Losing Interest in Sex

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    Jan 03, 2011 8:58 AM GMT
    I don't really feel driven to have sex anymore. Is that weird? It's been a gradual thing where sex has become less and less exciting and now seems to have lost its allure entirely. I don't really get boners now except when I wake up, and I've always hated morning sex. Is this normal? I can think sexual thoughts but that does very little.
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    Jan 03, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidWhat are hazardous' thoughts on this...since everyone knows you're both on here, it makes sense that you would both catch us up to speed on the conversations you've already had on this topic. Unless of course you're springing this on him fresh in a forum (that he's obviously active in), which doesn't sound like you.

    So...get us up to speed...what "is" this and what "isn't" this? Are you hot for other guys...is H also losing interest...any changes in life...and maybe give everyone a refresher on the basics of your relationship, too, while you're at it: how long together, how long living together, changes in sex patterns, etc, etc.

    We're flying blind without background...assuming you want feedback specific to your situation rather than just a sensational forum topic. I'm up for either. icon_smile.gif


    We're both kinda feeling the same thing. We've both been rather sick recently, but at least for me, this started before the illness. We've been together for over 2 years and now we're both noticing this.

    kisuke12: being a Republican has nothing to do with my sex drive. Not being promiscuous does. If I were insecure, I would probably still be in the closet.
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    Jan 03, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    FearTheFall said

    kisuke12: being a Republican has nothing to do with my sex drive. Not being promiscuous does. If I were insecure, I would probably still be in the closet.


    Not being promiscuous has nothing to do with a person's sex drive. "Being promiscuous" [your terminology] is an expression of an individual's sexual outlets. A person can have a very strong sex drive and not be promiscuous.

    Seems like your body is functioning properly for someone your age, so if you don't want to have sex don't, that's your right
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    Jan 03, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    FearTheFall saidI don't really feel driven to have sex anymore. Is that weird? It's been a gradual thing where sex has become less and less exciting and now seems to have lost its allure entirely. I don't really get boners now except when I wake up, and I've always hated morning sex. Is this normal? I can think sexual thoughts but that does very little.


    I don't believe you are losing interest in sex, personally. I have experienced/am experiencing the same thing in a way. I still have somewhat of a sex drive (although I don't act on it) but the relational aspect is so much more important to me now. When I look at guy that I like or have a crush on, I think about us holding one another, going out and seeing a movie and having dinner, taking a trip together, and other things like that. It's the closeness, quality time, and relational aspects that I treasure more rather than the physical.

    Not only that, but I see it as a natural progression in our development as we mature and age.
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    Jan 03, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    FearTheFall saidI don't really feel driven to have sex anymore. Is that weird? It's been a gradual thing where sex has become less and less exciting and now seems to have lost its allure entirely. I don't really get boners now except when I wake up, and I've always hated morning sex. Is this normal? I can think sexual thoughts but that does very little.


    It's normal when you're with someone. The passion aspect of the relationship spikes and then plummets rather quickly. It's very common.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 03, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    if you feel you're losing your sex drive entirely (not just for your guy), you might be hypogonadic. That's how I first noticed I was sick when all of a sudden I didn't really want to have sex with my boyfriend.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jan 03, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    I blame the schools
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 03, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    maybe yous should have a chat about how yous feel cause its not normal for two young people in love not to have any sexual interest in one another...maybe just maybe is it time to call it a day?
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    Jan 03, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Ride out the wave. Comes in ebbs and flows.
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    Jan 03, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    I really cannot work you out. One minute you are posting highly judgmental and arrogant assertions on how gay people should conduct themselves. Then next, you appear to be completely vulnerable and receptive to advice. It just seems odd and I don't know whether to find it endearing or just a little disturbing.
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    Jan 03, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    Why are all your posts terrible attempts at seeking attention?

    Are you just a non-guido version of Bello?

    Let Mil said, one day you are like "omfg someone hit on my 'hubby'" and then the next "O sex, how banal thou art".

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    Jan 03, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    join the club, my bf is a sex crazed brazilian. i hate it.... he resorts to jacking off while watching a video of me when i was go go-ing or just porn.
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    I think you slammed your own brain so much with Victorian values regarding sex, you managed to turn yourself off.

    Your body is finally behaving the way ALL gay people should behave according to you: zero sex drive.
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    jrunner25 saidjoin the club, my bf is a sex crazed brazilian. i hate it.... he resorts to jacking off while watching a video of me when i was go go-ing or just porn.


