Dec 24, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
First off, I just want to say that I honestly do like who I am as a person and I know that I'm a good guy, so it's not an issue with having low self-esteem or being closeted. Just want to put that out there. Also, I'm aware that it has some ties to me having a horrible relationship with my father.
Okay, I seem to have a mental block when it comes to talking or creating friendships with straight guys. I can do the whole small talk thing, but after a while it gets pretty uncomfortable. This is especially frustrating when I have to see the same guys everyday (in class or at work). I'm not necessarily an obvious gay guy and I don't talk openly about my sexuality to everyone (only my close gay friends know). I try to maintain this cool "Johnny Depp" mystique (if you will), which is really just a front. I know what I'm doing and I know it appears cool and interesting to the straight guys, but it's not a fun role to maintain.
I know a lot of straight males but I wouldn't consider them good friends. I get nervous about letting straight guys into my personal life because I want them to think I'm a relatable guy. I'm not the type to lie and it's almost like I want one of them to ask me "Are you gay?" just so the ice will be broken. I don't feel like I should have to tell anyone anything they don't ask me.
It's always easier when like a girl friend of mine is dating a guy and she tells him I am gay (before I meet him). Then once I meet him, I enjoy breaking all his pre-conceived notions of gay guys. I feel like I can be myself and they always end up really enjoying my company.
Many straight guys show genuine interest in me. They'll ask me random questions and give me random compliments, just to make conversation and I always end up feeling like a dick head because I'm so short with them. I'm afraid that if a guy is nice to me, I'll end up getting a man crush on him and I don't want to go there. It always happens when a straight guy is nice to me.
The whole thing is really debilitating and in the past, I always end up becoming that guy (especially in the workplace) that no other straight guys want to be around. I can see the uncomfortable reactions of there faces when they run into me or have to make small talk with me. I don't know what I need to do to get past this.
I really enjoy the company of straight guys, I like to feel like "one of the guys" and I need to be able to network with straight guys.
Can anyone relate to anything I am saying? It's really hurting my social and professional life.
Okay, I seem to have a mental block when it comes to talking or creating friendships with straight guys. I can do the whole small talk thing, but after a while it gets pretty uncomfortable. This is especially frustrating when I have to see the same guys everyday (in class or at work). I'm not necessarily an obvious gay guy and I don't talk openly about my sexuality to everyone (only my close gay friends know). I try to maintain this cool "Johnny Depp" mystique (if you will), which is really just a front. I know what I'm doing and I know it appears cool and interesting to the straight guys, but it's not a fun role to maintain.
I know a lot of straight males but I wouldn't consider them good friends. I get nervous about letting straight guys into my personal life because I want them to think I'm a relatable guy. I'm not the type to lie and it's almost like I want one of them to ask me "Are you gay?" just so the ice will be broken. I don't feel like I should have to tell anyone anything they don't ask me.
It's always easier when like a girl friend of mine is dating a guy and she tells him I am gay (before I meet him). Then once I meet him, I enjoy breaking all his pre-conceived notions of gay guys. I feel like I can be myself and they always end up really enjoying my company.
Many straight guys show genuine interest in me. They'll ask me random questions and give me random compliments, just to make conversation and I always end up feeling like a dick head because I'm so short with them. I'm afraid that if a guy is nice to me, I'll end up getting a man crush on him and I don't want to go there. It always happens when a straight guy is nice to me.
The whole thing is really debilitating and in the past, I always end up becoming that guy (especially in the workplace) that no other straight guys want to be around. I can see the uncomfortable reactions of there faces when they run into me or have to make small talk with me. I don't know what I need to do to get past this.
I really enjoy the company of straight guys, I like to feel like "one of the guys" and I need to be able to network with straight guys.
Can anyone relate to anything I am saying? It's really hurting my social and professional life.