First time relationship, need advice!

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  Dec 31, 2010 5:01 AM GMT

  So I don't know what to do. I met this guy six months ago, long story short we decided to just be friends. He gave me some attention initially and seemed interested in the beginning but now he never texts me and I'm always the one to initiate hangouts. Obviously he does not care much for our relationship, leaving me somewhat heart broken.
  
  I tell myself I don't mind initiating/planning the hangouts because I say hes just lazy and as long as he continues to accept to chill with me then he must still like me right?
  
  Should I continue to struggle to keep what we have going? what other options do I have?! I don't know how much longer I can stand always being the one to ask to hang out, I still want to see him though.

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  Dec 31, 2010 5:17 AM GMT

  Well if he wants to just be friends, be friends with him. Try if you can find other guys to talk to and get more friends or even girls. You both are in the friend zone, but it sounds like you're more into him than he is into you hence you should try finding other people to hang out with.
  Keep it going since you're friends, just remember you're friends. I don't know about the whole friends with benefits thing so can't comment on that. I know I repeated friends a lot, but that's only cause that's what you stated you decided to be friends.

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  Dec 31, 2010 5:32 AM GMT

  I would just stop contacting him. It's really hard to be just friends with someone that you cared about in a deeper way. I have been in this situation before, and really, nothing good can come from it. Think about it- you're putting in all this energy and besides sometimes hanging out, you aren't getting anything in return. Obviously it's bothering you, so as hard as it is, I'd just stop putting more effort into it. Maybe you'll find that he will actually contact you (just maybe not as often as you'd like- but remember you are just friends, not "best" friends and not dating). Maybe you'll never hear from him again... either way be prepared to move on. Just don't take it personally. Sorry bud.

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• calibro
  
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  Dec 31, 2010 6:15 AM GMT

  i will give a more thorough response once you've had more than one post and filled out your profile so i know that you're not a bored man's joke.
  

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  Dec 31, 2010 7:07 AM GMT

  this is no joke :@
  

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  Dec 31, 2010 7:15 AM GMT

  Move on, sounds complicated even to be friends, things shouldn't be that difficult. Take control and stop worrying .

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• Tavix
  
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  Dec 31, 2010 7:23 AM GMT

  
  Going through the same issue. Just move on. It is not worth you degrading yourself over anyone. If people care about you then they will not put you through the hassle. Even friends and i mean just friends should be nice to you. I am going on with my life. I have to believe in me.
  
  Tavix

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• ja89
  
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  Dec 31, 2010 7:28 AM GMT

  if you re-read your post, you should know the answer to your own question. There is no reason in holding onto someone who doesn't want to be around. The man is a home-body and from the way it sounds, you're opposite of that. Really think about how much you're putting into the relationship and how much he is and think about your self-worth.
  
  go to this link (couldn't embed) it's a great video to take advice from.
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBI4Bh2z9W8&feature=related

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  Dec 31, 2010 7:29 AM GMT

  It's really not a relationship if it's 95% you 5% him . Get online and find someone else so you can move on. There are tons of guys out there that want what you do.

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  Dec 31, 2010 8:21 AM GMT

  He's made it very, very clear he's not interested.
  he sounds like a loner and you need to find someone else to trick with boo boo

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  Jan 06, 2011 5:29 AM GMT

  Thanks everyone for your responses.
  
  I understand it is unrealistic to assume anything deeper will develop. I have been trying to focus on myself and I'm actively looking to meet new people but I'm finding it REALLY hard to end all contact like most of you said.
  
  I know it seems soo ridiculous but I don't know what to do! I want be his friend I'm fine with just that, but am I being irrational to expect more of a commitment from him, given the situation? I still have feelings for him. sigh
  

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• prime02
  
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  Jan 06, 2011 5:47 AM GMT

  I think you're prolonging the inevitable... he's just not that into you anymore. Sorry dude

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  Jan 06, 2011 5:52 AM GMT

  just keep him on the side until you find someone else then say "peace out sucka". doesnt sound like he'll be hurt when you move on to someone else so its a win win.

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  Jan 06, 2011 5:58 AM GMT

  adamax said I tell myself I don't mind initiating/planning the hangouts because I say hes just lazy and as long as he continues to accept to chill with me then he must still like me right?
  

  
  
  
  No. He continues to accept only because he's also too lazy to turn you down.
  
  I don't wanna be harsh but if you re-read this part of what you wrote down, it really reeks of desperation. Leave the loser.

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  Jan 06, 2011 6:01 AM GMT

  adamax said long story short we decided to just be friends, but still mess around and hook up sometimes...
  
  obviously he does not care much for our relationship, leaving me somewhat heart broken.
  
  All I want is for him to put in some effort into our relationship.

  
  
  Hmm... these sentences should jump out at you.
  
  1) He's a fuck buddy in the beginning.
  2) You grew attached to him.
  3) He doesn't want it anymore.
  
  Move on.

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  Jan 06, 2011 6:03 AM GMT

  Youre too clingy. You ruined your friendship by wanting more.

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  Jan 08, 2011 3:19 AM GMT

  adamax saidI hate that feeling like I'm resisting the urge to text him just because I feel he should be the one texting me. most of the time I would just ignore the feeling and text him anyways. Is that normal? what does that mean?

  
  
  I can guess at what it means, because I am going through the exact same thing right now. It means that there is something wrong. Your hesistation proves it.
  
  In my case, I've decided to let it go. This is hard for me because he is attractive and a good person. But he's just not that into me.
  
  His mixed messages don't help either. He's indicated continued interest, seems to enjoy when I finally coax him into getting together, and he says how great I am. Problem is, once I'm out of sight, he won't show it, he will not initiate, he doesn't care.
  
  I told him to tell me to 'get lost' if he wanted. He refused, but still won't reciprocate. I told him point blank long-term commitment is not necessary -- that regular hook-up buds, or even just friends is fine. He won't put effort into any of these.
  
  It's a blow to my ego to admit that someone I'm attracted to and invested in does not feel the same. Nothing worse than feeling unattractive and unwanted. I do not like to let go of people that I've cared about or to give up.
  
  In the end I decided (this week) that whatever is going on, it's not making me feel good about myself and it's thus unhealthy. He's just not that into me. Or if he is, he's not showing it. Either way it's not something I can fix. It's in his court.
  
  So I'm through pushing. If I never hear from him again, sucks but oh well.
  
  Good luck with your situation man, but it sounds just like mine, and mine is a lost cause I'm sad to report. I there right now man, I know how it hurts.

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  Jan 08, 2011 3:39 AM GMT

  Rule #1: If you have to work at it...it's not gonna happen. As a friend yes. As a Fk bud maybe, but not anything thing more. Now, repeat after me..."if you have to work at it, it's not gonna happen".

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