New to dating... gotten mixed signals--help?

  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Dec 30, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    So I'm pretty new to the idea of dating a guy. Only dated a couple girls before, and only one seriously.

    Met this guy online in the most shallow, carnal way possible..one of those 1AM hook ups, blah blah--about 4 months ago. Since then we've talked a lot online, met up once for beers too. I had set up a sort of 'date' i guess after thanksgiving with everything, it was going to be a great night, i guess i didn't realize it was a date, until i got completely stood up! He apologized for sleeping in (he does work nights) and said we'd reschedule. Didn't connect again for another month about after that. He says that he enjoys the times that we get together, but I'm not sure what to do next. He sounds genuine, and I want to believe that, but i'm not sure. He's the kind of guy I could see myself getting involved with, but did we start out on a bad foot because we hooked up right away? did I mess it up?

    Not sure what to think, so I'm throwing it out here.

    Thanks in advance,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    sounds like he's a typical man whore.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Dec 30, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    I mean dont get me wrong, but I probably am too, but I don't stand people up.

    We do talk a decent amount about things we'd like to do in the bedroom. haha, but we also talk about other things, should I just lay off the dirty topics?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 5:49 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]cheer_jock said[/cite]I mean dont get me wrong, but I probably am too, but I don't stand people up.

    I was being indirecticon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 30, 2010 8:17 AM GMT
    I promised myself not to get involved in forums, but this one I can't resist. Sounds like the guy I met on a hookup site, we had such great conversations and well we really connected. Hooked up the first time we met and well I tried to set up another time to get together (an actual date) didn't hear from him until I was home that night. He had a work "party" to take care of, but turns out he had a boyfriend (this is my case) and well was only interested in hooking up with me and that was all (this I'm thinking is your case and well mine). Sorry to say that he may just be into hooking up with you like the site is meant for.

    The reconnection a month later I think proves this since that what happened to me he told me the second and final time we got together that his bf had sex with him which was why he stopped calling for a while. This is my opinion, but looks like you might be getting played so yeah.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 8:42 AM GMT
    So you met this guy as a hook-up.
    Does it mean you can't date since you already hooked up? No.
    Does it mean you will date? Probably not (sorry to burst your bubble).

    Since the guy missed your date and you two didn't reconnect til a month later, it just doesn't seem like he's all that interested.
    You know the best way to find out? Ask him!
    Since you're new to dating guys (Congrats, by the way) I'll let you in on a secret-- dating another guy is supposed to be easier than dating a girl. You can ask him directly. You don't have to play games.

    Good luck, happy dating, and play safe
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Dec 31, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    Yeah he might have some trust issues or something because he had a nasty break up with a cheating boyfriend pretty recently, so I can see the hesitation--I forgot to add this part to my scenario. I'm guessing this plays a factor? Could it also be I'm too young? We're like 7ish years apart, maybe he just thinks i'm not serious enough for that?

    Recently he's started to talk to me more though.. as in he initiates conversations, but mainly revolving around sex.

    You're right I can just be straight up now that I'm not dealing with chicks--very good point... thanks for the insight so far
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    Dec 31, 2010 9:32 AM GMT
    If it's mainly around sex, well I'm still thinking your just a piece of a**. But I'll explore more of it and ask if you guys have actually gone out on normal dates that didn't lead to hooking up in the end
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    Dec 31, 2010 5:14 PM GMT


    you are looking for a companion.... Just like I was... They guy I was seeing was a gorgeous asian boy, 13 years younger... Talk about age difference, but I wasn't the one doing the chasing, he sought after me... After a two to three months of hanging out, i thought it was time to find out where this was going and he flaked out and left me hanging... It didn't hurt me, it just made me angry not at him, but at myself for having gone through so much effort in making time for him and getting to know one another...

    I was never spent time with him to hook up or have sex, I honestly wanted to know him, just like how he wanted to know me.

    In your case, your guy has a few issues that he has to deal with... But in reading your last response, he's looking to give you a dicking... He wants ass, if all he's talking about is sex... If that's what you want too and nothing more then go for it....

