Has hook up websites & GPS apps killed dating?

  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Dec 27, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    In my experience dating pre-2000's was much easier than now. It seems everyone just wants to "hang out with friends" but then hook up late at night via these apps/websites. Even at bars, guys give off this air of "don't bother me, I am with my friends vibe" - which I do not get since you are at a gay bar. You can hang with your friends at a straight bar or at your house or bowling, etc etc. Clearly, you are in a gay bar for a reason other than seeing a friend.

    Maybe it's just an urban/suburban issue but I think it's pretty much universal for gay men of variety of ages [20-50's]. Please do not get me wrong- I am not judging anyone's lifestyle but when it feels like 90% of one's community is playing this same game, you can not help but question it.

    Am I the only one who wonders if technology has made things worse when it comes to actually getting to know someone organically?

    What do you guys think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 27, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    guidojock saidAm I the only one who wonders if technology has made things worse when it comes to actually getting to know someone organically?

    I still like to get to know a guy's organs. icon_wink.gif

    Seriously, I'm not sure what this means. I've been doing online hook-ups since the mid-1990s, and also club hook-ups in person. I see no influence of the one on the other, if that's what you mean.

    True, I've been out of the loop for over 3 years now, but I watch what our single friends do, and others, and I detect no change. Online & apps are just other resources, albeit more hi-tech and of a different nature than a club encounter.

    But would a gay guy turn down an opportunity at a club or bar, because he also uses online or apps like Grindr? Is that what you mean? I find that a bit of a stretch. Comments?
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Dec 27, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    The change I had seen is off the charts!! Maybe I should move to your city. It could just a NYC/NJ situation.

    I am not stating a guy would turn down a guy he has met in person for someone online but what I have seen is that guys want to keep their "sex life" separate from their "going out with friends life". Where as years ago [pre-Interent and GPS systems] if you wanted to hook up, you had no choice but meet guys organically [in person]. Now you can be a slut online but a good boy on the streets..get it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    Have hook up websites & GPS apps killed dating?

    God, I hope not, cause that's why I came to RJ. icon_exclaim.gif
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Dec 29, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    I agree 100% years ago people were alot more willing to meet up for drinks...ect... Now wit all these cruise sites they all just sit there waiting for something better or bigger to come along....LMAO
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:18 AM GMT
    I started this whole online chat thing with guys since I was 18, now 24.. I have talked to hundreds of guys.. Sad to say I only have 2 gay friends.. One of them is one of my best friends. Gay guys just don't know how to hold a normal coversation these days. Its all about sex or who has the hottest pic. It is getting really old and played out..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    hhmmm, come to think of it... i have never been asked out on a real date
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    i just started using an app called Encountr. i seem to hit it off with guys but then all of a sudden they stop reciprocating in conversation. i guess they found somebody with more muscles or something. i'm deleting it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    No because even with all these sites and apps, I'm still only interested in dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    guidojock saidIn my experience dating pre-2000's was much easier than now. It seems everyone just wants to "hang out with friends" but then hook up late at night via these apps/websites. Even at bars, guys give off this air of "don't bother me, I am with my friends vibe" - which I do not get since you are at a gay bar. You can hang with your friends at a straight bar or at your house or bowling, etc etc. Clearly, you are in a gay bar for a reason other than seeing a friend.

    Maybe it's just an urban/suburban issue but I think it's pretty much universal for gay men of variety of ages [20-50's]. Please do not get me wrong- I am not judging anyone's lifestyle but when it feels like 90% of one's community is playing this same game, you can not help but question it.

    Am I the only one who wonders if technology has made things worse when it comes to actually getting to know someone organically?

    What do you guys think?


