Thinking about going to a gay bar for the first time...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    Hey everyone. So, as the topic says, I am seriously considering going to a gay bar, but I am very on the fence.

    I can be pretty shy, especially if I am in a crowd of people I do not know, but I've gotten much better over the past year. I am just ready to try something new and see if I can meet some great guys and see what can happen. Living in a small town, the only options there seems to be is manhunt, and while I have met a couple of decent guys, it's just not the best place.

    Atlanta is around an hour and a half to 2 hours away, so I am considering going either there or maybe Birmingham (about the same distance). Those are the two biggest cities I am closest to.

    Now, here's the thing. I have read about how most gay bars seem to be and let's just say that's not my cup of tea at all! I looked online, and I saw a gay country music bar in Atlanta, Three Legged Cowboy, that I am considering since I love country music. But, I don't know. I also saw a sports bar that seemed like it might be a cool, laidback place (but that seemed more geared towards guys in their 30's to 40's than guys my age).

    Has anyone here ever been to Three Legged Cowboy, and if so, what did you think of the place? Are there any other gay bars that anyone suggests around the Atlanta or Birmingham area that aren't so flashy and wild, just normal? I could use some advice.
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:32 AM GMT
    awwww how cute. going to a gay bar is like planning a vacation to you. whatever you do be safe and have fun.
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:43 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidawwww how cute. going to a gay bar is like planning a vacation to you. whatever you do be safe and have fun.


    Yes, it is lol. And, thanks.
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    Dec 29, 2010 7:50 AM GMT
    need an escort?....lol..................................................keithicon_cool.gif
  • lexky89

    Posts: 1

    Dec 29, 2010 7:55 AM GMT
    I can't suggest any good places in your area, but I was in your shoes not too long ago--over these past couple months or so, I've visited my first few gay bars. You say you're on the fence about going: well, I think you should definitely go. You might go and find that it's not, in fact, your cup of tea, but that knowledge will be useful in itself.

    The best advice I can give you is to go with a friend or group of friends. It's good to have someone you can talk to and fall back on in an unfamiliar situation in which you'll probably be at least a little nervous or stressed, especially in the beginning. It's uncomfortable to be alone in an environment where you're the only person who doesn't seem to know anyone. When you're uncomfortable, nervous, and stressed, it'll show, and it's likely you'll end up being avoided by the sorts of people you're interested in meeting.

    That said, don't go the first time with any expectation at all whatsoever of meeting a potential love of your life, or even a love of one night--forget all that for the time being, relax, and just focus on having fun and enjoying the new experience. From my experience, most people in gay bars aren't looking for their next boyfriend or one night stand, they're just there to unwind on the weekend--like at any straight bar. Treat it like you would any other night out and you'll have a good time and keep coming back (thus increasing your chances of meeting some "great guys").
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:13 AM GMT
    I wish you the best. I grew up in big cities. I wish you could meet gay people,who are not drunk. People are shallow. It takes time to find deep,genuine,and down to earth gay people

    I live in San Diego. I get turned off by shallow surfacy gay men,who fit a stereotype image.


    regards, Lambert
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:16 AM GMT
    Lol cute.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Dec 29, 2010 8:20 AM GMT
    Yeah I was like that...ten years ago. icon_redface.gif
  • rmd210

    Posts: 107

    Dec 29, 2010 8:21 AM GMT
    There are all sorts of people that go to all sorts of gay bars. I guess my advice is to pick out a few bars that look promising and bring a few friends. Stop at the first one and then if you don't like it move on to the next, etc etc. If the night turns out to be a bust then get a hotel room and party with your heteros icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:30 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice, lexky89. Finding someone to go with me might be a problem. Most of my friends are straight guys, so that wouldn't work lol. I don't really have too many gay male friends around here, and the ones that are would probably not be interested in going. I do have a lesbian friend that I have known for a couple of months, and she is a really fun girl to be around. She is a possibility, but she keeps herself so busy with so many different activities that it would be hard to find time for her to go.

    And, I'm not going with the mindset of looking for love. I just want to have a different experience and see what is out there. Growing up where I have, most men are very closeted, and the ones that are out are extremely feminine for the most part.

