What Should I Do?

  • Karllllp

    Posts: 14

    Dec 22, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    Ok sorry if this may be a bit lame, but its my first post, so take it easy on me fellas!

    There's a lot of layers to this story so bare with me!

    Ok, so I dated this guy for a few weeks a few months ago...

    On the first date which was probably the best I've ever had, we had dinner, then had a few drinks at a bar, then sat on the grass over looking the sea and chatted for hours... he asked me to stay the night, I politely said I couldn't because I had stuff to do in the morning (which I didn't really)... Though sexually I really wanted to stay... I thought it best that I didn't ... I saved myself, coz I could tell I liked the guy, and thought I'd hold off awhile to see how things panned out...

    On my way home that night I get a text saying that he thought the date went really well and we got along well beyond expectation etc icon_smile.gif

    So we continued dating, each date went really well but still no sex, but after every date one of us would msg the other and say how great it went... it was kinda cute... But there was a dilemma...

    He had caught up with a friend of mine, before I actually met him (the guy I was dating)... Apparently they hung out a few times etc, and we bumped in to my friend on our first date at the restaurant, yes, very awkward as you would imagine... not a close close friend, but a good friend none the less...

    I ended up chatting to my friend, ( OK I'll call him A to make things easier) A, asked about how the date went etc, I said it went well, then he asked if I slept with my date 'B' ( their names actually start with those letters =]) I told him I hadn't and he almost sounded relieved... So of course I asked him if he had, which he said to my surprise that they hadn't either. Blah blah blah Of course I asked A if he was ok with me seeing B? and A said there was no problem at all...

    Anyway, B and I ended up discussing A one night, I didn't ask specifically, he just came up in conversation, as to how I knew him that night on our first date and how B knew him... B again said they hadn't done anything sexual, and that A had wanted to, and B had politely rejected because he thought they were hanging out as just 'mates'...

    Now this planted one annoying little seed in the back of my head, as to what B thought of me... were we just 'mates'?

    It 'felt' like we were dating with deeper interests, and our initial chat over text before I met him was sexual (so yes met him online)... but when we met and started hanging out and after the first date, neither of us discussed sex... I think it's because we both at this point (me not staying the first night, and the discussion about A) weren't sure what the other was after...

    But we continue to date/hang out until one week, B started to make himself a little distant... canceled a date we had planned and wasn't texting me, and only replied to mine in short answers a few hours and in some cases a day later... so I sensed something was up...

    Then I asked him to do something one weekend, he said ok, then he texted me that day saying he couldn't... So I replied with a rather blunt text letting him know I was ok with it, but a little annoyed...

    Then a few days later he sends me this massive text... yes a text... basically saying he thought I was a great guy and the reason he had been keeping himself distant is because he wanted things to cool down, and said I'd be perfect for him... In a couple of years... like wtf?! I guess I was a little shocked, because we were getting along so well...

    So he is 4 years older than me, I haven't traveled as much as he has... I haven't even left Australia and he's been overseas... He's just finished his degree I'm halfway through mine.. So I don't really see how the age thing was really a factor, but I suppose he's looking for someone older? But wouldn't he have known from the start?... But then I guess coz we were initially talking sexually he probably didn't expect the connection we actually had, then back paddled! Bastard!...

    Anyway, I acted cool with what he texted me even though I really liked the guy... we basically stopped contact... until about a month or so ago... he texts me out of the blue, simply saying 'you need to stop drinking coke man' like WTF?! is he messing with my head? Oh and thats because I kinda drink alot of coke... I know its not good for me, but he smoked, so I simply replied its not as bad as smoking icon_razz.gif hehe... anywho had a brief conversation about how we were doing then that was it...

    now hes messaged me in the last day or so wanting to catchup sometime after christmas...

    Im keen, but I don't know if I should... I've managed to not have the urge to talk to him etc for awhile now... while we were dating, this is gonna sound creepy, but I used to dream about this guy, getting a quick little msg from him in the morning made me feel good for the rest of the day and all that love struck crap... so I don't know if I should, do you think he's finally thinking about giving me a shot? or just catching up for old times sake? or just seeing if he can put me in rehab??? lol... o_0

    I should point out, that he had mentioned to me, that he hasn't really been in a serious relationship before... but he doesn't sleep around... so I dunno? maybe he was a little scared himself?

    Help!

    Any advice would be much appreciated!

    I hope it made sense, and thanks for reading!




