp....
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    Dec 20, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    There are a few people who will be negative and rude. If they disagree with someone, they will often call them moron or idiot. There's no changing them and no need to worry about them. I think if you try and keep your messages on issues and try and maintain a neutral tone, you will do your part in keeping things civil. Also if you post in a variety of topics, for example sometimes in politics, but not exclusively there, you can find areas to agree with someone and support them in a non-controversial area. Often they will remember the favor and you'll find the tone much nicer in the controversial areas.

    There is one thing I have noticed, not rudeness or bullying, per se. A member, often a younger one, will start a thread asking for advice given a situation. Instead of just helping, some members in the guise of being "brutally honest" will put him down and make him feel bad for having asked the question. Not necessary.
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    Dec 20, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    Don't worry, I've experienced that before too. There were tons of people on Youtube who were ready to insult me, tell me what I didn't do right, what I should have done, and even a fair few who were racist towards me. We just have to take these comments with a pinch of salt. Easier said than done, I know! Words hurt, sometimes.

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    Dec 20, 2010 10:34 PM GMT
    I guess I look at it from a standpoint of someone who doesn't post that often anymore and I read what people will say about the way I feel about a certain topic.

    It is hard for me to think that once they know about my feelings that they wouldn't just say that same hurtful comment directly to me in order to prove their point.

    I am looking at it for the more timid ones who come in here expecting a community and seeing such violent speak.

    However, I am fully aware of the rule that if you can't handle people's response to your post, then you shouldn't be posting in the first place.
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    Dec 20, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    I´m timid. Timid, quiet and withdrawn.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 20, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    I just read this site when I feel bullied (thanks to DoomsDayAlpaca who sadly seems to have deleted his account):
    http://www.derailingfordummies.com/
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    Dec 20, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    _Zox_ saidHowever, I am fully aware of the rule that if you can't handle people's response to your post, then you shouldn't be posting in the first place.


    Maybe you just need to be more aggressive in the threads. Feel free to use these posts that are easy to find an appropriate spot for use in threads:

    Hey fuckwad, why is this thread in the "All Things Gay" forums?

    Fucking moron, it's "you're", not "your".

    You Coulter c*** licking GOProud member.

    Socialist.
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    I've called and been called several names, several times on here. It doesn't really bother me because it's an internet forum. That said, I feel like those who are engaging in it on the political threads know what they're getting into.
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    This thread is just fishing for flame wars.

    Meanwhile, I think these words fits your "fill in the blank" sentence quite well:

    " terrorists are all idiots. They deserve to get lifetime in prison"
    icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    _Zox_ saidWith all the gay suicides going on, do you really need to contribute to more?


    With all the Africans dying AIDS why are you even living in the United States and not helping them?

    See how captious that argument is? Both of them are. Don't use suicides as a crutch to defend your argument. No one has committed suicide from being "bullied" on RJ. Furthermore, there's a surfeit amount of idiots who deserve to be flamed on RJ, but I try to flame logically (attacking logical flaws and not someone's appearance or gossip).
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    _Zox_ said,
    "If you are that angry at someone in here because they made a better point than you, then maybe it is time for you to stop posting and concentrate on posting elsewhere."

    Hmmm...you're missing something here. People get angry at bigotry displayed by some posters; even worse, bigotry posted with an air of self righteousness and 'I know better than you". That and inflammatory topic titles crafted to stir controversy and animosity.

    -Doug
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    HeartRobb said
    _Zox_ saidHowever, I am fully aware of the rule that if you can't handle people's response to your post, then you shouldn't be posting in the first place.


    Maybe you just need to be more aggressive in the threads. Feel free to use these posts that are easy to find an appropriate spot for use in threads:

    Hey fuckwad, why is this thread in the "All Things Gay" forums?

    Fucking moron, it's "you're", not "your".

    You Coulter c*** licking GOProud member.

    Socialist.
    And don't forget the all-time favorite:
    "Wow, Hitler would be proud of you."
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:42 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    _Zox_ saidWith all the gay suicides going on, do you really need to contribute to more?


    With all the Africans dying AIDS why are you even living in the United States and not helping them?

    See how captious that argument is? Both of them are. Don't use suicides as a crutch to defend your argument. No one has committed suicide from being "bullied" on RJ. Furthermore, there's a surfeit amount of idiots who deserve to be flamed on RJ, but I try to flame logically (attacking logical flaws and not someone's appearance or gossip).


    While I can't prove or disprove my original statement (since such statistics are pretty macabre to collect), I will admit that statement slipped through my filter.
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    meninlove said _Zox_ said,
    "If you are that angry at someone in here because they made a better point than you, then maybe it is time for you to stop posting and concentrate on posting elsewhere."

    Hmmm...you're missing something here. People get angry at bigotry displayed by some posters; even worse, bigotry posted with an air of self righteousness and 'I know better than you". That and inflammatory topic titles crafted to stir controversy and animosity.