    NO

    But I hear video killed the radio star.
  • binning

    Posts: 39

    Dec 29, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    i think going back ten years things were a lot different and you figured out if you were interested in a guy by talking to him rather than gauging interest based on his stats or pics. there was a more genuine connection that way (notice i didn't say it was deeper, just more genuine based on the person as opposed to their pics and copy).

    there is something a little disconcerting about standing in the checkout queue at the supermarket and knowing how many inches a guy is packing, what he's into and what his sphincter looks like but having no idea what his name is (coz i doubt his real name is buttphuk82)...

    i've found that if i have the gall to ask an online guy to meet for a drink or not put out within the first hour of meeting that i never hear from them again. it's like we've suddenly become afraid of sharing anything more than an orgasm.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Dec 29, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    I feel that sites like A4A, Manhunt and apps like Grindr have killed the dating scene. People don't go to bars/ clubs any more to socialize and "make friends." It's all done on line and break neck speeds. I feel like gay relationships move sooooo much faster than straight relationships because it's done on line. We don't typically meet in person so we don't take our time getting to know the guy. It's like hey face pic? Then you're banging... Then it's on to the next guy. Sad...
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Dec 29, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    binning saidi think going back ten years things were a lot different and you figured out if you were interested in a guy by talking to him rather than gauging interest based on his stats or pics. there was a more genuine connection that way (notice i didn't say it was deeper, just more genuine based on the person as opposed to their pics and copy).

    there is something a little disconcerting about standing in the checkout queue at the supermarket and knowing how many inches a guy is packing, what he's into and what his sphincter looks like but having no idea what his name is (coz i doubt his real name is buttphuk82)...

    i've found that if i have the gall to ask an online guy to meet for a drink or not put out within the first hour of meeting that i never hear from them again. it's like we've suddenly become afraid of sharing anything more than an orgasm.
    I totally agree. This makes me want to go on a gay cruise where there's no cell phone service. I've always wanted to go on one.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 29, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    Well, you can look at the positive side of it.

    Guys who who used to ask someone out on a date when all they wanted was a hook-up hopefully just use these sex sites instead.

    Maybe that now means that someone looking for a date actually wants to date someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    It is sad how bad it has gotten.. Gay guys now a days have a checklist of things a guy has to have in order to even say hi to the other guy.

    for example:

    1.Im into all races but this particular one
    2.You have to be hot
    3.You have to be 20-25 years old (lol)
    4.etc....

    You have to be perfect to be on another guys level.. Wish we as gay guys could change the dumb drama, bs, and game playingicon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 1:19 AM GMT
    Growing up in a pretty conservative city, I found the online world allowed me to "broaden my horizons" when it came to dating. Instead of settling for the guys that just happened to be in the same area as me, I was able to make connections with people without thinking about geography. So for me, I don't think it's killed the dating scene, I don't really hook up either, so I guess my opinion is a little biased, but yeah I welcome what technology has done for me socially.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    Yeah, and most guys demand things that they can't deliver...then you're supposed to ignore their shortcomings as they scrutinize your's with a fine toothed comb. There are too many double standards that exist in the world of dating. Egotistical, self absorbed, demanding, dishonest, and unrealistic seem to be pretty much the status quo online.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    guidojock saidIn my experience dating pre-2000's was much easier than now. It seems everyone just wants to "hang out with friends" but then hook up late at night via these apps/websites. Even at bars, guys give off this air of "don't bother me, I am with my friends vibe" - which I do not get since you are at a gay bar. You can hang with your friends at a straight bar or at your house or bowling, etc etc. Clearly, you are in a gay bar for a reason other than seeing a friend.

    Maybe it's just an urban/suburban issue but I think it's pretty much universal for gay men of variety of ages [20-50's]. Please do not get me wrong- I am not judging anyone's lifestyle but when it feels like 90% of one's community is playing this same game, you can not help but question it.

    Am I the only one who wonders if technology has made things worse when it comes to actually getting to know someone organically?

    What do you guys think?



    I couldn't agree with you more! and I understand what you mean by getting to know someone organically! nowadays meeting someone face to face is virtually non-existent, as there is no more the anticipation of wonder and excitement, because by the time you meet someone from on online dating site you already THINK you know who that person is because they supposely meet your expectations!? I personally have either cancelled or lost interest in all of the online social networking websites I used in the past to meet guys. Now I am getting more actively involved in the local social scene minus the bar and nightclub scene, I am currently involved in many social venues such as a Yoga class, cooking classes, the gym, a book club in my local public library, an a hiking club; and so far I have made four new gay friends and even dated a few others. So please don't give up on dating! have fun and make an effort to join the non-gender social scene, I promise you will be amazed how many REAL AND NICE gay guys are living right under your nose.


