Be decisive god damn it!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    I'm getting sick of this, I'm getting sick of being around people who can't make simple freakin decisions.

    I'm seriously getting tired of being the one who makes the decisions, it's all well and nice to defer to me occasionally but it's not nice when you do it all the fucking time!

    Case in point go out to dinner, what do you feel like? "Don't know" oh useful, there is a nice pizza place and this awesome cafe that makes all types of foods that's pretty good, do those catch your fancy? "I suppose yeah we could do them" okay I've just given you two fucking options bitch which do you want????

    I ended up making the choice of pizza and it turned out to be the best pizza I've ever had, so kudos to me!

    Every time I go out with people and this is really in the gay community my straight mates NEVER do this we all end up having to compromise because we all wanna go do something or go eat somewhere or what ever.

    I've noticed this a lot with gay men who just can't make a decision without agonizing over it for hours and sometimes days.

    Ya know what, you know what you want so make the decision, accept the consequences of that decision and move freakin forward you irritating indecisive bunch of useless idjits!
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:40 PM GMT
    I am not sure if I agree with you. I might. I don't know. Let me think about it for awhile.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:43 PM GMT
    HeartRobb saidI am not sure if I agree with you. I might. I don't know. Let me think about it for awhile.

    I really do want to beat you around with a partially defrosted fish right now.... I really do! icon_razz.gif
  • TristanLane

    Posts: 118

    Dec 21, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    So your saying that you don't like it when people can't make a decision over where to eat?
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    TristanLane saidSo your saying that you don't like it when people can't make a decision over where to eat?

    These people can't make a decision period.

    Umming and arring about it until I make the decision for them when really they didn't want to make a decision in the first place and wanted me to do it instead
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    Dec 21, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    A number of neurological factors can affect decision-making ability, including (but certainly not limited to) damage to the parietal lobes of the brain, or (more commonly) ADHD. The person trying to make a decision starts thinking of the various permutations and consequences "If I suggest this, then... uh... but -- or maybe I want , but maybe you might prefer, but then again, I had that for lunch but tomorrow I was going to have so, uh, what was I thinking?"

    They may honestly be trying to make a decision but then lose track of their own thought processes, then start to become aware that time has passed and you are growing impatient, and so they try desperately to retrace their thoughts frantically, only to find they can no longer even remember what it is they are trying to answer.

    I really hope that gives a bit of insight into what might be going on. They may not be able to help it.

    There are strategies you can use to help or make it easier to cope with, which I will gladly enumerate if you would like - but only if you ask.











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    Dec 22, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    UpperCanadian saidThere are strategies you can use to help or make it easier to cope with, which I will gladly enumerate if you would like - but only if you ask.

    I'm asking!

    I'm getting to my wits end with this. It's cool when you give me the option to choose I know what I want so I'll say it but when I've given you the choice (because I've decided so many times) I just want you to say what ever you'd like to eat or do or fuck or what ever the hell it is your wanting!
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    Dec 22, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    My ex couldn't even decide on a parking spot. Can't tell you how many times I was halfway out of the car when he again! decided to move to a better space! icon_mad.gif

    And those that can't decide on a pizza will never decide if they even want to date you. Um, nobody's packing the u-haul here. Can we catch a movie? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 22, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    UpperCanadian saidThere are strategies you can use to help or make it easier to cope with, which I will gladly enumerate if you would like - but only if you ask.

    I'm asking!

    I'm getting to my wits end with this. It's cool when you give me the option to choose I know what I want so I'll say it but when I've given you the choice (because I've decided so many times) I just want you to say what ever you'd like to eat or do or fuck or what ever the hell it is your wanting!



    Try these techniques, but remember you are actually helping to TRAIN someone to make decisions - it does require practise on their part.


    Good techniques that can help are:

    1. "first say "I have no preference--" (that helps them not worry about trying to please you.)

    2. encourage them to try to just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind.

    3. Limit the choices to no more than three things (preferably two - an "either/or")

    examples "do you want to go out or stay in?"
    "do you want fast food or a slow meal?"


    4. Agree with their first decision (even if it is not quite what you were hoping for yet -- remember this is a training process. Agreeing is giving positive reinforcement. The message you are trying to send and resend) is you are pleased with their decision (whatever it is.) Try to avoid allowing them to second guess themselves. if they do, say, " yes, that is a good one for tomorrow. Let's go with your first decision today." Then repeat "we will do [the other] tomorrow, OK? (you are trying to elicit a "yes" or "no"

    Show pleasure at their decisiveness.

    AFTER they have made a decision say something like "I like doing what YOU decide, too."

    Try to discourage them from reconsidering theirfirst choice until they get uswed to this. (at least at first)


    It seems like I'm asking you to go through a bit of a process here, but really you are trying to help them break old habits and while it requires patience, the alternative is really taxing to anyone's patience (as you so well know -- your post really shows it does tax your patience - and that is totally understandable.


    They really aren't trying to annoy you, or be wishy washy. Often these people are overly concerned with trying to please you. You want to give the message (in as supportive a manner as possible) that what pleases you is their own decisiveness.

    For some this is a learned behaviour - trying to please others (often parents) who HINT at what they want, rather than ever ask outright. They get hung up trying to decipher what you might want , not trusting that there is no "hidden message" to decode.

    Those are some starter techniques to employ. If you apply them consistently, they really will get better at it.

    Once they become more comfortable with making decisions, you are not quite so limited in having to "go with" their first choice, and can even allow them to reconsider and change their decision.



