Coming Clean to the Family At an Advanced Age

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    Dec 29, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    So . . .

    Been semi-out for the last 3 years after breaking up with my wife of 16 years. Have told my closest friends and 1 gay brother, but hadn't had the balls to tell either my kids or Mom and other sibling. Was dating a guy for about 9 months and he called me on the fact that my kids didn't even know I was gay so how did that make him feel, knowing that this part of my life was completely unknown to them. We ended up breaking up, partly because of that.

    I finally mustered the strength to tell the kids this week (they're 17 and 15) while I had them cornered for a cross-country car ride, and it couldn't have gone better. My son (15) said "oh-can I go back to my video game", and my daughter (17) said "I knew it", and "Good job, Dad!" Once it was out there, it was like nothing ever happened. You can imagine my relief! Long story short, kids are amazing, and much more accepting than those of my generation. I'm very proud of the way they handled it and how it was such a no-big-deal event for me to tell them.

    Just wanted to share a good story. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    Congrats! You must feel awesome. But I'm curious, when your brother came out, how was it for him? If things proceeded smoothly how come that never motivated you earlier to come out? Of course on the other hand if it was a disaster I can see why you'd want to keep quiet about your own sexuality.
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    Dec 29, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    So glad to hear such a nice story. Congratulations. It will be such a nice thing to include them in more parts and details of your life. It is wonderful that they have taken it so well. Yes, your kids are amazing.

    My boyfriend was also married and has kids. Only his ex wife knows he is gay and not his children. His parents are not living. He doesn't think so, but I am convinced his adult daughter knows about him and us. He has told her we are good friends and roommates. She has come to spend a night or weekend several times in the years we have lived together. This year she called me a couple times to get ideas on what her father would want for Christmas and then again when she was shopping for him to see what colors he liked. We will be on a long vacation this winter and she will be coming to spend a few days with us. She's gotta know.
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    Dec 29, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    Totally awesome! Congrats! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    coming out is like opening a gas line,,you can open it more and let more out, or you can close it off................I'm happy for you and your kids....now go to the lady that changed your diapers - never underestimate the love and wisdom of a mother.........and give her a chance to show you......all my very best brother,.....................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 5:16 AM GMT
    great story...thanks.
    going thru a similar experience. can you tell me how the initial breakup of your marriage was handled by your kids?
    thanks again
    rich
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Dec 29, 2010 5:39 AM GMT
    Haha, that a hilarious anecdote.
    Congrats, on many levels. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:01 AM GMT
    Congrats. Its great to hear when older gays finally come out of the closet and can live their life more freely.
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:11 AM GMT
    Congrats it makes me happy to hear such a successful coming out story. Best of luck with your mother and the rest of your family.
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:20 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidCongrats. Its great to hear when older gays finally come out of the closet and can live their life more freely.


    This.

    And congrats!
  • tennsjock

    Posts: 349

    Dec 29, 2010 7:34 AM GMT
    congratulations! but for everyone else out there, i wouldn't recommend coming out in a moving vehicle... at least not if you're a passenger!
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    Dec 29, 2010 10:58 AM GMT
    @ hoosier_in_PA - Thanks for sharing with us. I'm really happy for you that coming out to your kids went so well. I bet it's a big weight off of your shoulders. And just in time to get your new year off to a great start! Big Hug to you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 11:04 AM GMT
    Cardinal724 saidCongrats! You must feel awesome. But I'm curious, when your brother came out, how was it for him? If things proceeded smoothly how come that never motivated you earlier to come out? Of course on the other hand if it was a disaster I can see why you'd want to keep quiet about your own sexuality.


    yes, my brother TOTALLY went about it the wrong way. He was in much the same situation (married with kids), but ended up 500 miles away from his kids, which I didn't want at all. Told my parents in a letter which went really badly.

    thanks for the encouraging words. Much appreciated.
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    Dec 31, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    thanks to all for the kind words and encouragement. Hopefully this means I can move forward with alot less fear and hope for a relationship I can share with the most important people in my life. Wish the same for everyone going through similar struggles. Heres to a great 2011! icon_biggrin.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Dec 31, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    So the best part of this for the guy lucky enough to have you, is that he gets not only you, but two clearly evolved and well-rounded kids in the deal. THAT is a dream come true for the right guy.
    Congrats.

