Confused and desperate need for advice.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    Ok long story short my ex bf broke up with me a week ago. We lived together for the last 6 months, been together for 1.5 years. Known each other for 2. He literally just left. He left on a Wed night to go hang out with his brother then 2 days later I get a call that he quit his job, is moving in with his brother, he's not gay, and although he loves sex with a man he is not gay. The relationship was running its course. I knew it, and was relieved but pissed and sad at the way he left. One day later I find out he has GF ( who he's for less than 2 weeks) via a mutual friend who was shocked that we spilt and he has a gf now.

    OK I was pissed and did the stupidest thing in my life by sending his gf a quick message that he had left me hanging and had been in a relationship with a man less than 24 hours prior. I was so livid and enraged. Ive never been that angry in my life, I lost all and total control of my emotions. Well later he called me and we got into a huge fight. I know what I did was wrong and psycho, but I was so livid that he had lied and just left me. How would you guys have handled that? I mean did I react like a psycho? I hope not.

    The next day when I'm more composed and control of my emotions I send him a quick email saying that I was sorry, I overreacted and just wanted him out of my life. So please come and get his things, bring mine, so we can go both our separate ways w/o any more drama in our lives. And that I harbour no ill feelings towards him and just want him out of my life. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, cuz I really want him out of my life. ASAP.

    Next time he contacts via txt me tells me that he will come and get his things on Sunday. I replied that Sunday before 2pm would be great because I have to go to work and to remember to bring my things, he has a $1500 piece of skydiving equipment that I REALLY need, I let him borrow it. No reply. I call him on Sat night to remind him, no reply. I call him Sunday morning to tell him to be here before 2pm. No reply. Well he shows up at 4pm w/o any of my things and demands that my roomie let him in. Of course my roomie doesnt and he gets a bit belligerant with him.

    Well he called me and was pissed and I told him that I just want my things and just want him out of my life. We talked for about an hour, he said that he still wants to be friends and that he's not gay, but wants to be friends and wants me in his life, he doesnt like gay sex, and he wants to be with his current gf. At this point I just want to placate him so I can get my things and start my life again. I dont want anymore drama.

    Well now he's txting me saying that he hopes I'm having fun on the trip I'm going to take, and that he wants to talk things through so we can be friends again. Sending 'good night' txts, all while he's f-ing living with his gf. I'm really confused right now. What the hell is going through his mind. How can he still be thinking about me, while he has a new relationship. I just want him out of my life. Why is he doing this? I gave him a chance for a clean breakup, no strings attached. And he didn't take it. I'm just really, really confused and need some input and advice. I've never treated anyone like he's treated me. I've had 2 other LTRs and both my exs and I are good friends.

    Any advice would be great.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    What a creeeeeepp that guy seems.

    Well he used you for his pleasure for two years whilst he held on dearly to the comforting denial regarding his sexuality (whether bi or gay, defo not 100% straight to be in a relationship with a guy for 2 years, sex and all).

    He may say he still wants you as a 'friend', but why? Has he really been a friend to you? Treated you as a human being worthy of respect? He disrespects you in so many ways and expects you to accept the crumbs of his leftover attention, either to placate his own guilt or to manipulate you in the situation moreso than already. If wants to break up fine, but 2 years in and then not a word of explaination?!

    I think he will deeply regret this when he gets older, if he has any ounce of decency in him. But for now, just get your stuff and don't let him take an inch more of your self-respect than you already have.

    He needs to grow up. You should focus on moving on imo. If in the distant futute when the scenario has changed, is less emotionally charged on your behalf and you both think a friendship may be pursueing after he man's up to his shitty behaviour towards you, then fine, If not, woopie-di-doo-dah, you're life won't at that point miss his presence at all.

    Good luck with getting your stuff back bud, x.

    p.s. no you were not psycho in your e-mail, in fact that was kind of tame. I don't even want to tell you what I would have done lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    Another first time poster! ... Really? ... Really? ... These guys find RJ just in time to post their long sob stories.

    How are we supposed to know what's going on in your bf's mind? And why should we care?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    Thanks so much for those words. I'm just in a bit of a shock right now. I knew he had had a gf prior to our relationship but that was when he was 18(it only lasted 8 months and she cheated on him), now he's 25 and I'm 30. We were friends right around when he turned 21. He had messed around with one guy prior to me for a few times. So I kindof knew it might be tough in the beginning but our relationship fell into a nice pace and I felt he truely loved me.

    I'm done with the crying and that 'what-ifs', I just want him out of my life. I hate drama. I know I should just move on and forget him, but why is he causing all this drama.

    If I cheated on my bf, not that I would, and found a new 'love' the last thing I would want is to be reminded of my ex. Especially if I went into a hetero relationship, after being with a man. And also what is this girl thinking? She's only 21 so that might explain a few things. But still. I wouldnt date a guy who had just dumped his gf or bf less than 24 hours earlier.

    And WTF is up with his txt msgs now. Who the hell sends 'good night' to your ex while your with a current partner whom youve known less than a month. I know I'm still dealing with a wide range of emotions, not like last week. But I'm getting better, slowly but surely everyday is better than the last. And a month, two months, six months from now this will be over and I will have emerged a stronger, wiser and more cautious man.

    I'm just really f-ing confused right now. How can someone be so cruel and malicious. I just want him out of my life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    Now I've stewed on this a moment or two more,I think Carlson has a point:

    We don't know the POV of ur ex. Was he deeply unhappy with something that hasn't been shared on here? Did he make it known to you that he was not emotionally available (although 5 years of being together does kind of trump that card tbh)....Maybe he wants to explore his sexuality more which is fine. But he could and should have been a lot more respectful to you in the way he handled the situation.

    Regardless: just look after your own needs for now. Don't allow yourself to be consumed into a breakup drama; find something new in your life to bring you the feleing on content you desire and the equilibrium you need. I hope your ex does the same, and that he eventually sees the error of his conduct.

    Best of luck =]