My Dad doesn't want me dating a guy??

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    Jan 01, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    We were at the table talking the other night and my mom out of the clear blue was like I'm sure you'll meet someone someday, and my dad looked at her with eyes wide open and said "Don't f**ken encourage it because you know it's not going to be a girl he brings home", my mom said "yeah I know" and my dad went "Oh well it better not be a guy either, ewww."

    Part of me got a good laugh out of it because my dad knew it wouldn't be a girl and said he didn't want it to be a guy either, so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol, and the other part was pissed b/c just when I thought he was starting to accept it, that confirms he doesn't.
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    Jan 01, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    Charming father, you have. Great mother, tho!
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    Jan 01, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    Tell your dad to shut the fuck up otherwise you'll disown him.
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    Jan 01, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    Actually, it sounds like your Dad is halfway there. Give him time.
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    Jan 01, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    DelisleGuy saidActually, it sounds like your Dad is halfway there. Give him time.


    This. Keep the lines of communication open with both parents as much as you can.


    Set "take this next suggestion tongue in cheek" = on
    Also, subtly reminding your Dad that you may be the one who is left to wipe his ass when he is on his way out might help put things into perspective.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jan 01, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    This sounds kinda like a guy who doesn't want to be topped... You're gonna have to warm him up to the idea and just slip it in. Some times people say no when they really mean yes lol.
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidTell your dad to shut the fuck up otherwise you'll disown him.


    Hilarious
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    All of the above....I would have slid over and given dad a hug and kiss on the cheek.....you are missing some of his very dry tongue in cheek and I would bet a million if you had done this, you would have gotten a smile from him......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    I agree with carbgoggles. Your dad probably has all kinds of crazy ideas about what being gay means. Get a great guy for a boyfriend, bring him over to the house and do some yard work, help your dad in the garage, do cool things together and your dad will get better with it. He has to see how great gay relationships can be. Right now he probably thinks its all whips and boas.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:02 PM GMT
    fine. don't bring home a 'guy'. bring home a 'man'. problem solved.


    or, go for the twisted sense of humor route, and bring home a small farm animal instead.


    snarkiness, the hallmark of a new year.


    (besides, it does seem your father is warming up to the idea anyway. you need not worry too much about it. but it still would be frankin' hilarious if you did bring home a small farm animal.)
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 01, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude saidmy dad looked at her with eyes wide open and said "Don't f**ken encourage it because you know it's not going to be a girl he brings home", my mom said "yeah I know" and my dad went "Oh well it better not be a guy either, ewww."



    Sounds to me that your Dad is still struggling with this and I don't think that is exactly unusual or such a bad thing --- it's just going to take him some time to come to terms with it all. This might not happen as quickly as you want it to, but try to be patient with him and, if he's open to this, even try to talk to him about it and help him understand it. It's not really fair sometimes, or realistic, for gay kids to drop this bomb on parents and expect that the parents are going to process this information as fast as they would like. Every parent processes it differently and in their own time, and the inner struggle parents go through as they come to terms with this revelation about their child can be a challenge. Be patient.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude saidWe were at the table talking the other night and my mom out of the clear blue was like I'm sure you'll meet someone someday, and my dad looked at her with eyes wide open and said "Don't f**ken encourage it because you know it's not going to be a girl he brings home", my mom said "yeah I know" and my dad went "Oh well it better not be a guy either, ewww."

    Part of me got a good laugh out of it because my dad knew it wouldn't be a girl and said he didn't want it to be a guy either, so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol, and the other part was pissed b/c just when I thought he was starting to accept it, that confirms he doesn't.


    Your parents are assholes and you're a closet / head case. They're (your parents) aren't the first assholes you'll meet in life, so...deal with it. Go out if you want, and don't go out if you want.

    LOL.

    You say you're a "HotCollegeDude". You're not hot. You're a scared little pussy cat, too scared to show a picture, too lazy to complete a profile, too timid to lead your own life.

    Understand, you can change all that with ease. Your parents don't live your life. You SHOULD lead your life, but, for the moment, you're busy wrecking it, and...that's all YOUR choice.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    Here's the loop hole.... You can still fuck guys.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    vetteset saidAll of the above....I would have slid over and given dad a hug and kiss on the cheek.....you are missing some of his very dry tongue in cheek and I would bet a million if you had done this, you would have gotten a smile from him......Keithicon_cool.gif


    I would ve thought so too.. seems more like prefectly normal banter to me... which is a male expression of affection more than anything else
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    chuckystud said

    Your parents are assholes and you're a closet / head case. They're (your parents) aren't the first assholes you'll meet in life, so...deal with it. blablabla


    Chucky┬┤s empathy with human dilemas is legendary

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    Jan 01, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    My friend is kind of going through the same thing. No one in his family knows he's gay but he's been dating this guy for 6 months. His mother found out that his new "friend" is gay and thought my friend and him might be boyfriends. So his mother and sister confronted him. First his mother said she'll drop dead if he bring home a guy and told him to find a girlfriends soon. But now she's at a stage where she says he can do what ever he wants cause its his life.

