Dating & Coming-out later in life.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2011 1:07 AM GMT
    I’m 29 years-old (turning 30 soon). Not only am I not out to friends or family, I haven’t dated much at all (2 dates ever). So, I want to know from the rest of the late bloomers. When did you start dating & when did you come out? Which happened first (coming out or starting to date)? Just want to know.
  • cbrett

    Posts: 609

    Jan 01, 2011 7:20 AM GMT
    Dating, go have some fun, stop worrying about coming out
  • jmanorlando

    Posts: 205

    Jan 01, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    Dating was first and then as I felt more at ease with everything, I gradually started to let people know.

    If you come out and have no one to talk to or discuss reactions or how to approach something then you remain pretty isolated and you are going to over think everything.

    If you are dating or have the support or 1 or a group of gay friends then you can talk through concerns, fears and anything you need. This should make it easier when you do decide to let people know.

    FYI - I didn't come out until my mid-thirties and I am very happy at where I am in life today. Good luck and Happy New Year.
  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Jan 01, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Uhhh and 29 isn't exactly 'later in life'! I'm 45 and just came out about a year ago....still am actually, it's a process for me.....

    But I agree, just start dating and don't worry about letting people know... just let that happen as you go along...
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    Started 'dating' men about 8 months ago at 44...when my divorce was final.

    There are many, many paths to this place called gay.

    Enjoy your journey!
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    moscowmikey said

    There are many, many paths to this place called gay.

    Enjoy your journey!


    Well saidicon_razz.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    Finally, people who came out in thier 30s or 40s. I sometimes feel that I've let go of half my life in the closet. But, truthfully, I was not ready in my 20s. Would've been a complete disaster. Plus, thanks for saying that 'dating first' isn't the wrong thing to do. I just think it's the right step for me.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 01, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    sweetyork saidI’m 29 years-old (turning 30 soon). Not only am I not out to friends or family, I haven’t dated much at all (2 dates ever). So, I want to know from the rest of the late bloomers. When did you start dating & when did you come out? Which happened first (coming out or starting to date)? Just want to know.
    do enjoy your life. stop worrying about coming out and just have fun. go on a few dates and have sex. its great for you skin and your overall health. icon_razz.gif come out when you are ready. but definitely go out have some fun.
  • Gloryboys

    Posts: 28

    Jan 01, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    Hey Sweetyork you remind me of me 15 years ago. I finally gave into my sexuallity at 30 when I saw the brother of my brother in laws best man lol, I had some Idea that I was gay from an early age but chose to bury it deep. So when I realised I went and spoke to a good friend who was gay and he kinda held my hand into the world of gaydome so to speak taking me to gay bars and clubs and generally looking out for me till I found my feet. I dated for about a year or so then by chance got introduced to the guy I been with for the last 13 years, so yeh go play and worry about the coming out later unless it is causing you problems then it's gonna be a need to deel with quickly or else it will start to hurt you. But whatever happens be yourself, enjoy your life the way you want to and be safe.
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    I have faced similar circumstances. I finally started acting on my sexuality when I was 26 years old. Now I am 31 and have had some great experiences within the gay community, I feel more equipped to come out to my family and friends. I plan to do it in the next month or two.

    Like everyone else has said, it will be different for everyone. I am to the point where I have become so comfortable with myself that it is just frustrating to not let people know. So maybe once you have dated and seen how great this can be, you will be ready to let them know.
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    I came out to my family and closest friends first before dating anyone when I was 29 too. Had only dated one person up until then. The way I saw it, I didn't want to a) allow anyone to have that kind of control over me if I was in the closet; and b) be unfair to whoever I was going to meet to have to deal with the issues of active concealment around other people.

    Mind you, I've only really dated a handful of people since then, but that's a different story.
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:55 PM GMT


    I came out when I was 15 to my mother.... She couldn't accept it, and wouldn't accept it then.. So because of that I went back into hiding came out way late try 28....
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:33 AM GMT
    Thanks for this thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    I'm only started dating men last summer. I wished I had done it sooner. I'm only 34 but I do feel like I've wasted most of my twenties, when that would have been a good time to be figuring out relationships.

    In many ways, I feel like I'm back at square one. In spite of what some people say, gay dating is NOT like straight dating at all. At least it hasn't been for me thus far. It's confusing as hell (although that might be a reflection of my own state.).