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Being a wingman, for my straight guy friends

  • prime02 Posts: 236
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 8:42 AM GMT
    So here's my question. I've recently came out to some of my close guy friends. Long story short.. the conversation a couple days popped up that the times I go out to a gay bar/club, the girls are a lot easier to talk to then a straight bars because the girls aren't constantly being grabbed by random guys. I've told them my stories where girls are more open to me once they know I'm gay. So they want thought it would be cool for me to help wingman for them, which I'm completely open to it.. I think it's pretty chill.

    So the hard part, I'm not feminine at all. I'm not flaming, can't talk about fashion, or the "stereotypical" gay of "hey guuurl", or fab-u-lous and etc. I think chicks open up a lot quicker to the stereotypical gay guys because they're obviously gay, and obviously wouldn't want to sleep with them... girls let their guard down around those type of gay guys more so than a masculine gay guy that approaches them first at a bar.

    I tried it once, and the girls just thought I was trying to pick them up.. once I sensed that they thought that, I said something pretty gay, gay-d it up and flicked my wrist in an attempt to salvage the situation so they would obvisouly know i was gay. It worked, but the girls ended up leaving the bar later.

    I wouldn't want to be feminine to help wingman for my buddies, cause it's not me at all. But I do wanna be a good bud and a good wingman.

    Any recommendations on how to approach a girl at a bar, be a wingman, but not be feminine to assure the girl that I'm gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 9:08 AM GMT
    I think to most girls, saying something along the lines of, "I'm not interested in you sexually, I'm gay, but my buddy over there thinks you're really beautiful, can I introduce you?" would suffice. You don't have to wear gay on your sleeve to be a good wingman. Some straight guys make perfect wingmen because they're funny, charming, and easy to talk to. If you're all those things, too, no amount of wrist-flicking is going to detract from or help your cause.

    Go get 'em, tiger.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidI think to most girls, saying something along the lines of, "I'm not interested in you sexually, I'm gay, but my buddy over there thinks you're really beautiful, can I introduce you?" would suffice. You don't have to wear gay on your sleeve to be a good wingman. Some straight guys make perfect wingmen because they're funny, charming, and easy to talk to. If you're all those things, too, no amount of wrist-flicking is going to detract from or help your cause.

    Go get 'em, tiger.


    This.

    In fact I kinda did the reversal in that while I was dating gf, I was being a wing man for my gay friend at the club. Since I was the confident one I usually sweet talked the guy and introduced him to my friend before I buzzed off somewhere else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 12:56 PM GMT
    It doesn't really work. Girls talk to gay men not just because they're not going to try to sleep with them, but because they like to talk to people who treat them as human beings. In my experience --- and yes I've been in this situation --- girls may be happy to talk to you but most likely have no interest in talking to your friends if they lack the confidence/class to talk to them on their own, even if you big them up.

    Basically, you can do your friends a big favor by pointing out that straight men who "need" a wingman are either misogynists or need to work on their self-confidence. Maybe help them through that---they'll lead happier, more successful lives.
  • MuscleComeBac... Posts: 2376
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 1:15 PM GMT
    I wing for my boys all the time. Sometimes with results, sometimes not, and frankly, it works when I do the choosing and doesn't work when they do it.

    I'm pretty up front with it, "Hey, my buddy thinks you're very cute and he's gonna' kill me for this - don't worry, I'm gay, really, it's just that seriously he needs to buy you a drink and he's convinced you'll say no."

