Just came home from a date :s

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    Dec 24, 2010 1:51 AM GMT
    When things look to good to be true, they generally are. An attractive guy, well established... bla bla. I really didn't get why he would bother with me, there's thousands he can get. I go into his house, we kiss and touch and in the middle of that he walks over to the kitchen and he snorts cocaine... I was shocked and he comes back and still in shock I continued what I was doing for a few secs, but then I asked him, 'did you just snort cocaine' and he looked at me with this weird face and he didn't reply and wanted to continue... so I said, 'I am sorry, I respect your lifestyle and I am fine with that, but I don't like to be part of it' and he was completely numb to what I said, he just kept staring. So I just grabbed my stuff and wished him a good night. I am annoyed by the fact that I feel bad. How does it work with drugs? Shouldn't you tell someone upfront you're using drugs if you are so obvious about it? Pfff... if only there was a cure for lust and attraction, cause I am really getting tired of all this.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    Sucks to hear that happened, some people tend to wait for that stuff cause they know that not all other guys are into it. Some people can handle it and stop immediately, but others they just can't so can't say if this guy was into it for a while. It seems like it was like an everyday routine if he was able to do so with you there. I respect other people's decisions, but definitely not something I would ever try or even consider dating a guy into them.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    Monir saidWhen things look to good to be true, they generally are. An attractive guy, well established... bla bla. I really didn't get why he would bother with me, there's thousands he can get. I go into his house, we kiss and touch and in the middle of that he walks over to the kitchen and he snorts cocaine... I was shocked and he comes back and still in shock I continued what I was doing for a few secs, but then I asked him, 'did you just snort cocaine' and he looked at me with this weird face and he didn't reply and wanted to continue... so I said, 'I am sorry, I respect your lifestyle and I am fine with that, but I don't like to be part of it' and he was completely numb to what I said, he just kept staring. So I just grabbed my stuff and wished him a good night. I am annoyed by the fact that I feel bad. How does it work with drugs? Shouldn't you tell someone upfront you're using drugs if you are so obvious about it? Pfff... if only there was a cure for lust and attraction, cause I am really getting tired of all this.


    Apologies for laughing, but this happened several times to me before Bill. So, lol.

    ...and a hug *hug*. There's really only one way to find out sometimes, and you did it.

    DON'T feel bad!!! The guy was an idiot. Suppose you worked for the police to make a living? Then you'd be feeling bad when he was put in lock-up for the night.

    -Doug
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    What more do you want? You found out very early on that he is in to something you did not approve of. Consider yourself lucky. It takes many people much longer to discover things like this about someone and by then they have much more time and emotion invested in the relationship.
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    navi_leinad saidSucks to hear that happened, some people tend to wait for that stuff cause they know that not all other guys are into it. Some people can handle it and stop immediately, but others they just can't so can't say if this guy was into it for a while. It seems like it was like an everyday routine if he was able to do so with you there. I respect other people's decisions, but definitely not something I would ever try or even consider dating a guy into them.


    I don't know to be honest, but like you said it was just like he grabbed for a glass of water or so, a daily routine. I absolutely agree with your last sentence. I am afraid I have cocaine traces all over me. I remember on CSI or something they say you carry it with you for a while.

    @ doug, thanks, you're sweet! The police thing I thought of immediately after he used that shit.
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    HeartRobb saidWhat more do you want? You found out very early on that he is in to something you did not approve of. Consider yourself lucky. It takes many people much longer to discover things like this about someone and by then they have much more time and emotion invested in the relationship.


    Yes, exactly! I absolutely agree with this. I am very happy he didn't do it behind my back.
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    ..did you ask him prior if he was a coke head?
    Then, it's actually YOUR fault.
    I always ask the basic questions.
    HIV/STD status and CURRENT or PAST drug usage?
    Alot of people have that addiction or certain other addictions.
    Or mental illnesses in some cases.

    If you'd asked about it beforehand he probably would have given an honest answer. Don't assume that everyone is "clean" or lives a "normal" lifestyle.
    I have asked questions and found out the most bizarre and unspeakable things about guys. And I wished them good luck and moved on...
    And I thank the universe that I had the COMMON SENSE to simply ASK.
    Alot of guys think I'm obnoxious for asking DEEPLY personal questions.
    In the gay world alot of guys just want what LOOKS GOOD instead of what IS GOOD, so get to KNOW someone before you start kissing and bending over.

    I value my life.

    So, if you can't open yourself and be honest to me..then I'm not interested.
    I can tell you some FK'd UP stories about guys!

    And that's being nice about it

    P.S Don't be so quick to have sex ( as it seemed it was going there)
    So don't blame the other person... take responsibility!
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:22 AM GMT
    insatiablelover206 said..did you ask him prior if he was a coke head?
    Then, it's actually YOUR fault.
    I always ask the basic questions.
    HIV/STD status and CURRENT or PAST drug usage?
    Alot of people have that addiction or certain other addictions.
    Or mental illnesses in some cases.

