How can approach someone in the gym about fitness without being wierd?

  • libmaster

    Posts: 2

    Dec 22, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    So of course I'm gay, but I am not a queen. Many don't know about me and are shocked when they find out. At the same time I don't hide it.

    I work out at Golds and see alot of guys who are in awesome shape and I think could help me out on my goals to get bigger but how do I approach these guys. I don't want them to think that I am hitting on them and be wierded out. Yes I like their bodies but that doesn't mean that I want to sneak into the locker room and get it on in the showers. It means that I think they have some good advise to offer as far as getting my body to look like theirs.

    I am somewhat of a shy guy and for the most part wont go talk to someone unless I have something specific to say and am a lil gun shy of going up to a random stranger in a gym and saying "Hey, you have a really nice body, would you mind helping me out with a few tips or helping me train?"

    What is a good way to approach this?? I will sometimes watch what they are doing and try to use those routines but this turns into staring and stalking and that is never a good thing. I just want to chat with a cool guy about getting a better body. No sexual connotation.
  • UnluckyTitan

    Posts: 106

    Dec 22, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    First off, I think you look hot just as you are. Now on to your question. I would pick a specific body part on someone that you think has an overall nice body. Say they have big biceps, when they're working out their biceps just go up to them and ask how they managed to work their way up to that weight for that exercise (in between sets). That way you can't really come off like your hitting on them since the comment is about the weight they're lifting and not their appearence. If the guy's not an ass he might give you some tips, and if he seems friendly you can keep going back to him for help, just follow up with a thanks for the last tip. For example "hey man, thanks for the tip about the ground zebra penis, it's doing great for my biceps, any other tips?" With any luck you'll start to build a friendship with this guy and then the rest will be history. I know it's easier said then done, but you don't have much to lose. Maybe try mixing up the time you go to the gym so you can "practice" on guys that aren't usually there at your regular time. That way if it does go weird you aren't likly to see him at your normal time.

    Hope that help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    libmaster said
    I am somewhat of a shy guy and for the most part wont go talk to someone unless I have something specific to say and am a lil gun shy of going up to a random stranger in a gym and saying "Hey, you have a really nice body, would you mind helping me out with a few tips or helping me train?


    The only people who start a conversation with "you have a really nice body, would you mind.... " look like this

    posing+sexy+motivational+posters+hot+fun

    Try being more specific: "Do you have time to show me how to do those cable exercises that you were doing? I never feel them in my chest." "A few tips" is too vague, "help me train" is too big.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Dec 22, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    I understand where you're coming from, I think it's hard talking to people at the gym mostly because they are all listening to their iPods or whatever, which is another barrier to overcome.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    I would recommend being straight-forward and upfront with whoever you are approaching. I've been approached before about how to do a particular exercise or if this exercise is beneficial or what type of program do I use. Each time, the guy who asked me was upfront and very cool about the whole situation and it was never weird or uncomfortable.

    Anyone who thinks of it as being overly sexual obviously has something else on their minds and should focus on their workout more.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    Which Gold's?
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Dec 23, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    When I workout, I tend to mind my own business and pay attention to what I am doing. Most guys in the gym are in their own little world with those Ipods. I will say hello and chat a little bit but I am in the gym to build up my body, not to gossip.
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    Dec 23, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    If the guys who you admire are regulars at your gym, then the gym staff might know them and be willing to ask them for you; alternatively, the might know their routines.
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    Dec 23, 2010 11:44 PM GMT
    "Hey, you have a really nice body, would you mind helping me out with a few tips or helping me train?"

    There is nothing wrong with the above approach. I would probably be more specific about what you are working on. "I'm trying in increase (decrease, whatever) my biceps . What do you do to get results?

    Most guys will know if it's a line or a real request. Remember, we are all there because we want to be in shape and we were all out of shape or not the shape we wanted to be.

    Just be real.

    I'm older but I have younger swimmers ask me about stamina when they watch my lap routine. I don't think it's a line...by the same token I've asked younger guys what new approaches they have in dealing with leg or arm fatigue doing laps and they don't think the elder swimmer is on the prowel!
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    Dec 23, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    Even if you can approach guys to ask and they are cool about it, I don't think that is a good way to build up a program. You're going to be getting piecemeal tips, and what is best for them where they are at may not be the best for you starting a program.

    I recommend getting a good book that helps you create an entire program and shows technique. I think a good one to start with is Michael Colgan, New Power Program, New Protocols for Maximum Strength. What I like about it, especially for a beginning program: 1) stretches - especially common ones to avoid, 2) avoiding injury, taking into account tendons and ligaments in addition to muscles, 3) full range of motion exercises, 4) building a solid foundation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    you: Hi. I was admiring/noticing/wondering [...]. Could you tell me how/what/where/when/why [...]?
    him: Blah, blah, blah...

    you: Follow-up question(s) to demonstrate interest/understanding/etc., especially important if you get very brief one-line responses to your queries, and to keep the ball rolling.
    him: Blah, blah, blah...
    you: Thanks! Thank you for sharing your time/knowledge/etc. with me. I really appreciate that you [...]. My name's * * *, and your is? Pleasure to meet you, - - -. (I'd been meaning to ask for a while about [...]. What do you consider most important about [...]? I think you have the most/best [feature/technique/quality] I've seen at this gym; how would I go about developping ___as impressive as yours? Would you mind if from time-to-time I picked your brain about [...]? Etc.).

