should I call my ex on Xmas?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    I know... I will sound like a major drama queen... But I've been thinking for a while to throw this out on the forum, at least that's what it's for. Trying to keep it short.

    I've been single for 5 years now, but still I'm not a 100% over my ex boyfriend - that is in all honesty actually an understatement. It's gotten better through the years, in the beginning I really suffered a lot, but I've chosen not to have any contact with him, and my daily life / routine somehow makes me forget about it. However there is not a day that I don't think about him. I know I'm probably obsessed with some idealized image I have, rather than with a real person, but being stubborn and being a bit obsessive in that sense maybe, it just doesn't go away.

    Now Xmas arrives I'm always torn by the dilemma - should I call him? Just to say I often still think about him, miss him and hope all is going well. Running the risk of missing him even more after the renewed contact, how superficial it might be. Or should I not let myself carry away and continue the zero communication policy.

    I'm not expecting to get a clear yes or no, just hoping to find some peace of mind. Have an amazing Xmas everyone!

    Tim
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    I wouldn't, nor would Bill unless you really are over him.

    -Doug
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    After 5 years, has he a new BF? You need to consider he might have an the problems your contact could cause between them. icon_eek.gif
    But....maybe he doesn't have a current BF. Is there any mutual person you could make inquires about your Ex and see if he's single/dating/madly married?
    I understand where you are coming from, really. But, if it's meant for you two to reconnect, I think Fate or Karma will intervene for you.icon_wink.gif
    Good luck with whatever you decide.
  • tongun18

    Posts: 593

    Dec 21, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    Don't do it to yourself man! If you still aren't over him then you'll simply be reopening old wounds for yourself. It doesn't matter if it's been 5 days or 5 years, if you're trying to get over him you need to keep the zero communication policy until you've been able to move on.

    Good luck Tim and Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    I'd have to say no. Resist the urge.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    I hadn't spoken to my ex since 2006. I just talked to him last week, and he should be coming out to see me in Jan.

    I don't feel any different about the situation. In someways I think about him often, but I remember the reasons why I chose to leave. I am drastically a different person from when we were together.

    I also drank 750ml of vodka after talking to him last week.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 21, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    FIVE YEARS !?
    Absolutely do not call your ex, ever.

    Don't you deserve to get on with your life and let "Mr. Right" come into it ?
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    Dec 21, 2010 9:39 PM GMT
    I am going through the same issue. Messy breakup that left me devastated.

    Broke up in June. I sent him a text in August on his birthday & it opened up all the wounds. We exchanged text messages a few weeks ago & it brought all that back. He wanted to leave the door open to be friends & I just cannot do that. Too much left unanswered and unsaid.

    So I will resist any urge to contact him ever again. At least until I can send out a wedding invite! but that isn't happening any time soon... unfortunately.
  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Dec 21, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    You are way too good looking to be hanging on to this guy. Remember he is an ex for a reason and if you seek you shall find. Calling him won't make things better.


    Let's say you call and all goes well and you're happy for the next week that you two spoke. Do you think he is going to come back into your life and you both will live happily ever after?

    Or let's say you call him and the conversation is not what you expected. You will most likely be pissed that you called in the first place.

    It's a lose/lose situation in my opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    no
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 22, 2010 5:00 AM GMT
    sport1983 saidI know... I will sound like a major drama queen... But I've been thinking for a while to throw this out on the forum, at least that's what it's for. Trying to keep it short.

    I've been single for 5 years now, but still I'm not a 100% over my ex boyfriend - that is in all honesty actually an understatement. It's gotten better through the years, in the beginning I really suffered a lot, but I've chosen not to have any contact with him, and my daily life / routine somehow makes me forget about it. However there is not a day that I don't think about him. I know I'm probably obsessed with some idealized image I have, rather than with a real person, but being stubborn and being a bit obsessive in that sense maybe, it just doesn't go away.

    Now Xmas arrives I'm always torn by the dilemma - should I call him? Just to say I often still think about him, miss him and hope all is going well. Running the risk of missing him even more after the renewed contact, how superficial it might be. Or should I not let myself carry away and continue the zero communication policy.

    I'm not expecting to get a clear yes or no, just hoping to find some peace of mind. Have an amazing Xmas everyone!

