Becoming happy with who I am..slowly Coming Out

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    Jan 05, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    These last few years of my life have been really rough in trying to figure out who I am, especially with my sexuality. I knew I was interested in guys, but I guess I didnt want to admit it. Kinda felt ashamed, conflicted with religious and societies views.

    But I'm happy to say that these last few months I have started getting more comfortable with myself being bi or gay! This site has been a HUGE help! I recently came out to a close high school friend last week. This was my first time admitting my feelings out loud and I was nervous as heck!! He took it surprisingly well! While he said he does not "support" the lifestyle personally, he will always be my bro and wont change the way he looks at me. I see him almost daily at work and its like I never mentioned it. I guess I have another close buddy of mine that I would like to come out to, but I doubt it will go that well. He seems a bit homophobic icon_confused.gif

    This year I want to make a commitment to myself to come out to my family. I really think they will be fine with it..will prob catch some crap from a few of my cousins, but oh well. The hard part is trying to bring it up with my mom. There have been a few nights lately where her and I have just been chillin in the living room watching tv and I wanted to say something, but the timing doesnt seem right, ya kno? I guess im not going to make a push for it, but if the subject comes up ill figure a way to come clean.

    For the first time I posted my face pic as a public picture yesterday (normally I kept that private). For me, it was like taking a stand that i'm ok with people knowing about me. I'm a little worried about work (I work in a very masculine, fighter type environment) but at the same time I think i'm at the point where i'm willing to stand up for myself and be proud.

    We'll see how it all goes, but i'm excited to start living my life without feeling like i'm having to hide something!!
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    Jan 05, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    Congrats man, let 2011 be the year for you. you know getting the words out its the hardest, mostly because you expect the worst. Hope it all comes out all right with your family. Glad to hear this site helped you, it helped me too actually.

    I dont know if you've seen this videos on youtube all ready, but they are awsome, the it gets better project helped me getting the courage to come out to my mom, and yeah you are right, you'll now when the time its right





    Ness
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    Jan 05, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
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    Jan 05, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Congratulations on your progress. Just take it slowly and it you will get to where you want to be in the process.

    Also, nice to see you have a face pic in your profile. That in itself is a big thing for someone just coming out.
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    Jan 05, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    Oh honey, if anybody makes you feel sad or blue, you come right to me and I will make you feel all better....real quick! ... icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 05, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    Congrats! icon_biggrin.gif

    If it's any consolation on the job thing, there are other jobs out there.

    But there is another option, which I chose: I dared the guys at work to do anything...including the boss/owner. Basically I scared them enough that they were afraid to fuck with me or fire me because they thought I'd "snap" and go on a postal rampage.

    Now the company is gay-friendly, and the two best (and highest paid) pilots are gay...with a few other gays/lesbians floating around in the company. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 05, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    I'm really happy for you brother....you have your head on right and your balls adjusted....go for the top and when you look back....you'll be even prouder.....Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 05, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    denvaballa said[...]
    While he said he does not "support" the lifestyle personally, he will always be my bro and wont change the way he looks at me. [...]

    For the first time I posted my face pic as a public picture yesterday (normally I kept that private). For me, it was like taking a stand that i'm ok with people knowing about me. I'm a little worried about work (I work in a very masculine, fighter type environment) but at the same time I think i'm at the point where i'm willing to stand up for myself and be proud.

    We'll see how it all goes, but i'm excited to start living my life without feeling like i'm having to hide something!!


    1 - Congratulations on your progress!

    2- Others have also used the expression 'gay lifestyle.' Although I understand what they mean, one should distinguish between two separate things. One is one's gay sexual orientation (an inborn orientation, apparently not alterable), and the other is lifestyle (lifestyle is a choice dependent on opportunities and financial ability). They may have some overlap but that's it. This might be of help to you if someone you encounter has problems with the "gay lifestyle." Your lifestyle may nearly completely parallel your hetero friends' except for your sexual orientation. Think about it. I think it'll make things easier for you.
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    Jan 05, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    you've been an awesome dude to talk to!!!!! LOVE texting you!!! Florida is about to be a BLASSSSTTTT icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 24, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies guys! I have made a little more progress since I last posted..since then I have come out to one of my aunts and one of my buddies, the same friend that I didnt think would take that well. I figured I might as well get it over with-if he doesnt take it well then might as well figure it out sooner than later. Luckily he was really cool about it! "hmmm..well a few things make sence now" is what he said LOL. So that is a huge relief! It feels awesome going out and not feeling like you have to hide something from your friends!