    I've never had a girl I chose say no. The odd thing is that my guys tend to under-shoot the mark, and never are willing to go for the women they think would reject them. I take the opposite approach and aim high. The issue is their confidence. The women are always willing to say hi, and If the guy blows it - it's his fault. We're working on their confidence... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 2:44 PM GMT
    Yeah, I definitely know what you're talking about. If I strike up a conversation with a chick, I can tell if she thinks I'm hitting on her. If that happens and I want to continue the conversation, I'll say something like "Oh, don't worry I'm not hitting on you. You're not really my type, if you know what I mean." That usually signals to them that I am not there to ask for her number, or get in her pants. She'll let down her guard and want to talk. I'm not really sure why, but straight girls LOVE gay guys. And in my experience, they even love the masculine, non "hey, gurl" guys as well. Good luck brotha
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidI think to most girls, saying something along the lines of, "I'm not interested in you sexually, I'm gay, but my buddy over there thinks you're really beautiful, can I introduce you?" would suffice. You don't have to wear gay on your sleeve to be a good wingman. Some straight guys make perfect wingmen because they're funny, charming, and easy to talk to. If you're all those things, too, no amount of wrist-flicking is going to detract from or help your cause.

    Go get 'em, tiger.


    Yup, what he said.
  • neosyllogy Posts: 1714
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said...something along the lines of, "I'm not interested in you sexually, I'm gay..."

    Yeah.
    Smoooooooth.
    icon_lol.gif
    I still think you should totally do that, in a robotic Data (from star trek) voice.


    That said, from my totally ignorant standpoint with regards to bar pickups [not sarcastic], the general direct approach sounds otherwise good there icon_smile.gif At least I've found being well intentioned + straightforward has almost always worked for me in general.

    My female roommates want me to start wingmaning them at bars (and have offered to be my wingwomen; frankly, I could probably use the help). So wingpersoning tips in general get additional appreciation from me. I've set foot in a bar only a handfull of times in my life (don't drink .. and, um, spent most of my life as an asocial nerd? : ).
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    dude all my friends are straight. i get them laid all the time. i think it just seems like if a straight guy hangs out with a gay guy it makes them like uhh a better person or something. which actually kinda pisses me off cuz i think it implies im a pussy and one of my buddies is gonna come to my defense or some shit when im tougher than most of my friends (or at least id like to think so!). but when it comes to getting my friends laid..i will swallow my pride.
    it works the other way, too. i know that gay dudes think its a turn on that i only roll with towny tough guys. my friends are fucking awesome. they are always trying to get me laid or hook me up with someone they know who they think is on the downlow. when i lived in london me and my best friend used to go to G-A-Y and try to find a guy and girl who were friends and see if we could get both of em which happened more often than id care to admit heh.
  • neosyllogy Posts: 1714
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    blackstrap saiddude all my friends are straight. i get them laid all the time. i think it just seems like if a straight guy hangs out with a gay guy it makes them like uhh a better person or something. which actually kinda pisses me off cuz i think it implies im a pussy and one of my buddies is gonna come to my defense or some shit when im tougher than most of my friends (or at least id like to think so!). but when it comes to getting my friends laid..i will swallow my pride.


    It's almost certainly not that. It's probably mostly just that it shows they're 'modern', secure, and chill.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    Dude!
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    The best wing-man is the one that is self-confident/cocky...in "I don't give a crap if you like me" way. Orientation can only help in this way.
    While in the Navy, my buds would beg me to be their wing man,because I always hit on the most attractive woman in the clubs and bring them back to our table. (catch and release). Sadly, they mistook my genuine disinterest for cockiness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 4:39 PM GMT
    I may be old-fashioned (and have not been single in quite a while so am not out that much) but I'm still confused by the trend of straight girls wanting to hang around in gay bars, let alone straight guys going to gay bars hoping to meet women who went to the gay bar so they wouldn't get hit on by straight guys. There is something very M. C.-Escher-through-the-looking-glass about the whole thing. I remember when you went to a gay bar and there were guys there. Who liked guys. What a concept!
  • prime02 Posts: 236
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys, I think the direct approach of saying, "you're not really my type, if you know what I'm saying ;)" is a pretty nonchalant way of approaching them after introducing myself, and talking about my friends.

    I've had an easier time wingmanning for my friends when we go out in groups, but when the whole being a gay wingmanning popped up. It changed the dynamic, so I didn't really know how to approach the situation as well as I would have liked.