    It's terribly simple... once you get over worrying that, as a gay man, any guy you approach will interpret your address as a sexual advance. It's not being 'gay', its being social. If you're respectful and your interest genuine, you'll nearly always get a favourable response. Most people love talking about the things they love and will willingly share their passions with others.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 24, 2010 12:18 AM GMT
    UnluckyTitan, how did you find out about the ground zebra penis? I was SURE it was a well-kept secret!

    OP, just take your time and ask a specific question once in a while. If you are pleasant and not pushy you will probably pick up some hints.

    The idea of a session or so with a trainer is probably a good one. You will probably get better balance in the information.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    libmaster saidSo of course I'm gay, but I am not a queen. Many don't know about me and are shocked when they find out. At the same time I don't hide it.

    I work out at Golds and see alot of guys who are in awesome shape and I think could help me out on my goals to get bigger but how do I approach these guys. I don't want them to think that I am hitting on them and be wierded out. Yes I like their bodies but that doesn't mean that I want to sneak into the locker room and get it on in the showers. It means that I think they have some good advise to offer as far as getting my body to look like theirs.

    I am somewhat of a shy guy and for the most part wont go talk to someone unless I have something specific to say and am a lil gun shy of going up to a random stranger in a gym and saying "Hey, you have a really nice body, would you mind helping me out with a few tips or helping me train?"

    What is a good way to approach this?? I will sometimes watch what they are doing and try to use those routines but this turns into staring and stalking and that is never a good thing. I just want to chat with a cool guy about getting a better body. No sexual connotation.


    feel free to check my facebook page for numerous fitness tips
    but I would say it like this
    Ask for a spot and PUSH YOURSELF let him know you are trying
    FORCE SOME REPS
    I would be more prone to give real tips to someone who asks for a spot who actually pushes himself than someone who didn't even try to lift it ;)
    that will spark conversation
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:54 AM GMT
    Try this: "Hey man, hot bod. Mind if I take a closer look?"
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    Talking in general should never be a weird or an awkward thing to do especially when your intent is nothing sexual and purely just be to informed. Talking is often the best and usually the most effective way to communicate with others and it often leads to other things. In this case and setting you are in a gym and you happen to be gay and are more then likely surrounded by people with nice bodies. Big deal. Here's what I've done and still do when I feel it's appropriate.

    "Hey there. You've got a nice form and physique. What type of exercises do you do and or would recommend in order to get nice arms, chest or whatever?

    Granted the advice is free and the merely talking isn't a crime but take note that you shouldn't commit to the advice you are getting and when asking about work outs or exercises you should try to be a little more specific about what you are trying to achieve instead of being vague about it. It makes you seem creepish even if you aren't trying to be.

    I've also been asked while in the gym and I've learned that being calm, friendly and civil usually leads to a get response. I never act like I know what I'm saying or talking about but I give people good references or show them how they can get the info they want. I helped a trainer buddy of mine by referring people to her and she even gave me some money for it. Good business.

    Once you learn how to approach people then things usually fall into place but some people do get annoyed when you ask them no matter respectfully you ask so just be ready to deal with a few assholes.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Dec 24, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    How much help do you think a stranger is really going to give you? I'd say 3 minutes tops. There's so much on here and on Youtube that I'd go there first before approaching a random guy at the gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    They already know you're gay.
    So, don't give yourself so much credit for trying to hide it. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    Sure watching it on a computer is useful if you are at home working out but nothing beats that up close and personal demonstration. A computer can't help you set your stance and develop your technique. It won't say to you "Your back isn't straight or keep your knees together" while working out being shown what to do.

    That's why trainers exist and when it comes to exercising you'd be surprised how supportive people are when you are in a good environment that promotes fitness but then again I guess it all depends on who you are, where you are, what you are trying to do and who you ask.
  • libmaster

    Posts: 2

    Dec 24, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    LJay saidThe idea of a session or so with a trainer is probably a good one. You will probably get better balance in the information.


    I guess I will just have to bite the bullet and try a session. Try to find a guy that understands what I am trying to do and can really show me that he knows how to get me to my goals. I need to do like an interview process i think. LOL.

    Will just have to be trial and error. Through this post i have kinda figured out that no really knows what they are doing until they try something and figure out that it doesn't work for them. Im not at all a patient person but I guess there is no way around it.

    Will do a lil research this weekend and see what I come up with. Maybe start a blog about how I'm doing with daily pics. In 5 years I might have the body i want. How come no one ever told me in grade school that i needed to start working out then to have a nice body now?? LAME

  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Dec 24, 2010 11:24 PM GMT
    It's weird, if you make it so. Just go up to the guy and ask, "Do you mind if i ask you some questions about your work-out routine". It really is that simple. I think most guys will be more than happy to offer some free advice. There is nothing wrong with that approach, gay, straight, bit, etc. What is weird is taking frequent glances over and over day after day. You might have to approach several guys before you finally get some relevant and good advice. I have had this happen to me and i have approached other guys with the same question.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 24, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    I dunno, but I get a lot of guys asking me about fitness and stuff at the gym, and no one seems to think it's weird.....regardless of who is asking.

    Everyone asks everyone else at the gym for pointers and stuff. Just be careful whom you ask, because you might get more advice than you bargained for, lol.