    But, yea, just want to see how it goes.
  • rmd210

    Posts: 107

    Dec 29, 2010 8:32 AM GMT
    Let one of your close friends know...even if they feel weird about it if it's to help a bud of theirs then they'll probably be fine going with you and at the very least getting drunk!

    I know you're not lookin for love...but it's easier to go out somewhere new if you have someone that you're comfortable with you.

    Whatever happens - best of luck!

    -Ryan
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:33 AM GMT
    I've only gone to a gay bar when dragged along with friends. Everytime I went I realized 1) I don't drink, and everyone here does. 2) Not the type of people I wanted to meet. I think I've only been to these places like 6 times. Came to the same conclusion every time.

    If you're educated in the health field and don't drink, smoke, or like loud music and potentially ruining your long term auditory health, you don't fit in well. Tough to meet people when the music is too loud and you have to shout.
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:38 AM GMT
    new experiences are a good thing.....enjoy yourself and be very aware of your surroundings and your limits, play safe, smart and cautious..DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!
  • rmd210

    Posts: 107

    Dec 29, 2010 8:47 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidDON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!
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    Dec 29, 2010 8:53 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone. Oh, and if I go alone, I definitely won't be drinking.
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    Dec 29, 2010 9:04 AM GMT
    Well, I understand your interest in going and your hesitation. I think most of us do. I remember how nervous I was the first time I went to a gay bar (I was by myself as I didn't know or have any gay friends).

    It was a pretty basic sports bar in Phoenix. You wouldn't even know it was a gay bar if it didn't say "alternative lifestyle" on a little sign on the front door (and the fact it was all men!)

    I would imagine you probably want to meet other college aged kids, which probably won't be a large part of the clientel. That said, you're a handsome guy, just try to relax and enjoy yourself. It doesn't hurt to get to know some people and chat them up, even if there is no physical attraction.

    I have no regrets over having gone that first time and went back many times over the years after that. Hopefully, it will be a positive experience for you.

    It's just too bad it's so far away that you have to plan a road trip just to do it.

    Best of luck and let us know how it goes!
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    Dec 29, 2010 11:57 AM GMT
    I'm kinda in the same position although I've been to a gay bar once with a friend of mine, but only for a short while since he had to leave early. I've been planning to go this week by myself but somehow I always back out - I always walk past. And there are quite a few of them along the way. And this is during the early hours, when there aren't even a lot of people in there yet.

    I am intimidated by gay bars, because I think I won't fit in the crowd. I'd be a fish out of water in the sense that I'm all alone and also I'm probably gonna be one of the few people of Asian descent in the premises, if any. If ever I go in, I feel like I'm just gonna grab a drink and go. If I do stay a for a while, I'd probably be one of those people awkwardly twiddling on their phone pretending to text someone or whatever.

    But we'll see. I'll try again tomorrow. If I don't go chicken again icon_confused.gif

    On a side note, I wish there's a gay country music bar here, I'd probably feel more comfortable there.
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    Dec 29, 2010 12:08 PM GMT
    Going to a gay bar alone can be a little awkward and may not come up to your expectations, but, you have got to try these things, if only to gain in confidence. I would opt for the sports bar. At least you can watch the game if there's nothing much else to look at in there.

    I'm intrigued by the 'Three Legged Cowboy'. I mean, who wouldn't be?
  • SuperPump

    Posts: 242

    Dec 29, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    I go to gay clubs all the time. have some drinks, meet some guys, and dance. I know plenty of straight guys and girls who even go to gay clubs just because they are so much fun. but then again if you dont really enjoy clubs to begin with then you prob wont like it. give it a try though cause you never know.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Dec 29, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    badboy69 saidI go to gay clubs all the time. have some drinks, meet some guys, and dance. I know plenty of straight guys and girls who even go to gay clubs just because they are so much fun. but then again if you dont really enjoy clubs to begin with then you prob wont like it. give it a try though cause you never know.


    I've had similar experiences. I don't go all the time, but when I do, it's always with a group of straight friends. It's very fun. Good music, some drinks, and some guys to dance with.

    I was really nervous when my friends took me to a gay bar for the first time. And I got there, and I realized....this is like any other bar I've been to, except there's less chicks.

