Why do I feel like I'm wasting my time??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2010 10:41 PM GMT
    I can't help but feel like despite everything I'm doing to cut the fat off my body, it's just never going to be enough. The journey seems so long, and I feel like I'm never gonna make it...

    I just tried to go running after two or three weeks of having laid off from it because of all the rain happening here. (December is the rainiest month of the year here in Portland, in addition to being the darkest month). It's depressing me. I couldn't do nearly what I could just not too long ago, and it's so frustrating. I wound up walking most of the way today. It's going to be the one dry day I imagine we'll have for a very long time. Even today, the sun fails to rear its shiny face from behind the looming clouds. (I'm going back to my college in about two weeks, so there I'll have a gym to use for indoors).

    But on that note of also going back to school, I'm so afraid I'm going to gain all that weight I lost while I was away. From the time I left back in March to now, I've dropped from 225 pounds down to about 175. College was a time when I gained a tremendous amount of weight, because of the dorm food. I won't be living in the dorms this time around, so I can go grocery shopping and buy stuff properly. I don't want to backtrack in any way!

    Why can't I just get myself to enjoy all the amazingly healthy organic foods that my friends eat? My two friends in particular, Kate and Charlie, are vegetarian (former vegan) and they actually ENJOY what they eat, all their organic locally grown fresh produce. So they stay in tremendous shape without even really having to try. Why can't I enjoy my food like them? It just doesn't taste amazing to me at all...

    I know I'm nowhere near being considered "fat", especially compared to the rest of my family where being overweight/obesity is a significant problem. But I feel gross and flabby and feel like unless I become borderline emaciated, I won't be attractive to any guys...I know personality is more important, at least that's what they'll say, but for some reason, I don't believe that's the truth...it may even be wishful thinking. They think someone might have an amazing personality, but it's really only confabulation they make to justify being primarily physically attracted to someone. So my only hope is to get thin.

    I know it's counterintuitive to go fasting and skipping meals when you're trying to lose weight because it can mess with your metabolism. But some days, I feel so desperate I just have to...The thought of wanting to make myself barf has crossed my mind occasionally, but I'm too hesitant, because the feeling of barfing sucks so much and it can destroy my teeth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    Stop worrying. Stress is also a factor in weight gain.
    You already know how to keep your weight off. Just keep doing it, and don't worry if you let yourself slide a week or two here and there. Once it becomes a lifestyle, then you no longer have to "try" because it just happens.
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    Dec 22, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    But I feel gross and flabby and feel like unless I become borderline emaciated, I won't be attractive to any guys...

    Believe me, that's NOT an attractive look, nor is it healthy. Do not be hard on yourself. Celebrate your accomplishments so far, You did GREAT so far and it is a lifelong process of getting better. Patience my friend, You're doing great! icon_smile.gif Tonyicon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 22, 2010 2:13 PM GMT
    OK Schatje icon_smile.gif

    (1) depression. Try a number of "easy cures". A light box can make a big difference for people with SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) or for people who are more prone to depression. Also SMELLS are really good too. I use a mint shampoo in the winter which really makes the day start with a fizz. If you drink coffee, then brew a cup of fresh coffee first thing in the day so that you have that smell too. I have some books I read each year in the winter which I love: Lord of the Rings, Anna Karenina and War and Peace. I read one of them each year (it´s goign to be Lotr or War and Peace this year). Doing small things like this to make your environment more cosy can have a great effect.

    (2) relationship with food. The key, as you have identified, is to have a positive relationship with food. The best way to do this is to learn to cook. Find a style that you like (Italian maybe) and are comfortable with and just cook... you can watch programmes, read books, get videos (if they exist) or even go to classes. When you are cooking your own stuff then you know what´s in it. I also find that the actual cooking relaxes me. If you can do this one then things will change. Dont´skip meals, don´t just see food as fuel. Try to build a positive relationship with good food by learning to prepare and cook it well. You like art.... cooking is an art.

    (3) Exercise. Walking is good. If you want to have a more "conventionally hot" body then you need to know that resistance training is pretty much the only way of doing it (or at least, it´s the only easy way of doing it... you could swim at elite level for 15 years, but going to the gym 3 times a week is kinda easier). There is no way round this one, sorry. If you wanna stick the the run/walk thing then run in the rain! It´s fun. You won´t die from it. I suspect, though, that the whole thing is part of your questing to find yourself...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    I second Lostboy on all counts, particularly #3. You're not going to change your body shape by running and walking. Weight training will shed fat and make your body closer to what it sounds like you want. I'm by no means where I want to be yet, but I'm getting there, and running has had very little to do with it. Start with pushups, a pull-up bar, and lunges if you're nervous, and just build on whatever you do every time. Then change it up! Some gyms will have free personal training sessions when you sign up too, so that could be a good start.

    Now, you're also going to have to eat properly, which DOESN'T mean not eating at all. Quite the opposite, because you won't build muscle if you don't eat.