    P.S. - 48 is not "an advanced age"...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 31, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    Congrats to you. Coming out is a process, not an event. So take it slow. You will be fine. Enjoy your new life unencumbered with lies and half truths.
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    Dec 31, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    Awww...Congrats. It must have been such a relief icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 31, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    Congrats on coming out! You're free. When I came "out," my four kids were teens and like you experienced it was no big deal. They have friends that are gay. My daughters are always trying to fix me up with hot guys. icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 31, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidSo the best part of this for the guy lucky enough to have you, is that he gets not only you, but two clearly evolved and well-rounded kids in the deal. THAT is a dream come true for the right guy.
    Congrats.

    P.S. - 48 is not "an advanced age"...icon_rolleyes.gif


    when your kids remind you daily how old you are, it's hard not to think of yourself as being of advanced age, but thanks! Don't feel it, so it must not be true!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 31, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    Congrats and Happy New Year.....hope you make the adjustments in your life so you are completely fulfilled in the years ahead.. you deserve it!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 31, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    There's obviously a mistake on your birth certificate. As there was on mine! You can't be that old.
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    Dec 31, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    hoosier_in_PA said
    MuscleComeBack saidSo the best part of this for the guy lucky enough to have you, is that he gets not only you, but two clearly evolved and well-rounded kids in the deal. THAT is a dream come true for the right guy.
    Congrats.

    P.S. - 48 is not "an advanced age"...icon_rolleyes.gif

    when your kids remind you daily how old you are, it's hard not to think of yourself as being of advanced age, but thanks! Don't feel it, so it must not be true!

    What the hell do kids know? To them anyone beyond HS is "old." I came out as I was turning 46. And the next 10 years were the best in my life. Enjoy yourself, and don't listen to anyone who tells you you're old. You're in the prime of your life.

    But I also gotta tell ya, it ain't gonna last forever, so maximize this time, don't waste a minute of it. These are the memories you'll carry into your gay old age, so make the best of them. Play safe, play hard, but play!

    Don't miss time with your kids, that's fleeting, too, but so is time in the gay world. We're like June bugs -- we only live for a short time, and then we're gone. Yeah, we straggle on for as long as anybody else does, but nobody in the gay community wants anything to do with us.

    You're young-looking, you've got a good 10 years ahead of you. Use it, exploit it, don't waste a second of it. When you're 58 you'll thank me for this advice, if you'll take it.
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    Dec 31, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    hoosier_in_PA said
    MuscleComeBack saidSo the best part of this for the guy lucky enough to have you, is that he gets not only you, but two clearly evolved and well-rounded kids in the deal. THAT is a dream come true for the right guy.
    Congrats.

    P.S. - 48 is not "an advanced age"...icon_rolleyes.gif

    when your kids remind you daily how old you are, it's hard not to think of yourself as being of advanced age, but thanks! Don't feel it, so it must not be true!

    What the hell do kids know? To them anyone beyond HS is "old." I came out as I was turning 46. And the next 10 years were the best in my life. Enjoy yourself, and don't listen to anyone who tells you you're old. You're in the prime of your life.

    But I also gotta tell ya, it ain't gonna last forever, so maximize this time, don't waste a minute of it. These are the memories you'll carry into your gay old age, so make the best of them. Play safe, play hard, but play!

    Don't miss time with your kids, that's fleeting, too, but so is time in the gay world. We're like June bugs -- we only live for a short time, and then we're gone. Yeah, we straggle on for as long as anybody else does, but nobody in the gay community wants anything to do with us.

    You're young-looking, you've got a good 10 years ahead of you. Use it, exploit it, don't waste a second of it. When you're 58 you'll thank me for this advice, if you'll take it.


    Thanks for the great advice! I plan on taking advantage of the new-found freedom, at least to the extent I am able (and others are willing!). 2011 has been dubbed a 'fear-free zone'.