How can I feel comfortable with my body??? I'm really struggling and I go into this dark place... Fml.

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    Jan 01, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    Okies, well let me just start by saying. I'm fat, however I never use to be. I use to basically have a six pack. However two years later... I'm 5'3 and weigh in at 70 kilos. So i'm around 5-6 kilos overweight from my research. Now whilst i'm really greatful for being healthy and having all my limbs and so forth, I still get incredibly down seeing other attractive guys. What makes it worse, in the two years that i've put on weight my bf hasn't at all... And he's clearly noticed but hasn't said anything. And for example, yesterday i went to the city for new years... And all i saw were tall hot attractive guys... This was around a bunch of gay guys i was with... So i felt incredbly down. And basically left straight away because i couldn't deal with how i looked. Okies... Know I know i'll never lose the weight as I have no idea how to... I've looked into it all, but nothing made sence at all. But... it's really getting to me.... Hypothetically... even if i did have a good body, would I see myself as attractive? My dream is too one day go topless at a beach again... I think that would conquer all my porblems... All im trying to say is, i cant deal with being unattractive around people. it kills me. And I feel like a waste of space.
  • Cndpup

    Posts: 30

    Jan 01, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    Hmmm sounds like there is a deeper issue here. If you can afford it, maybe see a therapist about this, even if for just a few sessions. My ex bf is seeing one and it sounds like he is finally working to better himself emotionally and physically. Second, there is an ocean of knowledge about fitness out there and it can get confusing. Go with what keeps you entertained, motivated...what ways interest you. There are lots of forums like RJ that suggest great material to read as well and nutritional suggestions. I whole heartedly believe that physique is 80% diet 20% fitness routine so make sure you are eating well and eating healthy..which is really not thaaat hard when you think about it.

    I wish you all the best of 2011...you could also go crazy and get a make over they make you feel amazing. Gay it up with a facial clense, new hair style new threads....change can help make you feel better =] Keep positive and focus on the things you love in life.

    Good luck!
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    How can I feel comfortable with my body??? I'm really struggling and I go into this dark place... Fml.


    Only thing you can do is diet and exercise and lose the weight. Until you are motivated to do that, you really aren't that uncomfortable with your body and you are just whining.
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    Okies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...
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    Jan 01, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    Beneim saidOkies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...

    ok, you're fat and you have a mental problem.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    Therapist, personal trainer, nutritionist, and you.

    Take the fourth to go see the first three, so that you can be the healthiest and happiest.

    Or, you can continue to sit in your current situation and whine.

    Photobucket

    Happy New Year! Now go do something about it.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    Beneim saidOkies, well let me just start by saying. I'm fat, however I never use to be. I use to basically have a six pack. However two years later... I'm 5'3 and weigh in at 70 kilos. So i'm around 5-6 kilos overweight from my research. Now whilst i'm really greatful for being healthy and having all my limbs and so forth, I still get incredibly down seeing other attractive guys. What makes it worse, in the two years that i've put on weight my bf hasn't at all... And he's clearly noticed but hasn't said anything. And for example, yesterday i went to the city for new years... And all i saw were tall hot attractive guys... This was around a bunch of gay guys i was with... So i felt incredbly down. And basically left straight away because i couldn't deal with how i looked. Okies... Know I know i'll never lose the weight as I have no idea how to... I've looked into it all, but nothing made sence at all. But... it's really getting to me.... Hypothetically... even if i did have a good body, would I see myself as attractive? My dream is too one day go topless at a beach again... I think that would conquer all my porblems... All im trying to say is, i cant deal with being unattractive around people. it kills me. And I feel like a waste of space.


    I get that too, so I can really sympathize with you there!

    I think a major problem is that today's society is so focused on looks You see all the billboards, commercials, celebrities, people who are popular just because of their looks, and it subconsciously poisons our minds into thinking that looks are more important than they should be worth.

