Gay Relationships: Are You The Girl Or The Guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    In a recent thread i read that this dude feels like "the guy" in some relationships and in some others relationships he feels like "the girl". Do you ever feel like the so called "guy" or "girl" in a relationship? In other words are you the bottom or the top..

    me<<<
    BOTTOM
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    We're both the guys...cuz we're gay...that's how it works

    Sorry, but this is the most offensive question I get asked about gay relationships. I'm a man, I like being a man, and I have no interest in being a girl. And I want the same in a partner.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    Tony, bottom does not mean 'like a girl'.

    Top does not mean 'like a man'.

    Get rid of those two concepts and life gets a lot easier. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Dec 21, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    ISk8NY saidWe're both the guys...cuz we're gay...that's how it works

    Sorry, but this is the most offensive question I get asked about gay relationships. I'm a man, I like being a man, and I have no interest in being a girl. And I want the same in a partner.


    Completely agreed. I can't even believe a gay man would ask this question.

    The more appropriate way to ask what I think you're getting at is who tops/bottoms, or who is more dominant/submissive - and the two do not go hand in hand! I've been in situations with guys that were less assertive, and I took on the dominant bottom role.
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    I would have expceted this question to have come from an ignorant straight person. I never thought I'd see this question on this website... let alone by someone with pictures and a completed profile.
  • LatinUomo

    Posts: 42

    Dec 21, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    meninlove said Tony, bottom does not mean 'like a girl'.

    Top does not mean 'like a man'.

    Get rid of those two concepts and life gets a lot easier. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug


    Agree with you....but he's only 18. He'll learn.
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    Am I the only person that thinks the whole top vs. bottom discussion is tired and boring? First, it trivializes sex and marginalizes the actual personal dynamic between people. The ever present worry of "dating another top" just sounds trite to me. Would I date a total top or bottom? No. Not because of what they like in bed, but because they have already summed themselves up into a category. Do I really want to have someone who has already decided the type of sexual relationship they want with someone without feeling it out? Well then its just about sex.

    We gays love to classify ourselves. Butch vs. Queen, top vs. Bottom, gay acting gays vs. straight acting gays. You get the idea. Hardly void of gender implications of masculinity and femininity.

    So we can act like we live in this world where we are not molded by 90% of society's prescribed gender roles, centuries of religion and our own internal struggles. But I think we are foolish if we think we are that comfortable with ourselves - especially, if we feel the need to keep throwing top and bottom out there.

    Rebel, as in any relationship, you should find someone who you can be yourself with. Don't let the immense amount of attention gays put on sex take away the fact that there are masculine and feminine parts of all of us. If you feel that being a bottom makes you feminine, then you may need to think about why that is. i bet its more than how you like to have sex. and that is completely normal.
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Dec 21, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    Bens77 saidAm I the only person that thinks the whole top vs. bottom discussion is tired and boring? First, it trivializes sex and marginalizes the actual personal dynamic between people. The ever present worry of "dating another top" just sounds trite to me. Would I date a total top or bottom? No. Not because of what they like in bed, but because they have already summed themselves up into a category. Do I really want to have someone who has already decided the type of sexual relationship they want with someone without feeling it out? Well then its just about sex.

    We gays love to classify ourselves. Butch vs. Queen, top vs. Bottom, gay acting gays vs. straight acting gays. You get the idea. Hardly void of gender implications of masculinity and femininity.

    So we can act like we live in this world where we are not molded by 90% of society's prescribed gender roles, centuries of religion and our own internal struggles. But I think we are foolish if we think we are that comfortable with ourselves - especially, if we feel the need to keep throwing top and bottom out there.

    Rebel, as in any relationship, you should find someone who you can be yourself with. Don't let the immense amount of attention gays put on sex take away the fact that there are masculine and feminine parts of all of us. If you feel that being a bottom makes you feminine, then you may need to think about why that is. i bet its more than how you like to have sex. and that is completely normal.


    Well said!
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    Karnage said
    Bens77 saidAm I the only person that thinks the whole top vs. bottom discussion is tired and boring? First, it trivializes sex and marginalizes the actual personal dynamic between people. The ever present worry of "dating another top" just sounds trite to me. Would I date a total top or bottom? No. Not because of what they like in bed, but because they have already summed themselves up into a category. Do I really want to have someone who has already decided the type of sexual relationship they want with someone without feeling it out? Well then its just about sex.

    We gays love to classify ourselves. Butch vs. Queen, top vs. Bottom, gay acting gays vs. straight acting gays. You get the idea. Hardly void of gender implications of masculinity and femininity.

    So we can act like we live in this world where we are not molded by 90% of society's prescribed gender roles, centuries of religion and our own internal struggles. But I think we are foolish if we think we are that comfortable with ourselves - especially, if we feel the need to keep throwing top and bottom out there.

    Rebel, as in any relationship, you should find someone who you can be yourself with. Don't let the immense amount of attention gays put on sex take away the fact that there are masculine and feminine parts of all of us. If you feel that being a bottom makes you feminine, then you may need to think about why that is. i bet its more than how you like to have sex. and that is completely normal.


    Well said!


    +10!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    Boo hoo cry me a river,I was just asking because lots of gays feel like this but don't have the balls to ask,well I do.i was not trying to offend anyone it was just a question my fucking god.
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    NOPE! I date men! If I wanted to date a girl I would be str8t! UGH!icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 21, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    LatinUomo said
    meninlove said Tony, bottom does not mean 'like a girl'.