  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    Be upfront and ask him what he wants and where you fit into the picture because you're unsure then go from there. That's the simplest.

    ps; you mentioned he said he hasn't been in a serious relationship before and that he also said he doesn't sleep around.. Well he asked you to sleep over on your first date didn't he.. blows that out of the water.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2010 10:17 PM GMT
    I became really confused when you stared writing A and B.. omg


    In your case you guys need to see where it goes hang out again... Maybe he felt unattractive to you since you didn't go spend the night with him. He had to think about...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    If someone is interested, they are interested, and don't leave you hanging or ignore you. Guys who do that are scoping out other guys, and when they don't pan out, they come back to the ones that showed interest at some point.

    I personally would hang out with him if I wanted to, but wouldn't put any hope into a relationship with him.

    FWIW, I'm in the same boat, only no other friend in the picture (but the left hanging part). I don't like getting ignored while they check out hotter prospects.

    When someone shows you who they really are (a flake!), believe them.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2010 11:24 PM GMT
    Remember


    You can't make someone want you, but you can't be ignored.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 22, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    that sucks icon_sad.gif I'm sorry that happened *hug*
  • Karllllp

    Posts: 14

    Dec 23, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidBe upfront and ask him what he wants and where you fit into the picture because you're unsure then go from there. That's the simplest.

    ps; you mentioned he said he hasn't been in a serious relationship before and that he also said he doesn't sleep around.. Well he asked you to sleep over on your first date didn't he.. blows that out of the water.



    Thanks for the reply

    I wrote a lot of detail so that people would give better feedback... He does not sleep around, yeah he asked me to stay that night, but I guess I was an exception icon_smile.gif He doesn't, trust me...

    I guess I'll ask, but like I said, I don't want to scare him off, so I'd rather just hang out I suppose and see what happens... If he just wants to catch up then thats what will happen, if he wants more then we'll see what happens...
  • Karllllp

    Posts: 14

    Dec 23, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    dragondevil saidI became really confused when you stared writing A and B.. omg


    In your case you guys need to see where it goes hang out again... Maybe he felt unattractive to you since you didn't go spend the night with him. He had to think about...


    Haha Im sorry... it was late, and I think I babbled a bit... but sorry for the confusion...
    But I think your right, I feel the problem was maybe he didn't think I was that into him, and decided to cut it off before I did? Typical gay thing to do...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 23, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    what's his zodiac sign and what's your zodiac sign?
  • Karllllp

    Posts: 14

    Dec 24, 2010 7:36 AM GMT
    frenchatheart saidwhat's his zodiac sign and what's your zodiac sign?


    He's a Libra and I'm Virgo...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2010 11:51 AM GMT
    Wow dude I feel for you man.

    If I were you, be open to being friends because he sounds like he'd be a great guy to be mates with, but I would go firstly with that intention and not put your hopes up into having a relationship with him.

    Just to keep yourself emotionally safe, if you come hoping or expecting a relationship to develop, things that he might consider to be friendly you might actually read into as relationship interest.

    I don't know if this is the best way to do it but wait for him to state his exact intentions about the kind of relationship he wants with you, until then just see him as a friend. Is he a serial dater?
    The only reason I'm asking is because he might have a few guys he's interested in and is sort of keeping you hanging to see if you're the 'best' one or something like that.

    Anyway mate I wish you all the best.
    LOL not to sound weird but this really intrigued me, post here what ends up happening with it hahaha. I'm just curious to see how it all pans out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    He made the first move and you rejected him so that screwed up communications. Time for you to make a move or you will be writing next that he and your other friend are boning each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 24, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    dragondevil saidI became really confused when you stared writing A and B.. omg



    me too.. im not good at Math.
  • Karllllp

    Posts: 14

    Dec 25, 2010 9:15 AM GMT
    EBan saidWow dude I feel for you man.

    If I were you, be open to being friends because he sounds like he'd be a great guy to be mates with, but I would go firstly with that intention and not put your hopes up into having a relationship with him.

    Just to keep yourself emotionally safe, if you come hoping or expecting a relationship to develop, things that he might consider to be friendly you might actually read into as relationship interest.

    I don't know if this is the best way to do it but wait for him to state his exact intentions about the kind of relationship he wants with you, until then just see him as a friend. Is he a serial dater?
    The only reason I'm asking is because he might have a few guys he's interested in and is sort of keeping you hanging to see if you're the 'best' one or something like that.

    Anyway mate I wish you all the best.
    LOL not to sound weird but this really intrigued me, post here what ends up happening with it hahaha. I'm just curious to see how it all pans out.


    Hey thanks for responding...

    You make a very good point, and I like your take on it, I think that's probably the best approach to go into my next 'catch up' with him with...

    And to be honest, I actually think that at the time I was dating him, there may have been other interests on on his part, which is fine by me, there was at no point an expectation to be 'exclusive'. But maybe he has tested the waters around, and is wanting to return to my part of the pool? lol

    As for sounding weird? Not at all, Im glad you've taken interest in this, lol kinda the whole point of me posting it... I will defo let you know how it works out =]