    Here's a good book to inspire you...it reviews concepts behind weight training, tons of exercises, and full fledged workouts. A good jumping off point!


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    Dec 22, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    The advice above (and) cut yourself some slack, you've made huge strides...50 lbs...huge.
    You have NOT wasted you're time!
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    Dec 22, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    I'm not big on web forum diagnosis, but it sounds to me like you're flirting with an eating disorder...please put a stop to it before you get yourself into major trouble. This whole purging and fasting thing because of being "too fat, flabby or gross" is what anorexics and bulimics do. If you want real results, you need to eat properly and find an exercise routine that you can stay consistent with. Food = fuel...if you're eating for gratification then you're eating for the wrong reasons. If your car doesn't have gas it won't run. If your body doesn't have food it won't function. Simple as that.

    Again...consistency is key and stop this "I need to fast or make myself barf so boys will find me attractive." That's NOT an option!

  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 22, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    What you are experiencing is the reason why so many cultures have festivals relating to the soltice and the lengthening days and light at this time of year. It is to fight the natural dreariness of winter.

    Losing 50 pounds at your height is putting you right in the perfect range for weight/height. Be glad. You ahve done VERY well. Now maintain both the weight loss and your mood by coming up with some new rainy season exercises like mall walking, treadmill at the gym. Roller skating or ice skating in a rink. Morning walks when the light is best, etc.

    Portland is a rainy city but it does have those roses! A gorgeous result of the soft weather.
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    Dec 24, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    Okay, I must've said that wrong. It's not Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's not "the winter blues" (well, at least not directly). When I said it was depressing, I meant in the sense that it's upsetting that I won't go out and do my running, either because it's too wet or it gets dark too early (I don't like running outdoors at night.)

    It means a lot to be encouraged by so many strangers. It was a lot of progress losing that much weight, maybe that's why I'm so self-critical and so anal about making it happen. (I think the biggest help in the weight dropping was actually from getting full nights of sleep, about 7 or 8 hours a night. College is sleep's mortal enemy.) And I see all the guys on this site who are just so amazingly buff and in good shape. It's weird, because it's both motivating and discouraging. It shows me it's possible to look and feel as great as they do, but at the same time, it feels discouraging because it makes me feel so far away from where I hope to be. Yes, Rome wasn't built in a day, and the same goes for you guys. You spent so much energy and time, poured in so much motivation and determination for whatever reasons, endured and suffered even to get where you are. And I wanna be like that too, I don't want to fail.

    Oh yeah, when I do return and have the gym again to work out at, I will be strength training. I know I have to do it and running to get lean. But being home, I just didn't have access to a gym, and there's only so much you can do at home that it starts to feel pretty stale. I'm gonna try that 12-week RealJock beginner's strength program to begin. I took strength training class in high school, and this next term, I'm taking HPHY 103 (Exercise and the Body), so I know my way around a gym and how to do most fundamental exercises. (I've since held reverence for the king of exercises: the barbell squat.) But I feel like I can't figure out how heavy of weights I should be using, how often to work out in general, how many reps and sets, what to work on each day...If you guys have a good program to share, I'd love it.
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    Dec 24, 2010 9:11 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Lostboy said The key, as you have identified, is to have a positive relationship with food.

    Bah. Food and I broke up years ago. I burned all of my pictures of food, I de-friended food on Facebook, I told my friends that I didn't want to hear about it anymore. And after a while, it became just a bad memory. Now I can hardly remember what it looked like.

    So your affair with asparagus is on the DL?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    You can always find an excuse not to exercise. We have all been there. Why the aversion to running in the evening or in the rain? If you sort out a well lit route, darkness will not be a problem. Your skin is waterproof, so don't let rain put you off (it always looks worse from indoors).

    Forget toying with eating disorder shit. It will destroy you.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Dec 24, 2010 9:26 PM GMT
    If you don't have access to a gym, try hitting up 24 hour fitness for a "trial week membership" and then LA Fitness for the same thing. kind of a cheap way to get in a few workouts at home.

    I love beer and I'm a foodie, and that's why I'm still 220-ish you've made amazing progress, so kudos to you.

    Try taking up snowboarding or snowshoeing once you get up above the snow level, it may be cold but it's brighter and dryer. It takes a lot of the suck out of rainy winters here.
  • UnluckyTitan

    Posts: 106

    Dec 26, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    Hang in there Szchatt!

    You might have a look at http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2009/12/09/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/ for some resistance training you can do at home. Once you get back to a gym you can look intohttp://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/. The strong lifts program outlines things pretty easily. If you don't know where to start weight wise, start low and practive perfect form. Shoot for three times/week. If you start with the weight low you can increase it each workout and it will feel like you're progressing which should be a nice mental boost.

    Like others have said, stay away from the eating disorder talk. I've been down that road and it's not pretty. Set a goal for yourself both in terms of weight and body fat % and once you get there stop and level out.

    Keep up the good work. icon_smile.gif