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    guidojock saidThe change I had seen is off the charts!! Maybe I should move to your city. It could just a NYC/NJ situation.

    I am not stating a guy would turn down a guy he has met in person for someone online but what I have seen is that guys want to keep their "sex life" separate from their "going out with friends life". Where as years ago [pre-Interent and GPS systems] if you wanted to hook up, you had no choice but meet guys organically [in person]. Now you can be a slut online but a good boy on the streets..get it?


    Wow. I think you nailed it . I have observed this pattern but you put it in an understandable framework . It does not help me understand why guys are behaving this way but it was extremely annoying to me when I was trying to date. Lucky I don't have to deal with it anymore .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    I thought guidos only wanna GTL...
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Dec 29, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    @ALLATHLETE: I do the G and the L but not the T icon_smile.gif

    @RUNNINCHLT: You nailed it man! I could not say it better myself.

    @TIMBERLOO: I agree with you and I am probably going to be judged for this but most of the guys I have met at a) speed dating b) dating only websites [ie. Match.com etc] and c) even an expensive matchmaker are more on the socially awkward side. Additionally most are not really attractive or athletically minded. Sadly, it seems like the average to attractive guys are all over the sex sites. It makes me wonder if anyone who is socially sound and modestly handsome are looking to date.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    to answer the original poster..yes they both have. Dating has been affected by both outlets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    Unfortunately I would say you are correct. I have a theory that technology while good in many ways has made it easier to isolate. There was a time when I met people on the street and would go for a coffee and in one case a very long relationship. That doesn't seem to happen any longer.

    Technology is a great tool when used in moderation but it does not take the place of actual interaction.

    Don't give up trying though. There are enough guys who do want to actually meet in person. It'll just take a little time.

    Gotta go...just got an im from grindr. Haha...That really was a joke.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 29, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    guidojock said@ALLATHLETE: I do the G and the L but not the T icon_smile.gif

    @RUNNINCHLT: You nailed it man! I could not say it better myself.

    @TIMBERLOO: I agree with you and I am probably going to be judged for this but most of the guys I have met at a) speed dating b) dating only websites [ie. Match.com etc] and c) even an expensive matchmaker are more on the socially awkward side. Additionally most are not really attractive or athletically minded. Sadly, it seems like the average to attractive guys are all over the sex sites. It makes me wonder if anyone who is socially sound and modestly handsome are looking to date.




    I have to agree with you there, especially if you live in a more urban or city-like area. When I move to SF im looking forward to the idea of meeting more guys organically and seeing where it goes, its much easier to determine attraction with that as opposed to a picture. I think that the internet is good if you live in the outskirts of a more modern and open society, and if you are in a place that is more accepting of gay men it is better to get involved in the community and meet people that way.

    On a side note, what is GLT?
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 02, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    I think technology has made it easier for guys to connect. The increased rate of instant dismissal and profiles filled with caveats is not because of the site, but because more guys are on it. Those guys would be the same way in person as online. You just see more of them. I'm also sure there is a coorelation between the level of attractiveness a guy deems himself (plus validation by others) and the more exclusive he feels justified in being. I don't think that has anything to do with a site. You're just doing it at home instead of in person. Either way, the rejection will be the same.

    I think GPS-enabled apps will help people connect more and more. What if okcupid had a grindr-like feature, showing you guys that were in a 75-99% match range within a certain radius of you? Knowing a few blurbs about them can be a great way to start a conversation. Hook-up sites don't kill dating. Hook-up sites allow guys to skip the ruse of dating and go for exactly what they want. The problem has been that there aren't enough sites to support guys who want to actually date. Sex sells, and that's what's going to be on the market first. What I'm hearing seems to be more of a generational gap... pre-tech vs born-in-tech. As we move more towards instant knowledge and public digital versions of ourselves, how we interact with others has to change.