    Tim
    hell no! why would you do that? dude, move on with your life. hell start dating again. a new bf helps you get over the last really really fast
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Dec 22, 2010 5:01 AM GMT

    Hey handsome, Call me Instead icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 5:30 AM GMT
    Yes you should call your ex. It is a courtesy and a nice thing to do.

    So what will happen after you call him?

    1. he still doesn't want you. It makes you a creepy stalker. So you can completely move on then.
    2. he would like to hang out with you again. Isn't that what you always want? That is great.
    3. You find that he is not that attractive any more. You don't feel like to want him. That is excellent.

    In one word, you should call him so you won't always dwell on the past. "Merry Xmas!~"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
    No. If you're not over him, then you're just setting yourself up for false hopes and disappointments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 5:43 AM GMT
    NO!

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 22, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    If you have to think about it, the answer is no. The idea is that you should call him naturally, with no ulterior motives or ideas, and it's just a call. The fact that you have to convince yourself it's all right belies the fact that this call is just a metaphor for wanting to be in contact with him and it's an excuse you're trying to buy into. You're not in a healthy place with this guy yet (at least from what you shared), so don't do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    No, don't do it. If he is even a bit nice to you over the phone it would only make you think about him more. Let it go.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 22, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    Nah....isn't there some saying about let dogs sleep lying down...? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:04 AM GMT
    NO

    NO


    NO


    NO...NO...NO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:09 AM GMT
    not at allllllllll, throw your phone against a wall if you even start to dial his number :O
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:18 AM GMT
    No! my ex recently have been trying to get in touch with me, and I have less respect for him now then I did when we split a year ago! besides if you do get in touch with your ex but you are still not over the break up; you are only setting yourself up for a much bigger disappointment. Give yourself a chance and start fresh with someone new, or better yet try to develop a good friendship with someone new before you jump into a relationship.


    Leandro ♥

  • Dec 22, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    in these situations you have to be smart. you have to ask yourself what you can get out of by calling him. sometimes odd phone calls might make thing more awkward. so may be a late text to greet him for the holiday. if he text back don't reply. Let him know that your text is merely a holiday gesture. Soon may be he will think abt u too. if he doesn't text back, then may be it is not a good idea to make a phone call in the first place.

    but this is only a suggestion. Follow your gut. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:27 AM GMT
    calibro saidIf you have to think about it, the answer is no. The idea is that you should call him naturally, with no ulterior motives or ideas, and it's just a call. The fact that you have to convince yourself it's all right belies the fact that this call is just a metaphor for wanting to be in contact with him and it's an excuse you're trying to buy into. You're not in a healthy place with this guy yet (at least from what you shared), so don't do it.



    I really like what calibro had to say! I am in the same boat, do I call? do I get him a gift? Whats going to happen if I do? How will I feel, How will he feel? MIne is more recent than yours though.

    If you are doing it with alterior motives then maybe its not a good idea. I thought about why I want to call my ex and yeah I miss him, its gonna be wierd spending christmas without him and I want to be friends with him. I want him in my life. However everytime we have talked since he has said everything to hurt me and push me away. Yeah there is part of me that wants to get back together but part that doesnt.

    Ultimately I will probably send a text or leave a VM so I can show that I do care for him, and I do wish him the best in life and happy holidays.

    But after I will continue on without dwelling on it without hoping for a response and without waiting for him. The past is the past and its done, we cant change that, so look to the future and live in the present.

    And I hope that I will still be able to answer the question the same when I start dating someone again. And that its not just me trying to hang on to someone that meant so much to me.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 22, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    an ex is your ex for a reason. move on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    It all depends. I don't know what your relationship and situation were like so I can't clearly comment. But if it ended on good terms I don't see why not. An ex may be an ex, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends or, at the least, acquaintances.

    If it brings up too much pain and sadness, then it probably isn't best to call him. But, if it's just like a normal hello to a friend, then by all means call him and wish him a Merry Christmas. I talk to my ex a few times a month and we are still good friends and I go down to visit him in Miami Beach a couple times a year. But then again we know that things are over between us and that it is a warm, loving friendship rather than a relationship. I know that he is seeing other men and he knows that I have seen a few other men and that we have both moved on.

    BTW-If he was your first, you may never get over him and that is to be expected. I don't think I'll ever get over my ex even if we were to stop ALL communication. Your first love will always be with you in your heart and mind and that won't ever go away.