    Phase II

    Once they become better at blurting out a choice (and you are going with it),
    THEN introduce allowing reconsideration:

    "That is a good choice. WE can do that. Shall we do that then? (again you want a "yes" or "no." If they hesitate, you can ask, "do you want to reconsider?"


    Notice in all theses questions I have been steering toward a yes/no answer - picking between only two options.

    Do NOT start intoducing third options until they have become confident with the process.

    Remember their own thought processes keep throwing up multiple options - you are helping them simplify snd focus.

    I hope I have not overwhemed you with this process (which seems really cumbersome - but it does get easier for them - and - as a result - for you.


    AS one who had my own ability to make decisions impaired, I am really gratified that you seem to care enough to ask.

    At first, I was initially a bit reluctant to go into detail, because - it is a bit embarassing to be "one of those people," especially as I was not like this before I had a stroke. It was a blow to my own ego to find i could no longer seem to make decisions.

    So i researched the reasons why, and sought techniques for my ex-wife and me to cope with it.

    The above techniques worked for me, and I am now able to make decisions again.

    I feel the frustration in your post, and i sense you sincerely desire ways to help - so I am thus willing to expose my own struggle with that effect.

    i really hope those help. Good luck.

    I'll keep checking back on this thread to see how it turns out for you, or feel free to PM me to call me back to this thread. (which I have now marked for tracking.)


    I admire your desire and willingness to ask about this.


    Trevor (with Danny) in PEI















  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    My decision is always made: Sushi







    ...or Steak









    ...or Sushi











    ...or...









    Oh fuck it. Let's go grab a few drinks and forget about dinner. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidMy decision is always made: Sushi







    ...or Steak









    ...or Sushi











    ...or...









    Oh fuck it. Let's go grab a few drinks and forget about dinner. icon_biggrin.gif


    fuck dinner - can i just lick your biceps?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    UpperCanadian saidfuck dinner - can i just lick your biceps?
    Sure. Just don't make me spill my drink.
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:15 AM GMT
    Good stuff mate, I know there has to be more behind it then simply just not wanting to make a decision so it's nice to run across anything and I also get the trying to please me part too and think it could be a bigger deciding factor in them making decisions over anything else.

    No matter how many times I've told people who are like this that when I say I'm happy to eat anything or do anything it's like to them I've said I want to do this or eat that but I'm not going to tell you you have to guess and guess right because otherwise I'm going to be highly disappointed in you.

    It is truly maddening and I try to remain patient but sometimes I get pushed over the edge and just make the decision.

    I'll take your advice and use it, see if I can't get these things happening.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 22, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    Nope I love food so I mean I might say I don't care where we go, but we better eat like that moment or I might die icon_eek.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 22, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    OK, being the "take-charge" kind of guy that I am.....I like to make the decisions and a guy either likes it or not....if not then he will need to have one of his own to present for discussion.
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    Dec 22, 2010 9:27 PM GMT
    I like deciding for other people. In fact i dont even wait for them, i just tell them lol!

    DO THIS NOW BETCHES!!!
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    Dec 22, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    Hahaha I enjoyed this rant. Honestly, I WILL stick up for the indecisive people a little bit. If its one of the first dates I can understand that the guy doesn't want to suggest something that you will hate. Plus, if you guys have a bad experience there or whatever, maybe they don't want that to reflect bad on them? And they probably think it is easier for you to decide.

    I don't know, I used to be indecisive like that with new dates cause, you know, of all the nervousness and stuff with dates. At the same time, I was always decisive and wanted to go where I wanted to go with my friends. But I have grown up since then haha.
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    Dec 22, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    malefeet saidOK, being the "take-charge" kind of guy that I am.....I like to make the decisions and a guy either likes it or not....if not then he will need to have one of his own to present for discussion.


    good idea...as for me, I am very easy-going...ok, some say TOO easy-going. That's just me - I like others to pick because I know many others are very picky...I am not; however, should something come up that I truly am not open to, then I'll express my opinion icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 22, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    Just make the decision for them. No big deal. If they object, give them one shot to come up with something better. If they cant, then they are just SOL.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 22, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    I'm gonna stick up for the person asking the question, Fuck that after a while its like really come on now you have a brain and an opinion so lets start using it
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    Dec 22, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    Gay, bi or straight we are all indescisive... We're human.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    dragondevil saidGay, bi or straight we are all indescisive... We're human.
    My straight mates aren't, actually, none of my straight mates are indecisive, we often fight on where we go because we wanna go different places.
    Sheer brute force and pig headedness is usually the order of the day at those points to get my own way icon_razz.gif hahaha but they are all very "take charge" kind of guys because of work and life and such.

    I can occasionally be indecisive but it's usually when I just really don't give a damn and then I simply can't be arsed making a decision heh.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    Strange a'lot of my straight friends are indecisive.... When ask where we want to go, I get the I don't know...maybe it's because Im older than all my friends and they expect me to make the calls.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    I'm hit and miss with decisiveness. What actually helped me a bit was my military school commandant stating even if it's a bad decision stick with it. People respect a decision being made instead of sticky your thumbs up your [explicit] and waiting for someone else to make the call.

    The only issue I recall with myself being indecisive was that making a decision for someone who doesn't want to let's say go to a pizza parlor would be a bit rude or crass and that everyone inputs should be valued. On the same turn, they should speak up instead of being a sheep, if they don't like it righ?
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    I have a friend just like that, he texts me everyday and says things like "Idk what to have for dinner," "What should I have for dinner," "Ugh, I should really go to the gym but I have so much other stuff to do, what should I do," and so on and so on. It's SO FUCKING ANNOYING! icon_eek.gif