    My Aunt was real cool about it too, but she also expressed a concern over some members in my family. My grandmother had a really hard time accepting her sister as being gay when she first came out. Things seem to be fine now, but it was a big ordeal at the time! And I still cannot figure out how the heck i'm gonna mention anything to my mom.
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    Jan 24, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    Great story. You are quite a cute young man and you are taking the right steps toward being a great role model for other gay men. The only problem with coming out is it is a lifelong exercise. I came out at your age but now I have coming out fatigue and don't bother to tell anyone anymore. Still I will give you the advice I live by. Choose your friends wisely from this point on and it won't matter when they do find out. Must people really don't care if you're gay so why spend time with homophobes?

    The friends you already have who you felt could be homophobic could end up changing their views by virtue of having a friend like you. So you see, your actions are helping all of us. Thank you.

  • BoostToChase

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    Jan 24, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    denvaballa saidThanks for all the replies guys! I have made a little more progress since I last posted..since then I have come out to one of my aunts and one of my buddies, the same friend that I didnt think would take that well. I figured I might as well get it over with-if he doesnt take it well then might as well figure it out sooner than later. Luckily he was really cool about it! "hmmm..well a few things make sence now" is what he said LOL. So that is a huge relief!

    My Aunt was real cool about it too, but she also expressed a concern over some members in my family. My grandmother had a really hard time accepting her sister as being gay when she first came out. Things seem to be fine now, but it was a big ordeal at the time! And I still cannot figure out how the heck i'm gonna mention anything to my mom.


    Very cool man. You mentioned making a commitment to telling your family. Sometimes that is what it takes. I told myself I would tell my parents before my 24th birthday last August. So when they visited me at school last July... I did.

    I haven't come out to any extended family though, or any questionable friends, so I am glad it is going well for you. Congrats!
  • Chackers

    Posts: 149

    Jan 24, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    Congrats icon_biggrin.gif Do you feeling more self confident with every person you tell? I do lol

    And i think setting yourself a deadline to meet with telling family might be a good way to kinda psyche yourself up for it.
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    Yea, it really has been getting easier and easier to tell people. Both my friends I have told were really shocked, I guess Its cause I'm not flamboyant or anything like that.

    One of my buddies even made a comment to me that I seemed more open and relaxed over the weekend. Haha, I used to be so nervous people would find out that I even limited how drunk I would get so I could keep myself in check and this weekend since the people I was with already knew I just let loose and had fun.
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    Congratulations.

    Real Jock can act as a good support group- ignore the inevitable troll posts.

    denvaballa said Its cause I'm not flamboyant or anything like that.


    Common misconception- but come on! "Very masculine acting here?"
    Is that really necessary?
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    Don't make a commitment to come out to your family. Do it when it feels right.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    denvaballa saidThese last few years of my life have been really rough in trying to figure out who I am, especially with my sexuality. I knew I was interested in guys, but I guess I didnt want to admit it. Kinda felt ashamed, conflicted with religious and societies views.

    But I'm happy to say that these last few months I have started getting more comfortable with myself being bi or gay! This site has been a HUGE help! I recently came out to a close high school friend last week. This was my first time admitting my feelings out loud and I was nervous as heck!! He took it surprisingly well! While he said he does not "support" the lifestyle personally, he will always be my bro and wont change the way he looks at me. I see him almost daily at work and its like I never mentioned it. I guess I have another close buddy of mine that I would like to come out to, but I doubt it will go that well. He seems a bit homophobic icon_confused.gif

    This year I want to make a commitment to myself to come out to my family. I really think they will be fine with it..will prob catch some crap from a few of my cousins, but oh well. The hard part is trying to bring it up with my mom. There have been a few nights lately where her and I have just been chillin in the living room watching tv and I wanted to say something, but the timing doesnt seem right, ya kno? I guess im not going to make a push for it, but if the subject comes up ill figure a way to come clean.

