How have A4A, Grindr, CL, and Manhunt shaped young gay men's views on relationships?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2011 4:42 AM GMT
    (Serious non-troll topic)

    From talking to a few of my friends, I've noticed their attitudes toward relationships, specifically monogamous ones, have been changed after their use of Grindr/A4A/etc. Now, instead of wanting monogamous relationships as they did before, they instead opt for fuck buddies though they were previously decidedly set on monogamy, sometimes without even having tried a monogamous relationship or having had a committed fuck buddy.

    Do these sites make the accessibility of immediate sex too much of a "temptation" of sorts (for lack of a better word) for young gay men who are not necessarily out, and thus cause them to abandon the idea of monogamous relationships? Does it make dating easier due to the accessibility of guys, or harder due to the popularity of NSA? In ten years, what do you think will be the impact of Grindr and its widespread use among gay men? Will monogamous gay relationships be able to thrive or even survive when discreet sex with "HungBuffStud1986XXX" is just a few keystrokes away 24/7?

    I'm not saying these sites are bad. I think they're great for people who are not out and want to meet guys, or for those who are not looking for monogamous relationships. I'm just asking how these sites impact gay men's attitudes on various sorts of relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    This is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.
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    Jan 06, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    But what if they simply never get monogamous? What if they don't get out of the grindr different-guy-every-night stage?
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    Jan 06, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    FearTheFall said

    But what if they simply never get monogamous? What if they don't get out of the grindr different-guy-every-night stage?

    well if that's what happens it happens, it's all about choices and if they chose that who you gonna call... to stop them? icon_razz.gif
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Jan 06, 2011 6:29 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    I think exactly the same. I think most kids now go through a phase where they don't want to read on homosexuality, they don't want to ask their school psy about homosexuality, they don't wanna talk about it to their friends, they just want to "try" it. And in a 2.0 world, it's pretty fucking easy.

    Then it's a lot of fun, you're gay, you accept it, you love it, and you finally tell your friends that while they thought you were that little shy 18 years old virgin, you hooked up 10 times more than they ever had sex in their whole life.

    And after a while, you realize how disgustin that sounds and skip the shirtless profiles on these websites, looking for something in the head instead of in the pants.

    And then you realize, there's poor chance you ever find your "soulmate" (I know, it doesn't exist, but you get the point), so you don't go on these websites anymore. You go on RealJock instead. And once in a while, you have fun nights with those not-too-fucked-up guys you met on those website and that became somehow friends with you.

    So yeah, I think it's not too bad. It's just a phase for most people. If it's not just a phase, then ewww...

    For those who are wondering, I'm still at the second paragraph of that "Being gay 2.0" description icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    FearTheFall said
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    But what if they simply never get monogamous? What if they don't get out of the grindr different-guy-every-night stage?


    My point isn't to illustrate people stuck in a certain state of mind, which is possible. My point is with more social acceptance combined with plentiful sites and phone apps, gay youth now have virtually almost the same amount of opportunity to explore their sexuality as straight youth have.

    Having said that, there could be more sites like RJ, or RJ could grow larger. There's almost no sense of "gay community" in bulk online other than people who know each other on facebook and sex sites.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    I am really thankful for these sites actually. I found some really great friends who helped me through a tough time dealing with my homosexuality.
  • purdont4

    Posts: 37

    Jun 16, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    OR you forgot to mention, that in going on these sites that you feel like you will like you are destined to become like the 40 year old men on there that constantly message you "hey what can I do to get you over to my apartment/motel tonight" et cetera.

    Maybe it is that they are from the time when gay men were not allowed to express themselves or anything but I feel, as I am sure others might, that in going on those sites you WILL end up like them in twenty to thirty years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    ...one of the fun things about being attracted to hot men is you can have great safe sex when ever you want icon_twisted.gif why knock it???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 10:58 AM GMT
    Disasterpiece said
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    I think exactly the same. I think most kids now go through a phase where they don't want to read on homosexuality, they don't want to ask their school psy about homosexuality, they don't wanna talk about it to their friends, they just want to "try" it. And in a 2.0 world, it's pretty fucking easy.

    Then it's a lot of fun, you're gay, you accept it, you love it, and you finally tell your friends that while they thought you were that little shy 18 years old virgin, you hooked up 10 times more than they ever had sex in their whole life.

    And after a while, you realize how disgustin that sounds and skip the shirtless profiles on these websites, looking for something in the head instead of in the pants.

    And then you realize, there's poor chance you ever find your "soulmate" (I know, it doesn't exist, but you get the point), so you don't go on these websites anymore. You go on RealJock instead. And once in a while, you have fun nights with those not-too-fucked-up guys you met on those website and that became somehow friends with you.

    So yeah, I think it's not too bad. It's just a phase for most people. If it's not just a phase, then ewww...

    For those who are wondering, I'm still at the second paragraph of that "Being gay 2.0" description icon_twisted.gif


    lol! oo la la la la la. Mais, mon Dieu! *soupir* Mon cher Piece-de-Desastre icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 10:58 AM GMT
    ozmuscle2 said...one of the fun things about being attracted to hot men is you can have great safe sex when ever you want icon_twisted.gif why knock it???