  • Karnage Posts: 704
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    prime02 saidThanks for the advice guys, I think the direct approach of saying, "you're not really my type, if you know what I'm saying ;)" is a pretty nonchalant way of approaching them after introducing myself, and talking about my friends.


    I like that one too, though be prepared if they look offended to follow it with something like "You're not male enough for me"

    I also like to slip in something about my ex-bf or a guy I was/am seeing. It's another really casual way to say 'Look, I'm not into you'
  • MarvelClimber Posts: 479
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 5:40 PM GMT
    TigerTim saidIt doesn't really work. Girls talk to gay men not just because they're not going to try to sleep with them, but because they like to talk to people who treat them as human beings. In my experience --- and yes I've been in this situation --- girls may be happy to talk to you but most likely have no interest in talking to your friends if they lack the confidence/class to talk to them on their own, even if you big them up.

    Basically, you can do your friends a big favor by pointing out that straight men who "need" a wingman are either misogynists or need to work on their self-confidence. Maybe help them through that---they'll lead happier, more successful lives.


    It seems you want to be good friend, but you're not being a wingman... you're being a concierge icon_smile.gif Wingmen talk to the other girl(s) that the desired one is with. As you talk, your buddy joins in and if things go well, he can spin away to talk to the main girl. Wingman often have to talk to the ugly chicks in the party. Anyway, you don't have to act fem to talk to women, just be yourself. And your friends should man up and approach women themselves. They love confidence, a great smile, and someone who can make them laugh.
  • hyperionx Posts: 232
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 5:44 PM GMT


    The Most Interesting Man in the World says it all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    Just an observation: so a lot of guys are willing to play wingmen for their straight friends, yet have difficulty landing a date with a guy. So the confidence comes about in straight environments and dies out in others?
  • Karnage Posts: 704
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidJust an observation: so a lot of guys are willing to play wingmen for their straight friends, yet have difficulty landing a date with a guy. So the confidence comes about in straight environments and dies out in others?


    The confidence is there, because you don't care what other people think. You're not worried about what that hot guy in the corner thinks of you, and you're not attempting to take anyone home, so you can just be yourself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 6:43 PM GMT
    Karnage said
    marcobruno1978 saidJust an observation: so a lot of guys are willing to play wingmen for their straight friends, yet have difficulty landing a date with a guy. So the confidence comes about in straight environments and dies out in others?


    The confidence is there, because you don't care what other people think. You're not worried about what that hot guy in the corner thinks of you, and you're not attempting to take anyone home, so you can just be yourself!


    Hmmmm, interesting observation.
    This warrants a thread of its own....
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    I can't believe how many times I have been a wingman for my straight friends, one guy in particular, boy, and I even got him a girlfriend-he was shy so i was the one who was doing all the "coincident" meeting with him and the girl who happened to be my friend too. They broke up now and now i'm still friends with both of them. I have seen one girl who was a good gay wingwoman for me. she texts me to tell me that one of the guy sitting next to her is probably gay even though i was sitting two feet away from her. hahaha.

    Anyway, if i'm at a bar and i'm with straight guy friends, i like to play wingman sometime though i don't need to for some of my frineds. they are quite attractive and confident and can do it for themselves. However, if I do play wingman, I put on a "character" of a fem gay guy, it's FUN. I don't act fem in normal situation because that's not me. But I do like to throw in a few gesture to make them feel comfortable and plus it's fun for me. it's all part of an act.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 8:52 PM GMT
    Who here can quickly say "wingman, wingman, wingman" without get tongue-tied? Not me!
  • safety43_mma1... Posts: 4249
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 10:17 PM GMT
    i love being the wingman for my straight friends. i am always the one to get the girls for them so all good lol lol. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Dec 22, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    I know straight guys who go to gay clubs where hot straight chicks hang out. They find it easier to meet and talk to them there than in straight clubs. They use pick-up lines like, "Do not be afraid, I am GAY." and the girls reply, "No you're not!" and the ice is broken, they laugh and start talking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 01, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    "I'm not interested in you sexually, I'm gay"

    Love it, used it, and it works like a charm hahaicon_wink.gif