SHARE YOUR CHRISTMAS DYSFUNCTIONS

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2010 8:58 PM GMT
    Glad to be back home after visiting family and relatives? Am I ever.

    I completed my duty without any fights or losing my patience. I visited my sister and brother-in-law 240 miles away. For two days my skin, hair, and clothes absorbed their raunchy cigarette smoke as they lit up every twenty minutes. I endured their new dog, a five-month-old lhasa apso that growled every time I entered the room, then jumped up to lick my hands. It peed on the floor twice.

    We watched several movies, Twilight III being one of them. It seems this entire series is based on a confused chick named Bella. "I love you. Oh, but I love you too. I know just what I want. No I don't." Lord.

    My sister gave me the same disappointed look she gives me every year when she opens my gifts. She already bought everything she wants on credit. Here was her response to the book I took several years to write:

    Me: I have one more gift for you!
    Her (uncaringly): What?
    Me (handing her my book I nicely wrapped): Here
    Her (unwrapping book): I bet this is the book on our lives growing up.
    Her: Great, now I have to relive it all over again.
    Me: I hope you like it, it printed out well.
    Her: I don't want to read it now. Don't you read any of it now either.
    Me: OK, I didn't plan to.

    Two hours later I took this photo so you can see how much she treasured it. Classic.

    booksmoke.jpg


    How about you? Share your crazy story. icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    You are a good man.

    My mother usually gives me clothes but she sometimes forgets I'm not 9 anymore.
    Up until last year, I was not allowed to be in any of my "mother-in-law"'s parties that included non-family. "Lord have mercy, what would people think?"
    We both have big families. There is usually a fight somewhere between our mothers and their siblings/friends/cousins/etc. Have you ever seen polite Southern ladies fight? You will probably never hear "Lord bless you..." more outside of a church.

    Once one of my uncles told me that my father would be ashamed of me if he wasn't rotting in the grave. That one actually stung.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 26, 2010 11:14 PM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1295926
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    10AM:
    Vodka soda+amitriptyline+valium+xanex

    1PM:
    Two glasses of merlot

    7PM:
    Don't remember any of it.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 26, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    hauptstimme said10AM:
    Vodka soda+amitriptyline+valium+xanex

    1PM:
    Two glasses of merlot

    7PM:
    Don't remember any of it.



    BAD ASS GAME PLAN!!!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 27, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    my surviving mother gave me MUCH more cash than in the past years since my father's death.

    when i protested that it far too many benjamins; she just looked at me and said "never mind about the amount, i probably won't be around for next Christmas".

    icon_eek.gif

    icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    Christmas Eve was with my mother's side of the family. Topics of conversation were...

    How to get medical marijuana (Legal in MI).
    Do hookers get overtime in the winter?
    How do I make my boobs grow?
    Why Danny (Me) needs to get a man.

    Christmas Day with my father's family...

    Is Michelle Obamas hair real?
    Why does my aunt keep her job with mentally disabled children when she talks smack about them?
    Why Danny needs to get a man...
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 27, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    agri_sci saidChristmas Eve was with my mother's side of the family. Topics of conversation were...

    How to get medical marijuana (Legal in MI).
    Do hookers get overtime in the winter?
    How do I make my boobs grow?
    Why Danny (Me) needs to get a man.

    Christmas Day with my father's family...

    Is Michelle Obamas hair real?
    Why does my aunt keep her job with mentally disabled children when she talks smack about them?
    Why Danny needs to get a man...


    So why does Danny need to get a man? I seems there should be some answer after all of those conversations. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    DCEric said
    agri_sci saidChristmas Eve was with my mother's side of the family. Topics of conversation were...

    How to get medical marijuana (Legal in MI).
    Do hookers get overtime in the winter?
    How do I make my boobs grow?
    Why Danny (Me) needs to get a man.

    Christmas Day with my father's family...

    Is Michelle Obamas hair real?
    Why does my aunt keep her job with mentally disabled children when she talks smack about them?
    Why Danny needs to get a man...


    So why does Danny need to get a man? I seems there should be some answer after all of those conversations. icon_biggrin.gif


    They are really supportive but they do not get what I am looking for in a dude. Not every gay guy is automatically meant to be with any other gay dude.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 27, 2010 1:39 AM GMT
    carminea saidOnce one of my uncles told me that my father would be ashamed of me if he wasn't rotting in the grave. That one actually stung.


    I think that one might actually justify taking a swing at him.

    Sorry, dude.
    (I'd would love to see a youtube of polite southern women fighting though.)
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 27, 2010 1:48 AM GMT
    It's just not Christmas at our house until the police are called to break up a fight. Luckily this year I was not involved in the fracas so I just sat on the sofa sipping my beer when the cops showed up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    carminea saidYou are a good man.

    My mother usually gives me clothes but she sometimes forgets I'm not 9 anymore.
    Up until last year, I was not allowed to be in any of my "mother-in-law"'s parties that included non-family. "Lord have mercy, what would people think?"
    We both have big families. There is usually a fight somewhere between our mothers and their siblings/friends/cousins/etc. Have you ever seen polite Southern ladies fight? You will probably never hear "Lord bless you..." more outside of a church.

    Once one of my uncles told me that my father would be ashamed of me if he wasn't rotting in the grave. That one actually stung.


