China mainland: gay marrigaes leave hundreds of thousands broken families

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    Mar 21, 2008 8:57 AM GMT
    For thousands of years in China, men are born for marriage, growing kids and many other things that come about subsequently. It has been taken for granted for such a long time that few men dare to make a change, considering pressure from parents, society and feudal ideology.
    It is estimated that there are at least of 50 million homosexual men in China, a overwhelming majority of whom have no choice but to yield to marriage. Try to imagine, life for them is inevitably a perpetual struggle against responsibility and long desired boy love. Thus, what kind of life do their wifes lead? The following cases will, to some extent, help you learn their living conditions.
    Mrs A is a civil servant in the city of Taian, where the globe-renowned World Culture&Nature Heritage cite Mount Tai is situated. She get accquainted with her now husband through broker and fell in love with him upon first sight. Before long, they got married among blessings of friends and relatives. To her joy, her husband is always considerate and thoughtfull to her and can meet her sexuall demand by and large. During maternity leave, he even asked for a 7-month-long leave to carefully look after her. However, she found out the fact her husband is acctually a gay which she never think about. To make things worse, her spouse is sexually active and indulges in one night stand with young gay boys. She quarreled with him for many times and even threaten to divorce him. But, all in vain, it remains unchangeable, which throws her into a dilemma. At present, she is considering to make a compromise.
    By comparison, Mrs B, a key normal university graduate, is much more unlucky and miserable. She discovered her husband is a gay the day after wedding ceremony. Thats because Mr B and the best man at the wedding ceremony are inseparable like a person and his shadow all day long. And she further found out that her monter-in-law in fact konws the relationships between her son and that best man. That is to say, she was cheated on purpose. Several moths later, the couple reached an aggreement of divorce. For the time being, they are waitting for verdict by the law court.
    Mrs C is a pregnant woman. Believe it nor not, she is puzzled by a question, who is the biological father of the embryo. You may find her story funny, buth it's true. Mrs C fled home after a overheated fight with her husband the night she accidentally got to konw that Mr C is a gay. She rushed to her male mistress's house and got fucked. Nevertheless, she came back due to her husband's repetitive pursuasion. Then, she was abused again at home. Shortly afterwards, she became pregnant. Surprisingly, she decides neither to divorce nor to get abortion. The delivery date is just three months away. No one konws what will come next.
    These tragic stories happen in China everyday, resulting in hundreds of thousands of broken families. Who to blame, gay themselves, surrounding environment, society or the government? I simply have no idea.


    For more gay stories in China, go to my english blog:
    http://ancai0552.spaces.live.com/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    Those are all interesting stories. Thanks for posting them. It isn't so great being gay anywhere, but I can't imagine what it's like in China, which would be only marginally better than the Middle East.

    What I find so interesting about these Chinese stories is that here is a nation that is so overpopulated that it insists families have only one child and basically harvests additional children out to the West for adoption, yet they continue to perpetuate the idea that men are only useful if they are breeding. Fifty million gay men forced into marriage means about fifty million more children (give or take ten million) that will only add to the huge population problem. Wouldn't MORE homosexuality be a great solution for China?

    We all know that you're gay, bi or straight and can't change those colors, so to suggest gay recruiting is laughable, but what China needs is a lot, lot, LOT more gay men and women.

    And still societal ignorance and fear are so prevalent all the way to the top of the nation's leadership that it is better to have over-population and poverty than to have homosexuality.

    Just when you think we've moved forward there is something to remind you that we have a very long road ahead of us.icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    China has a most interesting history, great culture and art. The greatest block to gay people there comes from the ancient tradition of honoring ancestors. Please correct me Ancai055 2, but is not it is a common believe that unless ancestors are given offerings on certain days and their tombs regularly maintained that they will have a rough time in the afterlife. I think this persists despite most Chinese these days not having any religious beliefs.

    The other factor is that by and large pensions are low and health care is expensive, so that parents rely on their child or children to help them in their old age. Perhaps even some gay men worry about this and prefer to have children.

    Is gay life easier for people in large cities? Many younger people have left their villages to work far away where there are more jobs and money.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 21, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    There is an incredibly long history of homosexuality and homosociality in China. Even characters in The Romance of the Three Kingdoms could be read as homosexual characters, including Guan Yu! I wrote a paper on the sexual lifecycle of Chinese men in short stories by Li Yu and homosexuality was tolerated *because* men were expected to get married and continue their family lines by having children. There were and are societal expectations surrounding gays and marriage in China, which I suppose are "to blame" for these cases, though I don't believe blame can be assigned to any one thing. It's just reality, and it has been the reality in China for a long time. The only solution is a change of values regarding males' obligation to marry [a woman].
  • justin520

    Posts: 6

    Mar 22, 2008 4:53 AM GMT
    I don't kown what should i say.and i kown,i have my own life,i want enjoy it.I don't care some fucking bias opinions.so just go our own way,as a gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 22, 2008 1:43 PM GMT
    China has a long history of gay and has a quite large population of gay. In feudal dynasties, boy love were pretty prevalent, especially in imperial court. There are tremendous methologies, stories and works concerning gay and lesbian characters. I am planning to write more articles about homosexuality in both ancient and temporary China.
    Please pay attention to my English blog if you want to learn more about Chinese homosexual.
    http://ancai0552.spaces.live.com/
  • Kirby_Atwood

    Posts: 42

    Mar 31, 2008 2:26 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Bunjamon said[/cite]Even characters in The Romance of the Three Kingdoms could be read as homosexual characters, including Guan Yu![quote]


    really, i dont know Guan Yu being somehow a homosexual character. Tell me about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2008 11:55 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREPlease correct me Ancai055 2, but is not it is a common believe that unless ancestors are given offerings on certain days and their tombs regularly maintained that they will have a rough time in the afterlife. I think this persists despite most Chinese these days not having any religious beliefs.


