Coming out...what's your story?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Hey guys...planning to come out to friends in the next few days. Figured I'd just make it simple and sweet. Could definitely use a little encouragement though...when you came out, how did it go? What's your story?
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    Jan 02, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    It'll be liberating. It's a bigger deal in your head than it will be for them. I had huge amounts of anxiety before telling some of my best friends and family but they were like "cool... no biggie!" They were happy for me and realized it was a big step.

    You'll be fine.
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    Jan 02, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    Dad caught me and my ex in bed together.
    That's a difficult "coming out" story to top.
    Pun intended. icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I came out at 17 in high school. It was hard having things written in bathrooms and on my locker. I remember classmates actually blocking my car in so I couldn't even move.

    BUT it was also very wonderful, liberating, and I wouldn't be the person I was today if I didn't do it then. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me. I'm confident, smart, fast, caring, loving, and Jonathan.

    It made the friendships I had at the time even stronger, and I still love and talk frequently to all of them. My friends are amazing and we love each other like siblings; we would all take a bullet for each other. Apparently I started a craze at my high school for equality/diversity. There is now a no discrimination policy including sexual orientation.

    My family has always been incredibly supportive. My best friend in the entire world is my Dad. We went to counseling after my 'coming out', but we only got closer. He's absolutely the best Dad on Earth.

    Good luck to you! If people judge you on your sexual orientation, then you probably shouldn't have them in your life anyways. Somehow the world has changed its view on the fags. It's 2011 and never a great time to expose your orientation.

    Your identity remains the same, but your orientation may change. No Big Deal!
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    Jan 02, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    My story is a bit different for most guys my age, as I came out a bit later than most of my peers (around 25/26).
    I honestly didn't have an inkling that I was attracted to men until right about then; I'd always dated girls, and my family and friends were used to this.

    Soooooo, it was a bit of a shock to them when I drove home one day, aged 25/26, and told all of my family that I was gay. The initial reaction was mixed; although my parents and extended family reaffirmed their love for me, not a single one was happy about "what" I turned out to be. My dad took it the hardest, and I know that he had bouts of insomnia for quite a while afterwards (cuz mom told me about them).

    That was 6ish years ago, and I must say that my parents (and I) have come a long way. Even though they still struggle with it, we can talk about it casually and with a sense of humor! My extended family is cool with it now, and my friends and coworkers were never an issue. I suspect that with the passage of time things will get even better.

    All this to say, everyone's coming out story is unique. Some have an easier time of it, some have a more difficult time with it, but all of us would agree (and it's not often that I speak for ALL of us icon_razz.gif) that it is truly liberating. Now that you are comfortable enough to give people the whole picture of who you are, there'll never be any fear about "what might so-and-so think about my homo-ness", and you can be as free with them as you want.

    Congratulations, and I look forward to seeing your post after you tell them!

    Dan
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jan 02, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    I came out to my immediate family when I was 16 right before I took a trip to Europe with my sister, so that if the plane crashed they wouldn't have found out by discovering my porn stash. It didn't change a thing between any of us, so I guess I was a lucky one.
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 02, 2011 3:10 PM GMT
    I told my mother at 21. The day after thanksgiving. A month later she realized now no woman would ever be as important to me as she is. And cried tears of joy. So in essence, like everything else, she made it all about herself. icon_lol.gif
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jan 02, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    I was totally hetero through college. My best friend at college (rowed varsity crew, I played varsity soccer) hit on me senior year, but I declined. He then visited me a weekend in the fall after graduation, tried again, and this time I hit the bid. It was total fireworks, and I figured I was gay and should be proud of it. That New Year's Eve we went to our college "recent graduates" formal black tie dance, as dates. The only MM couple at the party of about 400 people. Pretty crazy, but it got the job done and the word out pretty quickly, lol. People saw two guys who they knew were ok, good athletes, good friends, and we projected a lot of confidence that what we were doing was right for us, so it went ok.

    PS. After three years of trying out being 100% gay, it didn't really work for me. I started dating guys and girls, eventually met my wife, and got married 6 years after coming out. And my first bf came to the wedding and danced with my wife. Talk about confusing friends and family!
  • swimjohn

    Posts: 252

    Jan 02, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    Came out to my parents when I was 17, in a very unfortunate way. I found a mysterious spot on the tip of my penis and got super paranoid, so I decided to get a test despite never having done anything beyond oral. The next day the doctor's office called to reschedule the time of my STD test.... and my mom answered the phone. They sat me down to have a serious conversation about sex and safety. Halfway though "don't get a girl pregnant" talk I just interrupted them and told them I was gay. They took it really well. We really haven't talked about it since then, mostly because I just don't like discussing things like that with them. But I know they would be there to support me if/when I want to.

    P.S. The spot was just the result of a very toothy bj icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    Dantheman79 saidMy story is a bit different for most guys my age, as I came out a bit later than most of my peers (around 25/26).
    I honestly didn't have an inkling that I was attracted to men until right about then; I'd always dated girls, and my family and friends were used to this.