    Ehm... hes not an uncle.. plain and simple
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 27, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    I got myself safely away from that torture, years ago because every family get together involved my mother starting a huge argument. And, it was always over something trivial that she would blow all out of proportion. I'm happy to be an entire continent away from her.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    My mother is a wonderful cook and always goes all out for holiday dinners.

    She plans menus for weeks and everything is just perfect.

    But.............

    She has this horrible habit of mentioning the price of the rib roast, or ham, or the sweet potatoes. She actually does this because she is proud of her shopping prowess not that she's making us feel guilty over how much she has spent on the meal.

    This absolutely drives me nuts and it never fails to happen.

    Apparently, it doesn't seem to register with anyone else so I just let it go.

    This is my mom's favorite day so I'm not going to rain on her parade.

    Maybe next year, I'll buy all the groceries and see what happens.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    agri_sci saidChristmas Eve was with my mother's side of the family. Topics of conversation were...

    How to get medical marijuana (Legal in MI).
    Do hookers get overtime in the winter?
    How do I make my boobs grow?
    Why Danny (Me) needs to get a man.

    Christmas Day with my father's family...

    Is Michelle Obamas hair real?
    Why does my aunt keep her job with mentally disabled children when she talks smack about them?
    Why Danny needs to get a man...


    sounds like both sides of your family want you to get a man lol

    but as for me it was just quite crowded in my house because my Aunt,Cousins my cousins husband her step kids my sisters,my nephews,my niece,my great aunt and my mother and my brothers, so it was quite loud in my house yesterday
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    Dec 27, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    bigkevc said
    agri_sci saidChristmas Eve was with my mother's side of the family. Topics of conversation were...

    How to get medical marijuana (Legal in MI).
    Do hookers get overtime in the winter?
    How do I make my boobs grow?
    Why Danny (Me) needs to get a man.

    Christmas Day with my father's family...

    Is Michelle Obamas hair real?
    Why does my aunt keep her job with mentally disabled children when she talks smack about them?
    Why Danny needs to get a man...


    sounds like both sides of your family want you to get a man lol

    but as for me it was just quite crowded in my house because my Aunt,Cousins my cousins husband her step kids my sisters,my nephews,my niece,my great aunt and my mother and my brothers, so it was quite loud in my house yesterday


    They do care alot about me and my happiness. So I told them to buy the Jew of the family a nice Jewish beefcake next year!
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    Dec 27, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    I watched an Ann Murray musical biography....it was actually pretty good.icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    Ughhhhh got in an argument with my brother over...hmm...what was it??? Oh he was bothering me so I just yelled at him lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    I watched an Ann Murray musical biography....it was actually pretty good.icon_eek.gif

    Contemplated telling people I have become a JW so I can stop getting lectures about how I am disrespecting Christ working Xmas day. Please....icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI got myself safely away from that torture, years ago because every family get together involved my mother starting a huge argument. And, it was always over something trivial that she would blow all out of proportion. I'm happy to be an entire continent away from her.


    I can relate very easily. I have not shared the holidays with my family in years either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 4:02 AM GMT
    I don't get to visit my cousins as much as I used to since I moved to Ottawa. We are all close. My one cousin Lora, 22, asked me why I didn't bring my boyfriend, but called him the name of my ex...

    I had to correct her several times over, then they went on FB and looked up my previous exs and compared them to Dan. The ones who met Dan love him to death. He couldn't make it since his family also had Christmas Dinner in Niagara Falls. They all agreed he looked like a 5'4 Josh Hartnett icon_biggrin.gif

    Meanwhile- the older women (aunts) were discussing the latest family gossip and were passing judgement over some cousin.

    My uncles drank in the garage and played poker and threatened each other while drunk. One telling the other he could denounce the other out of the family...Yeah...He was serious...I'm pretty sure they came close to punching...

    All in all- there was no family drama this year! That's because my mom is in the Philippines with my sister this year. My mom is the shit disturber...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    we were supposed to have christmas dinner at my place this year. Then the day before, i heard another cousin was attending and bringing her 3 year old . Not in the mood to have spills etc on my white fabric chairs and sofa I decided dinner would have to be done at another cousin who lived next door. said cousin was not pleased and an argument ensued. well she argued, but i kept silent. i really didn't care as long as i got the dinner moved to her apartment.

    so we did move to her apartment - and just as i surmised - the child had a couple of spills on her chairs. Some sort of cranberry/pomegranate cocktail - that stained. and the child kept wiping his greasy hands on all the furniture and walls.

    cousin is still not talking to me... she'll get over it. my stuff survives another day
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    Dec 27, 2010 4:21 AM GMT
    I got wasted and watched netflix... then the next day I went to a friend's house and we giggled while talking about how trannies always have the best tits.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 27, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    My mother wraps up toilet paper or kleenex boxes. She'll stuff a $1,000 cheque in an envelope too, but I'm there with the toilet pater, with all the cousins with their tennis bracelets and the oh you're so sweet thank you smooch smooc, looking at me with my kleenex box.
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    Dec 27, 2010 5:03 AM GMT
    wrestlervic said
    booksmoke.jpg

    icon_wink.gif





    This looks like my breakfast. icon_cool.gif