A not so Merry Christmas

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 26, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    Well Christmas was just a few days ago and my dad and I started talking. I came out to him over the summer and we didn't really talk about it. And now its Christmas Break and I'm back in Germany for the holidays and my dad says you know son lets talk. He asked me about my relationships, if I'm seeing anyone and I didn't see how is was any of his business so i just told him nope not seeing anyone (which I'm not) and then he dropped it and just a few min ago he brought up me being gay; and well he told me "You know I don't support the gay movement at all but not much I can do about it just wanted you to know" we talked some more and he says "You know gays live a very hard life, its depressing and sad" and I said "every one has a hard life" and he shook his head and said "no gays have it worse" and then he said "I don't trust gays they molest kids" and I told him "No its closet cases that are so scared to come out and be with men that have to prey on children. Its not the "GAYS" you got to worry about its the one's that are in the closet you got to worry about" There is just so much that I can't even think. But you know even after all this I'm not mad at him or even mad at all he is just ignorant and a blind follower.



    **** I know pedophiles and closeted gays are not the same thing, I was just trying to make a point to my dad like I already fucking said I will correct myself at breakfast tomorrow!

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 26, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    *side note* he told me he doesn't let my sisters have sleepovers because it can sabotage his family.. I told him people are born gay and its not a choice so if they're gonna be carpet munchers thats what they are and he got all pissed at me and he said "NO! Being gay is a choice and you made it" and so I simply asked him "When did you choose to be straight?" and boy that was a bad idea
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    Dec 26, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    This is a great, but hard, beginning. Your father shows the ability to adopt (re the past half year). You opened his eyes. I think that (within a year or two) he will accept you and be proud to present you as his yet unmarried gay son, to the extent that he will make it a point to vocally support gays against outspoken a-holes he knows.

    He's come a long way. Love him for that. He's gone far beyond his own expectations. It is getting better!

    Time will tell. Continue to live life (and see how he changes too).
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 26, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    No he wanted to have this talk so I know where he stands and what he thinks
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidNo he wanted to have this talk so I know where he stands and what he thinks


    Exactly.
    This past summer didn't you write that he virtually ignored what you said when you tried to out yourself to him at the time? The fact that he brought up the subject now is a HUGE move (= advancement) for him. Preliminary moves are the biggest. Later advanced developments are still important but more mundane.

    Time will tell. I wish you the best and will be happy for you when you all are able to have this as a non-issue far in the past!
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    You do know that more straight people molest children than gay right? You should have said that instead of giving him the idea that all it takes for a gay man to molest a child is being in the closet...
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    Give it 2-3 years for him to fully come around.
    I never got that chance. My dad died about a year after he found out about me, and he never did fully accept it.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Dec 27, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    When I said I was going to be Muslim, my Dad's main concern was about my safety. I haven't told him about being gay yet but I can imagine it's going to be the same thing. Dad's are always the hardest to tell according to other ppl's stories.

    My dad did say one thing a long time ago when we were just talking, he said that "no matter what I will always love you," it was pertaining to something else but who knows if he was thinking about my sexuality or not but I think that at the end of the day your father or just parents in general will put everything they think about gays or whatever aside and realize that you are their son and they love you icon_biggrin.gif
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 27, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    hazardous saidYou do know that more straight people molest children than gay right? You should have said that instead of giving him the idea that all it takes for a gay man to molest a child is being in the closet...



    You're right! I'll correct that in morning over breakfast
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Dec 27, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    That's a really shitty Christmas, though I think you're not alone. I think Thanksgiving and Christmas are the two holidays gay guys hate the most... because of those awkward family moments.
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    Hazardous is correct. The vast majority of child molestation occurs within the family and not at the hands of frustrated and closeted gay men.

    Anyway, that is a distraction. You would not expect your dad to have expert knowledge of being gay, but he does seem to have conservative and extremely stereotypical views regarding homosexuality. He has already moved away from his previous attitude of complete denial, so you are making progress (albeit glacial). In the next year, the lifting of DADT is going to bring the subject of homosexuality crashing into his rather closed military world and I think that may also help in adjusting his attitude toward your being gay.

    As I may have suggested before, perhaps when you go back to LA you can send him some literature regarding homosexuality, along with a letter explaining how hurtful you found his comments. Avoid confrontational or accusatory language.

    Well done and be patient!
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Dec 27, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 said
    hazardous saidYou do know that more straight people molest children than gay right? You should have said that instead of giving him the idea that all it takes for a gay man to molest a child is being in the closet...



    You're right! I'll correct that in morning over breakfast


    that will be a nice subject to talk about over breakfast
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    Well i see nothing but positive through a glass of negative. Your dad opened the dialogue, whether or not you perceive the contents as being negative toward you or being gay. He is throwing you pitches and watching how you catch them.