    If you really wanted to change the way you look, you could easily. You could stick to a healthier diet and work out a lot. However, I can assure you that this alone won't defeat your insecurities, even if you had the best body in the world. We need to transform our mentality, and not to compare ourselves to others too much. I guess the most important thing for us is to understand that we all have different qualities about us that make us attractive whether it is our looks, our intelligence, our charm, our shyness, our awkwardness, humor etc and to realize that there are people out there who love us no matter what we do or look like.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    Caslon17000 said
    Beneim saidOkies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...

    ok, you're fat and you have a mental problem.


    Caslon17000, if you're not gonna try and help, then don't comment. No-one wants to hear you spew your negative garbage!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 01, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    Losing the weight and getting yourself into shape is only going to take some time and effort

    ......... but will you be happy once you get to the other end?
    That's a question only you can answer
    If you're constantly sabotaging yourself and feeling down about how you look maybe talking to someone about that might help you

    But getting out to a gym or getting outside and doing something to break a sweat might spark something inside that will get you to change these things
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    Hey brother.....I am 59 and since I was 14 I have never, never been happy with my body...It belongs on someone else, but not on me. I have struggled with my weight and shape all my life and yes, after that many years it tends to dig at one's ego.

    BUT, here's the gist.......you can change your eating lifestyle and the exercise regimen......but it does take a change in attitude and mindset........It's like trying to quit smoking - fucking hard but doable......

    .I still feel uncomfortable when i take my clothes off in front of a lover, but that's who I am.....I try my best.....that's all one can do.......it's a very hard nut to crack but not worth digging a hole over.

    You're who you are, not what you look like...............start by telling yourself that, at least twice a day,,,and then move on.....Only look back if that's the direction you plan to take...........................feliz ano.................Keithicon_cool.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jan 01, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    Beneim saidI know i'll never lose the weight as I have no idea how to... I've looked into it all, but nothing made sence at all.



    This sounds like what you have is a great big case of "The Lazy Ass Syndrome". This site is chock full of guys who have lost tons of weight and reinvented their bodies (and lives), but it didn't come easy -- it takes hard work, dedication, and sweat. To say you have no idea how to do this, that you have looked into it all and "nothing made sense" is just YOU being LAZY. Sorry if we don't care to attend your "Pity Party". Diet and exercise isn't brain surgery. When you look around and see guys who do have great bodies, six pack abs, etc., more often than not each and every one of those guys has worked very hard either to get that way, or maintain it. Get off your butt!
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:00 PM GMT
    Gbob said

    Caslon17000, if you're not gonna try and help, then don't comment. No-one wants to hear you spew your negative garbage!


    That´s never stopped him before. It´s just a pity that the most prolific poster on RJ is also the most jejune and vindictive.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    Gbob said

    Caslon17000, if you're not gonna try and help, then don't comment. No-one wants to hear you spew your negative garbage!


    That´s never stopped him before. It´s just a pity that the most prolific poster on RJ is also the most jejune and vindictive.


    if you sat on your ass and posted that much drivel it would be obvious you don't have a life.....prolific?......na, just nothing better to do......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    Beneim saidOkies, well let me just start by saying. I'm fat, however I never use to be. I use to basically have a six pack. However two years later... I'm 5'3 and weigh in at 70 kilos. So i'm around 5-6 kilos overweight from my research. Now whilst i'm really greatful for being healthy and having all my limbs and so forth, I still get incredibly down seeing other attractive guys. What makes it worse, in the two years that i've put on weight my bf hasn't at all... And he's clearly noticed but hasn't said anything. And for example, yesterday i went to the city for new years... And all i saw were tall hot attractive guys... This was around a bunch of gay guys i was with... So i felt incredbly down. And basically left straight away because i couldn't deal with how i looked. Okies... Know I know i'll never lose the weight as I have no idea how to... I've looked into it all, but nothing made sence at all. But... it's really getting to me.... Hypothetically... even if i did have a good body, would I see myself as attractive? My dream is too one day go topless at a beach again... I think that would conquer all my porblems... All im trying to say is, i cant deal with being unattractive around people. it kills me. And I feel like a waste of space.


