Gonna come out to my Birth Family

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    Dec 26, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    Long story short, I am adopted, and I am out to most people in my life, my parents know and support me and same with their families. My friends know as well. My birth family and I have maintained close contact through the years, though I dont know or care who my biological father is. My biological mother and I are not close, but I am close with the rest of my biological family. I am not out to them though, and I feel like this year during my visit over New Years that my resolution should be to come out to them. They deserve to know, and I need to be able to be completely open with them and lay my cards on the line. I'm just nervous. My grandfather passed away in the spring, and their wedding anniversary is tommorow. The only time I could tell him was when I was alone with his casket, and that made me feel awful, so I need to do this before I lose the chance with another member of my family, most likely my Grandmother. She is RC, so I'm not sure how she will take it, especially with the stress she's been going through. My uncles have been known to be homophobic, but my aunt's have not. My one cousin knows and is completely awesome about it. I'm not worried about my cousin, more just my Grandma and my uncles. Any advice? Ive come out a lot but it never seems to be any easier when dealing with family members.
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    Dec 26, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    That's kinda funny. The only birth family I know is my biological mother (intentionally never got close to them). She found out about me by finding my paysite and signing up...then recognizing me in the videos.

    Yeah, that email was fucking hilarious. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 27, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    i have a very complex family life. I was 3 when i was adopted so i knew my birth family and wanted contact with them. I tried to have contact with my mom but she blew me off, so i dont care about her anymore, its just the rest of my birth family. My adoptive parents divorced and remarried, my dad twice, so i have an insanely large family.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 27, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    I was adopted. I don't know where my birth family is. I have brothers and sisters somewhere. I'm not out to my adopted family, but it's the elephant in the room. We all know I'm gay. Nobody asks if I have a new girl friend. How lucky you are to be in your position! Even if your new thing doesn't go well, you have all of that support to fall back on. I'm jealous!
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    Dec 27, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    It sounds like you're a pro already, since the rest of your family knows. My grandmother is RC as well, and she didn't hardly bat an eye. She just asked me what she should call my bf: mate, bf, etc. My partner's grandmother was southern baptist, and the first time I met her, she firmly said that we were going to sleep in her bed. icon_eek.gif

    Bottom line, however it goes, let us know. And as the previous poster said, it sounds like you have a ton of support. Good luck!
  • samasaurusrex

    Posts: 84

    Dec 27, 2010 8:08 AM GMT
    So interesting to read. I was actually having this conversation with a friend tonight about coming out. Recently Ive felt a little different about coming out. I used to think it was totally necessary, but recently I almost feel "coming out" perpetuates the stereotype that being gay is being different. I guess how I feel is that straight people dont have to come out and say theyre straight, so why should I have to make a declaration that I, or any other homosexual, is different. I feel the best way to live is as yourself, and dont lie or try and hide it. If someone asks, tell them youre gay. But I dont NEED to tell everyone. If theyre involved in my life, theyll know who I am and what Im all about.

    HOWEVER, I dont think it is wrong to come out if you feel like it is necessary. I did it, and I think it turned out for the better. Just some thoughts floating through my mind recently. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 27, 2010 8:26 AM GMT
    samasaurusrex saidSo interesting to read. I was actually having this conversation with a friend tonight about coming out. Recently Ive felt a little different about coming out. I used to think it was totally necessary, but recently I almost feel "coming out" perpetuates the stereotype that being gay is being different. I guess how I feel is that straight people dont have to come out and say theyre straight, so why should I have to make a declaration that I, or any other homosexual, is different. I feel the best way to live is as yourself, and dont lie or try and hide it. If someone asks, tell them youre gay. But I dont NEED to tell everyone. If theyre involved in my life, theyll know who I am and what Im all about.

    HOWEVER, I dont think it is wrong to come out if you feel like it is necessary. I did it, and I think it turned out for the better. Just some thoughts floating through my mind recently. icon_smile.gif


    PREEEEEEEEEEACH
  • samasaurusrex

    Posts: 84

    Dec 27, 2010 8:29 AM GMT
    Amen brother icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 27, 2010 11:34 AM GMT
    LoneRanger09 saidLong story short, I am adopted, and I am out to most people in my life, my parents know and support me and same with their families. My friends know as well. My birth family and I have maintained close contact through the years, though I dont know or care who my biological father is. My biological mother and I are not close, but I am close with the rest of my biological family. I am not out to them though, and I feel like this year during my visit over New Years that my resolution should be to come out to them. They deserve to know, and I need to be able to be completely open with them and lay my cards on the line. I'm just nervous. My grandfather passed away in the spring, and their wedding anniversary is tommorow. The only time I could tell him was when I was alone with his casket, and that made me feel awful, so I need to do this before I lose the chance with another member of my family, most likely my Grandmother. She is RC, so I'm not sure how she will take it, especially with the stress she's been going through. My uncles have been known to be homophobic, but my aunt's have not. My one cousin knows and is completely awesome about it. I'm not worried about my cousin, more just my Grandma and my uncles. Any advice? Ive come out a lot but it never seems to be any easier when dealing with family members.


    Unless you're fucking them, they do NOT have a need to know. You can tell them if you want, but, realize, all the drama is self-induced. Tell them, or not...whatever works. Spare the gay drama for the theater.