Some advice?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    Hey everyone!
    Well I was just wondering if you guys had any advice. Long story short, I havent told anyone I was gay because I come from a very conservative family. Im too scared to even tell anyone (im also feeling like im risking it by being on RJ :O) but fuck it. But because of all this, I dont have any gay friends or anthing like that. icon_sad.gif
    But you guys got any advice/wisdom?
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    Find gay friends in your area. You live in Long Beach. That is in the top 10 cities of highest gays per capita.

    Do you have an iPhone or Blackberry? Get Grindr. Also hit people up in your area online. You can get a profile on www.connexion.org or (worse) adam4adam.com. You can load pics without showing your face to decrease your risk of being found out by family members. You can also use the internet to find gays far away so when you meet up it will decrease the chance of it getting back to your family. But finding someone to connect with that's gay will be a great first step to coming out. It's not necessarily the best thing to come out to people closest to you if you fear rejection. So find someone farther away whom you've never met, know is gay, can have a conversation with online, then in person with. They will not reject you for being gay. That should help give you more courage for when you come out to more people in the future.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    Do you have any straight friends..? Most of them don't care.

    The parents thing is a journey. I ALMOST told mah' mom last night, but couldn't get it out. Your parents only know what you tell them. Don't restrict your life because of a parental disapproval.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:14 AM GMT
    staple_ saidDon't restrict your life because of a parental disapproval.


    Yes he already said this. He's asking HOW.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    Always meet someone for the first time in a public place. Don't give out any important personal information to someone you don't know. I don't care how long you have chatted or what pictures he has sent you. You don't really know who is on the other end.

    Don't drive long distances or at great expense for a first meeting. Meet somewhere close and convenient FOR YOU. Fuck 'em if they won't come to you. I like to meet in the cafe in a nearby bookstore. I like books so I can always browse if I get stood up.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidFind gay friends in your area. You live in Long Beach. That is in the top 10 cities of highest gays per capita.

    Do you have an iPhone or Blackberry? Get Grindr. Also hit people up in your area online. You can get a profile on www.connexion.org or (worse) adam4adam.com. You can load pics without showing your face to decrease your risk of being found out by family members. You can also use the internet to find gays far away so when you meet up it will decrease the chance of it getting back to your family. But finding someone to connect with that's gay will be a great first step to coming out. It's not necessarily the best thing to come out to people closest to you if you fear rejection. So find someone farther away whom you've never met, know is gay, can have a conversation with online, then in person with. They will not reject you for being gay. That should help give you more courage for when you come out to more people in the future.


    Thanks dude for the advice. One reason why I have a hard time making gay friends is because I just feel scared and don't want anyone to know about me. But Im gaining some confidence now and I'm going to try and change that. And I remeber once that I was about to tell my friend, but I knew he would react differently. It just sucks I have to lie sometimes and I hate doing that.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:30 AM GMT
    College student in Long Beach? There are gay guys all around you on campus. I'm sure there are gay clubs/organizations as well. Also, join a gym. More gay guys there too.
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    gettinthere90 said...
    Im too scared to even tell anyone (im also feeling like im risking it by being on RJ :O) but fuck it.
    ...
    You've already got the right attitude. Just continue working on applying that to your daily life. Eventually you'll bust the hinges off your closet door; and when something goes wrong in the process, you'll just say "fuck it" and move on.

    Been there; done that. You have my best wishes. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    gettinthere90 said
    Thanks dude for the advice. One reason why I have a hard time making gay friends is because I just feel scared and don't want anyone to know about me. But Im gaining some confidence now and I'm going to try and change that. And I remeber once that I was about to tell my friend, but I knew he would react differently. It just sucks I have to lie sometimes and I hate doing that.


    Feel free to talk to me in pvt too if you want.
  • Markebri

    Posts: 110

    Jan 02, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    Know that you're not alone. Be careful who you become acquainted with though, look for genuine friends who aren't enablers and won't take your friendship for granted. As for telling your parents, tell them when you have come to terms with accepting your sexuality for yourself. I too thought my parents were very conservative, shallow minded before telling them of my sexuality. Surprisingly there were accepting about it, something call unconditional love which I'm sure your parents have for you as well icon_smile.gif Best of luck and feel free to IM me sometime if you need someone to talk to.

    -Mark-
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:47 AM GMT
    Well I just recently got the 'fuck it' attitude because I got an apartment so I dont live with my parents. But I live with a friend and I know he's homophobic. Im just trying to do things one step at a time but its hard doing so. And although there might be a lot of gay guys around Long Beach, I have trouble meeting any. Thanks so far everyone for the advice! Its helping out! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 6:59 AM GMT
    Homophobia: Fear of other people finding out I'm gay.

    That's all homophobia is. The dude is gay if he's homophobic.
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    Jan 02, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    ^^
    LOL! if he was, his girlfriend would be really mad at him.
    and this forum made me feel a lot better too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    His girlfriend might help him find a bi boyfriend to form a thriple.
    Girls are hornier than guys by nature. They're just more discreet about it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2011 7:27 AM GMT
    haha o wow! never knew that one! lol luck chicks