    If you guys hook or have sex or whatever, don't have any expectations of long term, because you will just be giving yourself fals hope and you will get hurt. Regardless if the guy is genuine, because believe me the guy I was seeing was genuine....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2010 5:18 PM GMT
    take it for what it was, an online hook-up. Not saying these things can't progress beyond the initial meeting, but highly unlikely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    navi_saiyan saidI promised myself not to get involved in forums, but this one I can't resist.


    ...You have over 500 posts...


    I think you failed at not getting involved in forums
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    Dec 31, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    insatiablelover206 said[quote][cite]cheer_jock said[/cite]I mean dont get me wrong, but I probably am too, but I don't stand people up.

    I was being indirecticon_rolleyes.gif


    I donĀ“t get you kids. You have sucked up and now spew the conservative christian narrative of ethics and sexuality like it were actually worth something. You need to think through your epistemology in a much more coherent way.
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Jan 01, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    yeah so he said that maybe we'd hang out later tonight, but that didn't happen. oh well.. thanks for the input so far, looks like we started off on a bad foot.
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    Jan 01, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    That wasn't a date, unfortunately.
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Jan 02, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    So we actually did hang out and it was awesome. again, just in the hook up sense and not in the dating sense. Oh well I guess...
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    I like your stats, for sure. I'd probably date you seriously. But, I'm way too old for you. icon_wink.gif
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Jan 02, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    Well thanks ;)

    Yep, a little too old for me (no offense). This guy is like 28 I think and 30ish is about the limit for me I'd say right now.
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    Jan 03, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    cheer_jock saidSo we actually did hang out and it was awesome. again, just in the hook up sense and not in the dating sense. Oh well I guess...

    I think you found yourself a "fuck buddy".
    Good for what it is, but not as much if you are looking for something else (dating and a relationship).

    I don't think 7 years is a big deal (that's the difference between me and my partner), but I'm a bit confused by the math if you're 24 and he's 28ish.
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Jan 03, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    navi_saiyan saidI promised myself not to get involved in forums, but this one I can't resist.


    ...You have over 500 posts...


    I think you failed at not getting involved in forums


    Totally agree!!! icon_razz.gif

    But what saiyan said is also what I want to say!
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Jan 03, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    right my math is terribly off on that one, granted i did just turn 23 and I think he is closer to 30 than I said (I am good at math I swear, was an engineer--but caveat, I was a cheerleader so I have little hiccoughs every once and awhile). So yes, I think the difference is still about 7ish years apart though.

    Yeah that's what I guess it's looking like... which is fine because I really like the guy.

    but has anyone had this experience before and wanted to turn it around to a more serious thing? is that conversation awkward? did it end poorly?

    Do people usually sleep over at their fb's house afterwards? Maybe it's because I've only really experienced the hook-up-and-leave scenarios, but to me when he wanted to spend the night, i thought that was a little different--right? or not really..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    Hey Cheer_jock, from the sounds of it it's a fb thing. He's chatting to keep a connection, but doesn't want anything intimate. I know some other people have found boyfriends through straight hookups, but I think its a rarity.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 03, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    sigh* people almost never go slow.
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Jan 03, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    gotcha.. yeah I think that makes the most sense and yeah, i can see how that would rarely happen. I'm just kind of wondering if it does happen, how does it go down. I doubt he's looking for anything though because he just got shat on by his ex over the summer.

    And in my defense we did go pretty slow, took about 5 or 6 meetings to get to a top/bottom situation, which I think is pretty good ;)

    The reason why I'm wondering if a dating type thing could come out of this because when we hook up it's different than most. Most of the time, it's just all about business, get off, get out. Also, my last serious relationship, I really liked getting it on with her because we could be mid-sex and make some joke or something funny would happen and laugh about it--this happens with this guy and to me that's something kind of special. But maybe not.. who knows.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    It sounds special, and I would probably talk to the guy about how you feel. But that's me. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • tmm6497

    Posts: 102

    Jan 03, 2011 6:16 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    navi_saiyan saidI promised myself not to get involved in forums, but this one I can't resist.


    ...You have over 500 posts...


    I think you failed at not getting involved in forums


    Hahaha