Rekindling An Old Flame. Possible or Hellz Noes?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 7:22 AM GMT
    I recently took my third ex, I have a four total, out for Korean BBQ since he bought me a gift for Christmas. I figured a dinner would be easier than going through the pain of shopping for a gift. I only see him on the holidays since he lives in the NYC. He comes to LA to visit his parents.

    If you guys aren't familiar with Korean BBQ places, this restaurant provides you with raw meat and you sit around a grill and cook it yourself. Its soo good, its making me hungry just thinking about it. Anyways, he took his shirt off (he still had a tank top on) because he was going out afterwards and he didn't want to smell like BBQ dog and cat meat.... just kidding. Holy shit, the guy was swole. It made him so much hotter than before. He was just toned before. I generally do not find my exes(?) attractive after we break up just because of my disgust with them but damn this guy got really hot.

    We had a really long dinner since he eats like a heffer and the place was all you can eat. He kept pressing that stupid buzzer they provide to request more plates of meat. I think the Koreans disconnected his buzzer after the 8th time. We were there for about 2 hours in which we had a great conversation. It reminded of how we started the whole dating process 6 years ago. Our conversations always felt effortless. I moved on after we broke up but never stopped caring about him. Our dinner really brought back a bunch of feelings, one of which was in my pants.

    Given our history and how our relationship ended, I know that things would not work out if we got back together. I forgive but I don't forget.

    What won't I forget? Well, we both got job offers a month before graduating college. We both interviewed in NYC, Boston, and SF for jobs. I got really good offers in SF and Boston. He got really good offers in Boston and NYC. He loves Boston because he is Irish and thinks its fun being around a bunch of Irish people. He accepted the Boston offer and assumed I would do the same since we both had offers in there. I went with SF. He flipped out. Things got really ugly up to the day we both went on our separate ways.

    He moved to NYC a couple of years later and lives there now. I am moving to NYC in a month. Again, given what happened, I saw the ugly side of him and even tho we will be living minutes away from each other soon I don't think I can rekindle the flame. Not that he would either but just saying.

    Would you be able to forgive and forget the reason why you broke up with an ex boyfriend and get back together? Why?
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    Dec 30, 2010 7:41 AM GMT
    What, you got to see a guy realise that the guy he liked wouldn't be going the same way as him?

    Do you believe that no man has an ugly side to him? You wouldn't like to see mine, it's vicious, cruel and incredibly cold.

    I bet you all the money in the world that if I pushed you right you'd have a side so ugly that it'd make a deranged donkey's arse look hot.

    And what exactly did you expect him to do, smile, wish you well, help you move, be friends and all that bullshit??

    Besides he's irish, they all seem to be hot tempered, it's what makes them so much fun!

    Alas, the more important question is will he want you.. will he be willing to give you a second chance.. he made a choice for Boston in the hopes you'd choose the same, you didn't. Who hurt who here.
  • tennsjock

    Posts: 349

    Dec 30, 2010 7:55 AM GMT
    if you just broke up because of bad timing and location, maybe you should give it another go. you saw an ugly side of him, but people grow up. but if his kind of personality/temperament is really incompatible with yours, stay away.

    but nothing says you can't have great sex with an ex icon_wink.gif just don't do it if it'll lead to a relationship you don't want.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    Everyone has an ugly side....accepting someone unconditionally means seeing the value of a person even when they get ugly

    and yeah I would take him back, you guys sound like a hella cute couple
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    And DAMN I got hungry readin that shit, bout the BBQ and all
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    Only way I can describe it is that it'd be like taking a bite out of the same turd twice. Sorry, but that's how I feel about it.
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    So, why DID you take SF over Boston?


    curious -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    Depends on how the ugly side manifested itself...did he say nasty things, or did he try to put you in the hospital. There's a difference between lashing out because someone hurt your feelings, and having a serious control issue. A control or jealousy issue makes people undateable in my book, I've been there done that.

    People grow up...assuming you graduated college at 22 or 23, I'd say grudges should have an expiration date just like glitches on your credit report. I say if you want it go for it. At least you have an idea of what you're getting yourself into. If you go out and start dating a stranger, you run the same risk of him having an ugly side that makes your ex's temper tantrum look mild.
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Dec 30, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidOnly way I can describe it is that it'd be like taking a bite out of the same turd twice. Sorry, but that's how I feel about it.


    I agree completely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    Eh, just do it for the sex( if the sex was great)...
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    Dec 30, 2010 4:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said So, why DID you take SF over Boston?


    curious -Doug


    I was finishing up 5 years in college during the time when the economy was thriving. I could've started a new life an career anywhere. I went to the three cities to interview and feel in love with SF but not Boston. It was the last on my list. The offers I got were from the same firm in both cities but different offices. I worked my ass of in school and when it came time to choose where, what, and how I wanted to start off my new life I decided to go with what I thought I would enjoy the most. I mean, he did the same too right? I was 23 years old, I wasn't about to follow someone around. Pls we were together for barely a year?

    Anyways, this isn't about me. I am not about to move to a new city and get tied down. I want to enjoy NYC with freedom. The thought just came through my mind at that point in time.
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    Dec 30, 2010 5:27 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    meninlove said So, why DID you take SF over Boston?


    curious -Doug


    I was finishing up 5 years in college during the time when the economy was thriving. I could've started a new life an career anywhere. I went to the three cities to interview and feel in love with SF but not Boston. It was the last on my list. The offers I got were from the same firm in both cities but different offices. I worked my ass of in school and when it came time to choose where, what, and how I wanted to start off my new life I decided to go with what I thought I would enjoy the most. I mean, he did the same too right? I was 23 years old, I wasn't about to follow someone around. Pls we were together for barely a year?

    Anyways, this isn't about me. I am not about to move to a new city and get tied down. I want to enjoy NYC with freedom. The thought just came through my mind at that point in time.


    Thanks! *tips hat* In retrospect it probably would have been a good idea for you guys to have talked it out before choosing your cities the way you both did. Food for thought if a similar situation ever occurs with another guy. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    Happy New Year and here's to a great 2011 in your new city!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 5:47 PM GMT
    Swole?

    *shrug*

    Kids these days..... pfft-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    To the OP:

    Would you be able to forgive and forget the reason why you broke up with an ex boyfriend and get back together? Why?

    You're asking us the one question and I hope it helps you find your path to salvation either your ex or freedom building a life with someone else.

    I forgive people easily. From a line of Sex and the City, "forgiveness is forgiveness."

    Unfortunately, you, too ask another question, would we forget the reasons we broke up and get back together? In response to your two questions, I never forget anything, which is a problem sometimes, but I would not feel comfortable returning to an ex boyfriend. Ex boyfriends remind me of a state of emotional and mental immaturity at the time. My current bf reminds me of the future and growth. If you determine to stay friends, great, but if you intend to return to him as a bf address the past with a clear mind and focused heart without creating trouble. Don't listen to your dick, which is hard to do (i know), and listen to your mind and heart.

    Here's my response.

    Mike
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 30, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    he's your ex for a reason.

    keep repeating this to yourself.
  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    Dec 31, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    It sounds like he flipped out because he cared about you, and there was a lack of communication at the time about your future plans.

    It's 5 years later. I say give it another try. Life is too short...
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    Jan 23, 2011 6:41 PM GMT
    You mentioned that his outward appearance had improved...but what about the inside?? If your basing this decision on what he LOOKS like... I think I'd try to find a much better reason to even reconsider getting back together.