    So it takes time with family. Your dad at least isn't telling you to bring home a girl. He's almost there, like the guy above me said, give it time cause he's almost half way there.
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude said...so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol...

    A puppy?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 01, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    bring him home a chunky, agressive, pushy lesbian and he just might change his mind!

    icon_idea.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude said Part of me got a good laugh out of it because my dad knew it wouldn't be a girl and said he didn't want it to be a guy either, so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol, and the other part was pissed b/c just when I thought he was starting to accept it, that confirms he doesn't.


    Bring home a lab-class skeleton.... that'll make his head spin 'cuz he won't know which it is!

    All joking aside, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with the others who suggested just giving it time. It's gonna be okay... and even if he never accepts it, at least you're being true to you.

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 01, 2011 5:51 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    HotCollegeDude saidWe were at the table talking the other night and my mom out of the clear blue was like I'm sure you'll meet someone someday, and my dad looked at her with eyes wide open and said "Don't f**ken encourage it because you know it's not going to be a girl he brings home", my mom said "yeah I know" and my dad went "Oh well it better not be a guy either, ewww."

    Part of me got a good laugh out of it because my dad knew it wouldn't be a girl and said he didn't want it to be a guy either, so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol, and the other part was pissed b/c just when I thought he was starting to accept it, that confirms he doesn't.


    Your parents are assholes and you're a closet / head case. They're (your parents) aren't the first assholes you'll meet in life, so...deal with it. Go out if you want, and don't go out if you want.

    LOL.

    You say you're a "HotCollegeDude". You're not hot. You're a scared little pussy cat, too scared to show a picture, too lazy to complete a profile, too timid to lead your own life.

    Understand, you can change all that with ease. Your parents don't live your life. You SHOULD lead your life, but, for the moment, you're busy wrecking it, and...that's all YOUR choice.




    I don't really get this sort of mean-spirited response, Chucky. I know you think you're just telling it straight to the guy, but c'mon -- the OP is 21, and from a small town. He's still coming to terms with all this and how he is going to fit into the world as a gay man. Give the guy a break -- sheeeesh! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    rnch saidbring him home a chunky, agressive, pushy lesbian and he just might change his mind!

    icon_idea.gif

    You must like dealing in redundancies. "Lesbian" would have said it all.

    But I dunno, maybe Dad here would be happy with such an arrangement. I always said my own gun-totting sister was the son my father always wanted.
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    It's important that the ordinal poster understand that HE controls his destiny.

    It's a huge disservice to coddle him: it'll only make him weaker.

    Once the OP understands that it's o.k. for him to date guys if he wants; he's not abnormal; he has to lead his life for himself and not others; he'll be closer to being happier. Continuing to sabotage that with demons created within is counter productive. It does no good, and only prolongs the misery, to make excuses for the actions of others (his parents). That's their issue and very little that the OP can do to change that. The demons are with the original poster who creates them for himself with his own self-loathing. Once he learns to take control of his own life, gets honest, and comes to like himself, he'll be a bunch happier.

    We ALL have power to be happy, or not. Whether we choose that, is our own doing.

    Once you address the REAL underlying issue (the OP seeking the approval of others constantly), he moves towards happiness and self esteem. That all has to come from within.
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    chuckystud said
    HotCollegeDude saidWe were at the table talking the other night and my mom out of the clear blue was like I'm sure you'll meet someone someday, and my dad looked at her with eyes wide open and said "Don't f**ken encourage it because you know it's not going to be a girl he brings home", my mom said "yeah I know" and my dad went "Oh well it better not be a guy either, ewww."

    Part of me got a good laugh out of it because my dad knew it wouldn't be a girl and said he didn't want it to be a guy either, so like wtf exactly is it that he wants me to bring home lol, and the other part was pissed b/c just when I thought he was starting to accept it, that confirms he doesn't.


    Your parents are assholes and you're a closet / head case. They're (your parents) aren't the first assholes you'll meet in life, so...deal with it. Go out if you want, and don't go out if you want.

    LOL.

    You say you're a "HotCollegeDude". You're not hot. You're a scared little pussy cat, too scared to show a picture, too lazy to complete a profile, too timid to lead your own life.

    Understand, you can change all that with ease. Your parents don't live your life. You SHOULD lead your life, but, for the moment, you're busy wrecking it, and...that's all YOUR choice.




    I don't really get this sort of mean-spirited response, Chucky. I know you think you're just telling it straight to the guy, but c'mon -- the OP is 21, and from a small town. He's still coming to terms with all this and how he is going to fit into the world as a gay man. Give the guy a break -- sheeeesh! icon_rolleyes.gif

    Often mean-spirited, and usually with no good cause. Probably carrying a whole headful of issues himself. Just understand and ignore. Mostly troll.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 01, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said...You must like dealing in redundancies. "Lesbian" would have said it all.....


    icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 01, 2011 6:11 PM GMT
    My Dad was the same way about 3 years ago. He got into an argument with his own brother last month defending my being gay against his brothers bigotry. Yours will come around.