i found out the secret of the boy i love..

  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Dec 31, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    hey guys i need ur help..i m deeply in love with a guy ..we have had several moments to cherish ...i really love him madly...but i had a doubt from the start that something is wrong with the guy..i recently found out that he is married and having two children..i m quite shaken from this revealation..he doesnt know about that..i m feeling guilty..he never told me this because he had fears that i would leave him..but he is not doing justice to his family..what should i do...i seriously want this guy..but his family n kids..their innocent pictures always floats in front of me...plzzzzz help me..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    My brother, no matter what way you look at this, you are involved in a very dangerous relationship and someone is bound to get hurt.

    You know in your heart what you NEED to do as opposed to what you WANT to do.

    Talk with him.............do the right thing........not the easy thing....good luck brother.................................Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Dec 31, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    Well, what do you think you should do?

  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Dec 31, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    i dont want to hurt his family...i know he loves me thats y he is hiding the secret..but specially his innocent kids n wife..wats their fault..he in a chat told me that if he gets married in future to a gal thats wat he is now he wants to continue the relationship with me..he will love me...i really is in two minds...moral dilemma....need more help..
  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Dec 31, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    n e more sugg guys...some workable ones..wat should i do..
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Dec 31, 2010 10:06 PM GMT
    loneboy saidn e more sugg guys...some workable ones..wat should i do..


    First of all, how did you find out?

    When I was married I put someone in the same place you are in.

    This situation is no different if your a guy or a girl.
    He is cheating on his wife.
    It is not fair to you or to them.

    Sorry, but it doesn't matter how much you love him.

    You don't know where he is at in his head. Meaning, he may love you, but if the truth comes out, either to you only or to his wife as well. He may leave you anyway if his loyalty it to his wife and kids. If you would actually keep him and he leaves his family for you... Can you handle that guilt?
    If that would happen do you think that she will be easy on him or you?
    Sorry there is no easy way out of this... there is no easy answers.
    You have to protect yourself and your heart.
    He has to end one relationship before starting a new one.
  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Dec 31, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    thats a very harsh situation to me..btw i was talking to him one day on phone when suddely someone called him dad and he replied.. once before we met i saw photos of kids in his cell..i doubted then n now i think its confirmed..there is no other way out??..i have to leave him???
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Dec 31, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Whatever you do it won't be easy... but stick to your decision. Tell him why, but let him go.. save yourself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    He has a decision to make. The only thing you need to do is tell him that.
    However, if you and him continue to see each other on the DL, it will not end well.
  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Jan 01, 2011 11:32 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidHe has a decision to make. The only thing you need to do is tell him that.
    However, if you and him continue to see each other on the DL, it will not end well.

    what does dl mean??
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    Jan 01, 2011 11:36 AM GMT
    loneboy saidi dont want to hurt his family...

    You answered your own question. So what's the problem?
  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Jan 01, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    i love him too..its pretty difficult for me to go away..no midway option???
  • mattnz

    Posts: 30

    Jan 01, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    loneboy said
    paulflexes saidHe has a decision to make. The only thing you need to do is tell him that.
    However, if you and him continue to see each other on the DL, it will not end well.

    what does dl mean??


    on the "down low" http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/down_low
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    Jan 01, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    DL= down-low - taking on same sex lovers on the down-low so they don't have to come out of the closet, etc., which is what low-down liars like the "boy" you claim to love use as an excuse to have the best of both worlds.

    You are right, there is something wrong with the guy you are infatuated with. If he hides something like this from you while also hiding you from others, then you're doomed. What else is he keeping from you?

    Drop his ass. If you don't, you two deserve each other.
  • loneboy

    Posts: 33

    Jan 01, 2011 11:59 AM GMT
    this is true...i must talk to him now..he has to take a decision ..this is not good for me and not too for his family..i m ready to leave ..i know it will be pretty hard for me.but i have to do it now.also i must ask him the reason for hiding such a big fact from me.
  • Sparkycat

    Posts: 1064

    Jan 01, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    No, you need to make a decision, and hopefully that will be to kick this bum to the curb. He is betraying his wife and children. Do you really want to spend time with a guy like that? And, it doesn't matter how much you think you love him. Who cares? Get over it. It's not ok for you to be a party to his deception.


    loneboy saidthis is true...i must talk to him now..he has to take a decision ..this is not good for me and not too for his family..i m ready to leave ..i know it will be pretty hard for me.but i have to do it now.also i must ask him the reason for hiding such a big fact from me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    seriously, if the guy has nothing better to do with his life than to cheat on his wife, and potentially screwing up his kids for life then he needs to be dumped. There is no half-way point to this...

    If u can handle the idea of being with a guy that is married with kids then he needs to bring u to the attention of his wife, and see if she is ok with it, on the other hand u need to get out of this relationship its only going to cause problems.......ever heard of the phrase "home wrecker"? well thats wats happening and ur both at fault here.

    Even if u say that u love the guy, i pretty much agree with yourname2000 he's not going to stay with u.....hes only getting the rush of sneaking around with out his wife knowing, basically ur his sick turn on.....

    In short dump him, find a true man, and get over the guilt of leaving someone that cant figure out hes about to mess his entire life up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 12:42 PM GMT
    Once, a married guy asked me out. He also had two kids. While we were drinking a coffee and talking I was thinking about his wife and kids.
    So I told him to take care of them and never fall in love with a man.

    That's what you should do also if you have a heart. And try to forget him asap.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    BuckYou saidOnce, a married guy asked me out. He also had two kids. While we were drinking a coffee and talking I was thinking about his wife and kids.
    So I told him to take care of them and never fall in love with a man.

    That's what you should do also if you have a heart. And try to forget him asap.


    *likes your comment*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    This man's faults far outweigh his graces. You clearly realize you deserve better. You know what you must do. Now gather your courage and self respect, boy. Stop wasting your time and affection.

    Move away from the dead-end thrill of his manipulation and deceit to find your future with an honest man who is capable of actually returning your love.

    PM8
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    loneboy saidi dont want to hurt his family...

    Then don't. He's not available to you until he makes suitable, legal & honorable arrangements for his family. If he doesn't, then he's simply not available to you, and you're sharing in his dishonor if you continue this.

    When trying to answer a gay relationship question, I often cast it in terms of a more common straight relationship, to see if the answer becomes more obvious. If we saw a woman "stealing" a man from his wife, with 2 kids, what would we think of her? In the US she'd be despised, and I wasn't aware India would be much different.

    Are you taking the role of that "woman" that in this country we'd term a "homebreaker?" Being a gay man doesn't give you a pass on this -- I think the same rules apply. And the cheating husband often doesn't tell his new lover about the wife and kids. I believe you were deceived in this, another reason to distrust him, now and in the future. You're only 20 -- there'll be others for you.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 01, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    You know what the right thing to do is. Ending things would be the smart decision. But to be honest, if you leave him, he'll probably find a replacement. So the question is, can you live with the guilt?

    But why hasn't this situation made you lose all respect and trust for him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    Say "Goodbye", or say "Hello" to misery and perhaps murder/suicide. You just don't know how crazy either the cheater or his wife may be.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidSay "Goodbye", or say "Hello" to misery and perhaps murder/suicide. You just don't know how crazy either the cheater or his wife may be.

    Or her family! icon_eek.gif
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 01, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    Run away