Feelings after a date turns into a hook up and ends up being rejection.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 7:33 AM GMT
    Without diving into the details...
    He wasn't conventionally cute, had a lot going for him, enthusiastic and charismatic, I probably projected too many thoughts of what I thought he would be.

    Why am I dwelling on it!? Somehow I got idealistically attached and I know it's stupid since we knew each other only a couple days! Gah....

    Tips? I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    Dec 21, 2010 7:41 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidWithout diving into the details...
    He wasn't conventionally cute, had a lot going for him, enthusiastic and charismatic, but... had a penis that was like a toddlers, sincerely... (one of the only cons beyond his now douchebagness, to me, anyway)

    Why am I dwelling on it!? Somehow I got idealistically attached and I know it's stupid since we knew each othe only a couple days! Gah....

    Tips? I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.


    In the great words of music...just get rid of him...

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    Dec 21, 2010 9:04 AM GMT
    you sound stalkerish.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:28 AM GMT
    It sucks to get attached, but when you do its hard to notice bad things about people. Sorry to hear bro hope you recover quick and find someone better than him icon_smile.gif.
    Tips hmmm next time try to keep dates more personal so you're one on one. He obviously planned going to the movies so you would meet his friends and vice versa. So next time try going some place he wouldn't know about and you either?
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidWithout diving into the details...
    He wasn't conventionally cute, had a lot going for him, enthusiastic and charismatic, but... had a penis that was like a toddlers, sincerely... (one of the only cons beyond his now douchebagness, to me, anyway)

    Why am I dwelling on it!? Somehow I got idealistically attached and I know it's stupid since we knew each othe only a couple days! Gah....

    Tips? I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.


    *gives mint-flavoured kiss and runs away and hides like dork* lol
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:14 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.


    I think you yourself affect otehr people with infatuation more easily than anybody in the world I know ;) It makes sense the reverse happens too *friendly smile* icon_smile.gif)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 1:40 PM GMT
    Learn to accept rejection and move on.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    I was in your boat about 2 weeks ago, when i had met a guy and he was everything I imagined until after a week he disappeared and stopped responding to my messages. It hurt a lot and also made me angry, but sooner you get it out of your system the better it will be. I just left him a voice mail giving a piece of my mind and that worked for me to move on.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    A few years ago I had a fling with a seemingly perfect guy and I fell so hard, and I thought he felt the same. We met up twice more (which required us to travel thousands of miles, by the way), but after the third time he stopped responding to me completely, without warning or explanation.

    It took a long time to get over it. The best way was for me to remind myself constantly that anyone so childish/inconsiderate enough to break it off that way is not worth my time or emotional effort. From time to time I find myself thinking about him, but now my reaction is anger, not longing.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Dec 21, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    chogenki saidA few years ago I had a fling with a seemingly perfect guy and I fell so hard, and I thought he felt the same. We met up twice more (which required us to travel thousands of miles, by the way), but after the third time he stopped responding to me completely, without warning or explanation.

    It took a long time to get over it. The best way was for me to remind myself constantly that anyone so childish/inconsiderate enough to break it off that way is not worth my time or emotional effort. From time to time I find myself thinking about him, but now my reaction is anger, not longing.



    Oh man, I related all too well to that scenario. Same thing happened to me. Not fun, and took me surprisingly long to get over it, and I still think about him. That being said, I do feel that "rejection" is God's way of keeping us from spinning our wheels and not wasting too much time with someone who would only cause us more pain in the long run.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    {reassuring hug for Trev}

    Been there... this too shall pass.
    Just don't get on your own case too much. Spin your wheels a bit if you have to... you're only human. But keep moving even so. This will just be a story one day.
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    Dec 21, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said(one of the only cons beyond his now douchebagness, to me, anyway)



    Where I come from, it's called "bitch-ass-ness." Learn it. Use it. Love it.
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    Dec 21, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidWithout diving into the details...
    He wasn't conventionally cute, had a lot going for him, enthusiastic and charismatic, but... had a penis that was like a toddlers, sincerely... (one of the only cons beyond his now douchebagness, to me, anyway)

    Why am I dwelling on it!? Somehow I got idealistically attached and I know it's stupid since we knew each othe only a couple days! Gah....

    Tips? I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.