    Boo hoo.

    You have choices.

    1. Be miserable.
    2. Not be miserable and do nothing.
    3. Not be miserable and do something.

    Cry me a river.

    Instead of being a big baby, get off your ass and do something about it! How whimpy can you get?

    In your current modality, you ARE are a waste. STOP IT.

    Can't get it together on your own? Go see a shrink. Crying here won't solve it, if you're head fucked, and not willing to do anything about it.

    Stop it with all this mental sabotage! Go workout!
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    Gbob said
    Caslon17000 said
    Beneim saidOkies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...

    ok, you're fat and you have a mental problem.


    Caslon17000, if you're not gonna try and help, then don't comment. No-one wants to hear you spew your negative garbage!


    Click the Ignore button. That's what it's there for.
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    Jan 01, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Caslon17000 said
    Gbob said
    Caslon17000 said
    Beneim saidOkies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...

    ok, you're fat and you have a mental problem.


    Caslon17000, if you're not gonna try and help, then don't comment. No-one wants to hear you spew your negative garbage!


    Click the Ignore button. That's what it's there for.


    No, I don't want to ignore you in case you actually have something decent to say in future. It's a free world, you can say whatever you want, but sometimes being blunt and harsh doesn't solve anything.
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    Jan 01, 2011 10:13 PM GMT
    No one is really feeling sympathetic because you won't do anything to change your situation. You think you are fat? Well cut out the junk and crap foods, take up and exercise hobby like jogging, cycling, or swimming. You don't look like you are obese or anything so getting skinny won't be the hardest thing in the world. I know some people won't agree, but losing weight is not that hard if you are motivated.

    I wasn't happy with my body either. I was a scrawny little kid at 6' tall and 155lbs a few years ago. So I got motivated to bulk up and have gained 40 lbs. While right now I am bulking and gained some fat that made me lose my six pack, I still think I look better than skinny skinny and will just cut the fat off in the spring. I took the initiative and did something for myself. So should you.
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    Jan 01, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    You have a nice attractive smile and am sure that you can return to the body that you want.

    You wrote that you gained the weight in the past two years. Recollect, figure out what problems caused you to neglect yourself and gain that weight. Just make the effort. Listen to the positive advice above. Just be determined. Also change your dream from going topless to going totally naked at the beach. It is doable. You can do it. You'll feel empowered doing it and have a fun time getting hit on (or at least looked at).
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Jan 01, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    Beneim,

    If you set realistic goals, take small steps towards achieving those goals, you should be able to lose those few pounds. There is a lot of advice here, and some articles to read, to help you. You said you looked into it all, but nothing makes sense. Create a topic in the appropriate sub-forum for whatever does not make sense. Hopefully the replies will give you answers that clears up the confusion.

    About the attractiveness... that is something that really has to come from within. Perhaps the #1 attractive aspect about a person is their confidence. I think that's what you need to work on. That, and loving yourself, no matter what shape or size you may be.

    If you think going to the topless beach will conquer, then I suggest you go now. Take that step!
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    Jan 01, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    Beneim saidAnd I feel like a waste of space.


    I used to say that, too. You're not alone.

    Practically speaking, most of the other responders are on track. If you want to lose weight, you must diet and exercise accordingly. Nothing is wrong with those answers, but it's only part of the issue. You might also wish to take heed to the other responders like @steveboi who have suggested that your struggle might be symptomatic of deeper issues, like low self-esteem. You said it best yourself:

    Beneim said I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem


    I'm sure many of us have struggled with body image issues, myself included. Kudos for trying to address your esteem issues, but there are much healthier ways of doing it. Others may try to find esteem by finding more sexual partners, etc. Always requiring external validation to boost their esteem. It's rather frustrating, I'm sure. A viscous cycle that really has no long-term benefit but mere temporary satisfaction, like an addictive drug.

