Are you less inclined to approach/talk to a very good looking guy? Whay or why not?

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    Mar 24, 2008 1:05 PM GMT
    Do you easily approach a hottie? Are some hotties snotty? Do some surprise you with their friendliness? Are hotties generally assumed to be unapproachable?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 24, 2008 1:12 PM GMT
    I'm not a shy person except when it comes to approaching a guy I think is hot. No one wants to be rejected.

    As to whether or not some hotties are snotty and unapproachable - anyone can be snotty and unapproachable, regardless of their physical appearance. But your version of hottie may be different than mine. If you hot list is filled with early 20s gym rats, if that's your version of hottie, I can see a high percentage of them buying into their own hype and developing a snotty 'I'm better than you ' attitude.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 24, 2008 2:10 PM GMT
    Well, if I'm attracted to a guy I would want to approach him and strike up a conversation. If I think he's hot I would want to get to know him, see if his personality is as equally attractive as his face/body.

    I would hate to approach him only to be rejected. So I become too shy to make that move. Well, I suppose shy is the wrong term to use in that situation.

    If I were already having a conversation with a hottie I would keep it friendly, I would be too shy to make the first move and ask for his number, or ask him out for coffee, dinner, etc. Again, that's beased on not wanting to be rejected.

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    Mar 24, 2008 2:58 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidDo you easily approach a hottie? Are some hotties snotty? Do some surprise you with their friendliness? Are hotties generally assumed to be unapproachable?
    I'll think about this today and try to post later tonight. BTW is that the "talk to the hand" photo? lol
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    Mar 24, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    For me, I do not. I find it Occward and I don't want to come off as rude. I don't mind if I'm introduced. Eye contact works though, if there is mutual interest, I might make the first move to talk, but usually not. I'm not shy, but I'm not outgoing enough to walk up to a complete stranger and talk to him because he is "hot". I do not find it rude if someone talk to me though, odd double standard I know, but its how it is.

    I do find it horribibly rude at the Gym. I would never start a conversation at the gym, I'm there to lift and so are you. So get to Sweating! I only ask for a spot and to be excused.

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    Mar 24, 2008 3:39 PM GMT
    i think people are more sensitive to being rejected by those they're attracted to because it hits them in a deeper place. being rejected by someone you're not invested in (even if that investment is merely for the short term) means little since you care little. not having an intense desire returned is cause for fear, because that which hasn't sold is YOU, not some product on a shelf.
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    Mar 24, 2008 3:43 PM GMT
    I have always felt uncomfortable talking to a hot guy unless I already knew him. I think this is part of an insecurity and low self esteem that I have always had. I think growing up, it always related to the good looking guys were jocks and friends with the hot girls, I was neither so was really outside my comfort zone. Even now that I'm coming out, I still feel awkward with a really nice looking guy, but I'm trying hard to overcome that. I don't think hotties are no more or less friendly then others. I think it's more self perception.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 24, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    KissingPro said[quote][cite]ShawnTO said[/cite]Well, if I'm attracted to a guy I would want to approach him and strike up a conversation. If I think he's hot I would want to get to know him, see if his personality is as equally attractive as his face/body.

    I would hate to approach him only to be rejected. So I become too shy to make that move. Well, I suppose shy is the wrong term to use in that situation.

    If I were already having a conversation with a hottie I would keep it friendly, I would be too shy to make the first move and ask for his number, or ask him out for coffee, dinner, etc. Again, that's beased on not wanting to be rejected.



    Did you ever think that the hottie is also shy?...or wary of rejection?....or maybe fed upwith nonesnese from other guys? It is possible that your hesitancy might make the hottie feel as though YOU are not interested, or that you would reject him?

    Yes, I take that into consideration. Since it has nothing to do with your original post, and not wanting to write a book on the complexities of human interaction here on RJ, I answered the questions you asked.

    Honest questions here.[/quote]
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    Mar 24, 2008 3:57 PM GMT
    I try to put my personal anxieties aside nowadays, but in my early 'gay years' I was always scared of being rejected by some hotties, and put off by other snotty ones. Now it's a matter of personality; which could either excuse or amplify the traits I like and dislike in a guy.

    But not all hotties are the same. Some don't know they're hot, like Paul Newman didn't have a clue, and that makes them better at whatever they're good at, and actually is a turn on for me. But it's not like they say, "I don't know how good looking", they simply live their life without their looks being of much consequence. Sigh... =)

    As for the snotty ones, I start blocking them out before I'm aware of it. It's usually gives enough time to think of a nice way of leaving their company. Sure, a cocky guy could be hot once in a while, and under the right conditions, but when it gets down to it, words are Not enough. Even if a guy happens to be less than stellar and needs some fashion advice, if he's a "do it" kind of guy, and not so much a "try it" kind of guy, than I'm in boyheaven...
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Mar 24, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    I'm a total geek in the approach department, and if I don't know someone I can be really shy, so I generally don't approach guys I find hot unless they approach me first. Hence...SINGLE! :-)
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    Mar 24, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    My experience in the past with attractive guy has led me to avoid them. If you aren't as good looking or better they usually look the other way. If I see someone I think is hot I admire from afar.
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    Gregg saidMy experience in the past with attractive guy has led me to avoid them. If you aren't as good looking or better they usually look the other way. If I see someone I think is hot I admire from afar.