    The problem is, a lot of these guys don't play safe... and what about forming a meaningful connection? Is that out of the picture entirely?
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    Jun 16, 2011 11:12 AM GMT
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jun 16, 2011 11:51 AM GMT
    I think it's just a waste of time mostly.
    All they want to do is get off.
    Jerk off. Its the same result without having to drive somewhere or meet someone you don't really like.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    People who are not inherently "monogamous" or who do not have the discipline to be "monogamous" will fuck around, with or without the online sex sites such as Grindr, Manhunt, etc. The sex sites may make it easier for them to find a sex partner, but their absence won't change the equation materially.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidPeople who are not inherently "monogamous" or who do not have the discipline to be "monogamous" will fuck around, with or without the online sex sites such as Grindr, Manhunt, etc. The sex sites may make it easier for them to find a sex partner, but their absence won't change the equation materially.
    True. I was hooking up long before the internet.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jun 16, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    Most people I know outgrow A4A. Most gays don't use any of those things.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jun 16, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    FearTheFall said
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    But what if they simply never get monogamous? What if they don't get out of the grindr different-guy-every-night stage?


    They will if they want to. Grinder isn't a mind control device. Many people cruise those sites for a relationship and many more are looking for "a regular thing". Besides, we all get old then we get really old. Prostitutes are expensive.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 16, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    JB82 saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    I get that, my only concern is when people start thinking and feeling that they are supposed to fuck around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    God I've had an iphone for almost 3 years now and I've only had grindr for about 2 days total time. I got sick of it mainly because I lived in a town were there was absolutely no one it, therefore I lost interest before I got hooked like some people.

    I wish I understood why the community needs to lie about using those connections for sex. People catch them on them all the time and they can't even man up to using Manhunt, A4A, grindr, craigslist, etc. It's not as uncommon as they think icon_razz.gif Just admit it, promise I won't judge we all have at some point used one of the forms to hook up.

    Key to Success when you are about to hook up and don't want to: Masturbate while you are making plans to hook up with someone. Second you finish you get bored with the idea and cancel icon_smile.gif The chase is always more fun then the reward
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Defenseon saidGod I've had an iphone for almost 3 years now and I've only had grindr for about 2 days total time. I got sick of it mainly because I lived in a town were there was absolutely no one it, therefore I lost interest before I got hooked like some people.

    I wish I understood why the community needs to lie about using those connections for sex. People catch them on them all the time and they can't even man up to using Manhunt, A4A, grindr, craigslist, etc. It's not as uncommon as they think icon_razz.gif Just admit it, promise I won't judge we all have at some point used one of the forms to hook up.

    Key to Success when you are about to hook up and don't want to: Masturbate while you are making plans to hook up with someone. Second you finish you get bored with the idea and cancel icon_smile.gif The chase is always more fun then the reward


    My god that reminds me when I was in Boiseman for Xmas one year, I logged on to Grindr, and the closest person to me was 150 miles away.

    This says one of two things: 1) Boiseman doesnt have a whole lot of gay people, and 2) People in Boiseman cant afford an iPhone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    I've joined various sites, like this one.

    I am still set against hooking up for the time being (at least). If I wanted to be having sex, I would be having sex.

    I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I am also learning though, that I am in the minority...especially because in my age group, guys are still figuring things out and just wanna experiment.

    Oh well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    BlakeJ saidI've joined various sites, like this one.

    I am still set against hooking up for the time being (at least). If I wanted to be having sex, I would be having sex.

    I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I am also learning though, that I am in the minority...especially because in my age group, guys are still figuring things out and just wanna experiment.

    Oh well.


    I find when Im in the mood to get jiggy with it, all I can find are guys wanting a relationship. When I want to settle down, all I can find are guys looking to grind.

    I can never be on the same page lol.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 16, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    FearTheFall said
    JAKEBENSON saidThis is better for gay youth as they can grow up with multiple ways of connecting to other people, just as straight people do. With so many options of guys to choose from, they can fuck early and get monogamous later.


    But what if they simply never get monogamous? What if they don't get out of the grindr different-guy-every-night stage?


    you assume there's something wrong with that an monogamy is the "correct" choice. i'm 100% against default monogamy and would never enter a monogamous relationship because that's what you "should" do. when you're with someone, you both decide based on your preferences and where your relationship is at what are the rules of the game. and it's not stagnant either: a healthy relationship will always evolves to meet the needs of its participants.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    Defenseon saidKey to Success when you are about to hook up and don't want to: Masturbate while you are making plans to hook up with someone. Second you finish you get bored with the idea and cancel icon_smile.gif The chase is always more fun then the reward.


    QFT.

    I've done this quite a bit - plenty of J/O material on the A4A ... but for the most part, not people I'd really want to meet. icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 16, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    Fuck now..... talk later..

    icon_evil.gif