Real Friends and Fake Friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    Recently Since Ive starting coming out ot my friends Ive realized that most of them arent real friends I mean they werent even reall ythat much of friends even before I came out to some of them. I know that some times we have to put our differences apart but how much differences do we really have to put apart to find friends. Ive met a few gay guys not so much because I hardly dont know any and I dont know a lot of places where to find more gay friends. but the ones I have met only want sex and Im just sick of it because Im not looking for JUST sex I want to be in a realation ship. Social Life for me right seems to not be going so well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 4:24 AM GMT


    Yeah, we're in the same boat... Not exactly as I'm just putting myself out there now...Still don't have a clue where to find the gay/bi men...

    To be honest, we're one of the few that look for companionship, something other than just sex...


    Usually intimacy leads to a relationship.... I'm the opposite... Relationship then intimacy, sex the whole bit...


    As for your friends.... Well if they weren't friends to begin with you had no need in staying friends with them... Your real friends are the ones that support you and stand behind you....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    Yeah I have had a few really good friends my guy best friend is straight and he has asked me if Im gay before because I havent had but one girl friend back in high school and have only dated a few. One of our other good friends once said what if Ricky (Me) were gay and my best friend said I would probably stop talking to you.......Then My girl best friend (Supposidley) is really cool but It bugs me that she seems to take out her personal problems on others and tells me to stop complaining because Her problems are bigger and ive tried to help her but she pushes me away. That is where the whole differences come in. We have another friend who talked to both of us me and my best friend(girl) and said put your differences aside and become friends for what you have in common. You could say that socially in life Im having a hard time adapting because I hardly go out to any places where gay guys go but I dont want to go alone I like to go with friends but yet have found any "New Gay Friends".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 4:55 AM GMT

    Well there it is... Based your friends reactions and response they are not worth being friends with... Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to make better and closer friends... You just need to start putting yourself out there more. You'll find it...
  • tallguy86

    Posts: 39

    Jan 02, 2011 6:16 AM GMT
    Having just left university this fall, I have started to realize who my real friends are and I haven't even started coming out to them. Really in life it comes down to the point that most people only have a select few real friends, the rest are acquaintances who you may or may not care about.

    In regards to the comments on meeting men who may be available for relationships I can relate. I know I have a hard time finding men to get to know and potentially form a relationship with because it seems most out at bars are there just for a hook-up and I avoid the bars anyway.

    I know nothing I am saying is really helping, but I know it is always nice for me to learn that others are going through what I am at the same time, so if nothing else I hope you find some comfort knowing strangers can sympathize!
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 02, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    Like good bfs, TRUE friends are hard to come by these days

    Everyone just likes ppl for some reason that benefits them
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jan 02, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    Don't get me started on this topic! I could right a book.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    Things in our contemporary life are increasingly disposable. This sadly applies to how people treat each other, as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    Hey same thing here.
    Not much into the bar and club scenes so actually meeting someone is so hard because hook ups seem to be the thing to do apparently nowadays.

    It's hard to even meet up with someone to be friends first, which ideally is what I would like to begin with but maybe it's just this site that's not the way to go.
    I don't know, I have no idea where else to look though.

    Dragondevil, I'm exactly the same, I'd like to be in a relationship first before giving myself away to someone. Maybe some people see it as too old-fashioned but I stand by it.
  • OutPhase

    Posts: 68

    Jan 02, 2011 10:09 AM GMT
    I hear you out and agree with everything you said. I have very few friends and gay people that don't want just sex are rare. I have checked out practical every dating site for gays and came up short and found this site so I am giving this one a try. Just keep ur head up and don't let yourself get down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 12:00 PM GMT
    Yup, many friends turn out to be fake... in fact my truest friends have turned out to be my straight friends
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    To the OP, it may take a while but when you find a gay buddy you connect with and who has your back, he'll likely introduce you to other friends and then you'll be able to build a social network. It likely won't happen overnight, but once you start meeting more people, it becomes easier to expand your network of friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Oh how I know this. You don't have to get along with a crowd. Just individual people. It takes absolutely nothing to be friendly with others. People that can't do this and have to put judgments on others really are not worth the time to get to know or stay friends with. I like to think that it is a good thing that they weed themselves out of my life.

    My philosophy: If it only takes two people to get along then what the fuck is wrong with people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 02, 2011 9:01 PM GMT
    A large topic, to be sure.

    I guess the basic question I would have for you is, "what is a friend for you?"
    A seemingly easy question to answer, yet people have been writing about it in the West since Aristotle. Aristotle himself said that there are several types of friendships, but the one that is the rarest is the one in which two people see, appreciate and actually enjoy something about one another. The other types of friendships are a bit more "superficial", literally, based mostly on tit-for-tat, I'll be you're friend but what do I get out of it? kinda notions.

    This rationale could apply to any kind of relationship between two people, and in this particular case you're interested in finding a man who would be interested in you and vice versa (and not just for sex). A lot of men (and women too) ARE looking for just sex, so it seems, and we can say that without attaching a negative connotation to it. You are also quite young, and so a lot of men you're most likely running into are making a lot of "beginner's mistakes". Life is about processing and learning, right? icon_razz.gif

    So, cue Aristotle (inserts him a la Deus ex Machina-style): it may very well be a fact that the type of relationship you are looking for is quite rare among any two people of any gender and any sexual orientation. Most of what you will encounter will not be what you're looking for, then. However, the bright side of the coin is that since you do in fact know what kind of relationship you want with a man, you're miles ahead of many men who spend their whole lives relatively clueless about what they really want (we've all seen it over and over again). Be true to yourself, relax, have patience, and since as another famous Greek said, "like attracts like", you may very well end up meeting a man at some point on your path about whom you'll think "I could see myself in a relationship with him", and he may very well think the same about you.

    Hope this helps; I hadn't ever thought I might actually put long-dead white men's words to good use, but I think they may be right on. Good luck!