    It's called Qing Ming Jie [i think] (Tomb Sweeping Day), and its this Friday! WOO, 3 day weekend. Actually in the past, Chinese weren't given this holiday off, but apparently due to a bit of a public outcry, some holidays were reshuffled, and this became part of the official mix again.

    I can also unequivocally say that gay life is much easier in the big cities for the Chinese, just the same as anywhere. There are still hundreds of millions of peasants working the fields. And then there are others living the high life in fairly cosmopolitan cities.

    I have seen first hand many gay bars in Shanghai where locals and expats mix, and know there are many more mainly Chinese ones.
    There's a good youtube video about it here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOz9euaigPA

    and some other good reading for curious people here:
    http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2008-01/14/content_6390950.htm

    http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1703180,00.html

    Cheers!
  • Kirby_Atwood

    Posts: 42

    Apr 01, 2008 12:37 PM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREQUOTE GOES HERE


    I have seen first hand many gay bars in Shanghai where locals and expats mix, and know there are many more mainly Chinese ones.
    [/quote]

    Hey, so you work in Shanghai , right? Well, yes, there are lot of gay bars in Shanghai, or Beijing or Guangzhou, in those big cities. But like you said, in the suburb area of China, it is not as open as those big cities. Even though i am sure, gay are everywhere in China. Not only in bars, but also on this network.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2008 1:02 PM GMT
    I was thinking about this exact topic. I'm also studying in Beijing right now and just visited a gay club this past Saturday. It was absolutely packed with local Chinese guys. (I felt bad bringing two of my girlfriends, because they were maybe two of seven girls out of a crowd of 200+ guys). One of my classmates was telling me how in her class the teacher was explaining how homosexuality is actually quite accepted in China. But I thought, how can it be so accepted if you're the only son/daughter of a family and the family line rests upon your shoulders to procreate with someone of the opposite sex? Sounds like a lot of pressure to me (especially coming from an ethnically Chinese background -- luckily I have my sister to continue the family line!).

    Interesting topic. And I still find it funny to refer to someone as "a gay" or "the gay."
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    Apr 01, 2008 1:37 PM GMT
    Her "male mistress' house"? Sounds like she's had one on the back-burner for a while.....

    Society and government is to blame. It can be difficult to be gay in America let alone being in a communist country and being gay!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 11:26 PM GMT
    I've read in a couple of publications that China is short of women. One was "The Death of the West" by Pat Buchanan and the other was "Red Dragon Rising" by Timberlake and Triplet. In both books it cited China as having over twentyfive million men more than women.
    They shouldn't have a problem with gay relationships.

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    Sep 08, 2008 7:52 AM GMT
    Being gay in any society is somehow a difficult thing to deal with. In China, it is more of a traditional and cultural issue since family needs male to carry on the last name of the family. In the West, it is a religion issue. To be gay is not accepted religiously in the West. There is rarely gay bashing violent in China but it happens in US because people in the US are so religiously charged that consider to be gay is a sin. Comparing with some other developed countries, US is still far behind in terms of gay rights and gay protection by law.
  • Mars

    Posts: 158

    Sep 11, 2008 5:56 AM GMT
    In times gone by, Chinese marriages were very rarely based on actual 'love' as it was a common custom for the parents to arrange marriages based on how the situation might benefit both families. So in the past, sex and sexuality had very little to do with anything as long as a son was produced. This is very different from a western way of thinking though arranged marriages have happened at one time or another in many cultures besides those of the far east. In the 5 years that I spent in China, I knew many people who were married but lead almost completely separate lives, but chose to stay married because it benefitted them both in some way (perhaps she was provided a nice lifestyle and he was provided a mother for his child, for example). It seemed in many ways like a business arrangement more than what we in the west think of marriage. There were also those couples that seemed much more in love (typically 30 somthings and younger) and were determined that they were going to be happy together because they had each other to be happy with. I found it very interesting and I enjoyed the opportunity to learn from the Chinese friends that I had and still have to this day.

    I guess what my real point here is that being gay in China, like anywhere else, has its challenges. But as I think has already been pointed out, the challenges are due to cultural influences more so than a non acceptance by society. I read a book called 'Jan Wong's China' and it was an account of the author's (Jan Wong) experience revisiting her past in China after many years of living in Canada, where I believe she currently resides. In her book she has devoted a chapter to this very topic of being gay in China.
  • Mars

    Posts: 158

    Sep 11, 2008 6:00 AM GMT
    Oh! And thanks for this topic! Its really interesting to read everyone's points of view here icon_smile.gif