    For the first time I posted my face pic as a public picture yesterday (normally I kept that private). For me, it was like taking a stand that i'm ok with people knowing about me. I'm a little worried about work (I work in a very masculine, fighter type environment) but at the same time I think i'm at the point where i'm willing to stand up for myself and be proud.

    We'll see how it all goes, but i'm excited to start living my life without feeling like i'm having to hide something!!


    You have to keep it all in perspective. It's a natural part of Nature. Queer is everywhere in Nature. If you like yourself, then, there you go, no matter if you're 1/4 queer, 1/2 queer, 3/4 queer, or 100% queer. It is what it is: just a preference that shouldn't make you miserable nor define your life. It's an issue if you don't like yourself, you hide, or you have assholes for friends. There's 7 BILLION folks in The World. Most of the folks do not give a flying rat's tiny, tiny, behind who you are interested in sexually. You're simply not the important in the big picture.

    Save the drama for the theater. Live your life. Leave the self created demons in the closet and go live life.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    A1EX saidCongratulations.

    Real Jock can act as a good support group- ignore the inevitable troll posts.

    denvaballa said Its cause I'm not flamboyant or anything like that.


    Common misconception- but come on! "Very masculine acting here?"
    Is that really necessary?


    It's not that I have an issue with flamboyant people. It's not how I act personally. I only mentioned that because it surprised my friends- they had an expectation that if your gay your flamboyant, so it was kinda a learning experience for them as well.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    Hey man congrats! I've just started coming out too. I think that most people around our age will be okay with it. Some definitely won't be though.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    If you are happy with who you are, you have no need to cut ribbons and come out. Just get on with living your life, actions speak louder than words.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    denvaballa saidTWhile he said he does not "support" the lifestyle personally, he will always be my bro and wont change the way he looks at me.

    Give your friend time, he might not know many gays and once he's around you and realizes that not everyone fits into that stereotypical mold, he might surprise you and be even more supportive.

    I guess I have another close buddy of mine that I would like to come out to, but I doubt it will go that well. He seems a bit homophobic

    Sometimes it's a tough decision to part ways with those you care about but that just aren't or for whatever reason can't be supportive. You'll just have to play this by ear to see if after knowing, he'll see that you're really just the same good friend you've always been.

    This year I want to make a commitment to myself to come out to my family. I guess im not going to make a push for it, but if the subject comes up ill figure a way to come clean.

    Yep, the time will come and you'll know when it's right. Then you can have a nice, calm and mature discussion with your mom or other family members.

    We'll see how it all goes, but i'm excited to start living my life without feeling like i'm having to hide something!!

    Congrats, those are big moves. You seem to have your thoughts together and you know where you're going. Half the battle is coming to terms with who you are and putting it all in perspective with society, religion, family, friends and yourself. You'll do well.



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    Jan 24, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    Nursingguy57 saidHey man congrats! I've just started coming out too. I think that most people around our age will be okay with it. Some definitely won't be though.

    Very true and congrats to you too. Often those who have issues are those who feel uncomfortable with someone who is gay but if you know them, it's an opportunity for you to show them that being gay is no different than being a red head, being tall, or being a geek. It's just who you are. You'll be making an impression for the gay community, one person at a time.

    Go forth and conquer! And enjoy your new found freedom too!
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    Jan 24, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    Congratulations with your progress. Great to hear your story.

    I'm glad to hear you're becoming more comfortable with who your are. It only gets better from here. You should set a date when you feel comfortable like BoostToChase said. I found while it's hard to tell them at first they always had a feeling. They actually were a bit angry of why I didn't tell them sooner.

    After telling your parents it's not such a big deal telling others. After that it's just a matter of living life and making the most of it.
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    Jan 24, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    You just got to love yourself for who you are.It takes time We do not need to justify ourselves to other people when we become confident.
    I love me for who I am and would never want to change my sexuality.It did take time and my only regrets where the wasted years of accepting myself .We have so much to offer .
    I get the do not "support" the lifestyle personally" comments sometimes and answer back with I don,t support your lifestyle either but hey your still ok .It works both ways.I find most straights are alright ,hey they where born that way its not their fault.lol
    Keep being you and love yourself and the rest will fall into place.And yes this is a great site all round.Well done realjock and I so happy for you too.
    Best of luck pal.
    Ciaranicon_wink.gif