    Really try your hardest not to go alone though. It's just safer that way, and if your nerves get the best of you, you'll have someone to talk to.
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    Dec 29, 2010 1:25 PM GMT
    I think it's always a good idea to get out and try something new. So if you think you could have fun at either bar, go for it. Just don't drink and drive!

    I think you should look for gay organizations in your area as I think you would have a better chance of meeting some decent people. I used to play soccer with the NY Ramblers, and the Atlanta guys were not only great players but also pretty hot.

    There are tons of organizations you can join if your not into sports. I really think organizations can be a better venue for new guys looking to meet people.

    Whatever you do, don't be discouraged if you don't meet people you feel comfortable with right away. Give yourself time, keep experimenting with various venues and enjoy yourself while meeting new people.


    Enjoy the adventure!
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    Dec 29, 2010 1:29 PM GMT
    joshwall60 saidThanks everyone. Oh, and if I go alone, I definitely won't be drinking.

    Good, but try not to go alone. You'll simply have more confidence and likely have a better time if you go with another gay guy, especially one who has some bar & club experience. It's also a boring drive, I know, lived in Anniston and later Oxford for over 2 years, and dated a woman from Jacksonville ( icon_eek.gif ). You attend Jacksonville State? I wanted to teach Army ROTC there so I could stay in the Anniston area, but the Colonel in charge didn't want another Military Police Officer on his staff, so I got assigned to ROTC elsewhere, leaving in 1983.

    As for myself, I kinda did it backwards, a big party first, gay bars second. The same day I came out to myself in 1995 I went online and learned about a huge annual gay bash in Seattle. Over 1000 guys, the majority couples, in a large hotel ballroom dancing & partying that by coincidence was set for the very next night.

    I made online reservations and went by myself, not having a clue what I'd find. One of the best decisions I ever made, allowing me to see the loving side of gay relationships before I saw the single cruising scene. I experienced that other side 2 weeks later, but escorted by a local guy I subsequently met through online, who gave me the gay club tour of Seattle over the next few weekends.

    I found most gay places to be no different from straight bars & clubs, except without women, of course. The only real difference to my prior bar experiences were the leather clubs (although I did know some rough biker bars), and they might be something for you to avoid at this point, especially if you aren't dressed for them, which more typically is practiced at night. You don't wanna find yourself in this situation:

    47964_961036383253_3204240_51377541_1249

    OK, OK, sorry, this will NOT happen to you. But I'll bet you've wondered, haven't you? Well, it won't. Gay bars are so tame it's discouraging.

    I remember being stopped by a cop for speeding one late night, and he asked me where I was coming from. I was honest and named the gay bar. He said the police really liked that place, because they almost never had any problems with it or got calls there, unlike the rest of the straight bars around town, with nightly fights. (BTW, I didn't get a ticket)

    You'll do just fine. icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 29, 2010 1:42 PM GMT
    creyente saidI think it's always a good idea to get out and try something new. So if you think you could have fun at either bar, go for it. Just don't drink and drive!

    There are tons of organizations you can join if your not into sports. I really think organizations can be a better venue for new guys looking to meet people.

    Enjoy the adventure!



    I kind of agree with creyente above, I think you should do your homework on alternative venues than a gay bar.. not that you shouldn't check it all out.
    I'd do it with a friend .. or two if possible. If you are by yourself, just make sure you know what you are doing and where you are going (in terms of good and bad areas of the city you are visiting).

    I think exploring "the scene" is something you should do, it can be great.
    Me? I took off and explored Church St. in Toronto..... talk about culture shock, but I loved it... and had a couple of friends to show me the sights.
    I do agree, expand your horizons with interests (such as sports) or country music. Sounds awesome. Good luck and best wishes!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 09, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidYou attend Jacksonville State?


    Yes, I am at Jacksonville State.

    Once again, thanks to everyone for the responses. And thanks to creyente and HndsmKansan for the suggestions about looking into an organization.

    I doubt I will go anytime soon, though. Classes have now started for the spring semester, so I probably won't have a chance to until summer.

    If and when I do, I will report it here.
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    Jan 09, 2011 9:51 PM GMT
    47964_961036383253_3204240_51377541_1249

    HAHA! This picture is too funny! Thanks for posting it Art_Deco.

    Really sound advice on this thread. Do your research and go with a friend if you can. Most importantly just try to relax and have fun.

    Good luck!