    If you'd asked about it beforehand he probably would have given an honest answer. Don't assume that everyone is "clean" or lives a "normal" lifestyle.
    I have asked questions and found out the most bizarre and unspeakable things about guys. And I wished them good luck and moved on...
    And I thank the universe that I had the COMMON SENSE to simply ASK.
    Alot of guys think I'm obnoxious for asking DEEPLY personal questions.
    In the gay world alot of guys just want what LOOKS GOOD instead of what IS GOOD, so get to KNOW someone before you start kissing and bending over.

    I value my life.

    So, if you can't open yourself and be honest to be, I'm not interested.
    I can tell you some FK'd UP stories about guys!

    And that's being nice about it

    P.S Don't be so quick to have sex ( as it seemed it was going there)
    So don't blame the other person... take responsibility!



    This sounds so basic and yet I don't do it! I really appreciate this. I will from now on seriously ask all these questions, because it will safe the other person time as well. It is indeed my life and I need to take responsibility for it! Like I said, I wish I could turn off lust. I haven't had sex in over a year so I was a bit desperate, but I am cured for the moment. Thanks again!
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    He didn't even offer you any? What a dick. Glad you found out early on he's stingy.
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    Pyrotech saidHe didn't even offer you any? What a dick. Glad you found out early on he's stingy.
    +1
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    Dec 24, 2010 2:49 AM GMT


    With all due respect insatiablelover206, you're full of it.

    "..did you ask him prior if he was a coke head?
    Then, it's actually YOUR fault."

    Merry Christmas!

    -Doug
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    Dec 24, 2010 5:39 AM GMT
    Take pleasure in the fact that you left and hope that he stopped for a moment to think about the fact that a good guy just walked out on him. Although he probably won't since he clearly has big issues. Good luck.
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    Dec 24, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    People who do drugs typically don't think there's anything wrong with it, hence his confusion about why you would have an issue. Good for you for standing up for what you believe in, but you also didn't really give him a chance to respond to your feelings about it. Might be worth having a conversation when he's sober...that is, if you think he's worth it. If he's willing to give up the drugs in favor of giving it a go with you, maybe there's a future? It's a long shot, but what relationship isn't?!
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    Dec 24, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    I find what you did attractive.
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    Dec 24, 2010 6:15 AM GMT
    You did the right thing. Be honest about your beliefs and let the guy know. Yeah its kinda sad how drugs are very much a part of people's lives. You are right to be skeptical about the 9s and 10s (awesome looking) cause you can always find something you won't agree with. That being said, just because something is beautiful on the outside doesn't necessarily mean the inside is the same. I guess there really is know way around it and you have to get to know the person..=)
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    Dec 24, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    Well that was a horrible date, I would be in shock as well, why would anyone think it's okay to do that on a first date?! well whatever floats your boat I guess
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    Dec 24, 2010 9:27 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    With all due respect insatiablelover206, you're full of it.

    "..did you ask him prior if he was a coke head?
    Then, it's actually YOUR fault."

    Merry Christmas!

    -Doug


    I have to agree... to blame the OP is ridiculous. It most definitely IS fair to assume that the guy you're dating isn't a major cokehead, first of all. If you find out later that not to be true, big deal, you had fun and you move on. Second, you say that some guys might think you were being obnoxious for asking deep questions... well if it was on the first or second date, I too would think you were being obnoxious... It would make me feel like I was in a job interview... completely unromantic and a turnoff.
  • GQjock

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    Dec 24, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    so I said, 'I am sorry, I respect your lifestyle and I am fine with that

    You're WAY more tactful than I would have been

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    i think your jumping to conclusions... how do you know that it wasn't flour or sugar? He could have been baking a pastry up his nose for you and trying to be romantic..

    ha jk.. I think you made a wise choice. Above, someone said you should approach him when sober. I don't have any experience with those types of people but from what I have read, its not something they can just drop. Who knows if he says, "Ok, Ill stop for you" if he is being honest.

    I think smart move on your part. Theres more (clean) fish in the sea! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 24, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    I'm sorry but if that ever happened to me I wouldnt be able to help myself and I'd probably laugh till I cried all the way back to my car
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 24, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    I applaud you for what you did. I would have been put off as well and you did the best thing possible...you just left.

    Find somebody who isn't into that bullshit.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 24, 2010 1:14 PM GMT
    winthropboy saidI find what you did attractive.

    This.


    Pyrotech saidHe didn't even offer you any? What a dick. Glad you found out early on he's stingy.

    +1
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:20 PM GMT
    meninlove saidWith all due respect insatiablelover206, you're full of it.

    "..did you ask him prior if he was a coke head?
    Then, it's actually YOUR fault."

    Merry Christmas!

    -Doug

    You mean you don't carry the standard gay dating questionnaire form on you like the rest of us do? I even always bring my own pencil, in case he needs one, to fill in the little circles.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    You did the right thing.
    Don't beat yourself up over it.
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    Dec 24, 2010 1:35 PM GMT
    It might have been gum.

    No, seriously, be thankful that its over. BE done with him.