    If you are at a loss about how to go about addressing your esteem issues in a more healthy way, I suggest seeing a professional therapist. Only until you get at the root of what is causing your low-self esteem will you able to be empowered to balance the actual "how you look" concerns along with the "how you feel". If you're religious, then perhaps getting right with God might be part of your process.

    Until then, it's like boxing with blinders on. It's not about how beautiful you look on the outside, it's about how beautiful you feel on the inside that radiates your attractiveness of character and personality.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 01, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    Exercise--
    -Exercise changes your metabolism so that your body does a better job of digesting food, instead of storing most of it.
    -Walk everywhere, as much as possible; and always walk really fast. --Go out for a speed walk, every day.
    -Get a one month membership to a gym to see if you like it.

    Food--
    -Stop eating all snacks and desserts. No cookies, no candy, no chips, no doughnuts, none of that stuff. And, nothing from a vending machine.
    -No sodas of any kind. No flavored water of any kind.
    -Don't stuff yourself at meal time. Just eat until you're not hungry, anymore. Put the rest in the fridge and heat it up when you become hungry again. This may result in 5 or 6 meals a day, but that's fine.
    -Don't eat already prepared meals (a frozen entree).
    -Don't eat Mexican food.

    Breakfast- I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and instant oatmeal and a cup of tea.

    Lunch- I have half of a turkey sandwich (with everything) from a great deli that's near where I live. You could go to Subway, instead. Then, I eat the other half of the sandwich when I get hungry, later on.

    Dinner- I buy frozen vegetables (Trader Joe's are the best). And, I eat lots of them. It's okay to put a big glob of butter on them. If you have them with a piece of meat every day, you'll be doing great.

    I speed walk 8 city blocks, then 8 more on the way back home, almost every day.

    If you take your daily speed walk, and follow this simple diet, after a month, I guarantee that you'll see a difference. And, you'll feel better and have more energy.

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    Jan 01, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    To the OP,, what you're getting from the two or three often called nasty posters is the bottom line truth, tough love, whatever you want to call it. You''ll be far further ahead if you paid heed and take an ass kickin from them and do what they say
    You either will change your ways or you won't.. It's up to you.
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    Jan 01, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Hello Beneim,

    At the risk of sounding cliched, if you spend too much time worrying about how people view you physically, you may lose out on people who are more interested in who you are. Bear Bars have a lot of lonely, older people who were once "cute" but then discovered this doesn't last forever.

    If physical aesthetics are important to you, then just get the down the gym, but always remember that a world in which people will only strike up a conversation because you have a six-pack, blue eyes, white skin and so forth is not one to be commended ;).

    Best of luck,
    Brit.
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    Jan 01, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    Webster666 said

    -Don't eat Mexican food.


    *gasp*

    Blasphemous
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    Jan 01, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    Beneim saidOkies, so i lose all the weight... have a great body... Will i be attractive thou? I mean seriously... I'm fucking up my life, i started posing naked for older dudes online when i was 15... Just to boost myself esteem... it's always on my mind, always asking... always questioning...


    Hi Beneim,

    I'm not a psychologist, but I believe what you have goes beyond just losing weight. I can understand how you feel. I was in college, with so many good looking guys, and here I was a grown man who wore glasses, had acne, and weighed only 85 pounds (yes you read that correctly). I know you are trying to lose weight, but I went through a similar situation, but wanting to gain weight. I finally decided that I hated myself enough that I was going to do something about it. As embarrassing as I was initially going to the gym for the first time, and lifting hardly any weight, I put on 5 pounds in less than a week, and 2 years later, I weighed 170 pounds of mostly muscle. I am fine now, years later, but it took me a long time to understand where my thoughts were coming from, and feel better about myself. I found out that it wasn't from looking a certain way that made me feel better about myself, it was the confidence I got from weight lifting, and getting to know myself better along the way.