Just came "out" to my family...

  • yeaboy

    Posts: 16

    Dec 26, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    I'm 23 years old and have kind of just "figured things out" recently. Tonight, I came out to my family.... yikes.

    Background: I dated a girl seriously last year. I'm very, very masculine.

    So it's Christmas night. We're all in the car (mom, dad, brother and sister) listening to Christmas music. The conversation comes up about our relationship statuses and all three of us confirm to my parents that we're all single. Of course, now I'm getting anxiety... I hate lying. I hate when people ask about this stuff.

    We continue talking about random things for about 15 mins. My stomach is churning, my heart is beating... I feel like I have to word-vomit or else I might really vomit.

    Next thing I know.. I say "Wellllllllll I should clarify my relationship status for a second if you don't mind. I'm gay and seeing a guy."

    SILENCE. I've ruined Christmas?

    MOM: My mom is the first to speak... she starts telling me "well we'd be happy to meet whoever is special in your life" and then goes onto ask and verify that "as long as I'm happy" and "that must feel good to say." She also mentioned she had thought this since I was 10-12 years old.

    DAD: Silence the whole way home. Fuck fuck fuck.

    OLDER BROTHER: Says all the right things. Asks me questions about "the guy" asks how long my friends have known, who else knows, etc.

    YOUNGER SISTER: Says general, neutral statements: "Well that's news" and "That's good"


    Now, back at the house.....

    My mom tells me while that might have been an OK time for me... it was not really a smart idea to tell us all in the car. She said that although she's been trying to prepare my dad for years, he hasn't really wanted to believe it. She says, he probably feels like he's failed in some way.

    My brother again says he knows that must have been hard and he's glad I said something.

    My sister avoids the topic but still continues to talk to me.

    I went over to my dad and hugged him and said "I love you Dad. I'm sorry." He replied: "I love you and always will. I need more time to think" and essentially walks away. We both said goodnight to each other.

    CONCLUSIONS AND LESSONS LEARNED:

    * Moms always know before you do if you're gay or not
    * Friends are WAY easier to tell than family
    * I should have told my mom and no one else. She could have spent a month or two preparing my dad and putting the bug in his head that I "might" be gay. I really, really regret not telling my mom and my mom only.

    It's going to be a bit longer process for my family. I guess I'm OK with that. The holidays are almost over.. and I can go back to my life and they can have the next 3-6 months to think!









  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    First of all, congrats brother, feels like the weight of the world off your shoulders, eh?

    Secondly, you did the right thing in telling everyone, they all share a part of your life and want to be part of your future.

    Thirdly, don't sell your dad short....listen to what he said, he loves you, let him process it...you had 23 years...he will come around...i absolutely guarantee it....and will never think less of you...he will love you as much, and be prouder of you because you are a man with cajones....all my best to your new life.........................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 2:57 AM GMT


    Congratulations on coming out to your family. It must have been a hard thing to do... The great benefit of this is, that your family is supportive and loves you. Your dad will always love you as he says, he just needs time to process it and accept who you are.

    You didn't do anything wrong... When I came out to my mother when I was fifteen, i was scolded... She wouldn't accept it, 20 years later she does.... That's how long it took her. I'm not saying your dad is going to take this long, but at least you put out there for him and now he knows.

    You should feel fantastic for coming out, good for you.
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    Dec 26, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    First off, congrats!
    Second, no regrets! What's done is done.
    There's really no "right time" to tell your parents.

    Your mom said she's been "preparing" you dad for a long time. Telling her first would not have changed anything. He'll come around eventually.

    And, welcome to the "out" club! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:04 AM GMT
    congratulations! i know how stressed out you must've been, but at least it's out there now and everyone in your family can let it sink in. your dad probably just needs time, so give him that. sounds like you must have a great BF to want to come out to your family like that!
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:07 AM GMT
    Congrats man! Don't regret your decision. Just be happy its DONE. And there could have been waaay worse reactions, like kicking you out of the house for example. While maybe it would have been a little better to ease your dad into it, its a weight off your shoulders, so don't feel bad.
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    Whats done is done and if he is taking it this way I am sure he will come around when he's ready. Congratz!
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Dec 26, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    Congrats! Regardless of how it turned out, I know this is a huge weight off your shoulders. It's somewhat amusing you post this thread tonight because I had a rather awkward experience with the family tonight myself. icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    CONGRATULATIONS! I was the same age when I came out to my family. I wish I would have come out sooner. Turned out, my dad whom I feared the most and thought would take the news badly was like, "I knew you were gay since you were 5 years old! And I decided then that I would love you no matter what." We got along so much better since.

    So, kudos to you! Enjoy your future!

    Vinny
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    Congratulations buddy!! All the love in the world to you!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Dec 26, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    Wow! Congrats dude! Thats great. I think I came out a year and a half ago or something. Definately not an easy thing to do, especially on Christmas Day!! My only word of advice, and I'm sure you know this, is give it lots of time for it to sink in with your family before you bring your special someone home to meet them. It sort of becomes "more real" in a sense because it is really confirmed that you are gay. Thats my only advice!

    Again, congrats!icon_biggrin.gif
  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    Dec 26, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    Congrats! And wow! Telling all of them at once - that must have taken a lot of courage indeed. You are a very brave guy. I told my bro and then my dad and then my mum (funny, eh?) But yeah, I don't think I would have the guts to tell them one at a time. And I'm sure you haven't ruined Christmas for them. In fact, they will be glad that you were honest to them.
    Congrats once again and wish you and your family a very merry Christmas. May the coming year be filled with a lot of joy and happiness for you and your family!
    Once again, Wow! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    I think that's an awesome story.
    Moms always know. My mom suspected since I was three months old.
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    Congrats! I'm sure it wasn't easy, but you did the right thing. You were honost with yourself and them and that can go a long way. My coming out wasn't as smooth..and I didn't even get the chance to tell them when I was ready; my aunt found out and blabbed. I wish that I had gotten the chance to say it myself.
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    You're a bad ass.

    That is all. icon_cool.gif
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Dec 26, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    That's awesome man. You did great. There are always ways you could do it better or differently, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you had the courage to do it and your relationship with your family can be much more authentic moving forward.

    Your family sounds great to give you the responses they did, especially your dad. He'll process it over time but the fact that you have his unconditional love is the best gift you could have this Christmas. Congrats!
  • OutPhase

    Posts: 68

    Dec 26, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    Your very lucky to have family that love you for who you are and have it turn out well except for your pops. He will come around...like what mine did.
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    Nice job..that was really mellow of a reaction. Lets just say there were lots of words and violence for mine.
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    GREAT JOB! Be proud and LIVE! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    yeaboy said

    Background: I dated a girl seriously last year. I'm very, very masculine.







    WELL I'm so glad you cleared that your REALLY masculineicon_lol.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:31 AM GMT
    Aznewbie saidYou're a bad ass.

    That is all. icon_cool.gif


    Couldn't agree more!! Congrats man!
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:33 AM GMT
    Congrats. I hope my family reacts the same way - which they won't.

    Merry Christmas!
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    Congrats, man. And thanks for the "lessons learned."
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    Huge Congrats on coming out and don't you dare feel any regrets.

    To put things in perspective a bit, I told my dad when it was just the two of us in the car. Thankfully we were parked at the time because well, Let's just say I had to run for it - literally. If things sorta settled down for ME, you'll be fine.

    Give it some time and you'll be bringing your boyfriend(s) home on the weekends icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 26, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    Aznewbie saidYou're a bad ass.

    That is all. icon_cool.gif


    I second that. Kudos to you amigo.