    -Doug


    Yes, but why not let the topic die?
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    HeartRobb said
    _Zox_ saidHowever, I am fully aware of the rule that if you can't handle people's response to your post, then you shouldn't be posting in the first place.


    Maybe you just need to be more aggressive in the threads. Feel free to use these posts that are easy to find an appropriate spot for use in threads:

    Hey fuckwad, why is this thread in the "All Things Gay" forums?

    Fucking moron, it's "you're", not "your".

    You Coulter c*** licking GOProud member.

    Socialist.


    I would rather not. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidIDK...I don't think I've seen anything on RJ that would rise to my definition of "bullying" --I just don't think the imbalance of power is possible here; and there are no real consequences here. Would anyone really take it seriously if someone launched a personal attack? --I don't believe anyone here could possible know enough of about me to actually touch a nerve.

    "No one can insult you without your permission" --Eleanor Roosevelt

    Other than that, I "don't suffer fools lightly" and am quite happy to call a spade a fuckin' shovel, when it needs to be said. Good forums are self-regulating in that others will defend someone from an undeserved attack. However, if you've got an idiot who is polluting a thread with off colour or off topic remarks, that person deserves the feedback (directed at the behavior rather than a personal attack on the person, of course) otherwise forums are quickly hijacked.

    Not to mention names, but I have seen a few attempts to hijack threads on RJ...and the feedback garnered has been well earned, IMO. If this continually happens to you, maybe you'll find it easier to change yourself rather than ask the world to change for you.

    I'd rather be told in the safety of my own home that I'm on the wrong track then be oblivious and risk putting my foot in my mouth when the situation is really important and has actual consequences. Take your lessons where you can get them...and thank anyone who would care enough to give you any feedback, as far as I'm concerned...because nobody owes you shit on the 'net (or in life).

    Balance, sure. Escalating feedback, sure. Suggested alternatives, sure. But this is "our" venue and if someone is abusing it and isn't getting the message, eventually feedback will be abrupt.

    And aren't we all men on this site? Are any of us really running off and crying because someone said a mean thing to us?

    I'm not really that sympathetic to anyone on RJ. Real bullying kills kids. It's a bit insulting to all of the kids who have died to say that anything on RJ meets that threshold.






    True, I guess. I just would think that you could go through the normal means of just reporting the person.
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    _Zox_ said
    meninlove said _Zox_ said,
    "If you are that angry at someone in here because they made a better point than you, then maybe it is time for you to stop posting and concentrate on posting elsewhere."

    Hmmm...you're missing something here. People get angry at bigotry displayed by some posters; even worse, bigotry posted with an air of self righteousness and 'I know better than you". That and inflammatory topic titles crafted to stir controversy and animosity.

    -Doug


    Yes, but why not let the topic die?
    Cause its humans on the other side of the keyboard..
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidUgh...seriously zox, if you're that worked up about this, it sounds like you need a hug...I'm reaching thru my cptr right now to give you a big virtual one (and a lil' peck on the cheek).

    God loves you; the universe is probably unfolding as it should. And, like someone else said recently: "it gets better." icon_smile.gif


    I guess the proper words would be "annoyed" and "venting".

    I am just wired differently.

    Real hugs are accepted, sarcastic ones...well I will take them too.
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    _Zox_ said
    meninlove said _Zox_ said,
    "If you are that angry at someone in here because they made a better point than you, then maybe it is time for you to stop posting and concentrate on posting elsewhere."

    Hmmm...you're missing something here. People get angry at bigotry displayed by some posters; even worse, bigotry posted with an air of self righteousness and 'I know better than you". That and inflammatory topic titles crafted to stir controversy and animosity.

    -Doug


    Yes, but why not let the topic die?
    Cause its humans on the other side of the keyboard..


    Who have the ability to choose to let it die. Sorry using a grade school excuse of "I'll stop when you stop" is just not right. I mean unless you are using logic and reason to obviously show people in here that you aren't backing down.

    Eventually someone has to give or both sides end up just looking really bad after awhile.

    Just "I'll stop." will do.

    *moment of self awareness and embarrassment*

    Fine. I will stop.
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    Dec 25, 2010 7:22 PM GMT
    _Zox_ said
    JAKEBENSON said
    _Zox_ saidWith all the gay suicides going on, do you really need to contribute to more?


    With all the Africans dying AIDS why are you even living in the United States and not helping them?

    See how captious that argument is? Both of them are. Don't use suicides as a crutch to defend your argument. No one has committed suicide from being "bullied" on RJ. Furthermore, there's a surfeit amount of idiots who deserve to be flamed on RJ, but I try to flame logically (attacking logical flaws and not someone's appearance or gossip).


    While I can't prove or disprove my original statement (since such statistics are pretty macabre to collect), I will admit that statement slipped through my filter.


    Ah, you admit defeat. That makes you stronger than most other guys, especially on this site. =)