    You have the power to call his pitches and change how he throws, but you need to learn to keep your attitude in check and your back down.....I am seeing this dialogue from outside the fish bowl....you are inside.....take it from me, it is positive....don't blow it with anger or bitterness..........Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    Buddy... Is right. Your dad is reaching out to you and while what says may not be pleasant it is much better than parents that disown there kids or completey shut them out. In your case he will likely change his views.

    That said, you sound really combative. Being surprised that a parent would ask if their child is seeing someone? Really? He is a parent and is likely going to always take an interest in your life.
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    Olympian saidThat's a really shitty Christmas, though I think you're not alone. I think Thanksgiving and Christmas are the two holidays gay guys hate the most... because of those awkward family moments.


    This is a dynamic of family interrelationship, a catalyst which will induce his father's change of opinion. As Space_Cowboy_89 very aptly said:
    Space_Cowboy_89 said[...] But you know even after all this I'm not mad at him or even mad at all he is just ignorant and a blind follower.

    His father WILL eventually see that he himself was virtually brainwashed into thinking that gays are ... (negative blah blah blah) and that he and all were mislead. Good will develop from this making it time well invested.
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    vetteset saidWell i see nothing but positive through a glass of negative. Your dad opened the dialogue, whether or not you perceive the contents as being negative toward you or being gay. He is throwing you pitches and watching how you catch them.

    You have the power to call his pitches and change how he throws, but you need to learn to keep your attitude in check and your back down.....I am seeing this dialogue from outside the fish bowl....you are inside.....take it from me, it is positive....don't blow it with anger or bitterness..........Keithicon_cool.gif


    Absolutely.
    I'm reminded of Art_Deco's post the other day where he mentions meeting his partner's homophobic brother or uncle for the first time. A-D preempted any problems by immediately approaching and imposing himself on that guy, resulting in making a real friend out of a sworn enemy.
    It's a game to be played to win with no need for anyone to lose. I have no doubt that SC's father is watching how he catches and plays the game of LIFE. SC's father will be perhaps the biggest winner by learning how to love his son for whom he is.
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    Dec 27, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    I liked the when did you become straight comment. But the closet cases are child molestors is not a statement that should be made imo. Just cause someone is in the closet doesnt mean they are going to be/or are a child molestor. but just my two cents/
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    Dec 27, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    I /was/ going to praise you for defending yourself until you said this:

    Space_Cowboy_89 said "I don't trust gays they molest kids" and I told him "No its closet cases that are so scared to come out and be with men that have to prey on children. Its not the "GAYS" you got to worry about its the one's that are in the closet you got to worry about"


    You were in the closet not too long ago... does that mean you wanted to prey on children?

  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Dec 27, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    First of all homosexuality and pedophilia are two separate things. Closeted gay people don't molest children, pedophiles do. Get your facts straight before you lump closeted people in the same groups as pedophiles.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Dec 27, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    Sounds like he is trying to work his way through it but doesn't know how else to do it. You are doing good.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 27, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    TheUnhingedOne saidFirst of all homosexuality and pedophilia are two separate things. Closeted gay people don't molest children, pedophiles do. Get your facts straight before you lump closeted people in the same groups as pedophiles.



    Look...




    FUCK YOU!
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Dec 27, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    A1EX saidI /was/ going to praise you for defending yourself until you said this:

    Space_Cowboy_89 said "I don't trust gays they molest kids" and I told him "No its closet cases that are so scared to come out and be with men that have to prey on children. Its not the "GAYS" you got to worry about its the one's that are in the closet you got to worry about"


    You were in the closet not too long ago... does that mean you wanted to prey on children?




    May the gods smite me and the earth make my bones sand for making a mistake, I know! I'm sorry! I was speaking to him when I was upset and I meant something completely different but that's what came out
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    Oh, for crying out loud, all of you posters flaming the OP. He already corrected himself. AND it was a stressful situation that he was involved in.

    SpaceCowboy (sorry, I don't know your real name or I'd insert it here): I'm sorry your holidays were crappy. Our holiday traditions in our family revolve around family, and I can remember when I came out to my folks (it was around Thanksgiving several years ago), things didn't go well. It was quite the awful xmas.

    I hope that your 2011 rocks.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Dec 27, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 said*side note* he told me he doesn't let my sisters have sleepovers because it can sabotage his family.. I told him people are born gay and its not a choice so if they're gonna be carpet munchers thats what they are and he got all pissed at me and he said "NO! Being gay is a choice and you made it" and so I simply asked him "When did you choose to be straight?" and boy that was a bad idea


    You have no more choice in being born straight or gay than you have in being born with brown eyes or blue eyes.
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    That is going to be one awkward breakfast.

    Good luck icon_smile.gif