    Grow up / move on. If you have sex with strangers, you're going to be disappointed from time to time.

    The bigger question is why are behaving so badly to begin with?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 21, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    Without knowing much about the events, I'm guess he didn't treat you well or certainly didn't convey any real interest in getting to know you as a person. Your level of interest in him was higher. It happens

    My reaction, move on and quickly. Lots of others out there. Don't dwell on the negative, especially at this time of year. Take it as a lesson learned.

    And by the way, don't make his dick a part of the equation.. unless it is a hook up...
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidyou sound stalkerish.....

    Meh. Trust me. It'd be stalkerish if I checked his Facebook everyday or something like that. Just the thoughts in the mind I'm really dealing with.
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    Dec 21, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    And without quoting and making posts ridiculously long to answer questions, we started watching a movie after we grabbed a pitcher of beer at the bar, and he moved in for the make out. I did stop him when he was unbuttoning my pants, but he insisted that he was comfortable with it if I was. Hell, I genuinely enjoyed him and it was my first time just throwing caution to the wind. So I let it roll with the oral...
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 21, 2010 5:10 PM GMT
    Leave it be.
    If you only knew him two days you didn't even know him, you can really be infatuated with him per se; rather what you projected / hoped he is.

    Besides, while one should always be respectful if someone else wants to break it off, that goes doubly so if the person is breaking it off before there's even a relationship. Anything else creeps into very unhealthy territory. (And the fact that you're simultaneously "infatuated" and insulting this guy in semi-public doesn't bode well for any kind of healthy relationship anyway.)


    Also, if it helps (and I mean this seriously) it's worth remembering that it's not his fault that you got attached and it's not moral failing of his that he did not become attached to you. This is just part of putting yourself out there, getting hurt is a risk we all take when we explore relationships/possible relationships; it's nobody's fault, best to just crack a bittersweet smile (tending to sweet) and move on.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 21, 2010 5:36 PM GMT
    Don't you fret none young man.....as handsome as you are you will have many men asking for a date. Just take it slow next time with the infatuation...make him earn it. icon_wink.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 21, 2010 5:48 PM GMT
    get over it. i know that seems blunt, but there's nothing you can really do and nothing we can really tell you to fix things. emotional attachments are natural and you just have to wait until this one passes.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 21, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    Good thing the first date turned into hook up so you learned early on that he has a teenie weenie. This way you don't waste any more time on him than you have to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    Tips?
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Dec 22, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    *gives mint-flavoured kiss and runs away and hides like dork* lol


    WOW~~ that would be cute!!!!!!

    In my mind, if the sex is too early, such as after first date, it would turn out a hook up. But if keeping sex on the side for too long, it might go into friendship.

    The balance between sex and sex attraction is hard, only the two involved can tell, I guess. icon_wink.gif
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Dec 22, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidAnd without quoting and making posts ridiculously long to answer questions, we started watching a movie after we grabbed a pitcher of beer at the bar, and he moved in for the make out. I did stop him when he was unbuttoning my pants, but he insisted that he was comfortable with it if I was. Hell, I genuinely enjoyed him and it was my first time just throwing caution to the wind. So I let it roll with the oral...


    I don't mind getting off with someone I'm interested in during the first meet just to break the sexual tension. If I'm still interested in him after that and he in me, then I'll invest emotionally in him. If not, then I just continue the epic search. So, I can't offer any advice for getting over it, but I can advise you to learn from this. If a guy continues after you say "no" or show disinterest, then you should immediately cut him emotionally. If you want to get sweaty with him, go ahead, but at that point you should be prepared to cut him off. Compartmentalizing emotions isn't easy, but practicing it will save you a lot of turmoil in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    I know I'm not the first one of us to be affected by infatuation.

    You are certainly not the first, and you will not be the last... These kinds of posts are good, as they make us all realize that we're all alike in some way and we're not alone. I can tell you that it is only temporary. Soon you'll look back and laugh and wonder why you spent an extra minute thinking about this guy. Soon after that you'll forget he ever existed. Enjoy the Holidays and have fun with the folks that do really do know and love you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Dec 22, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    It happens.

    I feel I'm bad at reading guys, and sometimes wonder if I'd been a more slutty with so and so, or more prudish or whatever, if that would have "kept him around".