Guys who hook up have low self esteem

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    "People who are in the habit of having sex with someone that they just met or know little about tend to have low self-esteem. They are using sex as a substitute for not having a truly fulfilling life and to hide the pain of that void. This pain can stem from many different things. You have to find the root of the pain before you can move forward towards healing."

    I heard this in a movie and it really stuck with me. Do you agree?
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    poppycock
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    Did you really consider the comment or is that your immediate reaction because you like to hook up?
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    I considered the comment and that was my opinion.
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    Dec 22, 2010 6:49 PM GMT
    I don't really think it's a self-esteem issue. I think guys who hook up are just better at being able to separate sex from emotions. Unfortunately, I'm one of those mutants that have the two hardwired together, so I can't. I'm probably missing out on a lot of fun, but I can't change who I am.
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    Dec 22, 2010 7:26 PM GMT
    I second the "it's not a self-esteem issue" opinion, as one who is trying to figure out my own baggage, I'm not into screwing around with strangers. I think it has more to do with just gratifying their own sexual needs. One of my very excellent friends has a very high self-esteem and he likes to play the field, so to speak. I can also say that for one of my ex's, as he too would screw around with every guy that would reciprocate (he was definitely the more social one out of us two, lol)
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 22, 2010 7:40 PM GMT
    I don't agree. I think that some people just enjoy sex without intimacy.
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    Dec 22, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    I know a few people that try to analyze the psychology behind hooking up. I tell them for some of us, there is none; in my case, I just like to fuck and like to fuck often. It feels good, relieves stress, and with this much testosterone running through me, it'd be dangerous for others around me if I didn't fuck somebody every few days.

    Im not hurting anyone (besides a few bottoms Ive had), I protect myself, and Im tested quarterly and remain neg, so I see no harm.
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    Dec 22, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    Vancouverite2004 saidUnfortunately, I'm one of those mutants that have the two hardwired together, so I can't. I'm probably missing out on a lot of fun, but I can't change who I am.


    No I find that there are a lot of guys out there like you. Its just that they don't flaunt it around. I've noticed that there aren't many gays or bis that run around preaching the "save yourself for marriage" line lol.

    I feel there is pressure to be like the masses and have sex whenever and with whomever you want because if your not, the automatic question in people's mind is "why not?" I just say stay true to yourself. No reason to feel badly about not being able to separate sex and emotions.
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    Dec 22, 2010 8:02 PM GMT
    TawlBlond saidI know a few people that try to analyze the psychology behind hooking up. I tell them for some of us, there is none; in my case, I just like to fuck and like to fuck often.


    There is psychology to everything that we do. Your may not fall in line with the little quote that I posted above but I doubt that it is as simple as "I just like to fuck and like to fuck often". I challenge you to take a deeper look at yourself. Not necessarily right at this moment. But the next time you see a guy that you want to pursue, pay attention to the thoughts that are running through your head. And take notice of the type of guy that you are attracted to. Why that type?
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    Dec 22, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    I think for a lot of guys this is definitely true; I know in my case it's intermittently true. BUT, I think it's overly reductive to attribute a singular motivation to such complex sexual impulses.

    I usually have 2 moods when it comes to hooking up:
    Mood #1) When I'm feeling lonely and insecure and need physical validation and a body beside me -- in this case, hooking up satisfies a more psychologically-based desire.
    Mood #2) When my sex hormones spike, making me uncontrollably horny -- in this case, hooking up satisfies a more physically-based desire.

    Elements of each mood come into play every time I hook up, but one usually dominates considerably the other depending on the day.

    As with anything, it depends on the individual. But I think there's definite truth in your statement.
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    Dec 22, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    MascIndianTrail said
    TawlBlond saidI know a few people that try to analyze the psychology behind hooking up. I tell them for some of us, there is none; in my case, I just like to fuck and like to fuck often.


    There is psychology to everything that we do. Your may not fall in line with the little quote that I posted above but I doubt that it is as simple as "I just like to fuck and like to fuck often". I challenge you to take a deeper look at yourself. Not necessarily right at this moment. But the next time you see a guy that you want to pursue, pay attention to the thoughts that are running through your head. And take notice of the type of guy that you are attracted to. Why that type?


    Im going to say this with all the holiday cheer and politeness I can muster; I challenge YOU to shut the fuck up and drop this know it all attitude that's painfully obvious.

    I made it plain and straight-forward, there's nothing else to it. I like to force my big thick dick in and out of itty bitty holes until fluid shoots out. Its not that deep, frasier.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    Digital tough guys are a huge turn on. Keep it coming stud
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:31 PM GMT
    Case in point:

    Don't fuck em' if you like them; Fuck em' if you don't like them.

    If I have sex with a guy shortly after meeting them, it means it's not gonna go anywhere.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    Disagree. Sex is one of our most basic animal instincts (never mind the fact that most species on earth need a male and female subject to reproduce). I don't think that sexual gratification has any real connection with self-esteem issues, or an unfulfilling life. It's a pleasurable stimulus and people seek it for just that reason.

    Psychoanalyzing virtually everything that human beings do is a part of the problem. I think we read too much into things and try to explain why humans do things when in reality, there may well be no underlying, subconscious reason, apart from nature enforcing it’s laws on us.