    Soooooo, it was a bit of a shock to them when I drove home one day, aged 25/26, and told all of my family that I was gay. The initial reaction was mixed; although my parents and extended family reaffirmed their love for me, not a single one was happy about "what" I turned out to be. My dad took it the hardest, and I know that he had bouts of insomnia for quite a while afterwards (cuz mom told me about them).

    That was 6ish years ago, and I must say that my parents (and I) have come a long way. Even though they still struggle with it, we can talk about it casually and with a sense of humor! My extended family is cool with it now, and my friends and coworkers were never an issue. I suspect that with the passage of time things will get even better.

    All this to say, everyone's coming out story is unique. Some have an easier time of it, some have a more difficult time with it, but all of us would agree (and it's not often that I speak for ALL of us icon_razz.gif) that it is truly liberating. Now that you are comfortable enough to give people the whole picture of who you are, there'll never be any fear about "what might so-and-so think about my homo-ness", and you can be as free with them as you want.

    Congratulations, and I look forward to seeing your post after you tell them!

    Dan



    Great story! Thanks for the encouragement everyone!
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    3blahs saidIt'll be liberating. It's a bigger deal in your head than it will be for them. I had huge amounts of anxiety before telling some of my best friends and family but they were like "cool... no biggie!" They were happy for me and realized it was a big step.

    You'll be fine.


    This was so true for me,,,i've only been out a couple of months and I'm 59 years old....................................................................Keithicon_cool.gif
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 02, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    came out to mum and sister on november 15 2009 a date i will never forget., it was all very positive. coming out to dad is a work in progress.
    to family came out about 2 months ago
    and to friends from back home 3-4 months ago
    its been a great liberating experience and you will be fine!
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    I've been relatively chickenshit about it. Haven't really made any formal announcements nor do I intend to. I've just been dating and not really going out of my way to hide it.
  • Desmondlug

    Posts: 92

    Jan 02, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    I came out before I was ready to lol. I was around the age of 14. I had begun exploring my sexuality and what it meant to be gay, until my brother found my stash of porn lol. Until one day we got in an argument and he used that against me and told the world, and showed them my stash. It was hard on me because I remember fighting with him until he said he was gonna tell everyone I was gay, the last thing I said was "please don't im not ready". It didn't stop him.....

    I really wasn't ready to come out so it was difficult for me. Questions were thrown out everywhere I was not ready to respond, I didn't even know much about the gay world especially gay sex. It was to hard for me, every insult thrown at me because I was gay I didn't know how to respond back to. I stood there and took all the insults about gay men, that I know are not true today.

    All i can say is that if you feel ready and I am sure you are then go for it!
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    Desmondlug saidI came out before I was ready to lol. I was around the age of 14. I had begun exploring my sexuality and what it meant to be gay, until my brother found my stash of porn lol. Until one day we got in an argument and he used that against me and told the world, and showed them my stash. It was hard on me because I remember fighting with him until he said he was gonna tell everyone I was gay, the last thing I said was "please don't im not ready". It didn't stop him.....

    I really wasn't ready to come out so it was difficult for me. Questions were thrown out everywhere I was not ready to respond, I didn't even know much about the gay world especially gay sex. It was to hard for me, every insult thrown at me because I was gay I didn't know how to respond back to. I stood there and took all the insults about gay men, that I know are not true today.

    All i can say is that if you feel ready and I am sure you are then go for it!


    brothers can be such douche bags....sounds like something my brother would have done.......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    It took a long time, but what finally got me to take the step out of the closet was the realization that the only person whom I was surely denying happiness was myself by keeping my sexuality a secret.... but that I also could be denying someone else happiness too. That was when the door opened..... I still had to (and have to) step out.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Jan 02, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    Take your time. But believe me, if you're this determined already - I'd say dont even look back and just go ahead and jump into the icy water! Its a liberating experience. I've had mixed reactions here and there but most of them have been very accepting and loving. Actually, I can even say my friendships and bonds have grown even stronger - especially with my parents icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    Came out to my mom in August while having lunch at the mall, it was a very liberating moment and such a load of my chest. She took it well, we even joked around a bit but she kept emphasizing that she will always love me no matter what which was a key role in making things go smoothly.

    Came out to my sister when we were sitting in the ER haha her exact words "I knew!" She also took it well, and we have become even closer than we have been in the 21 years I've known her =)

    As for friends, I've only told a few people. They all were very supportive, as friends should be. Some of them haven't even brought it up since like nothing has change as it should between two friends. I think the coming out process is also a chance for people to seed out their real friends from the bunch. A true friend will stick by no matter the situation and help with the process rather than make it more difficult.

    Hope everything goes well for you man! Best of luck!
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 02, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    I was 25 when I came out. In May of that year, I'd had my first experience with another gay man, but because my finances were such that I had to live with my Father and younger brother for longer than I would've liked, my experience was at a Motel.

    At any rate, my coming out was not expected: I had made plans to go down to Toronto Pride (in July, I think it was)...and as I was about to leave, my younger brother asked me flatly: "so, are you going down to the Gay Pride Parade?"