    I echo this sentiment, though my reason is more about my insecurities more than anything. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:11 PM GMT
    i won't be as diplomatic as gregg: lots of hot guys are dickheads. what's the point of putting yourself on the slab just to get hacked up, especially in front of other people?
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Mar 24, 2008 5:19 PM GMT
    I dont consider myself above average in looks, but when I go out, no one talks to me. In three years of living in Redding, maybe four ppl have approached me. It's quite odd. Only way i know anyone in town is because I'm social and will go talk to anyone.
    Shrug.
    I used to think it was geographic, but i've lived enough places to know it's pretty wide spread.
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    I'm usually extremely outgoing and audacious in my ability to approach people whom I feel are fucking hot. But recently, I met the only guy I've seen that is a 10/10 on the physical hotness scale in my books and was scared shitless. My extroverted nature just disappeared around him and I found myself wobbly.

    Now that I feel "together" enough to approach him the next time I see him, he is gone. Apparently was just in the city for a short period of time.

    After all this, I've learned to just do it. Face my fears, my insecurities and just approach whoever makes me wet down there.
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:48 PM GMT
    Well generally I think the majority of hot guys are too stuck on themselves, therefore I will not approach them. Not because of their looks, I'm not afraid of that, just because of their attitude/body language. I can get a feel of people just by watching them. When I go out alone, I get approached by a lot of guys, most of them asking if I'm straight(I'm in a gay bar you dumbass), want to dance, or if they can buy me a drink. Usually if they are cute I'll tell them no, I'm not straight. If the guy is too old, or gross, I'll tell them Yes, I'm just here with friends. I always decline dances and drinks though. I can't say that I've ever approached anyone in the club, because I'm just there to be around my kind of people. Plus I'm a shy guy. icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    I just enjoy eye candies within view, but luckily for me, THEY are the ones who approach me in the midst of my craziness. I play cool by treating them like any other guy in the room. If they want "more" I respond to the signals. Other than that, I stick to my comedy routine, that makes me "non-threatening".
    Case in point: this guy in my current pic is now a "facebook friend" of mine a few days after our random meeting in a notoriously "straight" beach bar here. He's invited me for a Friday drinking spree with his mates in his flat. Although he said it's a "boys only" night, it still baffles me why he did invite me when clearly he knows I'm gay.
    I guaranteed my attendance on the premise that he and his mates wear their traditional costume. Oh, did I mention he's Scottish?
    Bottomline: just be yourself.
    Trust me, even they can tell if you're being for real.

    x
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Mar 24, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    *sigh* that's hot.
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    Mar 24, 2008 5:54 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidDo you easily approach a hottie? Are some hotties snotty? Do some surprise you with their friendliness? Are hotties generally assumed to be unapproachable?


    this is by far one of my favorite topics because i have personally played both sides of the fence on this one.

    i am shy when it comes to talking to someone i find very good looking. i think the fear comes from when they open their mouth - all of a sudden the fantasy man becomes reality and it may not be all that it is cracked up to be.

    my thoughts on strictly eyecontact being a great measure of chemistry: we would not need sites like mh, craigslist, etc if eye contact was the absolute perfect solver of the question "does he like me or not...?" Eye contact can mean a lot of things from "hi" to "look out theres a pile of elephant poo directly in front of you!"

    i think internet dating is making it harder for people like myself (including myself) to go and talk to a person. the internet provides a buffer - if you dont like me fine, there 9000000000 other people for me to talk to...but at a bar being rejected to your face can be..well..disheartening to say the least. so then why bother when you can lay on the couch and find your next date/hookup/whatever that way? humans are social animals by design - we thrive on contact with others and when we dont have that we lose a part of ourselves that others see and want to be around.

    when someone approaches me - or is introduced to me by a friend, i generally get - "you are much easier to talk to than i thought you would be" which immediately puts me (as well as others i have spoken to about this) on the defensive - its like "did you expect me to speak the lost language of mermaids?" then i realize that this person is going through the same thing i do, normally. its not easy to just go up to someone and start a conversation and the art of it can be a challenge. but at the same time the guy across the bar is not going to kill you (well most likely) for saying hello.

    not totally sure if this rant makes sense but in closing my point is that you should say hi to that guy that is insanely hot - you really dont have much to lose and you never know what could happen. why live with regret?
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    Mar 24, 2008 6:13 PM GMT
    Generally i'm too shy to talk to a complete stranger out of no where...i'm not good at the whole "hi...my name is ___" thing when it comes to random people. This is regardless of how attractive they may be.
    In the setting of a group though, i won't hesitate in saying "hi" to the new guy no matter how hot he is because i figure "hey....i'm being nice...if he has something stuck up his ass then thats his issue" In my experience, i have met mindnumbingly hot guys that have turned out to be really nice and down to earth, those that have been snooty (making me regret ever talking to them because the hotness got sucked out of them as soon as they opened thier mouth), and a couple that kinda freaked me out because they got a bit too friendly way too fast. In the end, you never know until you do. (i hope i didn't go into one of my usual ramble here)
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    Mar 24, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    I don't approach anybody, ever.
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    Mar 24, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    ZDREW: would you come up to me if i had some cookies?
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Mar 24, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    I'd faint talking to a hottie. Atleast that is what I think will happen to me. email....maybe but never dared to talk face to face. I just look and admire.
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    Mar 24, 2008 6:30 PM GMT
    Naw, I'm on a diet this week. Easter was yesterday, ya know.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Mar 24, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    It depends on the situation; frequently, I'm conducting an inner dialogue and end up simply discussing the "hottie's" attributes with myself.

    If the situation calls for social mingling (and I'm not tired), I'm fine with striking up a conversation with good-looking fellows. As for the possibility of a rejection (even a rude one), hmph, that's what I have my inner self-defense mechanisms for ("reject me will you? Hah, then I shall dream an impotent day-dream where I tape you to a rocket aimed at the Moon. Bon voyage sucker!").

    Small-talk is a skill though and one best learned as quickly as possible.

    I'm probably more "inclined to talk to a very good looking guy" because his good looks ensure that I'm more likely to notice him (I've embraced my shallow side).