    Acht dont complain.. we South Americans have a good time that way icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:34 PM GMT


    *sighs* well this is either more trolling for lulz (get everyone all concerned then fart at them, giggling) or you two need to sit down, talk as lovers do, and find your way back to the sexual/romantic/emotional/physical expression state of love that you had (assuming you had it). For us it has never been only sex, but making love. During a session of making love, my feelings range from a deep tenderness to a slap that ass and work that bod thinking that bounces back and forth between us. Explore the dynamics of love between you. Cuddle. Talk about your fears your hopes your aspirations, LISTEN to each other. Observe the curve of his lips, the wonderful arch of his brows, the depth in his eyes.

    A very good psychologist friend of mine once said that many couples fall apart in this regard by forgetting what they first saw and felt with each other.

    At an early stage in our relationship, Bill and I decided not to overdo sex. Here:

    Doug's Chocolate Cake Theorem

    If you loved chocolate cake and could only get some sporadically or every now and then, you'd crave it all the time.
    Now, if I drove up to your house with a reefer truck filled with 1,000 cakes and filled six chest freezers with them, you'd go nuts and have cake constantly. Then I come back in six months with another truck load and you say, "Got any pie?"

    Bill and I court each other throughout the week. By week's end we're full of romantic rumblings and flirtings. You won't like this, but often when out we surreptitiously cruise each other. We check each other out at home and sometimes make salacious comments about each other.

    Other times we dedicate songs to each other; we've done it on RJ, for example, and give each other small tokens of affection (cards, a good meal, a made bed, a clean bathroom).

    This can also be like NNJFitandbi said, peaks and valleys, which are natural.

    You guys can talk with us via email if you like, we're both sitting here wishing you well and that your relationship flourishes.

    -Doug and Bill



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    Jan 03, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    Mil8 saidI really cannot work you out. One minute you are posting highly judgmental and arrogant assertions on how gay people should conduct themselves. Then next, you appear to be completely vulnerable and receptive to advice.


    This, yes. His posts are inconsistent....but they are certainly all dramatic.

    icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 03, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    Sex is overrated.
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    Jan 03, 2011 7:55 PM GMT
    FearthefallI don't really feel driven to have sex anymore. Is that weird? It's been a gradual thing where sex has become less and less exciting and now seems to have lost its allure entirely. I don't really get boners now except when I wake up, and I've always hated morning sex. Is this normal? I can think sexual thoughts but that does very little.


    Well, you said you've been together for 2 years, which seems to be about the point that many people start having sexual feelings for each other subside. I haven't been in a relationship (gay or straight) for that long so I don't know from personal experience but it seems like everyone I've talked to about it who has goes through it. After that, there are periods where it comes back for a while, and goes away again etc.

    Some (non-married but long-term) straight couples I know have arranged it to have casual sex once every so often with people who are from out of town, or when they themselves are out of town, in order to avoid the risk of emotional attachment. I also know some gay couples who are commited (one 8 years, another I think 4 or 5) who have opened up their relationships in terms of sex to deal with this. Given your conservative ideologies I'm not sure if either of these things would be good solutions for your problem.

    But the thing to keep in mind is that this is likely something you'll have to deal with in any long term commited relationship, so it's probably worthwhile finding something that works for you now since you've already got 2 years under your belt.
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    Jan 03, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    Mil8 saidI really cannot work you out. One minute you are posting highly judgmental and arrogant assertions on how gay people should conduct themselves. Then next, you appear to be completely vulnerable and receptive to advice. It just seems odd and I don't know whether to find it endearing or just a little disturbing.


    Highly judgmental? Since when was it a bad thing to be criticizing illegal activity that can infringe upon the rights/safety of others?
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    Jan 03, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Rune said
    FearthefallI don't really feel driven to have sex anymore. Is that weird? It's been a gradual thing where sex has become less and less exciting and now seems to have lost its allure entirely. I don't really get boners now except when I wake up, and I've always hated morning sex. Is this normal? I can think sexual thoughts but that does very little.


    Well, you said you've been together for 2 years, which seems to be about the point that many people start having sexual feelings for each other subside. I haven't been in a relationship (gay or straight) for that long so I don't know from personal experience but it seems like everyone I've talked to about it who has goes through it. After that, there are periods where it comes back for a while, and goes away again etc.