    My first instinct was that I wasn't ready to come out, and so I said to him "yes, but only because the music is supposed to be awesome." Of course I don't lie, so he saw through that right away, and said "yeah, right."

    Then he proceeded to tell me that everyone in the family had been talking, and they were concluding that I must be gay. And then he just asked me to be honest with him and tell him. Keep in mind, my brother was 16 at the time, so he was very young to have such a sophisticated reaction.

    I finally said to him "yes, I am gay." I guess I'd expected him to call me a name, or storm out of the room or something like that, but to my surprise he said to me, "it's cool...you're still my brother, and I still love you." Of course he did make it clear he didn't want to hear anything about who I slept with or that...and he encouraged me to tell the rest of the family.

    I guess it was about a month later when I told my older sister, who confirmed the family had the talk my brother had referred to. In fact, she explained that this was why my Dad had stopped making homophobic remarks...because prior to this, he'd be pretty malicious in what he said. My older sister was cool with my being gay as well...in fact, she said her husband knew from the first time he met me, because his older brother is also gay.

    I told my younger sister a few weeks after...in of all places, an Eastside Mario's...and I think she was the one who was the most overly supportive. She had no problem with me telling her about guys I was interested in, etc...

    My father and his wife I told one night, when it was just the three of us. My Dad said nothing...he went totally silent, only speaking again after his wife had left the room...telling me that if I did pair up with a guy, the guy would not be welcome in his home.

    Now it should be noted that my Father and I had been at odds for a very long time: he thought I was strange even as a child...when I wanted to take up judo, he said he'd only play for me to play football, baseball or hockey.

    However, we must take what victories we can get: he didn't kick me out, the silent treatment only lasted for a couple of weeks, and he continued to avoid being overtly homophobic...something I couldn't say about one of my cousins, who still made a point of telling homophobic jokes at family functions.

    It's always been a regret for me that I could never tell my Mom I was gay. She was the parent I was closest to, and though I'm sure she suspected I was not straight, I was 17 years old when she passed away. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 02, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    ^^^ this is beautiful ^^^
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jan 02, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    These are great stories, guys. Thanks for sharing, and thanks to the OP for starting the thread.
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    Jan 02, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    I've told my story many times. Married, frustrated, came out, wife was great, kids understand, life went on, happy man. If you're ready, you're ready. I wish you all the 'best wishes' in the world. Yes, it will feel great and you'll want to shout it from the mountain tops, but just tell those you feel will accept you and work from there.

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    Jan 02, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Being a small town guy, I had a real issue with being gay because it was against everything our way of life stood for. This was intensified because at the time I was a pious Catholic. This mind set, coupled with depression led me to the conclusion I was unfit to live. So I attempted suicide and was caught during this attempt. My mother came to get me and she was beyond grief because this was not the first time I tried to end my life, just the most serious attempt. She asked what could be so bad that I would want to end my life and stammering, I said, " Well, I am gay Mama." She looked at me, smirked and said, " DUH! I knew since you were four. You can't hide anything from me baby." My dad, a rather stoic dude, burst into tears after he got home. His response was that," As long as you are still a morally and socially responsible individual who trembles before G-d, you are still the same little boy and always will be."

    When I returned to school a week later, I officially came out and four of the most turbulent, lonely and miserable years of my life ensued. Remember, I come from a town of 500 people MAX and small towns often contain smaller minds. I was humilated and often beaten up.

    Fast forward to present day...

    I am now looking back at a decade of being openly gay and also seven years of living in East Lansing and being an involved with Michigan State. I have found some of the best friends ever, most of them being hetrosexual men, I found Judaism which shielded me from the some of the worst elements of coming to terms with being gay, I found that I was respected and loved for being ME. In the end, comming out did not define me nor has being GAY defined me. At the end of the day, I am still the same person and those who love me, love me regardless of sexuality, religion or my unfortunate drunk episodes during undergrad.

    Good luck on comming out dude!
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Jan 02, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    My coming out has been really, really slow. But I'm making progress.

    Had sex for the first time with a guy 3 years ago. Went back into the closet for another year until I fell in love with a straight guy who crushed my heart in a million pieces. Then I was finally pushed out of the closet for being in love with the son of a bitch (at least to myself).

    I told a straight friend I was gay about 6 months ago because I know he likes alternative places and knows a lot of gay people.
    He was weird about it at first but now, for some reason, we're closer than we were before. He introduced me to his friends who are bicurious, gay and other straights who are cool with gay. (Thank you dear friend for this one..)

    Other than that I told NO ONE.. Family, phewwww not a clue. I'll get to them once I'm 100% independent financially and emotionally.


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    Jan 02, 2011 8:57 PM GMT

    Came out when I was 15 as a Bisexual to my mother who shunned me, refused to accept it and stayed in complete denial for 20 years... Which forced me to go back into hiding, because the closest person to me could not accept me, therefore I could not accept myself....

    All that time, I had a built up anger inside me because I could be the person I was supposed to be.... When I was in a semi-relationship with my former roommate, I didn't care anymore and I came out again and it was gratifying.....Why so long in between, I don't know.