    Top does not mean 'like a man'.

    Get rid of those two concepts and life gets a lot easier. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug


    Agree with you....but he's only 18. He'll learn.



    Exactly, he is learning. It seems that the OP is trying to grasp the differrences of gay vs straight based on a so called straight standard. There is no male female role in a gay relationship. Only two humans, attracted to each other and satisfying that attraction. ...but there are those who cubby hole themselves with false rationalizations to fit the so called straight standard.
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    Dec 21, 2010 6:17 PM GMT
    I guess my feeling is like that of most of the guys that have responded. I don't think the male/female roles apply to many, If not most, gay relationships. One great thing about gay relationships is that they don't have to be modeled after straight relationships.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Dec 21, 2010 6:41 PM GMT
    The only question that is as annoying as this one is someone asking if i'm "straight acting."

    I will never be the girl of a relationship and will never date someone who wants to be. I'm a man that likes men. 'Nuff said.
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    Dec 21, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    REBELATHEART said
    Boo hoo cry me a river,I was just asking because lots of gays feel like this but don't have the balls to ask,well I do.i was not trying to offend anyone it was just a question my fucking god.

    Remember that you asked for people's opinions... Thats what you're getting.
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    Dec 21, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    REBELATHEART saidBoo hoo cry me a river,I was just asking because lots of gays feel like this but don't have the balls to ask,well I do.i was not trying to offend anyone it was just a question my fucking god.



    no, he's not gonna learn to see things with our point of view as long as he's going with this attitude.
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    Dec 21, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    Bens77 saidAm I the only person that thinks the whole top vs. bottom discussion is tired and boring? First, it trivializes sex and marginalizes the actual personal dynamic between people. The ever present worry of "dating another top" just sounds trite to me. Would I date a total top or bottom? No. Not because of what they like in bed, but because they have already summed themselves up into a category. Do I really want to have someone who has already decided the type of sexual relationship they want with someone without feeling it out? Well then its just about sex.

    We gays love to classify ourselves. Butch vs. Queen, top vs. Bottom, gay acting gays vs. straight acting gays. You get the idea. Hardly void of gender implications of masculinity and femininity.

    So we can act like we live in this world where we are not molded by 90% of society's prescribed gender roles, centuries of religion and our own internal struggles. But I think we are foolish if we think we are that comfortable with ourselves - especially, if we feel the need to keep throwing top and bottom out there.

    Rebel, as in any relationship, you should find someone who you can be yourself with. Don't let the immense amount of attention gays put on sex take away the fact that there are masculine and feminine parts of all of us. If you feel that being a bottom makes you feminine, then you may need to think about why that is. i bet its more than how you like to have sex. and that is completely normal.



    Well put! .... +10 !!
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:03 PM GMT
    I second Ben's opinion.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Dec 21, 2010 7:05 PM GMT
    meninlove said Tony, bottom does not mean 'like a girl'.

    Top does not mean 'like a man'.

    Get rid of those two concepts and life gets a lot easier. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug


    DOUG TRUMPS THIS THREAD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    I don't see why people are being offended by this question, it doesn't make sense to me.

    Some guy's personalities are more masculine/feminine and dominant/recessive than others, and that's what it is: their personality.

    In the full relationship for me though, it's 50/50. And that changes based on how we would feel about certain things, whether we're adamant about something or if we don't really care one way or the other.

    What we do in bed is another story.
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:12 PM GMT
    All i know is I'm myself, for better or for worse icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:14 PM GMT
    REBELATHEART saidIn a recent thread i read that this dude feels like "the guy" in some relationships and in some others relationships he feels like "the girl". Do you ever feel like the so called "guy" or "girl" in a relationship? In other words are you the bottom or the top..

    me<<<
    BOTTOM


    You, a bottom? No kidding? I never would have guessed. icon_rolleyes.gif

    you <<< stereotypical
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    REBELATHEART saidIn a recent thread i read that this dude feels like "the guy" in some relationships and in some others relationships he feels like "the girl". Do you ever feel like the so called "guy" or "girl" in a relationship? In other words are you the bottom or the top..

    me<<<
    BOTTOM


    Why would you associate a bottom being the girl in the relationship?
    This is what ignorant straight people ask to us to find out who is more submissive(meaning feminine, weaker, less of a man) in the partnership.
    To me it sounds slightly mysoginist to place the woman as the weaker sex, and so for a bottom to identify himself as such is quite demeaning, why emasculate yourself?
    If anything it takes a real MAN to take it up the ass.
    What if both partners are versatile, then what?
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    Epathos saidI don't see why people are being offended by this question, it doesn't make sense to me.

    Some guy's personalities are more masculine/feminine and dominant/recessive than others, and that's what it is: their personality.

    In the full relationship for me though, it's 50/50. And that changes based on how we would feel about certain things, whether we're adamant about something or if we don't really care one way or the other.

    What we do in bed is another story.


    Its just overall retarded and offensive on so many levels. First, in a straight relationship standard, it sticks to the stereotype that men should do certain things and women should do certain things as well. People dont stick to one gender role in this day and age, they tend to be more androgynous (I think thats the word). So if "straight" couples could break down the guy/girl stereotypes and gender roles, how come 2 men are going to succumb to it?
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    i think we're confusing masculinity with sexual position prefrence