    Some (non-married but long-term) straight couples I know have arranged it to have casual sex once every so often with people who are from out of town, or when they themselves are out of town, in order to avoid the risk of emotional attachment. I also know some gay couples who are commited (one 8 years, another I think 4 or 5) who have opened up their relationships in terms of sex to deal with this. Given your conservative ideologies I'm not sure if either of these things would be good solutions for your problem.

    But the thing to keep in mind is that this is likely something you'll have to deal with in any long term commited relationship, so it's probably worthwhile finding something that works for you now since you've already got 2 years under your belt.


    We've talked about the open thing and it's not for us. Maybe a sexless relationship could work though, that'd be kinda meh but probably less hassle than an open relationship.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Jan 03, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    same here
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    Jan 03, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    *sighs* well this is either more trolling for lulz (get everyone all concerned then fart at them, giggling) or you two need to sit down, talk as lovers do, and find your way back to the sexual/romantic/emotional/physical expression state of love that you had (assuming you had it). For us it has never been only sex, but making love. During a session of making love, my feelings range from a deep tenderness to a slap that ass and work that bod thinking that bounces back and forth between us. Explore the dynamics of love between you. Cuddle. Talk about your fears your hopes your aspirations, LISTEN to each other. Observe the curve of his lips, the wonderful arch of his brows, the depth in his eyes.

    A very good psychologist friend of mine once said that many couples fall apart in this regard by forgetting what they first saw and felt with each other.

    At an early stage in our relationship, Bill and I decided not to overdo sex. Here:

    Doug's Chocolate Cake Theorem

    If you loved chocolate cake and could only get some sporadically or every now and then, you'd crave it all the time.
    Now, if I drove up to your house with a reefer truck filled with 1,000 cakes and filled six chest freezers with them, you'd go nuts and have cake constantly. Then I come back in six months with another truck load and you say, "Got any pie?"

    Bill and I court each other throughout the week. By week's end we're full of romantic rumblings and flirtings. You won't like this, but often when out we surreptitiously cruise each other. We check each other out at home and sometimes make salacious comments about each other.

    Other times we dedicate songs to each other; we've done it on RJ, for example, and give each other small tokens of affection (cards, a good meal, a made bed, a clean bathroom).

    This can also be like NNJFitandbi said, peaks and valleys, which are natural.

    You guys can talk with us via email if you like, we're both sitting here wishing you well and that your relationship flourishes.

    -Doug and Bill


    Thanks - the sex has become more infrequent and less passionate. It's not making love anymore. The cuddling is still GREAT, though, and I know I love him so that's not the issue at hand. There's plenty of affection, just no sexual drive anymore. Is there a way to turn great cuddling back into great sex?
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    Jan 03, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    Tazo995 saidI think you slammed your own brain so much with Victorian values regarding sex, you managed to turn yourself off.

    Your body is finally behaving the way ALL gay people should behave according to you: zero sex drive.


    Not at all. Just no sex in public, I think that's kinda common courtesy.
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    Jan 03, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    Well that's the thing though. Even if you decide to break it off, the next guy you're with for 2 years you'll get to the same place, so if it's just the sex you probably shouldn't break it off. You could have a sexless relationship like most traditional marriages / long-term relationships (though, they are not entirely sexless, it will come and go, and people have been 'getting by' on that for a very long time).

    It's a tricky question you're asking since men are not really wired to be permanently monogamous. So you're essentially asking 'how can we defeat our biology and still be happy?' I'm not advocating the open relationship since I don't think it would be for me either, but I've seen my straight friends do the 'out of town' thing pretty successfully. It's fairly infrequent as compared to a fully open relationship, keeps them more sexually happy than without it, and they don't have to feel guilty (for cheating or wanting ot cheat) or jealous (that they'll lose their loved one to someone else). And about 90% of the time the out-of-town people are people they know (e.g. old college friends etc.), and mostly the same people (so like an out-of-town, semi long-term fuck buddy you see once every month or 2 depending on your needs) so it's less dangerous than fully open relationships due to that and the much lower frequency.

    I think at your age, where most likely people have a hell of a lot more sex-drive left it might be hard to be content without sex, so I think you guys should keep your options open, especially if you start thinking about breaking it off, since that will eventaully lead you right back to where you are now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    just another ftf attention-seeking thread.

    I really must take note of the originator more before I click on these. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Is there a way to suppress seeing a specific user's threads? I have no real interest in these trolls.(ftf and his bf)

    If anyone has an answer to how to suppress these, please PM me (I don't want to step back in here to find the answer. It is not good to give attention-seekers what they are craving.