    Personally, so far I’ve had a very satisfying life and I feel very accomplished. Lack of confidence is not something I suffer from, as I’m very in-touch with myself. Yet, I used to hook up every now and again with people that I didn’t know that well. They weren’t strangers, but we had no other connection apart from physical attraction. I think it has far more to do with being able to separate sex and emotion, and not lack of self-esteem.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    Personally I need to have a personal connection to enjoy it, but I have many close friends, both gay and straight, that fully enjoy sex just as the act of sex and don't need a personal connection to enjoy it... everyone is wired differently and I swim to release my stress, some of you run or lift, and yet other fuck.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:44 PM GMT
    That's just typical Pop-Psychology bullshit.

    I have low self-esteem and don't hook up because of it.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    MascIndianTrail said"People who are in the habit of having sex with someone that they just met or know little about tend to have low self-esteem. They are using sex as a substitute for not having a truly fulfilling life and to hide the pain of that void. This pain can stem from many different things. You have to find the root of the pain before you can move forward towards healing."

    I heard this in a movie and it really stuck with me. Do you agree?


    What movie is this?!
    That statement is too generalized for it to apply to everyone. Obviously we're not all insecure and shallow enough to use sex to fill a certain void. Some of us just want to hook up.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    MascIndianTrail said"People who are in the habit of having sex with someone that they just met or know little about tend to have low self-esteem. They are using sex as a substitute for not having a truly fulfilling life and to hide the pain of that void. This pain can stem from many different things. You have to find the root of the pain before you can move forward towards healing."

    I heard this in a movie and it really stuck with me. Do you agree?


    If you're talking about people who hook up A LOT, then yes, I think there's some truth to that statement, particularly the part about using sex as a substitute. (I don't know about the low self-esteem part.) If you're spending most of your free time getting busy with the next dick or the next ass, there's a whole awesome world out there that you're missing.
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    CalSparkx saidDisagree. Sex is one of our most basic animal instincts (never mind the fact that most species on earth need a male and female subject to reproduce). I don't think that sexual gratification has any real connection with self-esteem issues, or an unfulfilling life. It's a pleasurable stimulus and people seek it for just that reason.

    Psychoanalyzing virtually everything that human beings do is a part of the problem. I think we read too much into things and try to explain why humans do things when in reality, there may well be no underlying, subconscious reason, apart from nature enforcing it’s laws on us.

    Personally, so far I’ve had a very satisfying life and I feel very accomplished. Lack of confidence is not something I suffer from, as I’m very in-touch with myself. Yet, I used to hook up every now and again with people that I didn’t know that well. They weren’t strangers, but we had no other connection apart from physical attraction. I think it has far more to do with being able to separate sex and emotion, and not lack of self-esteem.



    amen
    Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (attrb: Freud)
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    Dec 22, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    TawlBlond said
    MascIndianTrail said
    TawlBlond saidI know a few people that try to analyze the psychology behind hooking up. I tell them for some of us, there is none; in my case, I just like to fuck and like to fuck often.


    There is psychology to everything that we do. Your may not fall in line with the little quote that I posted above but I doubt that it is as simple as "I just like to fuck and like to fuck often". I challenge you to take a deeper look at yourself. Not necessarily right at this moment. But the next time you see a guy that you want to pursue, pay attention to the thoughts that are running through your head. And take notice of the type of guy that you are attracted to. Why that type?


    Im going to say this with all the holiday cheer and politeness I can muster; I challenge YOU to shut the fuck up and drop this know it all attitude that's painfully obvious.

    I made it plain and straight-forward, there's nothing else to it. I like to force my big thick dick in and out of itty bitty holes until fluid shoots out. Its not that deep, frasier.




    Hey, dude, you never know,-he may know it all!
    No need to get aggressive because you felt threatened by the question!
    And theres psychology to that too ;-)
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Dec 23, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    MascIndianTrail said"People who are in the habit of having sex with someone that they just met or know little about tend to have low self-esteem. They are using sex as a substitute for not having a truly fulfilling life and to hide the pain of that void. This pain can stem from many different things. You have to find the root of the pain before you can move forward towards healing."

    I heard this in a movie and it really stuck with me. Do you agree?


    What movie is this?!
    That statement is too generalized for it to apply to everyone. Obviously we're not all insecure and shallow enough to use sex to fill a certain void. Some of us just want to hook up.


    Exactly! While I don't think that that quote applies to everyone, I do think that it does apply to some people.
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Dec 23, 2010 12:05 AM GMT
    Not at all! Sex is one of our most primal and basic needs. Maslow's Heirachy of needs places Sex at the bottom on the pyramid (the most basic). Sex is just that...sex. There are people who can get back to basics and have sex without any emotional attachment.

    Anyone who believes that it is wrong to have casual sex or accuses those people of low self esteem are really the one with low self esteem. I imagine they are also the judgmental ones because they are actually jealous. They do not feel confident enough to do what other people freely do.

    People need to not worry so much about trivial things like who's having sex with who. They should worry about bettering the world with love and acceptance.
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    Dec 23, 2010 12:11 AM GMT
    I agree with TawlBlond. To me, sex is like eating, drinking or breathing. When I get horny, hooking up is the best way to satisfy myself. Masturbation doesn't really cut it. Really don't care who I hook up with as long as they have a hard cock, top, and are decent in bed. Pretty simple.
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    Dec 23, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    Geez, if I do it's just because I am so horny i can't even think about anything else. I mean, I really try not to, but every now and then its a must. After, I am so relaxed and can concentrate so much better.